I've never seen the need for outdoor sex.... I 've never really had the need to do it... having moved out of home at 17 and having my own place for the last 16 years I'm of the belief that if you have a nice warm house/bed/sofa etc why feel the need to go to a field or country lane to indulge in the back of a car?
However last night I was persuaded to indulge and all I can say is NEVER AGAIN!!!!!
The story.... at about 1am this morning I was in the chatroom just about to say goodnight when a friend appeared online, we quickly established that we were both in... let's say... need :wink: so I offered to drive to pick him up as he'd had a few drinks.
This is where it all goes drastically wrong... firstly I drive out to an unknown location about an hour away as I have never actually been to his house before, just as I am driving onto his estate I had been instructed to call him to get the final details of where he lives, just as I do this a police car pulls up alongside and the officers want to know where I am going at in the morning looking particularly lost.... luckily I am closely related to Pinocchio and managed to spin them a yarn about picking up my boyfriend from a mates house I'd never been to..... they let me get on my way satisfied with this.
I then pick up my friend and we go for a drive as he can't accomodate... we go down a country lane and he directs me to turn into a field and down a muddy track... despite my protests he assures me that all is ok as "I brought the dog down here today and it isn't that muddy!" so I continue down the track where my car gets absolutely stuck ....the front wheels are spinning with no traction and the front bumper is well and truly wedged
After trying to push it out in numerous ways:
a) him pushing me revving
b) me pushing him revving
c) both pushing no revving
I decide to call the AA who said they would come and pull us out, I pass on all my details... registration, contact number, nature of the problem etc then comes the killer question: "Could you give me your exact location?"
Me: "Errrr we're in XXXXXXXXXXX"
Operator "What road name?"
Me "Errrr not sure... it's a lane near a 90 degree bend" :? :? :?
Operator "Is is an A road or a B road?"
Me "Must be off a B road" (looking at the track we were on I'm thinking this is a Z road)
Operator "Ok we'll keep in touch by phone"
An hour later the AA guy arrives and proceeds to winch us out ... cost £40 as I hadn't ACTUALLY broken down :evil: also he's giving me the knowing I know what YOU'VE been upto look
My car now looks as though I've been off road rallying and the inside footwells are caked in mud, my brand new £60 boots look like they have been worn everyday on a pig farm and never been cleaned for a year and in the end... I never got any sex!!!!!! :evil:
So outdoor sex???!?!?!?!?!?!?! You can stick it ... I'll pass
By the way Steve..... it was a great night... I've never laughed so much in my whole life... hilarious :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
maz xxxxx (waiting for the p*ss take to begin)
:rotflmao: :rotflmao:
