FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 4th November
RE: Christmas Party
I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23rd, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a small band playing traditional carols...please feel free to sing along.
And don't be surprised if the Managing Director shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at p.m.
Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets.
This gathering is only for employees! The Managing Director will make a special announcement at the Party.
Merry Christmas to you and your Family
Pauline
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FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 5th November
RE: Holiday Party
In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday, which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on we're calling it our ' Holiday Party.' The same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians. There will be no Christmas tree or Christmas carols sung. We will have other types of music for your enjoyment.
Happy now?
Happy Holidays to you and your family,
Pauline.
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FROM; Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE : 6th November
RE: Holiday Party
Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table...you didn't sign your name. I'm happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, "AA Only," you wouldn't be anonymous anymore!!!! How am I supposed to handle this?
Somebody?
Forget about the gift exchange, no gift exchange allowed now since the Union Officials feel that is too much money and Management believe is a little cheap.
NO GIFT EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.
Pauline.
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FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 7th November
RE: Holiday Party
What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during day light hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees'
Beliefs, perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party - or else package everything up for you to take home in a little foil doggy bag. Will that work?
Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet and pregnant women will get the table closest to the toilets, Gays are allowed to sit with each other, Lesbians do not have to sit with gay men, each will have their own table.
Yes, there will be flower arrangements for the gay men's table, too.
To the person asking permission to cross dress - no cross dressing allowed. And No , no blow-up sheep.
We will have booster seats for short people. Low fat food will be available for those on a diet. We cannot control the salt used in the food. We suggest those people with high blood pressure taste the food first. There will be fresh fruits as dessert for Diabetics, the restaurant cannot supply "No Sugar" desserts. Sorry!
Did I miss anything?!?!?!?!?!
Pauline.
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FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All F***ing Employees
DATE: 8 November
RE: The F***ing Holiday Party.
Vegetarian p**cks, I've had it with you people!!! We're going to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death", as you so quaintly put it.
You'll get your f***ing salad bar, including organic tomatoes, but you know tomatoes have feeling, too.
They scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them scream right NOW!!
Hope you all have a rotten holiday * drink, drive, and f**kin' die!
The B***h from HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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FROM: John Bishop - Acting Human Resources Director
DATE: 9th November
RE: Pauline Lewis and Holiday Party
I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Pauline Lewis a speedy recovery, and I'll continue to forward your cards to her.
In the meantime, Management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and instead, give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd December off with full pay.
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Political Correctness at Christmas
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Quote by GnV
A Christmas cheer this end......very good.
But am not really laughing as you just KNOW this is happening now. Still why bother with Christmas at all? It's not like it's a Christian country now...........is it? :lol:
Bah, humbug
I thought you had gone into hibernation for the winter. :lol:
Quote by kentswingers777
A Christmas cheer this end......very good.
But am not really laughing as you just KNOW this is happening now. Still why bother with Christmas at all? It's not like it's a Christian country now...........is it? :lol:
Bah, humbug
I thought you had gone into hibernation for the winter. :lol:Nah, just keeping my powder dry for the right opportunity :sparring:
Sex God
Peanut
I am surprised that you have failed to note that all of the above was marked 'confidential', and to copy it here!
You may not know that the party is now on again, as we have the afternoon off, and no one wants to go home to the in-laws. As it is now unofficial we do not have to listen to the directors joke about Santa, Rodolf and the pot.
Anyone wishing to visit Pauline are warned not to mention the C word or the party as the doctor said this could set back her recovery.
Happy holidays
Happy Christmas
Happy return of the sun
Have I missed anyone?
I am surprised that you have failed to note that all of the above was marked 'confidential', and to copy it here!
You may not know that the party is now on again, as we have the afternoon off, and no one wants to go home to the in-laws. As it is now unofficial we do not have to listen to the directors joke about Santa, Rodolf and the pot.
Anyone wishing to visit Pauline are warned not to mention the C word or the party as the doctor said this could set back her recovery.
Happy holidays
Happy Christmas
Happy return of the sun
Have I missed anyone?
Warming the Bed
I have been going to Dubai over the past 5 yrs and it has hit there also.
You would never see a xmas tree in december but this year they were all over the place, offers for traditional xmas dinner on dec 25th at most hotels and restaraunts.
During Ramadam you could never eat during daylight hours without someone sneering at you or even the police asking you to stop, now its a lot more relaxed ( although stuffing your face with food while some poor sod is sat there starving kind of makes you feel bad )
Whatever you do you can never keep everyone happy, the biggest problem lies with uptight people who believe that everyone else should think the way they think.
What we should do is take a huge bit of land in Siberia ( nobody lives there anyway apart from the Yeti's ) and then take all the extremist people from every different culture, build a giant wall around it and have hidden camera's everywhere. We coulkd watch the whole thing live 24 hrs a day or watch the highlights show at 9pm every night on Channel 4.
The vote would go to those who actually realise if they don't learn to be a little more patient and less uptight then they might actually live instead of being killed by someone who disagrees with them, we get to decide... Its called BIG BROTHER.... EXTREME.
You would never see a xmas tree in december but this year they were all over the place, offers for traditional xmas dinner on dec 25th at most hotels and restaraunts.
During Ramadam you could never eat during daylight hours without someone sneering at you or even the police asking you to stop, now its a lot more relaxed ( although stuffing your face with food while some poor sod is sat there starving kind of makes you feel bad )
Whatever you do you can never keep everyone happy, the biggest problem lies with uptight people who believe that everyone else should think the way they think.
What we should do is take a huge bit of land in Siberia ( nobody lives there anyway apart from the Yeti's ) and then take all the extremist people from every different culture, build a giant wall around it and have hidden camera's everywhere. We coulkd watch the whole thing live 24 hrs a day or watch the highlights show at 9pm every night on Channel 4.
The vote would go to those who actually realise if they don't learn to be a little more patient and less uptight then they might actually live instead of being killed by someone who disagrees with them, we get to decide... Its called BIG BROTHER.... EXTREME.
Sex God
So do we vote for the guy to be .....canceled, or vote for the guy who should be allowed to choose a victim?
Warming the Bed
We vote for the guy that we want to let out. I think voting for the guy to be killed is a bit evil.
Warming the Bed
lol well it would be locking extremists up with extremists. I wasn't going to send the idea to endemol or anything. The basic idea behind it is that they would have to learn to give and take or they would kill each other. for us watching we would see how ridiculous the situation would get and it would make us think that little bit more, for them nobody has to die. It was more of an ideology.
