This is a thread that loosely relates to Lost's thread on "enjoying seeing your wife get shagged" ...........
Here goes...........
myself and miss srne are just venturing into the world of having another male join us for the sole purpose of miss srne's sexual gratification, and my own desire to watch this unfold, and as such have started the ball rolling by sending out a few mails to various men advertised as single.
We have been going through a difficult time with the swinging thing lately, we have met some great couples and had some great meet up's but as miss srne has led a somewhat sheltered life, she finds it hard to fully "let go sexually" and enjoy the experience as much as she could.
We have discussed options to try to get round this as she freely admits she loves the meet ups but feels that she "holds back" and feels a little nervous to orchestrate the ideas in her head into actuality whilst on the meet up.
In the past I used to see her "holding back" as we have come to call it, and took this as her not enjoying swinging, thus we kind of lost track a little of meeting up with people and using the site due to not communicating about what was really going on.
Since then we have come to the conclusion, after much deliberation that it is probably better and will serve a purpose for us to have a sub/dom relationship where swinging is concerned.
Now before you all start with sexist pig comments, this is because miss srne has pre-learned social issues about sex and sexual behaviour due to a strict upbringing that she finds difficult/nigh on impossible to shake fully.
The way we discussed getting round this was by me taking on the dominant "master" role and her adopting the sub "slave" role.
We have found this works when the two of us are playing because miss srne now feels like she is doing something for me that i enjoy and she feels naughty and sexy by doing this without having to do it herself as this has always been a psychological block for her. When meeting other people she feels that if im in control she can just do as I ask and enjoy the experience without this pressure to have to take any sort of lead.
Miss srne has said "it's not that I don't want to do things, it's that i feel that I cant because I feel like people might judge me because of them". This has never been the case for me as i was brought up quite liberally and told that I must do what makes me happy regardless of social stigma or peer pressure.
Does this make sense at all to anyone or have any other couples met with this type of problem? As we would really like other peoples opinions on this, your a great bunch of people on here so your opinions count, we would appreciate any advice, comments etc!!
Join the most popular community of UK swingers now
Login
Opinions please?
last reply
17 replies
1.4k views
0 watchers
0 likes
Quote by Srne
Does this make sense at all to anyone or have any other couples met with this type of problem?
Yep, completely :thumbup:
I used to be exactly the same and even though I think I'm better at this swinging lark, I'm not too sure I really am.
I know that if I am in a 3 some situation then I want to do the things that please Ian and for some reason, it makes it easier for me to do. I could never start something or go for what I want for my own benefit, I am just too embarrassed.
hi xx
i completely understand what you are saying.
i think there have been many slants on the same idea through out swinging and even vanilla sex.
i have met couples where by in their own private coonversations the female has expressed a strong desire to try something bi, but feel uncomfortable in reality.
some people have tried to get over this by having a few drinks, but then the other responsible invitee may not wish to play as they feel the female has been cohursed ( sp) into this and been plyed with drink to do it.
i have found the sugestion of meeting up with the couple few drinks and then the guy actually sugests ( already been planned) blindfolding the female of the couple, even light bondage and then letting her experience the pleasure of a bi experience, which they can gulit free enjoy cuse well it wasnt really their fault.
does that make sense? i of course never do this unless i have spoken to the fem previous and know its what she really really wants.
however you need to be sure the other party in your case understands this is a play Dom sub role and you are not hard core BDSMers.
im sorry if this is just one bing ramble
lol
xx fem xx
i completely understand what you are saying.
i think there have been many slants on the same idea through out swinging and even vanilla sex.
i have met couples where by in their own private coonversations the female has expressed a strong desire to try something bi, but feel uncomfortable in reality.
some people have tried to get over this by having a few drinks, but then the other responsible invitee may not wish to play as they feel the female has been cohursed ( sp) into this and been plyed with drink to do it.
i have found the sugestion of meeting up with the couple few drinks and then the guy actually sugests ( already been planned) blindfolding the female of the couple, even light bondage and then letting her experience the pleasure of a bi experience, which they can gulit free enjoy cuse well it wasnt really their fault.
does that make sense? i of course never do this unless i have spoken to the fem previous and know its what she really really wants.
however you need to be sure the other party in your case understands this is a play Dom sub role and you are not hard core BDSMers.
im sorry if this is just one bing ramble
lol
xx fem xx
Sex God
I think it all sounds good to me, because you've talked about it and come to an arrangement that you are both comfortable with. That, for me, is the thing - honesty and trust between the two of you.
