I have a fear of spiders. Fear is far too small a word for how I feel about them.
I have moved to a new (old) house where my fear is ruining my life, and I don't have any peace of mind.
My O.H is great at removing them, but I am on my own a lot here, and I am staying out rather than risk an encounter.
Has anyone overcome a phobia, how did you do it?
I'd particularly love to hear from anyone with arachnophobia, and please, do not post any spider pics on here.
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Phobias, and overcoming them
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Sex God
Cherry... give me time to have dinner I'll have a poke round. I'm sure I posted it here or there before, I'm cured and it was by far the best thing I've ever done. I'll see if I can find it for you, if not I'll bore everyone with it again.
:thumbup:
:thumbup:
Sex God
There are many ways to deal with phobias. My son developed a terror of anything with feathers (a nasty incident with a witch mask at 4 triggered it). We took him through stages of
1. looking at pictures of them,
2. touching the pictures,
3. looking at the real thing,
4. touching the real thing.
The final stage was
5. stamping on a feather and taking back control.
At each stage he stayed close to or touching the trigger until the terror faded. It does fade - a person can't maintain feelings that strong constantly. But in a phobia, most people back away (removing themselves from the trigger) before the terror fades naturally. That way the fear isn't reduced - it's actually reinforced.
With spiders you may find this helpful - but you may want to skip steps 4 and 5. LOL
Do it alone or with a sympathetic friend. The friend can be very useful by encouraging you to stay within the range of distance of the trigger lng enough to get a result. And to help you recognise the change in feelings you experience.
Hope this helps - phobias aren't funny when they affect your life or peace of mind.
:therethere:
1. looking at pictures of them,
2. touching the pictures,
3. looking at the real thing,
4. touching the real thing.
The final stage was
5. stamping on a feather and taking back control.
At each stage he stayed close to or touching the trigger until the terror faded. It does fade - a person can't maintain feelings that strong constantly. But in a phobia, most people back away (removing themselves from the trigger) before the terror fades naturally. That way the fear isn't reduced - it's actually reinforced.
With spiders you may find this helpful - but you may want to skip steps 4 and 5. LOL
Do it alone or with a sympathetic friend. The friend can be very useful by encouraging you to stay within the range of distance of the trigger lng enough to get a result. And to help you recognise the change in feelings you experience.
Hope this helps - phobias aren't funny when they affect your life or peace of mind.
:therethere:
I too hate spiders :scared:
I had kids, pretended spiders were cute when they were growing up - then when one came along, made them go and get it while I waited at the other side of the house :cool:
Am ok at the mo cos kids too young to move out. Dread when they do tho, cos Davids even worse than I am :shock:
If it's any help - I had a brand new house, and seemed to have a lot more spiders (big spiders) in that than I do in this one and my last one which are both 30 odd years old!!
I had kids, pretended spiders were cute when they were growing up - then when one came along, made them go and get it while I waited at the other side of the house :cool:
Am ok at the mo cos kids too young to move out. Dread when they do tho, cos Davids even worse than I am :shock:
If it's any help - I had a brand new house, and seemed to have a lot more spiders (big spiders) in that than I do in this one and my last one which are both 30 odd years old!!
Sex God
This has been stolen from somewhere else but it might help.
If you want to have a chat about it drop me a PM but I'd recommend making an appointment with your GP and asking for a referral.
Hope you get it sorted, it really was the best thing I've ever done. It was taking over my life and something needed to give!
Quote by DirtyGirl
I have had a phobia of spiders since I was young and for some reason it got worse as I got older. When I lived at home with my parents it wasn't so bad as I always had someone else there to deal with it but when I moved into my flat I had a couple of incidents which couldn't deal with on my own.
To let you understand, I suffered from panic attacks as a result of it and would end up completely hysterical and unable to breath properly. I found myself in this state on my neighbours doorstep, almost giving him a heart attack at the state I was in. I think he thought I'd been attacked! Anyway... he came into my flat and caught it for me and I then spent the rest of the night in tears and with no sleep! I had a list of people I could phone about it and my brother was great for the late night ones but I'd find myself on the phone for about 10 minutes before I had actually calmed down enough to say anything. It would upset me for days afterwards and it turned into almost like having a sixth sense. If there was a spider in the room I was sure to see it!
I found it was taking over my life in that I wouldn't take my coat off when I got home from work until I'd checked each room. Eventually I went to see my GP who gave me a prescription to sort out the panic and referred me to a psychologist. I was sceptical about the whole thing as I couldn't even look at a picture of a spider never mind a real one. I went each week for about two months and it got to the stage where my therapist brought me Gavin... in a jar! I was to take him home with me! I was sweating all the way to the bus stop with Gavin in my handbag... (apologies to those who think this was a tad cruel but I needed the help of Gavin to overcome my fear and he did live!)... I got back to work and put Gavin on my desk... he looked at me a lot... and I looked back! At the end of the day I felt bad for him and asked one of the lads in the office to set him free. Progress! :mrgreen:
Anyway, after the second last session I went up to the butterfly farm... I had called the bug man there and explained my situation. He said it wasn't a problem for me to come and see him and he would be happy to help me. He was super enthusiastic about spiders and loved them all. So off I went and looked round for a couple of hours (anyone who has been there will know it takes about quarter of that time to go round!) before it was time for the children to listen to the bug man talk about the reptiles and spiders. I stood at the back and listened... shaking! After the talk was over I watched from a safe distance the kids taking it in turns to hold Rosie... the big black hairy one! At this point the tears were streaming down my face and Kevin (the bug man) waited till everyone had left and asked me if I wanted to try! My hands were shaking and I couldn't really hear anything other than my heart pounding but I knew that I'd come this far and would be kicking myself if I went home without at least trying. So I did. I held that big black hairy spider called Rosie in my hands and watched as she tiptoed over each hand... I was amazed by it (not that I'd rush off and do it again although at least now I know I can!) as she felt like a little hamster... cold on my skin but not nearly as scary as I though it would be. I'm sure if she'd gone a bit quicker I wouldn't have been so brave but I went home feeling incredibly proud of myself!
