Join the most popular community of UK swingers now
Login

Personality

last reply
68 replies
2.3k views
0 watchers
0 likes
m1970
Sexlightened
Swinging Heaven Logo 0 likes
People on here say you need a personality to have sex with them, well I must be the minority because I would rather have it with someone with a nice shape regardless of their personality, it's not like your going to live with them. Surely you must have to be attracted to someone before bedding them?
Unknown User
Swinging Heaven Logo 0 likes
Quote by m1970
People on here say you need a personality to have sex with them, well I must be the minority because I would rather have it with someone with a nice shape regardless of their personality, it's not like your going to live with them. Surely you must have to be attracted to someone before bedding them?

Attraction comes in MANY forms and Personality is one of them
Not all in life is just "Bed & Shag" If it is just a Shag you need there are houses for that need but you will have to pay and take your chance with STD.
I am sure a person will be along soon to put you on the correct road.
Unknown User
Swinging Heaven Logo 0 likes
Quote by m1970
People on here say you need a personality to have sex with them, well I must be the minority because I would rather have it with someone with a nice shape regardless of their personality, it's not like your going to live with them. Surely you must have to be attracted to someone before bedding them?

Attraction is in the head.......personally I dont judge people on their bodies, if someone is happy and confidant they are usually sexy and attractive.
There are plenty of people with 'a nice shape' that I would rather avoid.
Unknown User
Swinging Heaven Logo 0 likes
I actually said last night to a friend that the first thing I look at is the face. If I dont find it attractive then I wont have sex with them. Body shape is also a factor for me...
Unknown User
Swinging Heaven Logo 0 likes
Totally personality for me, of course looks help in initial attraction but, if after a chat they turn out to be a total air-head or some other personailty that we don't get on with then it's a no go.
I, Flidais, have agreed to meet people through just talking to them on phone and not seeing a pic at all, if we can talk and get on then that's enough for me wink
Sorry, but as far as we are concerned anyone totally hung up on looks isn't the sort of person we are interested in anyway. rolleyes
celestria
Sex God
Swinging Heaven Logo 0 likes
Hmmm have to be able to turn my mind on to get me into bed... and looks alone aren't enough to do that. For me it's a combination of factors, sense of humour, personality, looks etc etc.
If looks bother you that much, don't forget you can shut your eyes if the view is that bad lol :lol:
fabio
Sex God
Swinging Heaven Logo 0 likes
Quote by m1970
People on here say you need a personality to have sex with them, well I must be the minority because I would rather have it with someone with a nice shape regardless of their personality, it's not like your going to live with them. Surely you must have to be attracted to someone before bedding them?

i am not going to say you are in the minority.....there are people who will find looks more important than personality.. but as you will find there as a many people who will take personality over looks
for me being turned on is by far more a mental thing that a physical thing..... the most sexy part of any person for me is the brain
so if you are giving me the choice between miss world with no personality or someone not so attractive but has a brilliant personality.... then give me the latter every single day of the week.........
sean xxxxx
Unknown User
Swinging Heaven Logo 0 likes
Quote by fabio grooverider
People on here say you need a personality to have sex with them, well I must be the minority because I would rather have it with someone with a nice shape regardless of their personality, it's not like your going to live with them. Surely you must have to be attracted to someone before bedding them?

i am not going to say you are in the minority.....there are people who will find looks more important than personality.. but as you will find there as a many people who will take personality over looks
for me being turned on is by far more a mental thing that a physical thing..... the most sexy part of any person for me is the brain
so if you are giving me the choice between miss world with no personality or someone not so attractive but has a brilliant personality.... then give me the latter every single day of the week.........
sean xxxxx
Here, here.......good sex is about so much more than a person's physical appearance, even in the 'swinging scene'. We think that anyone who just wants to shag anyone because of their looks may be in for some real disappointments as, to be honest, in many years of experience, the best lovers are not always the 'most gorgeous'. As a women I tired many years ago of the 'good looking guy' who thought he was doing me a 'big favour;' by just shagging me..got no sexual satisfaction from that at all evil
Unknown User
Swinging Heaven Logo 0 likes
Quote by raunchyrabbits
Great personality can overcome average looks, but great looks cannot hide an average personality.