Sounds like there'll be some pretty hot times ahead! Enjoy xxx
Sounds like there'll be some pretty hot times ahead! Enjoy xxx
Sex God
Crikey Srne, I really dont know where to start, but this just sounds so like us and is one of the 'tactics' we have used to take away the 'guilt' feelings (guilt is the wrong word but I cant think of one more appropriate at this moment in time).
I also have problems letting go, or making the first move, and by Mr NWC 'telling' me to do something, it gives me the confidence to do it (and in my mind, if I ever got rejected by the other person, I can always say that I only did it because I was told to do it). Dont get me wrong, we are here (swinging) mainly because of me and I 100% want to be here and to swing but I do have that up-bringing which tells me it is wrong, and our little role playing gives me the confidence or perhaps the excuse, to just go ahead and do it.
I dont think I can add anything that the others have not already said, but reading your post certainly cheered me up - at least I am not the only one who finds that 'role play' is an ideal way to enhance the whole swinging thing. The main thing is, that you are both doing this because you both want to do it, and I think from your post that it is pretty obvious that you are in this together
I also have problems letting go, or making the first move, and by Mr NWC 'telling' me to do something, it gives me the confidence to do it (and in my mind, if I ever got rejected by the other person, I can always say that I only did it because I was told to do it). Dont get me wrong, we are here (swinging) mainly because of me and I 100% want to be here and to swing but I do have that up-bringing which tells me it is wrong, and our little role playing gives me the confidence or perhaps the excuse, to just go ahead and do it.
I dont think I can add anything that the others have not already said, but reading your post certainly cheered me up - at least I am not the only one who finds that 'role play' is an ideal way to enhance the whole swinging thing. The main thing is, that you are both doing this because you both want to do it, and I think from your post that it is pretty obvious that you are in this together
Sexlightened
cant not c a problem with this
the only thing i will say
1. talk about what u both want and dont want
2. try things and if they dont work dont do it
3. and the biggie is above trust
the only thing i will say
1. talk about what u both want and dont want
2. try things and if they dont work dont do it
3. and the biggie is above trust
Sex God
Srne, I think this is a developing thread, and possibly one that hits the nerves of many. I know the boundaries that J (Mrs Lost) is comfortable with, we talk about it lots. Given that, J enjoys me, I suppose you might say, 'directing' the action as it has a multi-fold advantage.
1) It allows her to hear/see me and know that i'm happy with the situation
2) I can see if things are ok by the way she reacts and looks at me changing moving things on or even cooling them off.
3) Security - Sounds silly but nonetheless important, especially on the first 'down and dirty' meet
4) The fact that she is being watched by me is a turn on for her though granted she still thinks of it as VERY naughty, thiis might even be why J gets off on it.
5) Being able to talk about the session afterwards always leads to great sex great great fantastic sex for both of us.
6)Knowing that I'm there talking and verbally involving myself makes us both feel good, especially when she and the guy we're with involve me in the verbal stuff. That keeps me feeling like i'm important - actually I would say that in our case this bit is really important without this the real partner who is the non-physical participatant can feel forgotten and left out, this learned from experience.
7) Oh shit there are loads more ....
When really big thing with us is getting a playmate who is confident and knows what they themselves want and are not afraid to ask/tell. Sometimes it can be a little awkward when a guy. understandably, just says "what ever you want me to do i'm happy with" or takes te backseat every time. Confidence is a turn-on.
I know that J enjoys me sneaking the odd whisper into her ear saying things just she can hear about how sexy or gorgeous she is, and how i'm loving watching her. This can, take her over the edge into cumming big style.
I know that J as others have said here agree with how Mrs Srne feels, Sometimes I know that J would give anything to just have a swinging woman mate living in the next street she could do coffee with and talk about the sort of stuff you've written.
I really hope you enjoy whats coming in your swingtime and however things go and just keep talking and most definately listening - your post says you do!
1) It allows her to hear/see me and know that i'm happy with the situation
2) I can see if things are ok by the way she reacts and looks at me changing moving things on or even cooling them off.
3) Security - Sounds silly but nonetheless important, especially on the first 'down and dirty' meet
4) The fact that she is being watched by me is a turn on for her though granted she still thinks of it as VERY naughty, thiis might even be why J gets off on it.
5) Being able to talk about the session afterwards always leads to great sex great great fantastic sex for both of us.