I went back to my last session with all the post-it notes removed from my little book of spiders and can look at all the pictures now! I was discharged and officially cured! They didn't appear to actually do anything to cure me but give me the information and help me work through step by step to cure my phobia. It was one of the best things I've ever done and I would totally recommend to anyone to go and get help. There are loads of different phobias and you can cure them all with some help and determination!
So there you have it... now I can live alone and not care whether there's a spider in the corner. I can deal with it in a rational manner, I still get a bit of a fright but I know I can catch it and put it out without stamping on it like a mad woman as I would have done previously.
If you want to have a chat about it drop me a PM but I'd recommend making an appointment with your GP and asking for a referral.
Hope you get it sorted, it really was the best thing I've ever done. It was taking over my life and something needed to give!
Sex God
also local zoo's and reptile keepers will do courser in overcoming fears
Sex God
Quote by Sara_2006
also local zoo's and reptile keepers will do courser in overcoming fears
Yup... I looked into that and I saw a hypnotherapist too. I guess it's whatever works for you but it can be expensive. A referral from your GP won't cost you and it is one of the easiest phobias to cure. Not sure how or why, I can't explain it very well but information was key. Knowing stuff, like they have eight eyes but are pretty much blind and their lungs are like a concertina so if you chuck them out the window from a height you might as well have stamped on them.
If you'd told me at the start of it that I'd be cured in eight weeks I'd have told you that you were mental. I was scared, but I knew I couldn't keep living the way I was. Determination was a big part of it. You have to really, really want to be rid of it.
I too used to fear spiders. And I have to admit I found, as others have already suggested, confronting it head on was my solution.
If there was a particularly nasty big one in the house i would rather leave than stay in with it roaming around, returning only when i knew the hubbie was due home and then pace around until it was found.
When my husband passed away suddenly an old anxiety resurfaced and i found i couldnt leave the house at all. The most I could do was get to the neighbours house yelling about a spider in the bath. Only so many times I could do that without them laughing their heads off.
Eventually one day I decided I was just going to have to sort the problem myself, so armed with a large roll of newspaper in a very shaky hand I took on this particularly nasty beast, knowing that it was a totally unreasonable thought that this monster was going to remove the newspaper from my hands and beat me with it instead (failing that its family would instinctively come and attack during the night to have their revenge).
Thankfully I got it with the second whack, although after missing it the first time i will admit to screaming loudly.
Afterwards I sat down and had a very sweet cup of tea and realised that if i could overcome that phobia then the rest would fall into place with a bit of work. And it did.
So after all my ramblings - my only advice is to not let it beat you. Well unless you are one of these people that say “dont kill them, set them free†then i havent a clue how to tackle it.
Good luck with overcoming it
If there was a particularly nasty big one in the house i would rather leave than stay in with it roaming around, returning only when i knew the hubbie was due home and then pace around until it was found.
When my husband passed away suddenly an old anxiety resurfaced and i found i couldnt leave the house at all. The most I could do was get to the neighbours house yelling about a spider in the bath. Only so many times I could do that without them laughing their heads off.
Eventually one day I decided I was just going to have to sort the problem myself, so armed with a large roll of newspaper in a very shaky hand I took on this particularly nasty beast, knowing that it was a totally unreasonable thought that this monster was going to remove the newspaper from my hands and beat me with it instead (failing that its family would instinctively come and attack during the night to have their revenge).
Thankfully I got it with the second whack, although after missing it the first time i will admit to screaming loudly.
Afterwards I sat down and had a very sweet cup of tea and realised that if i could overcome that phobia then the rest would fall into place with a bit of work. And it did.
So after all my ramblings - my only advice is to not let it beat you. Well unless you are one of these people that say “dont kill them, set them free†then i havent a clue how to tackle it.
Good luck with overcoming it
Sex God
Hi Cherry
I dont have any phobias but I understand irrationality as its how i live my entire life
however joking aside, when a pal of mine was striken with similar issues he was told the NHS were next to useless due to funding issues but eventually found the help he needed here..........
