following a duscussion with a friend of mine i would like to find out the views of other members of this group Does the fact that you do not cum / orgasm A) make the person u are having fun with a failure B) does this mean that u have not enjoyed yourself my personal view is that the individual is not a failure as other factors my come into the equastion beyond their remit. Also my enjoyment of sexual contact with an individual (or group) is not based on me cuming but on the overall experiance swingingheaven i hand this to u to discuss and look 4ward to the views of all in this pan sexual utopia that is swingingheaven
I rarely if ever manage to orgasm with a new partner or a stranger ... not that they can't ~ just that I'm a fussy sod and need time spending on me :twisted: I never ever see it as a failure .... the whole experience is what I'm there fore and if I do cum well bloody great, if I don't then so what if I still had a great time C x
cumming is bloody great but it isn't the be all and end all. The whole sexual experiences are the pleasure for both of us. Just cause we don't cum doesn't mean we aren't or didn't enjoy it. Gill & Del x
Something similar was discussed in this thread http://www.swingingheaven.co.uk/swingers-forum/viewtopic/35240.html For me, A = no, B= no ( I will most probably have enjoyed myself) The option, "what does the partner think" should have been added
I always feel like a failure if the person I'm with doesn't come, it rarely happens that I don't come, which is a bonus :twisted: :twisted: It's just built into me I think, and yes I have been a failure on several occasions, and yes it has rocked my confidence when it happened, but such is life. Jas XXX
I have noticed on a few occasions that the person I have played with hasn't cum, I don't know why that would be and I try not to get too paranoid about it, they all come back for seconds I find it hard to orgasm so I have sort of got used to it not happening generally, and it also makes it a little bit more special when it does happen! So I would say to anyone, don't worry if you don't get me there, if I'm being pretty vocal, then it's all good! :twisted:
Quote by leprechaun did u ask whether the partner you believe u 'failed' enjoyed themselves
Now Lep, I didn't say I thought I'd failed, it's the perception of the partner. You don't ask, it's sometimes said by the women :- "Arn't I good enough for you anymore" "Don't you love me anymore" "Fine" (See and earlier thread of womens responses for the meaning of this) " Was that it?" Or, the dreaded look and more........
For me my own orgasm is a relatively unimportant part of a swinging meet, I know that my performance, the ease with which I cum and who many times in a particular length of time vary enormously. This does not really affect my enjoyment of the experience as there is a lot more to having good sex than an orgasm. However I do really get a kick out of making women cum, I don't feel a failure if I don't but it is a great feeling when you know that whatever your hands, tongue, etc. are doing is hitting just the right spot. So for me my partners orgasm is much more important than my own. Roger the Dragon.
Interesting topic. In a 121 I would want us both to cum and though I wouldn't feel a failure if it didn't happen, I would be disappointed. However, in a swinging environment it's kinda different. Say if I was dogging I would want the guys to cum (cum shots, mmmmmmmm :twisted: ) but I wouldn't want to til much later. Again, I wouldn't feel too bad if they didn't, but it would spoil my enjoyment of the experience slightly. At a party or a whole night jobbie, cumming is not the main aim.... it is the whole experience that matters, cumming or making people cum wouldn't be an issue really. In fact, take one of my parties for example, it would spoil it if I came too soon cos I can't do these multiple thingies and once I cum I lose interest totally, and as I'm a watcher, I'd be bored..... and I can't possibly be bored at a party :shock:
Quote by dundeecpl cumming is bloody great but it isn't the be all and end all. The whole sexual experiences are the pleasure for both of us. Just cause we don't cum doesn't mean we aren't or didn't enjoy it. Gill & Del x
I agree totally i dont think it's the be all and end all it. Personally i think it is more more important that all parties enjoy themselves. Carol
If I cum too soon I have to stop anyway for a while to desensitise. Would rather play for ages then cum just before i need to sleep And if I don't, I don't - no big deal. Have wondered if I'm doing the right thing when men don't though
Quote by freckledbird If I cum too soon I have to stop anyway for a while to desensitise. Would rather play for ages then cum just before i need to sleep And if I don't, I don't - no big deal. Have wondered if I'm doing the right thing when men don't though
The men may be thinking they have to make you come before them. For me, as mentioned in the other thread, I can try and hold on too long and then find it difficult to come. It's a bit of a vicious circle. With regular partners, it's not so much of an issue, as you should know what each other feels and needs in the "cum or not cum" scenario.
