I've been on both the 'inside'-in a previous incarnation- and am now very firmly on the 'outside-(and very happy with it too!) . I'm convinced that you should post becase you have something to say: not because any in-crowd-if there is one, which I doubt very much,just groups of people with similar interests, as in the rest of life-will like it. Don't forget, something I learned to my cost, the world does not end at this vaunted band of friends, there are thousands out there looking in from cyberspace. Just because you don't get a reply posted-don't forget, your words are now out in the big wide cyber world...
So speak your mind and bugger the consequences; people who don't like you will ignore you anyway. Such is the Human Condition...
A
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Our Opinions Dont Hate us For It!
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Sex God
Quote by Clare_Lincs
Its starting to get to the point where neither of us really want to join in certain threads and dont even look at some because of this.
I've been very much the same recently, but it's more to do with the amount of new threads appearing each day. If the title doesn't appeal, 9 times out of ten I don't even have a look. This could mean that I'm mising something really interesting/funny/thought provoking, but when there is a page and a half (or more) of new threads, I just don't have the time to read absolutely everything.
This doesn't mean I'm intentionally ignoring anyone, just that I have other stuff going on that may need my attention.
we just want to make people aware of how they are making others feel.
I always remember someone very smart telling me that nobody can MAKE me feel something I don't want to feel. I sincerely hope that this isn't taken the wrong way because it's meant more as an alternative way of looking at things - if I feel anger or hurt or whatever, it isn't down to anyone else, it's down to me allowing those feelings to take over (or not, as the case generally tends to be now)
I think the previous posts in this thread have already covered most of what I've said anyway, so I hope you feel less "out of it", I just wanted to pass on the little gem that has helped me so much with my own personal insecurities in day to day life. It's helped me no end.
:therethere:
Thought I would add my couple of comments on this one.
I don't think that there is an in crowd here. Yes there are groups of people who post constantly after each other (so much so they might be better suited to a chat room).
There are also people who post when they feel they have something to say, and keep quiet when they havn't. I feel I fall into the second category. I don't really post because I want someone to answer me. (unless I've asked a question). I post because I feel that I have something of value to say.
Personally I am guilty of totally ignoring some of the regulars in here. I've read some of their posts, decided that they either talk cobblers, or I dislike their style of writing. - its ususally the agression that comes through and switches me off. Once I choose to ignore certain posters, thats it for them. Sorry, but thats how I work. I also, when struggling for reading time limit my viewing to the posters that I know personally. This confirms what some of the newbies have said on previous pages.
I don't welcome the newbies (there are so many hi i'm new here posts), and I don't say farewell to the leavers (cos most of them havnt really left).
PM's are to me a little like Christmas Cards. you send loads out, and sit there waiting for them all to come back. If you send several out and get nothing back, then hmm are they worthy of another one? For me there is a direct link between sending and receiving PM's. Excluding munches, if I dont send any I dont receive any.
It may sound a little negative, but its not meant to be. Its just explaining the way that I use the forums. And of course all the above is just my opinion.
Ian Mids
PS Opinions are like backsides. Everybody has one, sometimes they are rude to air in public, and in my case some are bigger than others.
I don't think that there is an in crowd here. Yes there are groups of people who post constantly after each other (so much so they might be better suited to a chat room).
There are also people who post when they feel they have something to say, and keep quiet when they havn't. I feel I fall into the second category. I don't really post because I want someone to answer me. (unless I've asked a question). I post because I feel that I have something of value to say.
Personally I am guilty of totally ignoring some of the regulars in here. I've read some of their posts, decided that they either talk cobblers, or I dislike their style of writing. - its ususally the agression that comes through and switches me off. Once I choose to ignore certain posters, thats it for them. Sorry, but thats how I work. I also, when struggling for reading time limit my viewing to the posters that I know personally. This confirms what some of the newbies have said on previous pages.
I don't welcome the newbies (there are so many hi i'm new here posts), and I don't say farewell to the leavers (cos most of them havnt really left).
PM's are to me a little like Christmas Cards. you send loads out, and sit there waiting for them all to come back. If you send several out and get nothing back, then hmm are they worthy of another one? For me there is a direct link between sending and receiving PM's. Excluding munches, if I dont send any I dont receive any.
It may sound a little negative, but its not meant to be. Its just explaining the way that I use the forums. And of course all the above is just my opinion.
Ian Mids
PS Opinions are like backsides. Everybody has one, sometimes they are rude to air in public, and in my case some are bigger than others.
:lol: :lol:
hwoar:Running the risk of being jumped on (although this shouldn't happen as everyone is entitled to their opinion, right or wrong), aren't you both being a little over-sensitive?
I admit it can be annoying when certain individuals hijack threads which consequently end up a discussion-joke between those people.
When I look at a thread, I don't have the time to read through the subsequent 5 pages, I would tend to read the first couple of entries then if I have something to add, post my reply. I don't know many people who have the time to read through pages and pages of replies to a thread, and certainly not to reply to each of them individually.
Psychologically speaking, there will always be "in" and "out" crowds, whether people like to acknowledge that they occur or not. Idealogically, it would be fairer in life if these crowds didn't occur, but as we all know, life at times is not fair and we have to ride the rough with the smooth.
If people don't have the time, opinion nor inclination to reply to a thread, don't take it personally, not everyone's lives are wrapped up with swinging heaven (I'm not saying yours is). As you well know, there is life above and beyond swinging heaven.
I personally think you are both a lovely, friendly couple.
Take care xxxxx
I admit it can be annoying when certain individuals hijack threads which consequently end up a discussion-joke between those people.
When I look at a thread, I don't have the time to read through the subsequent 5 pages, I would tend to read the first couple of entries then if I have something to add, post my reply. I don't know many people who have the time to read through pages and pages of replies to a thread, and certainly not to reply to each of them individually.
Psychologically speaking, there will always be "in" and "out" crowds, whether people like to acknowledge that they occur or not. Idealogically, it would be fairer in life if these crowds didn't occur, but as we all know, life at times is not fair and we have to ride the rough with the smooth.
If people don't have the time, opinion nor inclination to reply to a thread, don't take it personally, not everyone's lives are wrapped up with swinging heaven (I'm not saying yours is). As you well know, there is life above and beyond swinging heaven.
I personally think you are both a lovely, friendly couple.
Take care xxxxx
Alex,we'd never jump on you (unless you asked) and we take all comments on board.
The problem,that took us about 3 pages to properly get across,is that the "in crowd" (i'm getting so very pissed off writing that sooo many times) in there posts,just chat along as if this is there own site and no one else is you try and join in,they just ignore you and carry on with theyre conversation,which is why we now don't look at most of theyre posts.
The problem,that took us about 3 pages to properly get across,is that the "in crowd" (i'm getting so very pissed off writing that sooo many times) in there posts,just chat along as if this is there own site and no one else is you try and join in,they just ignore you and carry on with theyre conversation,which is why we now don't look at most of theyre posts.
Quote by Steve_Lincs
If you try and join in,they just ignore you and carry on with theyre conversation.....
Yes, that has happened to me on several occassions, it is their problem not yours. Some people can be quite rude at times and appear to have no manners or social skills at all.
There is nothing you can do to change their behaviour, just accept it and move on. "What goes around come around" is another of my favourite sayings, and one day those certain individuals may receive a taste of their own medicine.
In my own words, "fuck em", they are obviously not worth your time and effort. You two are fab and no-one can take that away from you.
Thanks Alex,weve had loads of great responses and some peeps have said some really nice things about post was never intended as a love us post,but we deffo arent gonna complain when people put such nice things.
And its great that no one has turned it into a slanging match,so very much appreciated.
And its great that no one has turned it into a slanging match,so very much appreciated.
Hi Clare and anyone else who's so far commented on this thread, for what it's worth here's my 5 penneth on this subject...
Having been in groups / created groups / destroyed groups ... you get the picture, for a good number of years. Clares comment is not valid, the reason I can say this is that, in every group I've ever been in - someone or even small groups of people have at some time said exactly the same thing.
Now what has been very interesting to me is.........
The people who in most cases are the ones saying "this group is only for the few clique ones", are the ones who others in the group see as being the clique ones.
So to be honest, in hindsight, I reckon there aren't ever any sub-groups / in-crowd or anything else cracking off - IMO it's people who are insecure for whatever reason, or who feel that they're being left out. Which as we all know, is a pile of poo...
There are threads on here that I don't feel I can contribute to, others I can, I don't really look who started the thread - it's just for me, if I can add something then I will.
Right off me soapbox and back to cleaning the house...
Having been in groups / created groups / destroyed groups ... you get the picture, for a good number of years. Clares comment is not valid, the reason I can say this is that, in every group I've ever been in - someone or even small groups of people have at some time said exactly the same thing.
Now what has been very interesting to me is.........
The people who in most cases are the ones saying "this group is only for the few clique ones", are the ones who others in the group see as being the clique ones.
So to be honest, in hindsight, I reckon there aren't ever any sub-groups / in-crowd or anything else cracking off - IMO it's people who are insecure for whatever reason, or who feel that they're being left out. Which as we all know, is a pile of poo...
There are threads on here that I don't feel I can contribute to, others I can, I don't really look who started the thread - it's just for me, if I can add something then I will.
Right off me soapbox and back to cleaning the house...
Y'know Clare, Steve, just because you didn't get a shag fifteen minutes after signing up, it doesn't mean the site doesn't work. You just need to lower your expectations and realise there's lots and lots of couples out there, but what's really in demand are single guys. Maybe you should post a bit, get to know a few people - maybe even see if you can get along to one of the Munches?
:? :? :? :? 
Sex God
This post has left me with some mixed feelings. Although it is nice to feel popular, and part of a 'group' it's not the be all and end all, and what exactly is that saying about you? That you are willing to lose what makes you special and unique so you fit in? Conforming can be a nasty double edged sword.
The fact of the matter being Claire and Steve, you are part of the Swinging Heaven crowd here because you enjoy a certain past time that everyone else does, and that's cool. If you feel that you are being snubbed by some, although an unpleasant experience, you'd have to ask yourself, if they are capable of such behaviour, do you really give a fuck what they think anyhow?
Big G and I strive let our posts reflect ourselves. The positive responses we get are because someone has taken a shining to what we have posted, and that means, we have found someone who shares similar views with us. That's what its all about.
We don't want to be liked by everyone. How BORINGwould that be!!! We know that we are unique, we know that we can be self inflated and opinionated and we also know that deep down inside, we are pretty nice people and that we are happy with ourselves.
Take a bit of advice from Silk's hand book. Don't lose any sleep about it, focus on the people that you are and what you want to achieve from Swinging Heaven. That way, there's no room for disappointment.
The fact of the matter being Claire and Steve, you are part of the Swinging Heaven crowd here because you enjoy a certain past time that everyone else does, and that's cool. If you feel that you are being snubbed by some, although an unpleasant experience, you'd have to ask yourself, if they are capable of such behaviour, do you really give a fuck what they think anyhow?
Big G and I strive let our posts reflect ourselves. The positive responses we get are because someone has taken a shining to what we have posted, and that means, we have found someone who shares similar views with us. That's what its all about.
We don't want to be liked by everyone. How BORINGwould that be!!! We know that we are unique, we know that we can be self inflated and opinionated and we also know that deep down inside, we are pretty nice people and that we are happy with ourselves.
Take a bit of advice from Silk's hand book. Don't lose any sleep about it, focus on the people that you are and what you want to achieve from Swinging Heaven. That way, there's no room for disappointment.
I really think you have a point S&BG I think in a way Ive never really fitted in anywhere. Certainly not at school anyway much! I always felt like the kid who was weirder than all the weird kids haha couldnt even hang out with conventional weirdos!!
Now I dont give a flying fuck if I get on with people its because I have things in common with them and feel relaxed etc
I was thinking about this the other day and I can honestly say I have no friends who are the same age or younger than me, wasnt a concious desicion I just get on better with older people you have have much more interesting conversations withe them without them thining its turning into an arguement etc
Not that i mean to sound ageist because I have found occasionally similar aged people and had good gabs with them but theyre usually not all that mopen minded!!
RAMBLE RAMBLE RAMBLE
Now I dont give a flying fuck if I get on with people its because I have things in common with them and feel relaxed etc
I was thinking about this the other day and I can honestly say I have no friends who are the same age or younger than me, wasnt a concious desicion I just get on better with older people you have have much more interesting conversations withe them without them thining its turning into an arguement etc
Not that i mean to sound ageist because I have found occasionally similar aged people and had good gabs with them but theyre usually not all that mopen minded!!
RAMBLE RAMBLE RAMBLE
Sex God
Quote by Clare_Lincs
From some pm's and replies weve had on here weve realised that were certainly not alone in our thoughts and we just wanted to say,if this thread has made anyone feel better then it was definately worth doing!
... and don't forget,
:flipa: :flipa: to all the stroppy, argumentative ones :lol2: Sex God
Quote by J3diMast3r
... and don't forget,
I resemble that remark !!
G
Quote by Steve_Lincs
This isnt a look at us and don't ignore us post its a observation more than anything.
We truely believe there most definately is an "in crowd" and i think i put it a few weeks ago.I don't think that they realise that they are the "in crowd" but sometimes it seems that they use the forum as theyre own personal msn which can be off putting to others.
Calista we worry about repocussions and most definately don't want to make any enemies through doing something weve been talking about for a while now and have only just plucked up the courage to put it.
Were not saying that it happens on all threads but it does happen on some.
At least Clare won't get all the crap now ive posted too :shock:
My perception is that there is an in-crowd, but I don't think that it is deliberate. I haven't been posting very long, but I often feel that my posts are completely ignored. It may be some comfort to Steve & Clare that as a newbie, I have considered them to be well established & regular posters... dare I say it - part of the group of people on here who seem to know each other well... the (slightly) dreaded "in-crowd".
I've managed to get to over 100 posts, but for a few days haven't posted much because I start thinking about how much time it takes. Perhaps I would be better off spending that time responding to adverts, as I get little or no response on here & only know a couple of people very slightly. Maybe my posts are boring, irrelevant, or perhaps I should have more confidence. I don't bother using the chatroom because, similarly, I can't think of a way of getting "in" to the conversation & I feel excluded, it just isn't the place for me. The forum is much more friendly, but I still don't feel I belong.
Sex God
Stop analyzing your scheme in the place of things and just post ! Its only an internet bulletin board thats all !
