Pretentious Couples

27 Oct 2006

Quote by cu3b4ll
In defence of what I wrote, in my opinion it was a brave post. I was attempting to point out that posts from couples are not always written by couples.

I know what you mean and agree - I can think of a post not too long ago which was having more than just a dig at single male behaviour and yes, it was written by a male

27 Oct 2006

Quote by cu3b4ll
Hi wirralguy24 - :welcome: to the Cafe! It's a brave post - well done! :thumbup:
Just to clarify: I'm part of a couple - but I'm the only one who posts here - so any advice/comments/crap is all my own work and in no way reflects the opinion of Mrs C. I don't know if other couples critique each others work before submitting it but we don't.
However, I know Mrs C would agree with everything I say (and I have her permission to say so ;-) )

shame its all bollocks!
why are you defending what you say on these forums?
In defence of what I wrote, in my opinion it was a brave post. I was attempting to point out that posts from couples are not always written by couples.
Forum:
A public meeting or assembly for open discussion. A general discussion area for a free exchange of ideas, thoughts, and comments.
In edit: Am I missing the irony of your pretentious post? dunno

well i'm sure you don't always sit down as a couple when your on here we certainly don't....but why should you have to explain yourself to someone wether you are writing as a couple at times or not....almost as if you agree with what he has said.

27 Oct 2006

Quote by EagerSlut
Some people just seem to enjoy putting others down. It's not clever and it's very easy to do in a place like this. Just ignore it

of course you'd never post anything without knowing all the facts would you! :wink:

27 Oct 2006

Hi All,
Thank you for your posts on thids subject (sensible I must say!!!!).
Just a couple of points:
1. I can see both sides of the argument: that there are a lot of single males out there who are time wasters - but I'm sure if you took it as a percentage the percentage would be similar with couples and single females.
2. There are pretentious people other than couples in th forums, just, again as a percentage, there seem to be more couples that act like this in the forums.

27 Oct 2006

Quote by wirralguy24
Hi All,
Thank you for your posts on thids subject (sensible I must say!!!!).
Just a couple of points:
1. I can see both sides of the argument: that there are a lot of single males out there who are time wasters - but I'm sure if you took it as a percentage the percentage would be similar with couples and single females.
2. There are pretentious people other than couples in th forums, just, again as a percentage, there seem to be more couples that act like this in the forums.

based on what?
show me this percentage?
i would not have had a problem with your thread if it had just been titled pretentious people instead!

27 Oct 2006

Hi,
Got to agree that it is a forum thing. People can opine anonymously and that makes it easier to take a swipe at what bugs you, rip the shit or even bully those involved. Most forums are best avoided but it is necessary to join some if you want to learn and be part of something...like SH.
Then of course you become curious enough to ask a question that you need to learn and understand, a little something that falls out of the edges of SH or questions the basis of beliefs "serious swingers" have. The hackles rise, then normal politeness ends and once there is blood, the sharks come zooming in......
The injured party is not only the poster of the question but an answer to it that explains and educates. Most people can't be arsed to explain or want to be seen as clever as a previous responder said.
Keep chipping away with the questions and one day someone might answer!
Shay

27 Oct 2006

Quote by shayz1
Hi,
Got to agree that it is a forum thing. People can opine anonymously and that makes it easier to take a swipe at what bugs you, rip the shit or even bully those involved. Most forums are best avoided but it is necessary to join some if you want to learn and be part of something...like SH.
Then of course you become curious enough to ask a question that you need to learn and understand, a little something that falls out of the edges of SH or questions the basis of beliefs "serious swingers" have. The hackles rise, then normal politeness ends and once there is blood, the sharks come zooming in......
The injured party is not only the poster of the question but an answer to it that explains and educates. Most people can't be arsed to explain or want to be seen as clever as a previous responder said.
Keep chipping away with the questions and one day someone might answer!
Shay

I can see by your profile why you may feel agreaved at some of the threads but is that anyones elses concern? People have a choice - nobody is forced to ask questions or be a member. However I must say I don't agree with bulying in any respect.
But it's not just newbies or guys that get picked up on things. Just yesterday I was questioned about my profile and comment in the forum by another member.
Did I run away crying or wait my chance to make a negative comment? rolleyes

In Edit - Although sometimes people (not just men) can be given a bit of a rough ride when they first start posting I've learnt that's more to do with how you respond to their initial banter. When I first joined I wanted to leave - several times to be honest. Like most people I asked questions that have been asked a 1000 times and made numerous other irritating errors.
Imagine the forum as a community like a group of people in a pub - if you walk up to them and act like a twat people are going to take the piss. If you handle it in a good natured way then fair play and you'll get more chances - if you stomp off in a huff or act like a twat again you will be told so.

