Hi all, A question for you My wife is very keen to get involved in the swinging scene however doesnt feel that it would be acceptable to other people because of her surgery scars. Several years ago she had a mastectomy without reconstruction & only has one breast (its a loverly one though) Personally I'm proud as hell of her, she had a bad couple of years but came through it amazingly! Would love her to come play but understand her feelings. Anyone care to comment on how they would feel about meeting someone with mastectomy scars? I personally dont think it would make a difference to most ppl for a cpl on cpl meet but she thinks no one would be interested in us. Cheers, Rob
hello and welcome. I have several, very obvious, scars from a long history of major operations. I used to 'warn' people before hand.. now I can't be bothered as I was making a bigger deal of it than it really needed. They had no interest. It doesn't affect my enjoyment (and apparantly not theirs either) If your wife is nervous. Get her to tell the people that you intend on playing with. If you choose to goto clubs she can keep her underwear on (am thinking basque type thing) if she so wishes. I am totally sure that it has not affected how sexy your wife is and I would tell her to take it at her pace and only play with people that she feels comfortable with. (and that advice holds true for everyone really- so no change there) splendid p.s. and welcome to you both.
The trouble is, in any situation like this we can only speak for ourselves. My better half had a mastectomy and only had a reconstruction two years ago. My feelings didn't change for her at all, in fact I kind of see her scars as 'battle' scars. Proof of what she's overcome. However understandably no matter what I said or did, the fact she only had one breast affected her self-esteem and feelings of femininity greatly. I can understand that you love your wife and fancy her no matter what, but I can understand why she may feel very vulnrable. To be honest people may not care that your wife has one breast but there is also a possibility that somebody may act in a shocked way - it's human nature after all. I imagine that somebody reacting badly to her could be devestating. At the end of the day it's your wife that has had the mastectomy so it can only be her decision whether to play or not.
Hi Cambs, it wouldn't bother us. I've had operations and it's never been an issue. We regularly meet up with a couple who have gone through something similar to yourselves and they have had some shocking tales to tell of peoples reactions. It is a horrible fact of life that not all people are as nice as we would like them to be. On our part it's the people we like, the personality and the spark between everyone, everything under the clothes is part of those people. to you both xx
splendid - many thanks for that, will be showing her your post, very encouraging. Kiss - Yes of course she feels like that and I guess you hit the nail on the head, her big worry is someone acting shocked. I tend to think most ppl wouldnt really give a monkey's, most ppl arent like that & they would of course have been be forewarned. I dont think she would ever be ready to approach total strangers in a club, it would be more likely casual evenings in our hot tub.
Quote by CambsMan Hi all, A question for you My wife is very keen to get involved in the swinging scene however doesnt feel that it would be acceptable to other people because of her surgery scars. Several years ago she had a mastectomy without reconstruction & only has one breast (its a loverly one though) Personally I'm proud as hell of her, she had a bad couple of years but came through it amazingly! Would love her to come play but understand her feelings. Anyone care to comment on how they would feel about meeting someone with mastectomy scars? I personally dont think it would make a difference to most ppl for a cpl on cpl meet but she thinks no one would be interested in us. Cheers, Rob
Take people as you find them is one of my mottos - we all have scars just some of them don't show.
Quote by Kiss The trouble is, in any situation like this we can only speak for ourselves. My better half had a mastectomy and only had a reconstruction two years ago. My feelings didn't change for her at all, in fact I kind of see her scars as 'battle' scars. Proof of what she's overcome. However understandably no matter what I said or did, the fact she only had one breast affected her self-esteem and feelings of femininity greatly. I can understand that you love your wife and fancy her no matter what, but I can understand why she may feel very vulnrable. To be honest people may not care that your wife has one breast but there is also a possibility that somebody may act in a shocked way - it's human nature after all. I imagine that somebody reacting badly to her could be devestating. At the end of the day it's your wife that has had the mastectomy so it can only be her decision whether to play or not.