Very well put biggrin
H__x
Sex God
Swinging Heaven Logo 0 likes
I must admit to having a 'type' that I am attracted to. But the personality has to be there, first and foremost. But saying it's just down to personality would also be a lie, it's the whole package, the way they carry themselves, their demeaner, their presence. Eyes are the killer feature for me, and a smile. But if someone was drop dead gorgeous and had the personality of a toad, I'd have to say it would be a 'no'
H.x
Unknown User
Swinging Heaven Logo 0 likes
Quote by H-x
I must admit to having a 'type' that I am attracted to. But the personality has to be there, first and foremost. But saying it's just down to personality would also be a lie, it's the whole package, the way they carry themselves, their demeaner, their presence. Eyes are the killer feature for me, and a smile. But if someone was drop dead gorgeous and had the personality of a toad, I'd have to say it would be a 'no'
H.x

I've got to be honest but (Johnny Depp aside wink ) I'm not sure I have a type, I've 'swung' with guys of all shapes, sizes, ages, races etc and it's always been their personality (and, yes, their smile) that has attracted me. biggrin
Unknown User
Swinging Heaven Logo 0 likes
Quote by m1970
People on here say you need a personality to have sex with them, well I must be the minority because I would rather have it with someone with a nice shape regardless of their personality, it's not like your going to live with them. Surely you must have to be attracted to someone before bedding them?

I'm a little confused, not so much by the question, but more by some of the answers :confused:
If it's just sex, for sex's sake; stranger sex if you will; then I can see where there's no real need for a personality test. It's just pure animal sex. Personality only comes into it really if the question of 'going back again' comes up or whether or not I'd like to spend time in their company in a social environment. Even someone as shallow as me needs to be able to at least tolerate someone else's 'personality' to be able to spend time with them.
It sometimes makes me laugh, in not a good way when I read these type of threads/answers where people go overboard to show themselves as loveydovey/Smashey & Nicey/ caring sorts in answer to "sex" questions.
To be fair, you can't always see very much of someones true "personality" across a crowded room, and for a lot of the time, that's where the first attraction shows itself.
Yes - you can see someones demeanour and possible sense of humour and style from afar, but that can be just as misleading as forming a firm opinion from their written word here in the cafe.
Let's be honest, from a straight forward sex point of view - it's not initially the personality we want to shag.
Of course - if the question had been about forming relationships, on whatever level, then that's a completely different kettle of haddock.
Unknown User
Swinging Heaven Logo 0 likes
Quote by dambuster
People on here say you need a personality to have sex with them, well I must be the minority because I would rather have it with someone with a nice shape regardless of their personality, it's not like your going to live with them. Surely you must have to be attracted to someone before bedding them?