27 Oct 2006

Quote by PoloLady
Hi All,
I have been reading the forums now for a few months. What has sprung to my attention is why do a lot of the couples seems to think that they are some sort of superior beings? Offering advice, casting aspertions and being generally condescending to other people on the site (mainly single guys).
This is not a moan or a complaint from a single guy just an observation and a question?

I think you'll find that was me lol

:lol: :lol: and I am not a couple wink

no change there then hun :wink: :rose: :scared: bolt

27 Oct 2006

Quote by sercher01
Hi All,
I have been reading the forums now for a few months. What has sprung to my attention is why do a lot of the couples seems to think that they are some sort of superior beings? Offering advice, casting aspertions and being generally condescending to other people on the site (mainly single guys).
This is not a moan or a complaint from a single guy just an observation and a question?

I think you'll find that was me lol

:lol: :lol: and I am not a couple wink

no change there then hun :wink: :rose: :scared: bolt

I wish you would stop following me around - it is starting to get obvious :roll:

27 Oct 2006

Quote by wirralguy24
Hi All,
I have been reading the forums now for a few months. What has sprung to my attention is why do a lot of the couples seems to think that they are some sort of superior beings? Offering advice, casting aspertions and being generally condescending to other people on the site (mainly single guys).
This is not a moan or a complaint from a single guy just an observation and a question?

I'm a male half of a couple and yes I do all of the above lol

The way I look at things is life is too short to pretend to be nice, if someone pisses me off or I dislike someone or I have an opinion I spit it out as simple as that. It's got sod all with being part of a couple it's the way I am. As a child I got into more playground fights than I can remember as I simply spoke my mind if I didn't like someone or a situation I said so simple as that. Not really being condescending more so honest. What would you rather have someone who lies to make people feel good and to fit in or someone who you know where you stand with them ?
One more thing to add just because it's the male posting it may not always be only his views, beleave it or not couples do comunicate with one another and just because one user I,D puts a point across it may the views of 2 or more people

27 Oct 2006

Quote by PoloLady
Hi All,
I have been reading the forums now for a few months. What has sprung to my attention is why do a lot of the couples seems to think that they are some sort of superior beings? Offering advice, casting aspertions and being generally condescending to other people on the site (mainly single guys).
This is not a moan or a complaint from a single guy just an observation and a question?

I think you'll find that was me lol

:lol: :lol: and I am not a couple wink

no change there then hun :wink: :rose: :scared: bolt

I wish you would stop following me around - it is starting to get obvious :roll:
:roll: redface

:inlove: :rose:
:taz: :silly: rotflmao

27 Oct 2006

Quote by da69ve
Don't worry Wirral, whoever moans/complains/objects/raises an issue/ there's always someone who will appear from nowhere to back you up.

so do you think any do gooders and bleeding hearts are going to come out in defence for us poor couples?
mrs kensington yes
mums curtains no rolleyes

27 Oct 2006

Quote by wirralguy24
Hi All,
I have been reading the forums now for a few months. What has sprung to my attention is why do a lot of the couples seems to think that they are some sort of superior beings? Offering advice, casting aspertions and being generally condescending to other people on the site (mainly single guys).
This is not a moan or a complaint from a single guy just an observation and a question?

Because they sometimes take this and themselves a tad too seriously! and its not just single guys, even if you are a couple... and you're not in the zzzzzz "click" then you can often get ostrocised also!.

28 Oct 2006

Quote by louise_and_joe
Hi All,
I have been reading the forums now for a few months. What has sprung to my attention is why do a lot of the couples seems to think that they are some sort of superior beings? Offering advice, casting aspertions and being generally condescending to other people on the site (mainly single guys).
This is not a moan or a complaint from a single guy just an observation and a question?

I think that your very wrong for saying that its just couples that do this. From what i can see everyone has their fair share of nit picking at some point. I dont think that couples see themselves as superior beings at all, maybe that is just the thoughts that you have in your mind. Then again that is only my opinion, likewise you have yours. Offering advice, i think thats what most people post here to get, and as for casting aspertions and being condescending, do as i do i just ignore it. You cant really get to tied up with all the things that are said in this forum. Some quotes are taken out of context, some are encoded(mean more to some than others) and some are just general statements. So all you can do is take each post with a pinch of salt and carry on to the next. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion whether we agree with them or not.
Louise xx
What you said Louise! :thumbup:

28 Oct 2006

In as much as there are 'timewasting' singles out there in cyberland using the site, there just as many couples who, no matter how they apply themselves, seem more or less certain to choose such singles out of the many hundreds of replies they get.
Generally I think neither has the right to complain about the other. rolleyes

28 Oct 2006

Quote by jaymar
Because they sometimes take this and themselves a tad too seriously! and its not just single guys, even if you are a couple... and you're not in the zzzzzz "click" then you can often get ostrocised also!.

Oooooo the 'c' word - not heard that one for a while rolleyes

:sleeping:

28 Oct 2006

Well MartellNotts reminds me on many, many occasions that this isnt real ............................. no really :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: ............................ I come here to talk bollox and take part in banter and being offended is part of the banter................fact............... If I put a comment up then the world wide web is entitled to respond !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! If I dont like the comments to my comment its up to me to say so, go off and cry or take it on the chin or just stop posting lol.
This is not as much as we like to say it the 'Local Pub'. It is an internet forum with groups who are forming, norming ,storming and performing many many times a day so why wouldnt there be disagreements ?????????????????????
Now personal attacks are different and that can only be when people know each other personally and are making digs about their own agendas. I will comment on those but sorry, people who havent met in real life who are offended by comments on here ................... why? surely we are all brave enough to put our views up?
Now me and MartellNotts did have a disagreement about comments he put up about smoking. I thought he came across as pompous and arrogant and I told him that. His response is that he feels really strongly about smoking and he is entitled to his opinion and wont be swayed by the 'norms' to fit into the middle of the road view. He did see my point of view and I respect his too. he wasnt attacking anyone personally just voicing his opinions.
This site isnt clicky it can seem it when we go into 'norm' mode. The 'clicks' change as much as the general posters on a daily, weekly, monthly basis. I dont post as much as I used to and I could give a shopping list of people I miss posting on here but I wont.
So all be brave, post your views and opinions, dont personally attack and remember its not real................................................honest lol

:lol: :lol:

28 Oct 2006

The first thing i thought when i saw the title was "troll alert" and "here comes another whinge"
but seriously, i don't think it is a case of pretentious couples or pretentious singles... it is just a case of pretentious people full stop.... and i don't think that it occurs here any more or less than it happens on any others website that i use....

28 Oct 2006

Quote by jaymar
Hi All,
I have been reading the forums now for a few months. What has sprung to my attention is why do a lot of the couples seems to think that they are some sort of superior beings? Offering advice, casting aspertions and being generally condescending to other people on the site (mainly single guys).
This is not a moan or a complaint from a single guy just an observation and a question?

Because they sometimes take this and themselves a tad too seriously! and its not just single guys, even if you are a couple... and you're not in the zzzzzz "click" then you can often get ostrocised also!.
I am guessing this is an observation rather than something you feel through personal experience. I am guessing that as I have just had a peep at your 10 posts .... in particular the first and second post you ever made.
It can seem daunting when it looks like everyone knows each other already, but the truth of the matter is quite a lot of people don't really know each other at all, only what they have posted - I haven't a clue who half these people are lol

We just become familiar with the people (male/female/single/couple) who type the things we read on here. The more people type the more they become familiar - that happens on all forums and in many other walks of life. Think about starting a new job.
Cliques are more than just familiarity - they occur more where people all really do know each other in RL and become a closed circle of friends who constantly use private 'in-jokes' for banter - banter you couldnâ€™t possibly join in with just by reading the forum posts.
It is unavoidable that people who have been here a while will develop feelings of familiarity over time through posting and reading posts - so again whilst new it can seem that you are standing on the outside looking in... we have all been there.
Just keep doing what you have been doing and sooner or later you will find yourself on the inside .... and looking for a way out again :lol: :lol: :lol:

28 Oct 2006

Quote by Freckledbird

Because they sometimes take this and themselves a tad too seriously! and its not just single guys, even if you are a couple... and you're not in the zzzzzz "click" then you can often get ostrocised also!.

Oooooo the 'c' word - not heard that one for a while rolleyes

:sleeping:
I rest my case. But, I'm right tho' in a way aren't I?, speaking for my hubby and I, we are dead friendly with everyone, but... because we will not conform with the 'clicks', then we can often be 'picked on' unnecessarily (ie., threatened with being booted whereby the popular ones would be laughed out etc etc, this was just one example). Life is too short for all these barnies and opinionated people don't you think? :sparring:

28 Oct 2006

Quote by fabio grooverider
The first thing i thought when i saw the title was "troll alert" and "here comes another whinge"
but seriously, i don't think it is a case of pretentious couples or pretentious singles... it is just a case of pretentious people full stop.... and i don't think that it occurs here any more or less than it happens on any others website that i use....

You are so very right there! smile

28 Oct 2006

Quote by jaymar
I rest my case. But, I'm right tho' in a way aren't I?, speaking for my hubby and I, we are dead friendly with everyone, but... because we will not conform with the 'clicks', then we can often be 'picked on' unnecessarily (ie., threatened with being booted whereby the popular ones would be laughed out etc etc, this was just one example). Life is too short for all these barnies and opinionated people don't you think? :sparring:

You might want to rest your case with the chip on your shoulder.
People who do not post often on the forum, perceive it as being clicky - always have and always will. The analogy often used is that of walking up to a group of people who already know one another - you wouldn't just expect to fit in without any effort, or trying to find out something about them, would you?
However, I very much doubt that you will be threatened with being booted because you refuse to conform. To be honest, I can't find anything that would indicate you've been threatened in such a way, after any of your (so far) 12 posts.

28 Oct 2006

think a lot of people find it hard to see what some peoples humer is to and take it the wrong way ,being booted that is being refered to chatroom ,we find this is due to the fact that some cpls and single either just sit there saying nowt at all or end up trying to break the ice by whispering get told off then sit and winge ,it aint clicky its just a lot of peeps already know each other ,you would not go to a pub for the first time speak to no one then its clicky ,just join in dont sit back and the rest will come.

28 Oct 2006

Quote by jaymar
I rest my case. But, I'm right tho' in a way aren't I?, speaking for my hubby and I, we are dead friendly with everyone, but... because we will not conform with the 'clicks', then we can often be 'picked on' unnecessarily (ie., threatened with being booted whereby the popular ones would be laughed out etc etc, this was just one example). Life is too short for all these barnies and opinionated people don't you think? :sparring:

Do ya know what? I was going to write a serious answer about the alleged clique and how I agree withsome at times when they raise the subject but to be honest I'm grumpy fagless, tired. and since you ended your post with an emoticon that signified you were trying to provoke people all I have to say is.........................
If ya don't like the forum don't fookin post in it lol

28 Oct 2006

Quote by Freckledbird

I rest my case. But, I'm right tho' in a way aren't I?, speaking for my hubby and I, we are dead friendly with everyone, but... because we will not conform with the 'clicks', then we can often be 'picked on' unnecessarily (ie., threatened with being booted whereby the popular ones would be laughed out etc etc, this was just one example). Life is too short for all these barnies and opinionated people don't you think? :sparring:

You might want to rest your case with the chip on your shoulder.
People who do not post often on the forum, perceive it as being clicky - always have and always will. The analogy often used is that of walking up to a group of people who already know one another - you wouldn't just expect to fit in without any effort, or trying to find out something about them, would you?
However, I very much doubt that you will be threatened with being booted because you refuse to conform. To be honest, I can't find anything that would indicate you've been threatened in such a way, after any of your (so far) 12 posts.
Sorry Frecklebird, I think we are at crossed purposes here. I was actually agreeing with you not disagreeing with you. My initial reply was to support WirralGuy in that (in our experience of the chatroom and not the forum) people can come across pretentious. I agreed but you are right I don't know much about the forum I've only just started posting (hence your acknowledgment of my small amount of posts), I have always been to quiet to post before. Was Wirral actually only talking about the Forum people? Are these two seperate things, I'm completely lost now, but in any event there was nothing toward you whatsoever. As for the threatened to be booted, I was talking in relevance to a server chatroom where I was constantly being told off for swearing (when I wasn't) but that's not really important here.