Quote by leprechaun Does the fact that you do not cum / orgasm A) make the person u are having fun with a failure B) does this mean that u have not enjoyed yourself
Neither A nor B. Personally, I enjoy all of the activities the precede the male orgasm, but cumming itself is a bit of a let-down. While I'm able to maintain an erection afterwards, the sensation is just not as pronouced as with the activities that lead up to it. I've had some partners who have questioned this - or questioned themselves - feeling that they weren't able to provide me with adequate pleasure. On the contrary! It's the lead-up, and not the orgasm itself, that provides me with all the satisfaction I need for a consummately enjoyable experience. I count myself so fortunate that Vix (and a certain other partner) understand this with me, and don't feel bad or take it personally if I've not cum. ~Reese!
Sometimes the 'big come' can get in the way of fun. I have often wanked off before a sex session. This prevents prematures and settles me into lengthy activity. Stiffies are more prolonged and sensitivity goes into another level.
Initially both answers would have to be 'no'. But once you have been with a sexual partner for some time, it would be worrying if you cannot hit each other's buttons to reach a happy conclusion. Everyone can be a let down sometimes, even your trusty vibrator, but if it keeps happening then questions need to be asked and actions taken.
I am sorry but i never read the replies.. diddnt want to get sweyed one way or the oter. it does not matter wheather you cum or not it matters wheather you enjoy each others company. Tony
I think you need to take into consideration a lot of things here too. Do you play regularly or not, is it a quickie, are you both relaxed and wanting this? Are you tired or drunk? lol Hopefully Ive learnt a few things from past experiences.
I never worry if I don't cum but I always hope I'm going to make a female partner orgasm 'cos then I'll feel happy to have given her pleasure. Also my recovery rate is slowing down a bit as I get older. If I'm with a guy then I take it as a compliment when he shoots. Some of them do this very quickly which makes me feel I'm performing my role very well. Something I do find difficult is when I'm working really hard to bring a guy off and he's managing to hold it back. Then I do feel a bit of a failure because I feel I haven't been a good enough slut and done my job properly. :blink:
For meI think ive always cum with a new partner even if we havnt gone all the way!! As for them , while that all depends on other factors, and no it isnt the end of th world if they didnt cum as long as it was obvious they had enjoyed !!
I have had situations where I haven't cum, not because the person was doing anything wrong but at the time it wasnt important. Having said that, I have never had a situation where the lady hasn't cum...I think mainly because that is my objective ..especially when it is with a new partner...I love trying different things and talking to them and finding out what they like and making it happen...sometimes it takes a lot of work...but is very rewarding when it goes right..I think one of my best sexual moments was when I was with one particular lady who had never cum from penetrative sex....after several hours of passion it happened....it was an amazing moment....and she has gone on to have these with other partners now....so i guess I think it is important to me to give more than to recieve.
Cumming for me is a mixed feeling. I have the sheer enjoyment of the orgasm but at same time I know that it’s the end of me as an active partner for a while. That is why I always try to get very close to an orgasm and then hold back thus ensuring a prolonged period of activity. My partners orgasm is very important to me as it can give me almost as much pleasure as my own (almost) anyone who is vocal or lost to the world enhances the feeling for me. Someone who is quiet and shows no emotion is a great disappointment and there are some who just cant get lost in the moment. So to sum up yes it is important for both partners to cum but its not the b all and end all.
Quote by dundeecpl we are in the corner with you Lep hunni. Now, if we are all into giving pleasure more than receiving, what the hell are we gonna do??? G xx
I don't mind letting you give me some of your generosity :twisted: :twisted:
Personally I don't need to orgasm to totally enjoy the whole experience. I don't come easily and would never expect anyone to find my "buttons" and press them all at the right time until they had had the chance to get to know me better. I also don't believe I can find the right buttons on a first encounter - which is why I don't really like one night stands. My main "concern" is whether they enjoyed themselves or not. I didn't always have this attitude. I used to feel I had "failed" if they hadn't come. My philosophy is that no two people are the same and practise makes perfect :twisted:
I feel that its definitely the pleasure of the whole experience that counts. For myself its the giving of enjoyment, passion and sensual sensations that bring one or more partners to their highest possible (at that time) state of sexual tension/arousal (for want of better words!) So no to both questions.
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great to see such quick response 
I find it hard to orgasm so I have sort of got used to it not happening generally, and it also makes it a little bit more special when it does happen! So I would say to anyone, don't worry if you don't get me there, if I'm being pretty vocal, then it's all good! :twisted:
And if I don't, I don't - no big deal.
:blink: