After Separation, is it a waiting game? Would you hold off before meeting anyone else? Or is there any set time limit?We separated after 31 years I felt well and truly rejected, I couldn't understand why and still don’t know why?As I had no answers I started to assume at one point that there must be something wrong with me. My mind was suggesting only negative thoughts that my hubby of 30 years ! would chose someone 10 years my junior? Was It I'm not a nice person..am I ugly.. etc all these thoughts were silently destroying me.I started thinking I needed a solution, how do I change and make myself perfect to be good enough for him so that he comes back (not so wise, huh?).Now, finally accepted the situation he does not want me therefore I should respect his decision and move on. I guess sometimes some things are just never meant to be and at times it can be a blessing in disguise.
I would be interested in hearing others point of view on the subject.
Lucy
xx
Join the most popular community of UK swingers now
Login
POV on Seperation?
Sex God
I don't have any words of wisdom for you Lucy, I've never been in that situation but I do know that you're beautiful and you shouldn't ever think otherwise. 
The old cliche of time healing will probably be the one thing that works. I'm sure there are other people who will be able to give you better advice but you should do what you want to do in your own time.
*hugs*
DGx
The old cliche of time healing will probably be the one thing that works. I'm sure there are other people who will be able to give you better advice but you should do what you want to do in your own time.
*hugs*
DGx
After my divorce I decided I would spend at least two years growing and healing and deliberately avoiding any attempt to start or maintain a romantic commitment.
It worked for me and I not only made several new women friends during that time but ended up in a lovely relationship with a fabulous human being.
Good luck.
It worked for me and I not only made several new women friends during that time but ended up in a lovely relationship with a fabulous human being.
Good luck.
I have only met you briefly but you are an attractive lovely lady :rose:
There is no right time to look for someone else but there is no wrong time either. Take some time to find out more about yourself, to have fun and laughter. When the time is right, someone will come your way that will love and support you in a way you deserve
There is no right time to look for someone else but there is no wrong time either. Take some time to find out more about yourself, to have fun and laughter. When the time is right, someone will come your way that will love and support you in a way you deserve
Master of Sex
Sorry to hear about your experience - after 31 years I think I'd feel I was 'home and dry'. Some say being rejected by your partner is even worse than bereavement because altnhough it hurts when a partner dies, they left loving you. Rejection, on the other hand, is not only agonisingly painful, it leaves you with all sorts of doubts about yourself.
Nobody can give you a 'set time' for getting back onto the relationship scene - only you know when you are ready. At least with swinging you can (to some extent) satisfy your physical desires without the complication of emotional attachment until you're ready for it. There is also a vibrant social scene and you can make lots of really good friends of both sexes who you don't necessarily play with.
Be assured there is absolutely nothing wrong with you or your looks. Your ex was just looking for something else - his loss, let him get on with it.
Just think of yourself as a scrumptious cream cake ... your ex opted for a choccy bar. Doesn't mean there's anything wrong with the scrumptious cream cake - and there will be no shortage of people wanting a nibble
Good luck - keep posting, go to socials and get to now people.
Happy swinging
Sugar xx
Nobody can give you a 'set time' for getting back onto the relationship scene - only you know when you are ready. At least with swinging you can (to some extent) satisfy your physical desires without the complication of emotional attachment until you're ready for it. There is also a vibrant social scene and you can make lots of really good friends of both sexes who you don't necessarily play with.
Be assured there is absolutely nothing wrong with you or your looks. Your ex was just looking for something else - his loss, let him get on with it.
Just think of yourself as a scrumptious cream cake ... your ex opted for a choccy bar. Doesn't mean there's anything wrong with the scrumptious cream cake - and there will be no shortage of people wanting a nibble
Good luck - keep posting, go to socials and get to now people.
Happy swinging
Sugar xx
There is no right or wrong answer just what feels right at the time. The old cliche mentioned is right in many ways - you need time to heal and grow as a person not a couple.
A friend once told me a rough idea is that it takes 1 month for every year you were in that relationship. Now I know for me that was about right, I was in my last relationship for 4/5 yrs and after about 5/6 months I felt ready to view the outside world again. Although my relationship wasnt as long as yours the hurt I felt at the time was very real and I needed a while to rethink and spend time with my family and girl friends before I even thought about men.
Good luck and Hugs x
A friend once told me a rough idea is that it takes 1 month for every year you were in that relationship. Now I know for me that was about right, I was in my last relationship for 4/5 yrs and after about 5/6 months I felt ready to view the outside world again. Although my relationship wasnt as long as yours the hurt I felt at the time was very real and I needed a while to rethink and spend time with my family and girl friends before I even thought about men.
Good luck and Hugs x
Sex God
awwww lucy
I have known you for years... if it makes you feel better I think you are a brilliant person, and at the beginning was intimidated by your gorgeousness.....