Have a read, hope it helps
Peace
I dont have any phobias but I understand irrationality as its how i live my entire life
however joking aside, when a pal of mine was striken with similar issues he was told the NHS were next to useless due to funding issues but eventually found the help he needed here.......... Have a read, hope it helps
Peace
chezza, you can come and do some desensitization therapy with us and aggie....and i mean that in a nice way, maybe it may help to look at her through the glass when you are used to looking at them as pictures.
giving them a 'personality' helps a little too....if that makes sense.....anyways you know where to find me when you get that far. xxx
giving them a 'personality' helps a little too....if that makes sense.....anyways you know where to find me when you get that far. xxx
Thanks DG, thanks everyone, all your replies are much appreciated x
In edit .... crikey Mrs B.
I do feel as if I could "handle" (maybe not physically, but emotionally) a tarantula, or whatever Aggie is, easier than a skinny legged huge boddied fast running wolf-spider - but yes I would like to take you up on that. Ta xxx
In edit .... crikey Mrs B.
I do feel as if I could "handle" (maybe not physically, but emotionally) a tarantula, or whatever Aggie is, easier than a skinny legged huge boddied fast running wolf-spider - but yes I would like to take you up on that. Ta xxx
I don't think Bonnie really has any phobias, she doesn't like cotton wool though. Myself I can't stand frogs I think theyr're a bloody stupid idea and someone should be sacked. Problem is our neighbours have a pond and on quite a few occasions our dog has brought a lost frog into the house. So my phobia brought into the house giblets hanging out.
I too have the same fear of spiders, so much so that when I use to visit my late best friend, he used to have to cover his 8-legged freak over before I could walk into the room :scared: Even seeing photos of them makes me feel physically sick :gagged:
I've also got a fear of enclosed spaces and hate using the underground whenever I'm in London. I'm not so bad if someone's with me but when I was there last month I had to do it alone. Thankfully they were only journeys of a few stops at a time so I managed to get back to street level before I broke out into a sweat.
I guess when I'm ready to face the spider fear, I will try to overcome it but for now I'll just hoover the little freaks up
I've also got a fear of enclosed spaces and hate using the underground whenever I'm in London. I'm not so bad if someone's with me but when I was there last month I had to do it alone. Thankfully they were only journeys of a few stops at a time so I managed to get back to street level before I broke out into a sweat.
I guess when I'm ready to face the spider fear, I will try to overcome it but for now I'll just hoover the little freaks up
I have a fear of crashing at high speed, so ofcourse, i get a touch nerves when i'm being driven fast or when taking off in a plane....
I have tried very hard to face those fears, including at one point even taking a job which involved upto 6 flights a week and being driven around by people whose driving was a little suspect to say the least. believe me, i know exactly how stressful this can be, and how many times i thought i was actually going to die. I have learnt to get this fear into perspective and fight the fear as best as i can.
BUT
What makes me laugh are people who shriek and cower at things that can in no-way harm them. For example , people who lose control of their disposition when i'm walking past them down the road and you can see the terror in their eyes because there is a dog near them.
I find it amusing when people shriek at spiders and bees. They dont eat you , you know?
I know it sounds mean, and we all have our cross to bear.... but I always put my fear into perspective... and irrational fears are not only completely destructive, but do have a habit of making you look a bit of a wuss....
like, whats a common house spider gonna do? eat yer leg off?
I have tried very hard to face those fears, including at one point even taking a job which involved upto 6 flights a week and being driven around by people whose driving was a little suspect to say the least. believe me, i know exactly how stressful this can be, and how many times i thought i was actually going to die. I have learnt to get this fear into perspective and fight the fear as best as i can.
BUT
What makes me laugh are people who shriek and cower at things that can in no-way harm them. For example , people who lose control of their disposition when i'm walking past them down the road and you can see the terror in their eyes because there is a dog near them.
I find it amusing when people shriek at spiders and bees. They dont eat you , you know?
I know it sounds mean, and we all have our cross to bear.... but I always put my fear into perspective... and irrational fears are not only completely destructive, but do have a habit of making you look a bit of a wuss....
like, whats a common house spider gonna do? eat yer leg off?
Go and see your GP.
There is a world of difference between a phobia that you describe and a plain old fear. If your GP laughs or doesn't refer you to a specialist get another GP. Sadly its another post code lottery, some health authorities simply have inadequate resources but with luck you should be able to get the right help eventually.
While you are waiting get yourself a decent self help book or approach the agencies mentioned earlier.
Good luck.
There is a world of difference between a phobia that you describe and a plain old fear. If your GP laughs or doesn't refer you to a specialist get another GP. Sadly its another post code lottery, some health authorities simply have inadequate resources but with luck you should be able to get the right help eventually.
While you are waiting get yourself a decent self help book or approach the agencies mentioned earlier.
Good luck.
Sex God
Quote by DeeCee
I have a fear of crashing at high speed, so ofcourse, i get a touch nerves when i'm being driven fast or when taking off in a plane....
I have tried very hard to face those fears, including at one point even taking a job which involved upto 6 flights a week and being driven around by people whose driving was a little suspect to say the least. believe me, i know exactly how stressful this can be, and how many times i thought i was actually going to die. I have learnt to get this fear into perspective and fight the fear as best as i can.
BUT
What makes me laugh are people who shriek and cower at things that can in no-way harm them. For example , people who lose control of their disposition when i'm walking past them down the road and you can see the terror in their eyes because there is a dog near them.
I find it amusing when people shriek at spiders and bees. They dont eat you , you know?
I know it sounds mean, and we all have our cross to bear.... but I always put my fear into perspective... and irrational fears are not only completely destructive, but do have a habit of making you look a bit of a wuss....
like, whats a common house spider gonna do? eat yer leg off?
That's a tad unfair as fears and phobias can be, by their very nature, entirely irrational and do not stand up to examination of the facts.
However that doesn't make them any less frightening to the person.
Fear of flying is a common fear, people will happily drive everywhere and be terrified of flying, yet statistically you are many times more likely to die behind the wheel of a car than you are in a plane.
Fears aren't measured by the "death" factor. It's the emotional and psychological (sometimes physiological) reaction that matters. That is true whether you are afraid of postage stamps, spiders, snakes or a ninja swordsman lopping your balls off in the night.
Incidentally, I don't think crashing at high speed is really a phobia as such. I don't think anyone actively goes out of their way to experience this nor do I think most people would laugh it off as being "wussy". It seems sensible to me.
I think it is a little unfair to "laugh" at any person's phobias. Dog's can harm people, as can spiders. Bees sting, which can cause an anaphylactic reaction in some people. Others just don't like the sound, or the fact that it seems to deny the laws physics with a big furry body and small wings. However that isn't the point, it isn't what the subject of the phobia can do that causes the reaction in many cases. People can be horrendously phobic about the deadly and the mundane.
I agree irrational fears are destructive, but they do not make anyone look like a wuss. We may not understand their fear, but that doesn't make them wrong or comical. I think bringing them into the open and trying to face them is a brave and commendable thing to do. Especially when it is impacting upon someones life in such a way.
Sex God
Quote by DeeCee
I have a fear of crashing at high speed, so ofcourse, i get a touch nerves when i'm being driven fast or when taking off in a plane....
I have tried very hard to face those fears, including at one point even taking a job which involved upto 6 flights a week and being driven around by people whose driving was a little suspect to say the least. believe me, i know exactly how stressful this can be, and how many times i thought i was actually going to die. I have learnt to get this fear into perspective and fight the fear as best as i can.
BUT
What makes me laugh are people who shriek and cower at things that can in no-way harm them. For example , people who lose control of their disposition when i'm walking past them down the road and you can see the terror in their eyes because there is a dog near them.
I find it amusing when people shriek at spiders and bees. They dont eat you , you know?
I know it sounds mean, and we all have our cross to bear.... but I always put my fear into perspective... and irrational fears are not only completely destructive, but do have a habit of making you look a bit of a wuss....
like, whats a common house spider gonna do? eat yer leg off?
You have no idea.
Res was incredibly polite.
If your fear of crashing at high speed was a phobia, then you wouldn't be laughing at those with irrational fears regardless of what they are over because you would understand that they have no control over it.
When you're midway through a panic attack and can't breathe and have no idea how to help yourself or when you spend a sleepless night and have to function the next day but can't make yourself calm down, then you come back to me and tell me how silly I am. Have that experience and then you can judge.
Laugh at people? You're the one who goes over to pick up the spider and wave it at the person who's shrieking in the corner. Oh yes, I've met your sort before... many times and you're all the same, small minded and with a complete lack of any understanding or compassion. Laugh... yeah, knock yourself out sunshine! :roll:
*walks away from keyboard and logs out*
Quote by Resonance
I have a fear of crashing at high speed, so ofcourse, i get a touch nerves when i'm being driven fast or when taking off in a plane....
I have tried very hard to face those fears, including at one point even taking a job which involved upto 6 flights a week and being driven around by people whose driving was a little suspect to say the least. believe me, i know exactly how stressful this can be, and how many times i thought i was actually going to die. I have learnt to get this fear into perspective and fight the fear as best as i can.
BUT
What makes me laugh are people who shriek and cower at things that can in no-way harm them. For example , people who lose control of their disposition when i'm walking past them down the road and you can see the terror in their eyes because there is a dog near them.
I find it amusing when people shriek at spiders and bees. They dont eat you , you know?
I know it sounds mean, and we all have our cross to bear.... but I always put my fear into perspective... and irrational fears are not only completely destructive, but do have a habit of making you look a bit of a wuss....
like, whats a common house spider gonna do? eat yer leg off?
That's a tad unfair as fears and phobias can be, by their very nature, entirely irrational and do not stand up to examination of the facts.
However that doesn't make them any less frightening to the person.
Fear of flying is a common fear, people will happily drive everywhere and be terrified of flying, yet statistically you are many times more likely to die behind the wheel of a car than you are in a plane.
Fears aren't measured by the "death" factor. It's the emotional and psychological (sometimes physiological) reaction that matters. That is true whether you are afraid of postage stamps, spiders, snakes or a ninja swordsman lopping your balls off in the night.
Incidentally, I don't think crashing at high speed is really a phobia as such. I don't think anyone actively goes out of their way to experience this nor do I think most people would laugh it off as being "wussy". It seems sensible to me.
I think it is a little unfair to "laugh" at any person's phobias. Dog's can harm people, as can spiders. Bees sting, which can cause an anaphylactic reaction in some people. Others just don't like the sound, or the fact that it seems to deny the laws physics with a big furry body and small wings. However that isn't the point, it isn't what the subject of the phobia can do that causes the reaction in many cases. People can be horrendously phobic about the deadly and the mundane.