I'm a little confused, not so much by the question, but more by some of the answers :confused:
If it's just sex, for sex's sake; stranger sex if you will; then I can see where there's no real need for a personality test. It's just pure animal sex. Personality only comes into it really if the question of 'going back again' comes up or whether or not I'd like to spend time in their company in a social environment. Even someone as shallow as me needs to be able to at least tolerate someone else's 'personality' to be able to spend time with them.
It sometimes makes me laugh, in not a good way when I read these type of threads/answers where people go overboard to show themselves as loveydovey/Smashey & Nicey/ caring sorts in answer to "sex" questions.
To be fair, you can't always see very much of someones true "personality" across a crowded room, and for a lot of the time, that's where the first attraction shows itself.
Yes - you can see someones demeanour and possible sense of humour and style from afar, but that can be just as misleading as forming a firm opinion from their written word here in the cafe.
Let's be honest, from a straight forward sex point of view - it's not initially the personality we want to shag.
Of course - if the question had been about forming relationships, on whatever level, then that's a completely different kettle of haddock.
But even with a 'quick shag' in a club I like to chat to them for a few minutes beforehand, maybe it's me but I like to know they have something between their ears as well as between their legs wink
Also, to be honest, when we are in a club, if there is anyone we like the look of we will watch them for a while to see how they behave with others..it's not perfect but it gives you a clue about how they are with people.
H__x
Sex God
Swinging Heaven Logo 0 likes
quete true, Dammie. I think anyone who says that physical attraction doesn't come into it is kidding themselves. No you can't know every aspect of someone's personality from seeing them across a crowded room but you can see how they interact with other people, whether they are overbearing, conversation wise - are they interupting every one and not letting anyone else speak, are they relaxed with themselves. Body language tells us a lot more than than we are aware of.
The brain is the largest sex organ we have, if someone can't turn that on for me then the rest of me's not going to get turned on either.
H.x
Unknown User
Swinging Heaven Logo 0 likes
Quote by H-x
quete true, Dammie. I think anyone who says that physical attraction doesn't come into it is kidding themselves. No you can't know every aspect of someone's personality from seeing them across a crowded room but you can see how they interact with other people, whether they are overbearing, conversation wise - are they interupting every one and not letting anyone else speak, are they relaxed with themselves. Body language tells us a lot more than than we are aware of.
The brain is the largest sex organ we have, if someone can't turn that on for me then the rest of me's not going to get turned on either.
H.x

Agree 100%, which is why, as said before, we tend to watch anyone for a while if we think they are potential 'playmates' wink
niceandgentle
Sex God
Swinging Heaven Logo 0 likes
Quote by raunchyrabbits
Great personality can overcome average looks, but great looks cannot hide an average personality.

Nicely put.
I have had sex on first meet with people I knew barely nothing about nor they they had to come over with something that felt good for it to go that far.
Meeting people through SH I've always had good contact through e mail and phone calls up I admit the hope is always that these exchanges lead to us enjoying sex together,of course.
I haven't been to a club in a long I did it could be a long,lonely night as a single a few minutes chat with someone could lead to playing.I thought it was nice that you could say hi or someone say would hi to you and ithat could be that or they'd soon make it clear they wanted to do something in a playroom with deep profound insight into each other there,just people who wanted to share pleasure with others in a certain way.
For me they didn't have to look like models,nor do just a feelgood factor and if that's there then something mutually pleasing can happen between consenting adults.
HornyLittleBlonde
Sex God
Swinging Heaven Logo 0 likes
Quote by flidais-media
But even with a 'quick shag' in a club I like to chat to them for a few minutes beforehand, maybe it's me but I like to know they have something between their ears as well as between their legs wink
Also, to be honest, when we are in a club, if there is anyone we like the look of we will watch them for a while to see how they behave with others..it's not perfect but it gives you a clue about how they are with people.

We were just discussing this and my view was this.
There's a balance between looks and personality and the level of importance depends on the people and the situation.
For example
A club
An ad response
Dogging
Regular fuck buddy
If you have 100 replies to an ad that have included pics you like, how do you narrow down the list?
This will also depend on the type of meet i.e. whether it's a few hours in a hotel room or people you are considering inviting to your own home for the weekend.
In a nutshell dammie knows the 2 qualities that are most important to me personally - goods manners and someone who makes me laugh, but equally I have to find them physically attractive.
However I have only invited 2 people off this site to my house and the criteria for that is more like war and peace lol
fabio
Sex God
Swinging Heaven Logo 0 likes
Quote by dambuster
People on here say you need a personality to have sex with them, well I must be the minority because I would rather have it with someone with a nice shape regardless of their personality, it's not like your going to live with them. Surely you must have to be attracted to someone before bedding them?

