Perspective

12 Oct 2008

I don't know why I'm posting this - maybe for other ideas about perspective? Maybe just to say it - and my eyes are leaking as I type. Certainly not for sympathy.
My daughter left home last Saturday to share a flat with a friend (female teacher, sensible etc). I know she needed to leave; she needs to be independent. She's very sensible and able to sort out her own money and other matters. I thought I'd be OK - but I'm not. I've had a shitty week and have cried at the drop of a hat. I miss her.
However, at one point on Thursday, I thanked my lucky stars. One of the women I work with, has cancer. She has three children between 8 and 14 years old. She started off with breast cancer aged 31. Double mastectomy, lost her hair with the chemo, sick sick sick. Went into remission. Only to return with a vengeance a few years later, having spread to her ovaries. Hysterectomy. Chemo and sickness. Clear for a while. Now it's returned, and it's in her bones. Her body is failing her; she will die before her eldest even reaches 18, never mind leaves home.
But she's one of the happiest, most optimistic people I know. She's worked right through all her treatments, coming to work in a baseball cap when she lost her hair. Currently has treatment every three weeks, but still does everything at home as well as working full time. Never complains. Takes every opportunity to have precious time and make memories for her children. She's an inspiration.
Makes me realise how lucky I really am, and how little tolerance most people have when they have been poorly. I don't think much compares to her lot.

12 Oct 2008

It does put things into perspective when someone can carry on like that and people like me seem to meltdown over stupidly trivial things!
Koo xx

12 Oct 2008

I hope your daughter settles into her new accommodation, and invites you round for dinner.

12 Oct 2008

There are some amazing courageous people in this world that makes me feel quite humble. I think she's one of them...
Good luck to your daughter - its the start of a whole new life that's full of adventures.

12 Oct 2008

Quote by anais
There are some amazing courageous people in this world that makes me feel quite humble. I think she's one of them...
Good luck to your daughter - its the start of a whole new life that's full of adventures.

Indeed she is.
And thanks for the good luck wishes to my daughter. smile

Sarah, we've been for a cuppa this afternoon :)

12 Oct 2008

Quote by anais
There are some amazing courageous people in this world that makes me feel quite humble. I think she's one of them...

I'll second that.
Good luck to your daughter as well FB. Remember that however independent you daughter gets that you'll always be the one she needs good honest advice.

12 Oct 2008

What an inspiration. I expect she has her "moments," but if anyone's entitled to them, it's her.
You're bound to miss your daughter though- but I've just found having the room to put up a special house guest has it's advantages.
Sorry redface

But yes- it does put things massively into perspective. We've had two years from hell- but have always borne in mind that there are people in far worse situations. sad

12 Oct 2008

Quote by winchwench
What an inspiration. I expect she has her "moments," but if anyone's entitled to them, it's her.
You're bound to miss your daughter though- but I've just found having the room to put up a special house guest has it's advantages.
Sorry
But yes- it does put things massively into perspective. We've had two years from hell- but have always borne in mind that there are people in far worse situations.

Absolutely. And as you know, we've filled the room!

12 Oct 2008

What an amazing woman - but I'm not sure that someone else's experience should be used to judge the validity of one's own emotions.
You're entitled to your tears FB - it's a real loss, a rite of passage for all of you!
kiss

12 Oct 2008

Quote by TheLovelyOne
What an amazing woman - but I'm not sure that someone else's experience should be used to judge the validity of one's own emotions.
You're entitled to your tears FB - it's a real loss, a rite of passage for all of you!

It's more of a 'count my blessings', I think.

12 Oct 2008

Quote by Freckledbird
But she's one of the happiest, most optimistic people I know. She's worked right through all her treatments, coming to work in a baseball cap when she lost her hair. Currently has treatment every three weeks, but still does everything at home as well as working full time. Never complains. Takes every opportunity to have precious time and make memories for her children. She's an inspiration.

I know someone like that!
I hope your daughter's departure will not hit you too hard. I'm sure - as with most daughters - she will revere her parents and the importance they play in her life.
.