Quote by CambsMan Hi all, A question for you My wife is very keen to get involved in the swinging scene however doesnt feel that it would be acceptable to other people because of her surgery scars. Several years ago she had a mastectomy without reconstruction & only has one breast (its a loverly one though) Personally I'm proud as hell of her, she had a bad couple of years but came through it amazingly! Would love her to come play but understand her feelings. Anyone care to comment on how they would feel about meeting someone with mastectomy scars? I personally dont think it would make a difference to most ppl for a cpl on cpl meet but she thinks no one would be interested in us. Cheers, Rob
To be brutally honest, we've never been in that position so can't give you a straight answer. That said, if we were up for playing with you and your missus we'd certainly prefer you to be upfront so we could make an informed decision. And, as we would want a 'social' meet first anyway, as long as the spark was there then things would most likely progress further. So my advice (for what little it's worth): Have some fun in the Cafe and the Chatroom; Get to know people on the site; Go to a social or three (no pressure there); Above all, put yourselves in the position where you and your wife decide who to play with, not the other way round! Remember, there's a lot more to the swinging 'scene' than just the sex, so enjoy the whole experience! :thumbup: in edit: Forgot to say, only one boob must mean that one gets twice as much attention. ;-)
Quote by cu3b4ll To be brutally honest, we've never been in that position so can't give you a straight answer. That said, if we were up for playing with you and your missus we'd certainly prefer you to be upfront so we could make an informed decision. And, as we would want a 'social' meet first anyway, as long as the spark was there then things would most likely progress further. So my advice (for what little it's worth): Have some fun in the Cafe and the Chatroom; Get to know people on the site; Go to a social or three (no pressure there); Above all, put yourselves in the position where you and your wife decide who to play with, not the other way round! Remember, there's a lot more to the swinging 'scene' than just the sex, so enjoy the whole experience! :thumbup: in edit: Forgot to say, only one boob must mean that one gets twice as much attention. ;-)
More good advice We have been in that situation and having been on a social with the couple and finding there was a spark, it was of no consequence to us whether she had scars. She was a lovely sexy lady. Of course, that is only our experience and cannot speak for others. Take people as you find them and tell who you feel comfortable with - if your not comfortable with them then IMO they're not right to play with
I'm sorry your wife has had to face that and I'm glad she has come through it. Speaking for myself I like to play with people, not an idealised body and I am happy to play with whatever they bring. I go to a nudist beach a lot and you see all sorts of fine bodies that show what life has done to them but still look good. That includes attractive women with mastectomies. I hope you both find people you can relax and have fun with. I wish I was closer.
I don't know if I'm unusual - but I like scars. Not in a wierd way, just that they are a) interesting and b) make each person that little bit more unique. I know a guy who has a long, deep and wiggly scar across his belly from an operation as a baby and he is just as sexy, and funny, and satisfying, as if he didn't have it. But it provided a source of conversation when we met. He was a bit conscious of it with me at first but since it didn't bother me, he relaxed straight away. People may show surprise at first if they were unaware of something like that, but anyone comfortable in their OWN self-image will have no problem with your lovely wife's body. BTW, moisturiser with Calendula in it (or calendula oil) is very good at reducing scar redness and aiding healing if it is still settling down.
Quote by foxylady2209 I don't know if I'm unusual - but I like scars. Not in a wierd way, just that they are a) interesting and b) make each person that little bit more unique. I know a guy who has a long, deep and wiggly scar across his belly from an operation as a baby and he is just as sexy, and funny, and satisfying, as if he didn't have it. But it provided a source of conversation when we met. He was a bit conscious of it with me at first but since it didn't bother me, he relaxed straight away.
I think scars can be very attractive too in a way, pretty much for the same reasons you do. I'm also a fan of the port-wine-stain birth mark.
Quote by Kiss I'm also a fan of the port-wine-stain birth mark.
Oooh.... me too! I know a certain young lady who has one on the side of her face which goes right down her neck and disappears under her clothes. The problem is she won't let me see how far down it goes..... ....yet! :twisted:
i have a massive scar, not quiet the same, but for me at 1 point was a big issue, from my rib cage round my side, about 10" across, i was veryyyy conscious at 1 point about it, now i dont give a fook, ive stretch marks n small boobs, cos ive lost 10 1/2 stone, so we all have our reasons to be self conscious over certain bits xxj
Years ago there was a young woman who used to come in to where I worked with one across half her face. She was utterly gorgeous and my heart melted every time I saw her. I've been in a threesome where the man has had a colostomy bag. He was discreet about it but anyway *shrugs* We still all had fun. People bear scars from life but that doesn't make them any less attractive.
First of all well done for being real! The swinging scene is the result of us acting on our fantaies and is a alternative world aside from our household chores, stressful jobs and demanding children. So what happens when we have everyday real hangups that can hinder our fantasies. As you rightly say it should not matter if the chemistry is there before the clothes come off! I think the fact that everyone has something they do not like about themselves shows us we can all overcome our fears and how others perceive us in order to fulfill our desires. There are many forms of scars, some emotional, some physical and some both, but they make us who we are. Its the snog that counts for me... beyond that is a result of accepting each other no matter what lies beneath the layers of clothes!!
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to you both xx
