New to the world, a first step

19 Oct 2004

hello, well as you might guess from the title I'm new to this and was really looking for a little advise.
I understand why many are never sure about attached men looking to step into swinging, the fact you are not telling your partner whom you care for is not the best advert in the world.
But if you've talked about swinging and even more playful aspects of a sexual relationship and been met with a strong negetive reaction, still care for that person and don't want to leave them, what is the alternative
I guess i thought it is here
so I'm just putting it out there
am I right or wrong

19 Oct 2004

Hope you have hours of fun with us here in crazy land

19 Oct 2004

"Right" or "Wrong" is up to you decide.
I can gve you my opinion and my "stance" as such. I would never knowlingly have sex with a married man whose wife is not fully aware of and supportive of that "relationship". Anything else is cheating in my book - and I would prefer not to be a part of that.
That is my opinion and my preference - not a judgement on you.

19 Oct 2004

value your opinion, not married,it's a girl friend but that as i'm sure you'd point out is only a detail of time and commitment.,,
and of course I know where your coming from and respect that
I hope this does not become gender split, that would be a sad sign of the times
cheers for replys though

19 Oct 2004

Quote by Brightonbeach
I hope this does not become gender split, that would be a sad sign of the times

No chance of that; I wouldn't play around with a married woman behind her husband's back either.
I think the answer most people are going to give you is: it's entirely up to you and the people you swing with.

19 Oct 2004

As well as the morals of meeting a married male or female there are the practicalities. They often have to arrange times when they can sneak off or wait until their partner is away. There is then the problem of how long they have got and what time they have to be in.
We would always go for a single single rather than a married single - however for a married single female - forget everything i have just said!

19 Oct 2004

BrightonBeach,my advice is..love the one you're with.
You can be single and is good.
You can be attached to a partner who also is very good.
You can be attached to a partner who doesn't want to swing but gives you leave to - though expect the possiblity that they may hurt like hell if you do.
YOU seem to be attached to a partner who doesn't want to swing and,apparently,doesn't want you to ,you go ahead..and don't tell them?
Nobody owns you,true,your body,your you have to tell them..I love you but I'm going to swing.I'm not asking you if I can,I'm telling you I am going to.
So when you place that ad that gets zero replies,reply to ads and get nothing back,when you're sat in that club on a naff night with a load of other excess single men you will be free to swing,good for you,enjoy your freedom.

19 Oct 2004

hi brightonbeach, :welcome: welcome to SH i am not in a position to judge anyone so i am not about to start on you,you just do what you can live with kiss

19 Oct 2004

What a can of worms confused

1. If you both want to swing, no problem.
2. If one wants to swing and the other doesn't mind, no problem.
3. If one wants to swing and the other does mind, does that mean you love each other less than 1 or 2 above?
I think it's up to you individually to think about what effect, if any, it has on your relationship, and be very clear in your mind that if push came to shove and you had to choose, you know what choice you would make, and you would be happy with that choice.
I know what I would do, and as I've said before in this forum, what's right for some people isn't right for others. I think the only absolute "wrong" is knowingly hurting other people when you don't have to. Everything else is between you and your morals, which is a very personal thing, and everyone's different.
Ice

19 Oct 2004

Thats true Daffodil,I'm not on BB at all,it is his don't throw away a good thing for the sake of it.
The unlikely day I ever meet someone who feels for me and I for them,someone who wants to be just 1on1 with me and I with them then I will go for no chain,its another kind of freedom thats all.
You will find on this very Forum the most touching proclaimations of love from swinging couples - extraordinary people who are sexually open but deeply in love with each other.
And you will find our single brothers and sisters,str8,gay,bi,whatever,exploring their singleness in whatever way they need to.
And you will find people who are decieving partners.
We're just flawed human beings all around.I am not judging anyone.I've done my share of wrong things surely its best to do right by others as well as to yourself.
I hope BB finds the right way to go but if its a grass is greener on the other side thing then beware - sometimes it isn't even green at all,sometimes it turns out to be yellow,dead,as coarse as shredded wheat.

19 Oct 2004

flirty fruitcake i wasn't having a dig at you kiss

i was simply putting my view out there like all of the other posts. I wasn't judging you for putting your view out there. everyone is valid in my world xx

19 Oct 2004

2 U 2 Daff!
I didn't think that at all D,I think theres some of my past pain in those posts to be honest - no I didn't leave someone to Swing - just things,you know.

19 Oct 2004

ok flirty fruitcake, well any chance that we could PM each other to discuss "things"? the forum is great for making friends x

19 Oct 2004

Pub!Beer!Last orders!Done you a quick one Daffo (!) - slow one later! x

20 Oct 2004

I'm so impressed by the care with which this question was answered
That there are people in the world that can show such consideration and open minded feelings to me and my (as yet unknowing) girlfriend is wonderful
you made me think, you've given me food, and you've helped me make certain choices. If I tell her this is what I want to do, and that I'm going to do it, and show her the trust that i can be honest enough to be straight with her , then I guess we discuss whether it's right or wrong to accept each other or part company
and I know the grass is never greener
thanks again x

20 Oct 2004

Quote by Brightonbeach
If I tell her this is what I want to do, and that I'm going to do it, and show her the trust that i can be honest enough to be straight with her , then I guess we discuss whether it's right or wrong to accept each other or part company

Brightonbeach~
Respect to you if you decide to discuss this honestly with her! Who knows? Perhaps she'd even consider swinging with you. I can tell you from our own experience, as well as what I've read from others on the forum, that swinging as a couple definitely gives you the upper hand in terms of ad replies and attention!
As for swinging solo, that's a moral decision that only you can make. Whenever Vix & I encounter the words "married" or "in a relationship" in replies from single men & women to our ads, these always get a rather wordy "thanks, but no thanks" reply in return...even if they claim to have their partner's permission. This is simply because we cannot truly know the underlying situation, unless we have the opportunity to speak frankly with both partners, and would never want to be a contributing factor to stresses in any established relationship.
Best of luck in whatever you decide...
~Reese! surprised