I'm a little confused, not so much by the question, but more by some of the answers :confused:
Well if the question hadn't been worded so openly... it wouldn't have been answered in different ways... so have us have chosen to interprete it one way.. you have decided to do it another........ dunno
Quote by dambuster
If it's just sex, for sex's sake; stranger sex if you will; then I can see where there's no real need for a personality test. It's just pure animal sex. Personality only comes into it really if the question of 'going back again' comes up or whether or not I'd like to spend time in their company in a social environment. Even someone as shallow as me needs to be able to at least tolerate someone else's 'personality' to be able to spend time with them.

I agree with you for the most part here.... but as H-x said.."The brain is the largest sex organ we have, if someone can't turn that on for me then the rest of me's not going to get turned on either."
some people can do the stranger sex thing.. some can't... each to there own....i can only talk for me but i need to know even a little about the people i play with... if i am in a club.. i chat to people... i have seen other people in clubs not say a single word to people and just join in......... good for them!!!
Quote by dambuster
It sometimes makes me laugh, in not a good way when I read these type of threads/answers where people go overboard to show themselves as loveydovey/Smashey & Nicey/ caring sorts in answer to "sex" questions.

nice to see we amuse you!!!! nice to see you are tolerant enough to respect other peoples opinions... rolleyes care to elaborate on that???
Quote by dambuster
To be fair, you can't always see very much of someones true "personality" across a crowded room, and for a lot of the time, that's where the first attraction shows itself.
Yes - you can see someones demeanour and possible sense of humour and style from afar, but that can be just as misleading as forming a firm opinion from their written word here in the cafe.

very true..... some of the funniest people in here are some of the shyiest people i have met... it is probably a comfort level thing.. i feel that sometimes i expesss myself better in here than i can do face to face........but that is just me.....
Quote by dambuster
Let's be honest, from a straight forward sex point of view - it's not initially the personality we want to shag.

true... but i bet it is the personality that keeps them there..... unless you are saying that you can have sex with someone you dont like because they look good???????
Quote by dambuster
Of course - if the question had been about forming relationships, on whatever level, then that's a completely different kettle of haddock.

of course that was the interpretation of the question you chose... so please don't knock others because they chose to interpret it differently......
DJohn
Sex God
Swinging Heaven Logo 0 likes
Some random thoughts from me. These are my opinions, and I don't expect everyone to share them. We are all looking for different things, and will have different criteria.
For me, "straight simple just sex" is not straight simple just sex. Even at its purest (which I don't think I'd be interested in), I'll want to know what they like, which boundaries they like to push, and so on. That requires communication, and that needs more than just a body.
But I don't want just sex, with nothing else. Let's see if my thoughts will make it into words without too much damage... when you have sex, who likes just penetration? In, orgasm, go. I don't. There's a lot of other ways of enjoying yourself sexually, and I find the whole experience to be much more pleasurable if we mix them up.
I also enjoy talking with people. I enjoy sharing a laugh. These are enjoyable things. Wouldn't it be better if that got mixed in with the sex too? It is for me. A matching sense of humour will make someone more sexually attractive.
Looks do matter. Body shape isn't important to me (though I'd prefer it if she wasn't stick-thin, so I don't have to spend the whole time worrying that I'll break her). It's what someone does on top that makes the difference. What clothes they wear, how they have their hair, how much confidence they show. So I guess it's the visual expression of personality that matters. I know, I'm a hypocrite in that respect. I should put more effort into my appearance.
H__x
Sex God
Swinging Heaven Logo 0 likes
Quote by DJohn
I should put more effort into my appearance.