12 Oct 2008

Best of luck to your daughter kiss

And your work colleague truely courageous

12 Oct 2008

I think there are times in everyone's lives when perspective is incredibly elusive. Things that would ordinarily be easy to deal with become a huge and insurmountable barrier to happiness, peace-of-mind, sleep even.
Perspective is great, when you have it. It's when you lose it that you realise its benefit.
FB, I really hope that it gets easier.
As for your friend, you're right, she's an inspiration and a perspective-finder for all of us. As are all the people who are living, no make that surviving, with serious illnesses or disabilities.
I've been going through some work stuff this week that totally made me lose perspective. Luckily the weekend seems to have restored things for me - and reading your post just made me realise again how trivial my issues really are.
:therethere: Freckledbird and my thoughts are with anyone else who is suffering illness - physical or emotional - or a loss of perspective at the moment. :rose:
Nola x

12 Oct 2008

FB - *hugs* first of all.
With regards to perspective, it's all relative. Your problems are HUGE - because they're YOURS. Yes, your colleague is going through hell at the moment, but your daughter leaving may be the biggest thing thats happened to you.
I don't think it's about perspective, more about relativity kiss

Don't feel bad because other people have bigger problems. Take YOUR problems, deal with them and be stronger for them just like others will.
*Her*

12 Oct 2008

Frecks :therethere:
Everytime I get into a downer about how I'm feeling since my surgery, I think about a very special friend and how she's borne her own illness with so much strength and bravery that it puts me to shame redface

It's also made me determind to repair a lost friendship before it gets too far away away to mend.
Live for now. Don't let the shit bring you down and enjoy life while you have it.
Carpe diem

12 Oct 2008

Quote by noladreams30
Perspective is great, when you have it. It's when you lose it that you realise its benefit.

Beg to differ here. When you lose it that is the most dangerous time of all.
.

12 Oct 2008

Quote by westerross

Perspective is great, when you have it. It's when you lose it that you realise its benefit.

Beg to differ here. When you lose it that is the most dangerous time of all.
.
Yep, fair point - I probably should have said, when you find it again, that's when you realise its benefit. :thumbup:

12 Oct 2008

Things like this do put things into perspective.
Your collegue is truly remarkable.
Special hugs to you for how you have being feeling lately kiss

12 Oct 2008

Fluffychick
Your workmate isn't brave because she wants to be, she just doesn't have a choice.
We should all be thankful, we aren't in her position!
It's awful when your kids move out, but in the great scheme of things, just be thankful your daughter is fit and healthy & able to look after herself!
Sam xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

12 Oct 2008

Quote by blonde
Fluffychick
Your workmate isn't brave because she wants to be, she just doesn't have a choice.
We should all be thankful, we aren't in her position!
It's awful when your kids move out, but in the great scheme of things, just be thankful your daughter is fit and healthy & able to look after herself!
Sam xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

There's some truth in that- you cope or you crumble in truly tough times- and when you have kids to worry about, crumbling isn't an option.
But what she's managed is over and above coping- I take my hat off to her.

12 Oct 2008

Quote by blonde
Your workmate isn't brave because she wants to be, she just doesn't have a choice.

This is very true. You will often find the person least (badly) affected by such misfortune is the recipient of the misfortune.
But - even then, the expressions of support and contact from friends is deep down very important because, for all the bravado, there is a person dealing with this and that person is in a very fragile state.
.

12 Oct 2008

FB..

I can only empathise with how you're feeling on your daughter leaving home, but at least you know where she is and she's safe. I know I'll be going through the same thing one day myself.
As for your friend, it's awful news, I'm not in a position to say anything but give you another kiss.. :kiss: I know you're not the slushy kissie type lady, but there you have two!..
As for realising just how damn lucky we all are, you are so very right! I have a very close friend who is in and out of hospital every year. In 14 years I haven't heard her complain once, not once. She's there at the end of the phone for everyone else, she never forgets birthdays, anniversaries, nothing. Her life is dependent on looking after other people, maybe that's her coping mechanism.
Personally, every time I 'think' I'm ill or if I'm feeling downright sorry for myself I think of her, that sharp kicks my ass into reality.
Life is too short to moan unnecessarily, we could be gone tommorow, it's defo worth thinking about.
Very emotional thread, nice you've shared that with us xx
(in edit..... wink

I changed my typo error, well it was late)

13 Oct 2008

Mar