Newbies requiring advice...PLEASE

4 Apr 2007

Dont know if this is the place but it seems a good place to start.
My husband and I have never been involved in swinging but think we would like to explore. We looked at the BDSM scheme but that appeared very extreme.
We dont know if we want to "swap" but we have discussed it at length and feel that we would like something.
We have a great vanilla life but my husband likes anal, which I am not too keen on, so we thought this scene may be good as we could find either a female to join us who especially likes this or a couple that would not mind me taking a passive or at least a very light role whilst my husband gets involved in DP etc.
The problem however seems to be that couples want more from me which I dont not feel comfortable with at this early stage, or females want straight sex as well which my husband and I have discussed and agreed that we would like to keep between ourselves, at least until we are comfortable with everything.
The question therefore is " Is swinging the right scene for us and will we find what we are looking for here"? or "are we being too specific and unfair?"
Would anyone like to offer some advice on these questions. If the former we will hang in hoping to find the suitable assistance, if the latter then we will leave the site as we have no wish to offend.
Thanks for reading this far.... confused

4 Apr 2007

Hi there and welcome.
As a single female here I can only give my view. I love nothing more than coming across a couple who are as honest and upfront as you are about your wants and concerns.
Thankfully swinging is so much broader on this site than just the act of couples swinging together. I think the main thing would be to have patience, get to know people on here (whether it be the forums or chat) and get to explore all the different avenues that are available. Also I think going to munches is a good way to meet people and see that it is not a hard core sex thing (unless you want it to be of course lol). I am rambling and probably not making sense. Hopefully someone else here will pick apart what I have said and make a little more sense.
I guess the main thing is that you make sure no matter what you both to decide to explore that it is mutually agreeable and that you are comfortable with it.
wave

again 'Welcome'

4 Apr 2007

Try here -
http://www.swingingheaven.co.uk/swingers-forum/viewtopic/81218.html
But I'm sure you'll also get some responses from here too.
Good luck!
Mal
wink

4 Apr 2007

Welcome to the site Niandly wave

If you do stay, hope you have a great time here! and as Abi says decide what you want and stick to it and everything else will fall into place smile

4 Apr 2007

Hi Niandly, welcome to the site. Im sure you will have loads of fun on here, whether it be meeting people or just chatting in the forums or in chat.
As for swinging being right for you, well, you have definately made a good start by talking to each other about it. Only you can decide what is right for you, and only you can set your limits and dont let anyone persuade you to do more than you BOTH feel comfortable with.
Some people start (and end) with soft swing and this may be a better bet rather than diving in and not knowing what the end result would be. Perhaps something where you may all play together but you save the actual intercourse for your partner, or perhaps you all just have same room sex with your own partners. Only you can decide what is best for you.
I would also say whats the rush? Join in the banter, get to know a few people and then see how it all goes. There is no rush to do anything, just enjoy the journey and see where it takes you. Have a look in Lets Meet Up and possibly put your name down for a social or a munch (no pressure 'meets' where people can chat, have a drink and get to know each other. These are held in pubs and clubs and there is nearly always something going on).
Now carry on with the talking, and remember there is nothing wrong with just having fantasies, no one has to turn them into a reality. wink

4 Apr 2007

Some good comments above from people who know more than me about the subject. However, looking at the wording of your ads I suspect you're well on the way to discovering what it is you want and whether you will want to persue it. Forget the pressure and go with the flow.
Anyway, :welcome: to the forums.

4 Apr 2007

Welcome Ly.
As others have said you have made a good start by talking to eachother and being clear on what you want.
The main rule here is that if you don't want to do it then you don't have to. That's fine but it cuts both ways.
If you want to limit what you do then that may not be what others want to do so, in effect, you are narrowing down your options or to put it another way there will be less people who want to play with you.
This may mean that you will have to wait a while to find the right people, if you do at all.
Good luck and enjoy. You can always stay and have fun on the forums without ever having to commit yourself - but beware, it is addictive!!

4 Apr 2007

This is a point of view from a couple (Mrs F writing, but with Mr F's input):-
If you're going to place an advert, or reply to some that you like the look of - be specific in what you're looking for and what you're prepared to offer. This may seem a little "clinical" but done correctly, politely etc. it can reap untold rewards and save you some valuable bonking time!!
Have fun :evil2:

4 Apr 2007

well started to write stuff them me mum came on and been chatting to her, and in the mean time I think you have all the advice you need lol

:welcome: hope you both have fun

4 Apr 2007

I'm not the best person to try and offer answers to your questions, but I just wanted to say wave

and :welcome: Niandly.
biggrin

4 Apr 2007

Many would not agree - However.........
When we first started out with this swinging malarky our first adventure was to a club - Luckily (we believe) it was a very good club and we had a fantastic night just seeing what went on - We played on our own by ourselves.... And we did so for several visits.
Gradually we got more brave and played close to others and in due course not only did we dip our toes in, but when we were good n ready we went in head first.
For us.... A one to one meet with another couple as a first step would have been a disaster I'm sure (but each to their own)
We've never looked back since
Make your rules and don't change them until you are in your own bed on your own!!!
Good luck - and enjoy

5 Apr 2007

Hiya and welcome. I am the man half of Lost couple and as a rule i dont play because i dont want too there has been the odd (very odd) time i have played but in general i don't. I have possibly prevented us from having a few meets with couples and even single men for this reason. So as tune-essence ditto his whole post(is this 'choon' btw anyone confused

?) puts it our options are narrowed down.
Ok, so this has meant that we have waited longer for the meets we have had. At least this way the people we do meet are familiar with and happy to go with our wishes as they must fit theirs too. Making for a better chance of something good happening. At the start it may seem like everyone is doing something but you! Breathe deep sit back and be as picky as you want to be. We all call this 'play' but if you get it wrong it aint fun!!

5 Apr 2007

To all who have read and replied our posting , thank you.
We will try to get some photos onto the site and will hang on in here...
BTW... if anyone reading this is based in east Kent and willing to meet for a social just to talk with both of us over a drink, please contact us.

5 Apr 2007

Quote by westerross
Welcome Ly.
As others have said you have made a good start by talking to eachother and being clear on what you want.
The main rule here is that if you don't want to do it then you don't have to. That's fine but it cuts both ways.
If you want to limit what you do then that may not be what others want to do so, in effect, you are narrowing down your options or to put it another way there will be less people who want to play with you.
This may mean that you will have to wait a while to find the right people, if you do at all.
Good luck and enjoy. You can always stay and have fun on the forums without ever having to commit yourself - but beware, it is addictive!!

Almost word for word what I was going to say ( have you been wearing that mind reading cap again Choon? :dry: )
welcome both wave

I hope you have fun here biggrin

5 Apr 2007

Quote by Lost
So as tune-essence ditto his whole post(is this 'choon' btw anyone ?) puts it our options are narrowed down.

Yes, Tune Essence is Choon. :twisted: