I have always known that I have never been good at accepting praise, that I have always felt unworthy and feel it is unjustified.
This is something for years I have questioned in me and needed to know why this was the case and to understand it.
By talking to someone that doesn’t know me in the vanilla world has hepled me put nearly all the pieces together.
One of the things I said was I knew I was never doubted by my family that has never been the case, it has always been people outside of my family that has made me feel that way.
The pieces have just dropped into place, I was fine until 12 very contented and happy, then I was bullied at school by a large group of girls at one stage had around 30 kicking and punching me, because I didn’t want to join inclusive groups but to have my own views and not that of others enforced upon me. This then lead me to always wonder why, why would people show such hatred to want to hurt me. This has lead me on a mission for years to try to understand others thoughts and reasoning behind such behaviour.
I forgave the bullies years ago, I have since learnt that it must have been their insecurities that lead them to be that way.
But I then didn’t like school it wasn’t a place I felt safe and secure at 16 I had another blow when my form teacher just before I left school said to me “All you are fit for is clearing up others rubbish.
So this then lead me believe I was stupid uneducated and worthless.
I suppose in a way I knew that wasn’t true but I have never felt able to leave those words behind and move on, but have always felt a battle to prove my worth.
I have not written this to ask for pity or praise, I guess I am writing it as a way of understanding it all.
I have done many threads in this forum and until I wrote here, I never had the confidence to write anything.
So all those that have put up with my ramblings over the time, I would like to say Thanks it was part of me finding myself and having the confidence within to realise in someway I might not be as thick as that teacher thought I was.
A lot of you here have helped in so many ways if only you knew how much.
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please excuse this rambling
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Its sad that these things happen to anyone but I am happy that you have come through the storm and are finding comfort and support in your friends.
One thing comes to mind, of my friends the ones who have had a turbulent past are the ones who make the best friends, the most interesting and the ones I hold dearest.
xx
One thing comes to mind, of my friends the ones who have had a turbulent past are the ones who make the best friends, the most interesting and the ones I hold dearest.
xx
Sex God
Hey minx, it can be a baptism of fire this forum though it being semu anonymous can in ways help when needing to look at your own feelings laid out in front of you and also have others remark on them. A form of therapy if you like.
As for the bullying
If you ever find an answer or decent way to seal with school bullies apart from illegal ones please mail me I so need ideas. 30 kids surrounding you kicking and taunting? Yeah that sounds familiar add that to spitting and ripping of clothes school books name calling and trying to destroy the personalities of my kids then we're reading from the same hymn sheet. Bastard bullies.
Good to see you benefit from being here mate :thumbup:
As for the bullying
If you ever find an answer or decent way to seal with school bullies apart from illegal ones please mail me I so need ideas. 30 kids surrounding you kicking and taunting? Yeah that sounds familiar add that to spitting and ripping of clothes school books name calling and trying to destroy the personalities of my kids then we're reading from the same hymn sheet. Bastard bullies. Good to see you benefit from being here mate :thumbup:
Sex God
Ive read many of your posts and have to say what comes across is a strong woman confident in her views and always willing to listen. It appears to me that the hard experiences that have brought you this far have made you into someone who has enough emotional experience to take a balanced view of the world. So dont forgive em , thank em. If only they had known what a person they were helping to make before anyone here had a hand.
Quote by Silk and Big G
Ive read many of your posts and have to say what comes across is a strong woman confident in her views and always willing to listen. It appears to me that the hard experiences that have brought you this far have made you into someone who has enough emotional experience to take a balanced view of the world. So dont forgive em , thank em. If only they had known what a person they were helping to make before anyone here had a hand.
I would have written something very similar .....but G's done it for me.
for you minxy; you are are a woman of many facets and as far as I can see they are all diamond shaped 
Sexpert
Quote by Theladyisaminx
I have always known that I have never been good at accepting praise, that I have always felt unworthy and feel it is unjustified.
This is something for years I have questioned in me and needed to know why this was the case and to understand it.
By talking to someone that doesn’t know me in the vanilla world has hepled me put nearly all the pieces together.
One of the things I said was I knew I was never doubted by my family that has never been the case, it has always been people outside of my family that has made me feel that way.
The pieces have just dropped into place, I was fine until 12 very contented and happy, then I was bullied at school by a large group of girls at one stage had around 30 kicking and punching me, because I didn’t want to join inclusive groups but to have my own views and not that of others enforced upon me. This then lead me to always wonder why, why would people show such hatred to want to hurt me. This has lead me on a mission for years to try to understand others thoughts and reasoning behind such behaviour.
I forgave the bullies years ago, I have since learnt that it must have been their insecurities that lead them to be that way.
But I then didn’t like school it wasn’t a place I felt safe and secure at 16 I had another blow when my form teacher just before I left school said to me “All you are fit for is clearing up others rubbish.
So this then lead me believe I was stupid uneducated and worthless.I suppose in a way I knew that wasn’t true but I have never felt able to leave those words behind and move on, but have always felt a battle to prove my worth.
I have not written this to ask for pity or praise, I guess I am writing it as a way of understanding it all.
I have done many threads in this forum and until I wrote here, I never had the confidence to write anything.
So all those that have put up with my ramblings over the time, I would like to say Thanks it was part of me finding myself and having the confidence within to realise in someway I might not be as thick as that teacher thought I was.
A lot of you here have helped in so many ways if only you knew how much.
God I know how you feel, understand and I am glad I know you . Although I did have family problems which thankfully you never had, the things you talked about like the bullying and how the school teacher spoke to you strikes a cord with me as I went through very similar stuff and I know how it can affect ya life. Its took alot for me to get on with my life and I have had success in my life but sometimes my past comes back and to get me, it could be the way someone makes me feel or a mood I get in. Relationships with people is sometimes hard or me.
Quote by niceguysdoexist
Ive read many of your posts and have to say what comes across is a strong woman confident in her views and always willing to listen. It appears to me that the hard experiences that have brought you this far have made you into someone who has enough emotional experience to take a balanced view of the world. So dont forgive em , thank em. If only they had known what a person they were helping to make before anyone here had a hand.
I would have written something very similar .....but G's done it for me.
for you minxy; you are are a woman of many facets and as far as I can see they are all diamond shapedThank you!
All I can say is even diamonds have flaws
