I was doing the hovering the other day, a task brought on by a performance of the Martyr Dance by Mrs davej. I don’t know if this dance is performed in your home by you or your partner, but for them as don’t know, I think it’s South American in origin because of the sharp staccato movements, rather than the flow of one move into the other thats more common in European dance. It’s full of passion, fire and emotion, a bit like the Lambada and the Flamenco and I think it tells the tale of a woman miffed with her prince.
The setting, in ours at least, is always the same, I’m sat on the sofa reading or watching telly in innocent ignorance of what’s going on around me, when clearly miffed, Mrs davej starts the dance by doing chores with more vigour. The hoover kisses the furniture just that bit harder than normal and the back and forth arm movements are shorter and sharper. The dusting is again more violent with ornaments being snatched from their resting place instead of being lifted and the dusters flicked till it cracks like a whip. The crocks and cutlery in the washing up bowl get a damn good rattling and so on and so forth. The dance basically means I’m not doing what she wanted me to do, even though I don’t know what that is and if only I would ask summint like ‘whats up’ she could then give it me, but I’m not going to say anything, denying her that opening, so the dance goes on.
I think I’ve seen an operatic version as well, it opens with a bloke sat at a table on one side of the stage, dressed in military garb, an 18th century Kings Hussar, smoking a pipe and reading something, when from the other side of the stage a woman appears dressed in maids garb long skirts, clogs, lace apron and cotton bonnet. She starts to sweep the stage floor with her Besom, clattering the furniture as she goes. He sings something at her. She sings something back and on it goes getting louder and louder. It’s a shame he’s from the 18th century and hasn’t got a car to wash, a garage to sit in and the brains to keep quiet, cos that’s my usual defensive move, but he ain’t and it just gets louder and louder.
Now I’ve seen that she is wearing a tabard ( maids garb) and I am wearing combat trousers (military garb) and the similarities are too spooky, so given it’s raining and I can’t wash the car, I head her off at the pass and go get the hoover, get busy, get out of jail free, type of thing, and it’s whilst using the hoover, I think of design.
Our hoover is a Dyson ball and like the advert, it is an improvement on a very old design, it is easier to manoeuvre, they have taken summint we were all reasonably happy with and didn’t think needed much alteration and improved it, so isn’t it time we did the same with the human body, cos whilst the creator had a pretty good stab at it, times have moved on and improvements could be made for today’s living. I’m thinking:-
Shoulders
They slope downwards, some more than others, but downwards they go, not the best shape for carrying bags and lets face it, we all do at some time or other. I think we should have either square shoulders or better still shoulders that slope upwards, thus preventing bags from sliding off. I did at first think a patch of hard rough skin similar to velcro on each one, but that would need the fashion industry to make clothes with exposed shoulders, not ideal in colder climates.
Arms
Lets face it, they are too short and I see no reason why they couldn’t be made longer by a couple of feet. We could all reach the things that we currently struggle with, there is no disadvantage that I can see to having longer arms. I do think we were short changed with the elbow, my wrist moves back and forth, my shoulder does the same, but the joint in between, the elbow, only goes one way, but apart from smoother baton changes in the relay, I couldn’t see a benefit from having an elbow that bends backwards so let it stand.
Feet
For the ladies why not extend the heel by 4 to 5 inches, thus allowing them to wear more comfortable flat shoes whilst still having that elongated look to the leg that stiletto’s currently give. I’m aware that the Olympic committee would have to start again with the womens 100mtr sprint by adding a couple of minutes, but I’m thinking of the vast majority here, the general public, not elite atheletes.
Testicles
placing them side by side is o.k. but I think one behind the other would be better, in tandem if you like. It would reduce the whole sticking to the thigh thing that goes on, requiring periodic seperation, like peeling the damp pages of an excercise book apart. It wouls also help to protect them by making a narrower target against attack from foot, ball, or other object.
Toes
There's too many off em and I reckon we could lose one. All my shoes narrow towards the toe end, causing a slight crushing. The removal of one wouldn't mess with balance too much and free up some room. I'd choose the little toe, starting the other end would cause me flip flops to fall off.
What body parts would you re-design to better suit todays living?
Sex God
:rotflmao: :rotflmao:
I'll have to watch this weekend and see what he actually does!