6)Knowing that I'm there talking and verbally involving myself makes us both feel good, especially when she and the guy we're with involve me in the verbal stuff. That keeps me feeling like i'm important - actually I would say that in our case this bit is really important without this the real partner who is the non-physical participatant can feel forgotten and left out, this learned from experience.
7) Oh shit there are loads more ....
When really big thing with us is getting a playmate who is confident and knows what they themselves want and are not afraid to ask/tell. Sometimes it can be a little awkward when a guy. understandably, just says "what ever you want me to do i'm happy with" or takes te backseat every time. Confidence is a turn-on.
I know that J enjoys me sneaking the odd whisper into her ear saying things just she can hear about how sexy or gorgeous she is, and how i'm loving watching her. This can, take her over the edge into cumming big style.
I know that J as others have said here agree with how Mrs Srne feels, Sometimes I know that J would give anything to just have a swinging woman mate living in the next street she could do coffee with and talk about the sort of stuff you've written.
I really hope you enjoy whats coming in your swingtime and however things go and just keep talking and most definately listening - your post says you do!
What a fab thread, best one Iv read in a while....all hail to the srne's
Seriously tho, it all makes perfect sense to me, and I think it shows what an amazing realtionship you bothhave, in that you have come up against a problem, talked about it, and found a solution that suits you both very well.
Long may it continue....and.....dont tell anyone this, nbut this thread has given me the much needed kick up the arse to take the bull by the horns and PM someone Ive been wanting to for a while but was to scared to.....
so thanks for that :inlove:
Seriously tho, it all makes perfect sense to me, and I think it shows what an amazing realtionship you bothhave, in that you have come up against a problem, talked about it, and found a solution that suits you both very well.
Long may it continue....and.....dont tell anyone this, nbut this thread has given me the much needed kick up the arse to take the bull by the horns and PM someone Ive been wanting to for a while but was to scared to.....
so thanks for that :inlove:
well i think you're talking shite~!
lol no not really
i think a lot of us have problems being able to do or ask for the things that we really want, especially when meeting someone for the first time.
i find it easier sometimes to be with a man that moves me into positions he wants or tells me what to do, depends on the man really. i wouldnt go as far as the sub/slave thing for me i simply cant hand over that kind of control, but then i am not in a relationship.
oddly i tend to find if i am with a younger guy i tend to take the dom position, maybe this is an age thing and i can control the situation that way.
i am learning to ask for what i want without being embarrassed, again depends on person as some take it personally, but at the end of the day we are here to get as much enjoyment out of this as possible otherwise whats the point.
like has already been said, the fact you have discussed it and come up with a solution that works for you is what matters.
have lots of fun
Earthy x
lol no not really
i think a lot of us have problems being able to do or ask for the things that we really want, especially when meeting someone for the first time.
i find it easier sometimes to be with a man that moves me into positions he wants or tells me what to do, depends on the man really. i wouldnt go as far as the sub/slave thing for me i simply cant hand over that kind of control, but then i am not in a relationship.
oddly i tend to find if i am with a younger guy i tend to take the dom position, maybe this is an age thing and i can control the situation that way.
i am learning to ask for what i want without being embarrassed, again depends on person as some take it personally, but at the end of the day we are here to get as much enjoyment out of this as possible otherwise whats the point.
like has already been said, the fact you have discussed it and come up with a solution that works for you is what matters.
have lots of fun
Earthy x
Sex God
Quote by earthchildgisa ya spice rack la
well i think you're talking shite~!
lol no not really
i think a lot of us have problems being able to do or ask for the things that we really want, especially when meeting someone for the first time.
Earthy x
oddly i tend to find if i am with a younger guyffs not that earthys creche la
Quote by northeastcoupleukgisa ya spice rack la
well i think you're talking shite~!
lol no not really
i think a lot of us have problems being able to do or ask for the things that we really want, especially when meeting someone for the first time.
Earthy x
oddly i tend to find if i am with a younger guyffs not that earthys creche la
keep ya eyes off me rack
Quote by Naughty Wigan Couple
Crikey Srne, I really dont know where to start, but this just sounds so like us and is one of the 'tactics' we have used to take away the 'guilt' feelings (guilt is the wrong word but I cant think of one more appropriate at this moment in time).
I also have problems letting go, or making the first move, and by Mr NWC 'telling' me to do something, it gives me the confidence to do it (and in my mind, if I ever got rejected by the other person, I can always say that I only did it because I was told to do it). Dont get me wrong, we are here (swinging) mainly because of me and I 100% want to be here and to swing but I do have that up-bringing which tells me it is wrong, and our little role playing gives me the confidence or perhaps the excuse, to just go ahead and do it.
I dont think I can add anything that the others have not already said, but reading your post certainly cheered me up - at least I am not the only one who finds that 'role play' is an ideal way to enhance the whole swinging thing. The main thing is, that you are both doing this because you both want to do it, and I think from your post that it is pretty obvious that you are in this together
A good reply NWC.
Mrs777 also likes me to tell her what to do, that kind of thing just happened. We both enjoy that kind of role play, and the guys never mind either.
A very good thread this one.
Thanks for all the replies guys it really is appreciated and it's good to know we are not the only ones in this type of situation!!
Personally i think if more people used the Forums regularly they would get so much more enjoyment out of the site as there are always the good bunch willing to share their feelings and thoughts, long may it continue!!
Personally i think if more people used the Forums regularly they would get so much more enjoyment out of the site as there are always the good bunch willing to share their feelings and thoughts, long may it continue!!
Hi all,
I am not a big poster, but I was really moved by this thread.
I suppose I expected that most of the women on here would be really confident that they are free to do as they wish. Yet the truth appears to be that even several prominent members suffer from a sort of self imposed 'guilt'.
It left me wondering how many women in the wider society have the same desires, but lack any opportunity to express them. From there I moved to thinking that for all the talk of the sexual revolution since the sixties, that women are still quite repressed in our culture.
Sadly I fear it is going to be a long time before things change significantly for the better.
Q
I am not a big poster, but I was really moved by this thread.
I suppose I expected that most of the women on here would be really confident that they are free to do as they wish. Yet the truth appears to be that even several prominent members suffer from a sort of self imposed 'guilt'.
It left me wondering how many women in the wider society have the same desires, but lack any opportunity to express them. From there I moved to thinking that for all the talk of the sexual revolution since the sixties, that women are still quite repressed in our culture.
Sadly I fear it is going to be a long time before things change significantly for the better.
Q
For one I think you were very brave to post this thread and you seem to be a wonderful partner who totally has his wifes interests at heart
I can understand Mrs Srne's feelings and attitudes towards 'letting go'. I still even now get the feeling that I shouldn't be doing what I'm doing, I think it's human nature as well as our upbringings.
Just lately I've been getting that dig in the back of my conscience more and more telling me I shouldn't be swinging and it's just not right. I don't know why because I love it so much when it's happening.
As for the single male joining you, you can but try. We met a wonderful man last year and had a great night but in hindsight it just wasn't Jay's thing, and both partners have to be 100% enjoying themselves and not just one with the other 'putting up with it' for the sake of the other half. If you know what I mean or am I rambling?
I can understand Mrs Srne's feelings and attitudes towards 'letting go'. I still even now get the feeling that I shouldn't be doing what I'm doing, I think it's human nature as well as our upbringings.
Just lately I've been getting that dig in the back of my conscience more and more telling me I shouldn't be swinging and it's just not right. I don't know why because I love it so much when it's happening.
As for the single male joining you, you can but try. We met a wonderful man last year and had a great night but in hindsight it just wasn't Jay's thing, and both partners have to be 100% enjoying themselves and not just one with the other 'putting up with it' for the sake of the other half. If you know what I mean or am I rambling?
Sexlightened
Hello,
Great post Srne, Well explained and discussed. I think it is great you have managed to find a positive complomise and that credits your relationship and makes you stronger. It also gives you an understanding where you 'know the rules' you are playing to and will enable you to go forward.
However, if it is something Mrs wants to do she also needs to reinforce her involvement and progress by acquiring her own likes and dislikes. I hope your man is mr right and that will help but perhaps discover what she did like and did she dare do with him what she really wanted to do. IMHO you need to work on her feedback perhaps so that she becomes a fuller partner and then you can both relax more and a constructive spiral starts?
best wishes,
Shay
Great post Srne, Well explained and discussed. I think it is great you have managed to find a positive complomise and that credits your relationship and makes you stronger. It also gives you an understanding where you 'know the rules' you are playing to and will enable you to go forward.
However, if it is something Mrs wants to do she also needs to reinforce her involvement and progress by acquiring her own likes and dislikes. I hope your man is mr right and that will help but perhaps discover what she did like and did she dare do with him what she really wanted to do. IMHO you need to work on her feedback perhaps so that she becomes a fuller partner and then you can both relax more and a constructive spiral starts?
best wishes,
Shay