I know it is easy for someone to say this from the outside, but don't beat yourself up over this... just be the best person you can be, which I have no doubts you are doing, and the chips will fall as they may.
at this time, just do what is best for you... and all your friends will be there to support you...
you know where my inbox is if you every feel the need to natter.....
sean xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
I have known you for years... if it makes you feel better I think you are a brilliant person, and at the beginning was intimidated by your gorgeousness.....
I know it is easy for someone to say this from the outside, but don't beat yourself up over this... just be the best person you can be, which I have no doubts you are doing, and the chips will fall as they may.
at this time, just do what is best for you... and all your friends will be there to support you...
you know where my inbox is if you every feel the need to natter.....
sean xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Sex God
Oh Lucy. :therethere:
You're strong. You're beautiful. Do what feels right for you - not for him and no matter what anyone else thinks. There is no time limit or constraint to how you feel, or will feel. You'll go through a lot of emotions before you settle.
You know where I am, lovely lady.
You're strong. You're beautiful. Do what feels right for you - not for him and no matter what anyone else thinks. There is no time limit or constraint to how you feel, or will feel. You'll go through a lot of emotions before you settle.
You know where I am, lovely lady.
Sex God
How can anybody not feel the way you felt after 30+ years :sad: I've nothing to add to what the other guys in this thread have said other than to contribute another voice in support for you. Lets hope that you get to a good place for you really soon Lucy :thumbup:
Sex God
Lucy
It will take time, go and have fun finding out what you want.
Airport runs are available.
It will take time, go and have fun finding out what you want.
Airport runs are available.
Sex God
Not got much to say on the subject really Lucy, other than i guess sometimes people change and if what they want it different to what they have then it's down to a choice of go and get it or spend your life thinking 'what if.....?'
As for you not being nice, i've only once had the pleasure of meeting you very briefly (at a Manchester much i think) you came across as someone who's totally lovely, friendly and worth spending time with.
As for being ugly, stop talking rubbish! I was a bit
hwoar: and a bit :lickface: definitley a bit :rascal: and with an overall feeling of :smitten: 
with just how beautiful, stunning, striking and classy you looked (i still don't believe you're over 35 :shock: ) and i won't even tell you what ideas popped into my head as you stood chatting to Lady Feebee 
Now is probably a good time to go with what your gut instinct tells you, be it time to yourself, just going out and having fun or maybe looking for someone new....only you can decide
As for you not being nice, i've only once had the pleasure of meeting you very briefly (at a Manchester much i think) you came across as someone who's totally lovely, friendly and worth spending time with.
As for being ugly, stop talking rubbish! I was a bit
hwoar: and a bit :lickface: definitley a bit :rascal: and with an overall feeling of :smitten: with just how beautiful, stunning, striking and classy you looked (i still don't believe you're over 35 :shock: ) and i won't even tell you what ideas popped into my head as you stood chatting to Lady Feebee Now is probably a good time to go with what your gut instinct tells you, be it time to yourself, just going out and having fun or maybe looking for someone new....only you can decide
Lucy, I'm sorry to hear things have not worked out for you. I was in the same boat almost 4 years ago. I got into a relationship fairly quickly after me and the ex hubby split but it just happened, there was no intention to do so. We lasted over 18 months and are still the best of friends.
Thing is, there's no right or wrong - everyone's different and you will do what you feel is right for you. Any outsider's opinion means shit - it's your life and you live it to please YOU not them. You'll know when things are right for you
Thing is, there's no right or wrong - everyone's different and you will do what you feel is right for you. Any outsider's opinion means shit - it's your life and you live it to please YOU not them. You'll know when things are right for you
Sex God
Lucy, divorce like so many things in life is a journey, some of us choose to take it, others like yourself have the journey thrust upon them.
How long it takes to complete that journey no one can truely answer as each journey is as unique as the individual that undertakes it. How you journey is entirely up to you, but whilst on your journey you will have the company of many friends, some here that I have seen, who wish you well and will keep your spirits high.
Good friends are a joy to have and a richness beyond compare.
Listen not to those you are judgemental of you for they walk not the same journey as you upon this earth.
Haveing not met you I can't help but wonder of what delights I have missed judging by the comments above.
How long it takes to complete that journey no one can truely answer as each journey is as unique as the individual that undertakes it. How you journey is entirely up to you, but whilst on your journey you will have the company of many friends, some here that I have seen, who wish you well and will keep your spirits high.
Good friends are a joy to have and a richness beyond compare.
Listen not to those you are judgemental of you for they walk not the same journey as you upon this earth.
Haveing not met you I can't help but wonder of what delights I have missed judging by the comments above.
Sex God
In my experience, this is always true:
And remember, "It's not me, it's you", is another true saying!!!
All the best xxx
Quote by lucyweebaps
it can be a blessing in disguise.
And remember, "It's not me, it's you", is another true saying!!!
All the best xxx
Having always called you the dollybird of SH and always been highly envious of you, not just cos you're so pretty, but cos you're so bluddy lovely on the inside as well......... is just isn't fair that you have both, and I shall continue with my envy
So you can safely have absolutely no worries about the person you are and the face/body you've got - jammy mare
It's just shite splitting up with someone
30 odd years is just plain awful to get your head around. Not only that, but to get used to being you in your own right rather than as one half of a couple is a journey in itself .......... but one worth taking. You've already got the basis, you're lovely, so get used to, and have faith in, who you are :kiss:
It does take time - but believe me, you WILL get there.... and you WILL be happy again. You may feel rather flat and kicked right in the teeth at the mo – but your personality won’t keep you there forever.
Just don’t rush things, don’t start thinking that you ‘should’ be feeling like this and you ‘should be doing that by now – Be you, work with you, enjoy being you, take things slow and notice little progressions within and around you :kiss:
I’m sorry this has happened to you – such a total sweetheart, it’s awful :(
:kiss:
So you can safely have absolutely no worries about the person you are and the face/body you've got - jammy mare
It's just shite splitting up with someone
30 odd years is just plain awful to get your head around. Not only that, but to get used to being you in your own right rather than as one half of a couple is a journey in itself .......... but one worth taking. You've already got the basis, you're lovely, so get used to, and have faith in, who you are :kiss:It does take time - but believe me, you WILL get there.... and you WILL be happy again. You may feel rather flat and kicked right in the teeth at the mo – but your personality won’t keep you there forever.
Just don’t rush things, don’t start thinking that you ‘should’ be feeling like this and you ‘should be doing that by now – Be you, work with you, enjoy being you, take things slow and notice little progressions within and around you :kiss:
I’m sorry this has happened to you – such a total sweetheart, it’s awful :(
:kiss:
Sex God
er cany shocked after knowing u 2 all these years but hey never think bad about your self hunni you are a very sexy lass and all we can say is its his loss. now hard to think but life goes on so dont wait about get on with your life , same thing happened to me then something comes along and it kicks off again i wadnt change what happened as my life got better and better and still does and i know it will for you to babe .xxxxxxxxxx
After 20 years of marriage I finally ended it, for no other reason than my own sanity. Being with the same person for so long is a bit of a comfort blanket and it was very scary out in the world i have to be honest. I had a year to myself, sorting myself out but also thinking in the back of my mind that it was all over for me now. I dont think there is any time limit to go by as we are all individuals and we know when the time is right to get out there again, self belief does take a bit of a knocking, mine certainly did, but you realise that people do like you for you and not just becuase you are soandso`s wife, or you`re that couple.
So i`d say take as long a you want, the world will still be there for you when you`re ready for it
So i`d say take as long a you want, the world will still be there for you when you`re ready for it
Sex God
Quote by Dawnie
I have only met you briefly but you are an attractive lovely lady :rose:
Ditto that here
for you Lucy... 
Sex God
Hey gorgeous
love and hugs from us two
xxxx
love and hugs from us two
xxxx
Sex God
I'm having some difficulty assimilating this.
One of the most gorgeous, brightest ladies here..... and this!
Just rest assured that there's plenty of people here who know what a beautiful special person you are!!
:bighugs:
This is not an interlectual post!!!
.
One of the most gorgeous, brightest ladies here..... and this!
Just rest assured that there's plenty of people here who know what a beautiful special person you are!!
:bighugs:
This is not an interlectual post!!!
.
Sex God
Quote by westerross
This is not an interlectual post!!!
No change there :mrgreen:
*end of hyjack*
Sex God
:therethere:LG. x x x
Hello Lucy....unlike many of your other correspondents in these replies I have not met you, or know anything of you, but all the others speak in glowing terms of your looks and personality, so my instinct is to say just 'put it about' (in the way thats suits you) and start enjoying the fruits of admiration! I have never really understood why long-lasting relationships break up so easily, and looking for reasons often pulls up a nil return, but that perhaps is one of our human weaknesses, the impulsive need to do something daft!! So, please be encouraged, go out there and sock it to 'em!! Good luck.
Quote by laterunner
Hello Lucy....unlike many of your other correspondents in these replies I have not met you, or know anything of you, but all the others speak in glowing terms of your looks and personality, so my instinct is to say just 'put it about' (in the way thats suits you) and start enjoying the fruits of admiration! I have never really understood why long-lasting relationships break up so easily, and looking for reasons often pulls up a nil return, but that perhaps is one of our human weaknesses, the impulsive need to do something daft!! So, please be encouraged, go out there and sock it to 'em!! Good luck.
Bluddy ell laterunner
Talk about a 'lump in your throat' post - made me well up you have!!