I agree irrational fears are destructive, but they do not make anyone look like a wuss. We may not understand their fear, but that doesn't make them wrong or comical. I think bringing them into the open and trying to face them is a brave and commendable thing to do. Especially when it is impacting upon someones life in such a way.
I think it is extremely comical to see a grown man /adult run away from a bee or a spider....
I think its comical for people to scream irrationally over tiny insects.
I'm allergic severely to both... and a sting could actually kill me.... but i find over reaction of this type comical in those who arent in danger..
particularly if I have my real fears under control and in perspective.
I'm sorry but i do find it amusing, i cant help it..
:twisted:
Quote by Dirtygirly
I have a fear of crashing at high speed, so ofcourse, i get a touch nerves when i'm being driven fast or when taking off in a plane....
I have tried very hard to face those fears, including at one point even taking a job which involved upto 6 flights a week and being driven around by people whose driving was a little suspect to say the least. believe me, i know exactly how stressful this can be, and how many times i thought i was actually going to die. I have learnt to get this fear into perspective and fight the fear as best as i can.
BUT
What makes me laugh are people who shriek and cower at things that can in no-way harm them. For example , people who lose control of their disposition when i'm walking past them down the road and you can see the terror in their eyes because there is a dog near them.
I find it amusing when people shriek at spiders and bees. They dont eat you , you know?
I know it sounds mean, and we all have our cross to bear.... but I always put my fear into perspective... and irrational fears are not only completely destructive, but do have a habit of making you look a bit of a wuss....
like, whats a common house spider gonna do? eat yer leg off?
You have no idea.
Res was incredibly polite.
If your fear of crashing at high speed was a phobia, then you wouldn't be laughing at those with irrational fears regardless of what they are over because you would understand that they have no control over it.
When you're midway through a panic attack and can't breathe and have no idea how to help yourself or when you spend a sleepless night and have to function the next day but can't make yourself calm down, then you come back to me and tell me how silly I am. Have that experience and then you can judge.
Laugh at people? You're the one who goes over to pick up the spider and wave it at the person who's shrieking in the corner. Oh yes, I've met your sort before... many times and you're all the same, small minded and with a complete lack of any understanding or compassion. Laugh... yeah, knock yourself out sunshine! :roll:
*walks away from keyboard and logs out*
well i draw the line at chasing people around with spiders...thats bullying..and you have it quite wrong.
The point is that YOU DO have control with what is a fear and what is a phobia. YOU DO have the ability to control fear and prevent panic attacks. YOU DO have the ability to remain calm and put things into persepective.
Whats more, its releatively easy if t=you listen and learn how to do it.
but im not going to pander to wusses who cant/wont try and control their fears... i have managed to do it.. i can empathise with fear... but its only when you can turn a corner and say " i conquered my fears" that you will too yourself see that 2 day long panic attacks in the way you describe are a extreme... and far more extreme than the reaction i might have in having a chortle at eppeople not prepared to fight fear.
anyhow... at the risk of losing what few friends i have here because i speak my mind and tell you how it really is rather than arse kissing all and sundry i will leave you to get on with it...
and wonder how better is it to be a victim or a hero....
Sex God
Quote by DeeCee
I have a fear of crashing at high speed, so ofcourse, i get a touch nerves when i'm being driven fast or when taking off in a plane....
I have tried very hard to face those fears, including at one point even taking a job which involved upto 6 flights a week and being driven around by people whose driving was a little suspect to say the least. believe me, i know exactly how stressful this can be, and how many times i thought i was actually going to die. I have learnt to get this fear into perspective and fight the fear as best as i can.
BUT
What makes me laugh are people who shriek and cower at things that can in no-way harm them. For example , people who lose control of their disposition when i'm walking past them down the road and you can see the terror in their eyes because there is a dog near them.
I find it amusing when people shriek at spiders and bees. They dont eat you , you know?
I know it sounds mean, and we all have our cross to bear.... but I always put my fear into perspective... and irrational fears are not only completely destructive, but do have a habit of making you look a bit of a wuss....
like, whats a common house spider gonna do? eat yer leg off?
You have no idea.
Res was incredibly polite.
If your fear of crashing at high speed was a phobia, then you wouldn't be laughing at those with irrational fears regardless of what they are over because you would understand that they have no control over it.
When you're midway through a panic attack and can't breathe and have no idea how to help yourself or when you spend a sleepless night and have to function the next day but can't make yourself calm down, then you come back to me and tell me how silly I am. Have that experience and then you can judge.
Laugh at people? You're the one who goes over to pick up the spider and wave it at the person who's shrieking in the corner. Oh yes, I've met your sort before... many times and you're all the same, small minded and with a complete lack of any understanding or compassion. Laugh... yeah, knock yourself out sunshine! :roll:
*walks away from keyboard and logs out*
well i draw the line at chasing people around with spiders...thats bullying..and you have it quite wrong.
The point is that YOU DO have control with what is a fear and what is a phobia. YOU DO have the ability to control fear and prevent panic attacks. YOU DO have the ability to remain calm and put things into persepective.