You have nice ears though.
H.x
m1970
Sexlightened
Swinging Heaven Logo 0 likes
I need to be physically attracted to someone, I really just couldn't stick my knob in amything, even if they had a nice personality, but thats me biggrin
Of course there has to be some personality, but looks for me out way this.
Unknown User
Swinging Heaven Logo 0 likes
OK - let's look at it this way...
How many threads have there been on this site which involved famous people you would fuck??? It is not the personality that is making your bits twitch when you see your favourite movie star is it? You don't know them! Yes, I know this is a fantasy thing - but it still shows physical attraction as being an important part of mentally stimulating you for sex.
If there is no physical attraction what-so-ever - does that mean you will fuck anyone as long as they are charming?
It is true however we are all attracted to different things physically as well as mentally, but to deny there needs to be some attraction is somewhat strange. It doesn't mean someone needs to be stunning and again stunning to one is ordinary though another person's eyes.
I have made this point before, but I feel it worth making again...
If you were having sex and the person you were with looked you in the eyes and said...
"do you know what, I don't find you physically attractive at all, but you have a cracking personality" ...
How would that make you feel?
H__x
Sex God
Swinging Heaven Logo 0 likes
Quote by PoloLady
OK - let's look at it this way...
How many threads have there been on this site which involved famous people you would fuck??? It is not the personality that is making your bits twitch when you see your favourite movie star is it? You don't know them! Yes, I know this is a fantasy thing - but it still shows physical attraction as being an important part of mentally stimulating you for sex.
If there is no physical attraction what-so-ever - does that mean you will fuck anyone as long as they are charming?
It is true however we are all attracted to different things physically as well as mentally, but to deny there needs to be some attraction is somewhat strange. It doesn't mean someone needs to be stunning and again stunning to one is ordinary though another person's eyes.
I have made this point before, but I feel it worth making again...
If you were having sex and the person you were with looked you in the eyes and said...
"do you know what, I don't find you physically attractive at all, but you have a cracking personality" ...
How would that make you feel?

Once again, the oracle has spoken. :thumbup:
H.x
fabio
Sex God
Swinging Heaven Logo 0 likes
Quote by PoloLady
I have made this point before, but I feel it worth making again...
If you were having sex and the person you were with looked you in the eyes and said...
"do you know what, I don't find you physically attractive at all, but you have a cracking personality" ...
How would that make you feel?

probably about as good as "do you know what, i think you are gorgeous but i don't like your personality...."
i don't think is was ever going to be as extreme as what you put down... and me at the other end of the spectrum, some people will be near one end of the line... some likely to be nearer the other end......
sean xxxxxxxxx
Unknown User
Swinging Heaven Logo 0 likes
Quote by fabio grooverider

I have made this point before, but I feel it worth making again...
If you were having sex and the person you were with looked you in the eyes and said...
"do you know what, I don't find you physically attractive at all, but you have a cracking personality" ...
How would that make you feel?

probably about as good as "do you know what, i think you are gorgeous but i don't like your personality...."
i don't think is was ever going to be as extreme as what you put down... and me at the other end of the spectrum, some people will be near one end of the line... some likely to be nearer the other end......
sean xxxxxxxxx
For us Fabio has made a good point, you are unlikely to say either comment to be realistic are you?
But, and I will say this again, I have met people that I have only talked to on the phone, I can be sure from how they speak (their ideas/opinions etc, etc) that we will get on and I have been turned on by some people (and keen to shag them if I am honest) before I have ever seen them....maybe I am different from a lot of people but that's me biggrin
HornyLittleBlonde
Sex God
Swinging Heaven Logo 0 likes
Quote by flidais-media
For us Fabio has made a good point, you are unlikely to say either comment to be realistic are you?
But, and I will say this again, I have met people that I have only talked to on the phone, I can be sure from how they speak (their ideas/opinions etc, etc) that we will get on and I have been turned on by some people (and keen to shag them if I am honest) before I have ever seen them....maybe I am different from a lot of people but that's me biggrin

Like I said I think it's a balance of looks and personality and the situation and people will determine the proportion of each.
I have been in situations where I've chatted to people on the phone and thought "yes. We click, they make me laugh, they make me horny. I really want to shag them", but if I turned up and the guy had really hairy shoulders and smelt of Bo, there's no way in hell I would.
Not even from behind with a bag over his head :giggle:
Unknown User
Swinging Heaven Logo 0 likes
Quote by HornyLittleBlonde
For us Fabio has made a good point, you are unlikely to say either comment to be realistic are you?
But, and I will say this again, I have met people that I have only talked to on the phone, I can be sure from how they speak (their ideas/opinions etc, etc) that we will get on and I have been turned on by some people (and keen to shag them if I am honest) before I have ever seen them....maybe I am different from a lot of people but that's me biggrin

Like I said I think it's a balance of looks and personality and the situation and people will determine the proportion of each.
I have been in situations where I've chatted to people on the phone and thought "yes. We click, they make me laugh, they make me horny. I really want to shag them", but if I turned up and the guy had really hairy shoulders and smelt of Bo, there's no way in hell I would.
Not even from behind with a back over his head :giggle:
True, I could do 'hairy shoulders' but BO would be a total turn off.....guess you know what I mean though? confused
Unknown User
Swinging Heaven Logo 0 likes
Quote by Choosing to take my post to pieces, fabio
All that guff, in which he agreed more than disagreed – with, of course, the statutory “buts” rolleyes

Yep – I interpreted it differently. Interpretation is the responsibility of the on interpreting. Interpretation will always be swayed by opinion. At least in the real world. That’s just human nature.
some people can do the stranger sex thing.. some can't... each to there own....i can only talk for me but i need to know even a little about the people i play with... if i am in a club.. i chat to people... i have seen other people in clubs not say a single word to people and just join in ......... good for them!!!

And I’ve seen people, come into a sexual foreplay situation uninvited to cop a feel and grope of the titties. In a very public place.
Quote by dambuster
It sometimes makes me laugh, in not a good way when I read these type of threads/answers where people go overboard to show themselves as loveydovey/Smashey & Nicey/ caring sorts in answer to "sex" questions.

nice to see we amuse you!!!! nice to see you are tolerant enough to respect other peoples opinions... :roll: care to elaborate on that???

Certainly.
Although I think you misunderstand me - possibly intentionally.
It's not peoples opinionsthat I'm not respecting, it's the bit I've highlighted in the quote - the bit where I say "where people go overboard to show themselves as loveydovey/Smashey & Nicey/ caring sorts"
Elaboration ?
I see the posts and people who make them as false. Sort of ..................
"I'll paint a picture of myself, whether it's true or not; because I think it might help to get me laid more often"
Now then . . . . . .
nice to see we amuse you!!!! nice to see you are tolerant enough to respect other peoples opinions... :roll: care to elaborate on that???

By the tone of how I read that, and the use of punctuation and emoticons – I take great exception to that comment. And I do take it as a personal insult directed personally at me in a way as to accuse me of being intolerant.
Would YOU care to elaborate. But rather than turn this thread into a personal slanging match between you and I, might I suggest you do it here.
..... unless you are saying that you can have sex with someone you dont like because they look good???????

Yep – that’s what I’m saying.
But then – I have for many years been an open and honest man.
I’m not saying it’s something I do regularly, or something I seek out. I’m saying I can, have in the past, and wouldn’t rule out doing it again in the future.
of course that was the interpretation of the question you chose... so please don't knock others because they chose to interpret it differently......

As I said above, interpretation is (imo) swayed by opinion, and is an expression of opinion.
By far the best thing about opinions is that they differ. In my opinion; the tolerant thing to do would be to tolerate and accept that.
Unknown User
Swinging Heaven Logo 0 likes
Not wanting to get into a slanging match but do want to say I could NEVER have sex with someone I don't like because they look good, I just wouldn't be turned on, it's as simple as that. :shock:
Unknown User
Swinging Heaven Logo 0 likes
Quote by flidais-media
Not wanting to get into a slanging match but do want to say I could NEVER have sex with someone I don't like because they look good, I just wouldn't be turned on, it's as simple as that. :shock:

I don't know which of you posted that, and I can quite easily see that to be the case for most women, but I'd argue until I was blue in the face, that most men could.
Remember tho - I'm talking about straight forward, pure and simple, ball emptying sex