Whats more, its releatively easy if t=you listen and learn how to do it.
but im not going to pander to wusses who cant/wont try and control their fears... i have managed to do it.. i can empathise with fear... but its only when you can turn a corner and say " i conquered my fears" that you will too yourself see that 2 day long panic attacks in the way you describe are a extreme... and far more extreme than the reaction i might have in having a chortle at eppeople not prepared to fight fear.
anyhow... at the risk of losing what few friends i have here because i speak my mind and tell you how it really is rather than arse kissing all and sundry i will leave you to get on with it...
and wonder how better is it to be a victim or a hero....
But isn't that what Cherrytree is trying to do? confront and control her fear?
Also it may be easy for you, it may not work for the next person. That is why no therapy for phobia's has a 100% success rate. Otherwise we would not have any phobias. Even Paul McKenna isn't that good.
I don't think you'll lose any friends for speaking your mind. However your "arse kissing" comments mean you lose plenty of respect certainly from me. I'm happy to debate issues with anyone without resorting to this kind of thing. And heroic is laughing at people with a problem that they are trying to overcome?
I'll be a victim anyday of the week in that case.
Quote by Resonance
I have a fear of crashing at high speed, so ofcourse, i get a touch nerves when i'm being driven fast or when taking off in a plane....
I have tried very hard to face those fears, including at one point even taking a job which involved upto 6 flights a week and being driven around by people whose driving was a little suspect to say the least. believe me, i know exactly how stressful this can be, and how many times i thought i was actually going to die. I have learnt to get this fear into perspective and fight the fear as best as i can.
BUT
What makes me laugh are people who shriek and cower at things that can in no-way harm them. For example , people who lose control of their disposition when i'm walking past them down the road and you can see the terror in their eyes because there is a dog near them.
I find it amusing when people shriek at spiders and bees. They dont eat you , you know?
I know it sounds mean, and we all have our cross to bear.... but I always put my fear into perspective... and irrational fears are not only completely destructive, but do have a habit of making you look a bit of a wuss....
like, whats a common house spider gonna do? eat yer leg off?
You have no idea.
Res was incredibly polite.
If your fear of crashing at high speed was a phobia, then you wouldn't be laughing at those with irrational fears regardless of what they are over because you would understand that they have no control over it.
When you're midway through a panic attack and can't breathe and have no idea how to help yourself or when you spend a sleepless night and have to function the next day but can't make yourself calm down, then you come back to me and tell me how silly I am. Have that experience and then you can judge.
Laugh at people? You're the one who goes over to pick up the spider and wave it at the person who's shrieking in the corner. Oh yes, I've met your sort before... many times and you're all the same, small minded and with a complete lack of any understanding or compassion. Laugh... yeah, knock yourself out sunshine! :roll:
*walks away from keyboard and logs out*
well i draw the line at chasing people around with spiders...thats bullying..and you have it quite wrong.
The point is that YOU DO have control with what is a fear and what is a phobia. YOU DO have the ability to control fear and prevent panic attacks. YOU DO have the ability to remain calm and put things into persepective.
Whats more, its releatively easy if t=you listen and learn how to do it.
but im not going to pander to wusses who cant/wont try and control their fears... i have managed to do it.. i can empathise with fear... but its only when you can turn a corner and say " i conquered my fears" that you will too yourself see that 2 day long panic attacks in the way you describe are a extreme... and far more extreme than the reaction i might have in having a chortle at eppeople not prepared to fight fear.
anyhow... at the risk of losing what few friends i have here because i speak my mind and tell you how it really is rather than arse kissing all and sundry i will leave you to get on with it...
and wonder how better is it to be a victim or a hero....
But isn't that what Cherrytree is trying to do? confront and control her fear?
Also it may be easy for you, it may not work for the next person. That is why no therapy for phobia's has a 100% success rate. Otherwise we would not have any phobias. Even Paul McKenna isn't that good.
I don't think you'll lose any friends for speaking your mind. However your "arse kissing" comments mean you lose plenty of respect certainly from me. I'm happy to debate issues with anyone without resorting to this kind of thing. And heroic is laughing at people with a problem that they are trying to overcome?
I'll be a victim anyday of the week in that case.
again Resonance.. you seem to be missing the clear fact that my post related to comments between me and another poster.
Quote by DeeCee
again Resonance.. you seem to be missing the clear fact that my post related to comments between me and another poster.
Maybe they were but I still find your comments insulting.
I can not help my fears and yes I know some of them are not rational but they still exist. I can not control them, they control me and unless I get something like behavioural therapy, they will continue to have a hold over me.
If you decide to laugh at me (and others), they that shows more about the person you believe you are and shows no understanding of what fear really is.
Quote by Dawnie
again Resonance.. you seem to be missing the clear fact that my post related to comments between me and another poster.
Maybe they were but I still find your comments insulting.
I can not help my fears and yes I know some of them are not rational but they still exist. I can not control them, they control me and unless I get something like behavioural therapy, they will continue to have a hold over me.
If you decide to laugh at me (and others), they that shows more about the person you believe you are and shows no understanding of what fear really is.
We all know what fear is... we all experience it.
if you believe that you cant control your fears you will never get near controlling or overcoming them.
if you believe that you are beaten by fear then it will beat you.
one day, when and if you turn a corner, like I did, (with some of my fears) you too might find that the only way to put things into perspective is by laughing at the absurdity of some of what you witness.
I have a couple of irrational fears- despite being incredibly rational and pragmatic.
I used to have OCD- which in effect is one big irrational fear issue- it controlled my life. However, I picked it up, grabbed it by the bollox and had it for breakfast.
So in effect, I can see it from both sides of the coin. There are hints & tips aplenty- and if you're willing, and open to them they will work- good on you for being brave enough to try. Desensitisation is probably the way to go.
If people feel the need to mock- let 'em. chances are they're quite simply insecure, or not as "healed" as they think they are.
I used to have OCD- which in effect is one big irrational fear issue- it controlled my life. However, I picked it up, grabbed it by the bollox and had it for breakfast.
So in effect, I can see it from both sides of the coin. There are hints & tips aplenty- and if you're willing, and open to them they will work- good on you for being brave enough to try. Desensitisation is probably the way to go.
If people feel the need to mock- let 'em. chances are they're quite simply insecure, or not as "healed" as they think they are.
Sex God
I'm not going to quote your response Deecee but I'll add my thoughts on what you said...
Coming home every night and checking my house for spiders isn't something that I found particularly funny.
Suffering from panic attacks when a spider crept out of it's hiding place didn't make me laugh.
Having sleepless nights because I was worried about whether there were spiders in my bedroom or worse still in my bed certainly wasn't in the slightest bit amusing.
Facing people like you who don't understand didn't fill me with humour.
Seeking help took me almost 33 years. It wasn't something I was able to do prior to the time I did. I didn't find that funny.
In reality, it cost me the best part of twenty grand because I chose to stay at home with my parents instead of buying a flat of my own. I couldn't face the thought of living alone. That's not funny to me either.
There's nothing funny about an irrational fear that I couldn't cope with never mind face up to that and get help. People deal with things in different ways and I have no respect for someone who laughs at other people's expense on something they clearly have no knowledge of.
Choose to laugh elsewhere if it makes you feel big and clever, as I said, knock yourself out. How you deal with your "fears" is your choice. My fear was very real and there was nothing funny about it whatsoever. I don't appreciate you laughing at me or at anyone else because they aren't as big and clever as you.
I can look back on it now, rationally and appreciate that it may well seem ridiculous to have such a fear but that's after getting help. I had a book that I had to order and ensure that it was already in a bag before I collected it from the shop. The people there didn't laugh at me. I then deposited it with the lads in the mailroom at work and they went through every page in it sticking post-it notes over the pictures. The boys in the mailroom didn't laugh at me. That is ridiculous but I was physically unable to look at that book. I have that book now, with no post-it notes in it, in pride of place on my bookcase to show me every day that overcame my fear and that was one hell of an achievement.
I wouldn't laugh at other people because they haven't managed to do that. I still wouldn't laugh at them if they chose to do nothing and carry on living with what is a very real fear for a huge number of people even if you find it hilarious. If I can help someone else overcome their fear because of my experiences then I'm more than happy to do that. It doesn't make me a hero but nor am I a victim. If I were a victim I'd have sat back and let you be insulting without saying anything at all.
Speak your mind all you like, I have no objection to that but shame on you for your total lack of respect for something that took me all the courage I could muster to get over and I did. I'm very proud of myself for that but I won't sit back and watch you toss it back like it was nothing. It wasn't. I have absolutely no respect for anyone who rips the piss out of people who are genuinely afraid of something and in the process of plucking up the courage to do something about it. .
Having a phobia is no laughing matter.
Coming home every night and checking my house for spiders isn't something that I found particularly funny.
Suffering from panic attacks when a spider crept out of it's hiding place didn't make me laugh.
Having sleepless nights because I was worried about whether there were spiders in my bedroom or worse still in my bed certainly wasn't in the slightest bit amusing.
Facing people like you who don't understand didn't fill me with humour.
Seeking help took me almost 33 years. It wasn't something I was able to do prior to the time I did. I didn't find that funny.
In reality, it cost me the best part of twenty grand because I chose to stay at home with my parents instead of buying a flat of my own. I couldn't face the thought of living alone. That's not funny to me either.
There's nothing funny about an irrational fear that I couldn't cope with never mind face up to that and get help. People deal with things in different ways and I have no respect for someone who laughs at other people's expense on something they clearly have no knowledge of.
Choose to laugh elsewhere if it makes you feel big and clever, as I said, knock yourself out. How you deal with your "fears" is your choice. My fear was very real and there was nothing funny about it whatsoever. I don't appreciate you laughing at me or at anyone else because they aren't as big and clever as you.
I can look back on it now, rationally and appreciate that it may well seem ridiculous to have such a fear but that's after getting help. I had a book that I had to order and ensure that it was already in a bag before I collected it from the shop. The people there didn't laugh at me. I then deposited it with the lads in the mailroom at work and they went through every page in it sticking post-it notes over the pictures. The boys in the mailroom didn't laugh at me. That is ridiculous but I was physically unable to look at that book. I have that book now, with no post-it notes in it, in pride of place on my bookcase to show me every day that overcame my fear and that was one hell of an achievement.
I wouldn't laugh at other people because they haven't managed to do that. I still wouldn't laugh at them if they chose to do nothing and carry on living with what is a very real fear for a huge number of people even if you find it hilarious. If I can help someone else overcome their fear because of my experiences then I'm more than happy to do that. It doesn't make me a hero but nor am I a victim. If I were a victim I'd have sat back and let you be insulting without saying anything at all.
Speak your mind all you like, I have no objection to that but shame on you for your total lack of respect for something that took me all the courage I could muster to get over and I did. I'm very proud of myself for that but I won't sit back and watch you toss it back like it was nothing. It wasn't. I have absolutely no respect for anyone who rips the piss out of people who are genuinely afraid of something and in the process of plucking up the courage to do something about it. .
Having a phobia is no laughing matter.
Quote by Dirtygirly
I'm not going to quote your response Deecee but I'll add my thoughts on what you said...
Coming home every night and checking my house for spiders isn't something that I found particularly funny.
Suffering from panic attacks when a spider crept out of it's hiding place didn't make me laugh.
Having sleepless nights because I was worried about whether there were spiders in my bedroom or worse still in my bed certainly wasn't in the slightest bit amusing.
Facing people like you who don't understand didn't fill me with humour.
Seeking help took me almost 33 years. It wasn't something I was able to do prior to the time I did. I didn't find that funny.
In reality, it cost me the best part of twenty grand because I chose to stay at home with my parents instead of buying a flat of my own. I couldn't face the thought of living alone. That's not funny to me either.
There's nothing funny about an irrational fear that I couldn't cope with never mind face up to that and get help. People deal with things in different ways and I have no respect for someone who laughs at other people's expense on something they clearly have no knowledge of.
Choose to laugh elsewhere if it makes you feel big and clever, as I said, knock yourself out. How you deal with your "fears" is your choice. My fear was very real and there was nothing funny about it whatsoever. I don't appreciate you laughing at me or at anyone else because they aren't as big and clever as you.
I can look back on it now, rationally and appreciate that it may well seem ridiculous to have such a fear but that's after getting help. I had a book that I had to order and ensure that it was already in a bag before I collected it from the shop. The people there didn't laugh at me. I then deposited it with the lads in the mailroom at work and they went through every page in it sticking post-it notes over the pictures. The boys in the mailroom didn't laugh at me. That is ridiculous but I was physically unable to look at that book. I have that book now, with no post-it notes in it, in pride of place on my bookcase to show me every day that overcame my fear and that was one hell of an achievement.
I wouldn't laugh at other people because they haven't managed to do that. I still wouldn't laugh at them if they chose to do nothing and carry on living with what is a very real fear for a huge number of people even if you find it hilarious. If I can help someone else overcome their fear because of my experiences then I'm more than happy to do that. It doesn't make me a hero but nor am I a victim. If I were a victim I'd have sat back and let you be insulting without saying anything at all.
Speak your mind all you like, I have no objection to that but shame on you for your total lack of respect for something that took me all the courage I could muster to get over and I did. I'm very proud of myself for that but I won't sit back and watch you toss it back like it was nothing. It wasn't. I have absolutely no respect for anyone who rips the piss out of people who are genuinely afraid of something and in the process of plucking up the courage to do something about it. .
Having a phobia is no laughing matter.
well done that woman!!
as one who has a truly irrational fear of loss (both of a physical object and a loved one)....so much so that I feel sick at the thought of holding a kite or a helium balloon in case it blows away from me, or leaning out to look over the side of a boat in case i drop something and its lost forever, I can relate to that.
I have walked myself silly retracing all my steps of a busy shopping trip cos one of the kids as a baby kicked off a baby sock......and the feeling of sickness and abject hopelesness cos i didnt find it.....
have had to leave the house when hubby does a 'clear out'.....cos im such a hoarder of things that I attach improper levels of sentimental value on, he has to do a clear out when im not around.....but I have been known to get up early while hes still asleep and go through the bin bags....on my hands and knees in my nightie on the path I might add!! taking out things I think he shouldnt have thrown away......
**mrs B shuts up now and backs quietly from the thread.....thanksful she isnt playing at the minute, as, with that confession, it truly seals her certification of maddest woman on SH, and no-one would approach her without a tranquilser gun loaded and ready to shoot!!**
as one who has a truly irrational fear of loss (both of a physical object and a loved one)....so much so that I feel sick at the thought of holding a kite or a helium balloon in case it blows away from me, or leaning out to look over the side of a boat in case i drop something and its lost forever, I can relate to that.
I have walked myself silly retracing all my steps of a busy shopping trip cos one of the kids as a baby kicked off a baby sock......and the feeling of sickness and abject hopelesness cos i didnt find it.....
have had to leave the house when hubby does a 'clear out'.....cos im such a hoarder of things that I attach improper levels of sentimental value on, he has to do a clear out when im not around.....but I have been known to get up early while hes still asleep and go through the bin bags....on my hands and knees in my nightie on the path I might add!! taking out things I think he shouldnt have thrown away......
**mrs B shuts up now and backs quietly from the thread.....thanksful she isnt playing at the minute, as, with that confession, it truly seals her certification of maddest woman on SH, and no-one would approach her without a tranquilser gun loaded and ready to shoot!!**