28 Oct 2006

Quote by sheddy

I rest my case. But, I'm right tho' in a way aren't I?, speaking for my hubby and I, we are dead friendly with everyone, but... because we will not conform with the 'clicks', then we can often be 'picked on' unnecessarily (ie., threatened with being booted whereby the popular ones would be laughed out etc etc, this was just one example). Life is too short for all these barnies and opinionated people don't you think? :sparring:

Do ya know what? I was going to write a serious answer about the alleged clique and how I agree withsome at times when they raise the subject but to be honest I'm grumpy fagless, tired. and since you ended your post with an emoticon that signified you were trying to provoke people all I have to say is.........................
If ya don't like the forum don't fookin post in it lol

Ooops, I thought that was a 'barny' emoticon for the life is too short to have rows bit... maybe I'm not very good at this posting malarky

28 Oct 2006

Quote by PoloLady
Hi All,
I have been reading the forums now for a few months. What has sprung to my attention is why do a lot of the couples seems to think that they are some sort of superior beings? Offering advice, casting aspertions and being generally condescending to other people on the site (mainly single guys).
This is not a moan or a complaint from a single guy just an observation and a question?

Because they sometimes take this and themselves a tad too seriously! and its not just single guys, even if you are a couple... and you're not in the zzzzzz "click" then you can often get ostrocised also!.
I am guessing this is an observation rather than something you feel through personal experience. I am guessing that as I have just had a peep at your 10 posts .... in particular the first and second post you ever made.
It can seem daunting when it looks like everyone knows each other already, but the truth of the matter is quite a lot of people don't really know each other at all, only what they have posted - I haven't a clue who half these people are lol

We just become familiar with the people (male/female/single/couple) who type the things we read on here. The more people type the more they become familiar - that happens on all forums and in many other walks of life. Think about starting a new job.
Cliques are more than just familiarity - they occur more where people all really do know each other in RL and become a closed circle of friends who constantly use private 'in-jokes' for banter - banter you couldnâ€™t possibly join in with just by reading the forum posts.
It is unavoidable that people who have been here a while will develop feelings of familiarity over time through posting and reading posts - so again whilst new it can seem that you are standing on the outside looking in... we have all been there.
Just keep doing what you have been doing and sooner or later you will find yourself on the inside .... and looking for a way out again :lol: :lol: :lol:
I totally agree with you, my downfall has been to stick up for Wirral Guy who incidently has disappeared lol... I'll just clarify, not everyone is clique, not everyone is pretentious, but in my experience, we have met a few. Maybe I've explained myself wrong. I was trying to get across that it can sometimes happen and unfortunately when it does its not fair on the people (who are often quite shy and not as forward as others), but what I do know is (and I have met them also).. that there are a massive bunch of nice people also.

28 Oct 2006

Quote by jaymar

I rest my case. But, I'm right tho' in a way aren't I?, speaking for my hubby and I, we are dead friendly with everyone, but... because we will not conform with the 'clicks', then we can often be 'picked on' unnecessarily (ie., threatened with being booted whereby the popular ones would be laughed out etc etc, this was just one example). Life is too short for all these barnies and opinionated people don't you think? :sparring:

Do ya know what? I was going to write a serious answer about the alleged clique and how I agree withsome at times when they raise the subject but to be honest I'm grumpy fagless, tired. and since you ended your post with an emoticon that signified you were trying to provoke people all I have to say is.........................
If ya don't like the forum don't fookin post in it lol

Ooops, I thought that was a 'barny' emoticon for the life is too short to have rows bit... maybe I'm not very good at this posting malarkydont think any ones saying you aint good at posting bit,it is a forum to say what you think ,but there will be people who dont agree with others so sit back and a think what they are saying ,mind you a lot of people in chat dont even get in here so dont really get known so end up in chat not joining in so wont be known ,so its good to do both things jaymar it opens up a new world being in both,you will find let are a lot of meets munchs and a lot of socials,there was a few in north east recently if you keep looking ,we in here like a few in north east chat like to come in for a natter a bit piss take ,ie the other day we were all chatting about something or nowt and a single male came back with" ffs is this a swing ing site or a chatroom" thats the sort of people we cant be arsed with if you get our drift , any keep posting and you will get known. :lol:

28 Oct 2006

Quote by northeastcoupleuk
think a lot of people find it hard to see what some peoples humer is to and take it the wrong way ,being booted that is being refered to chatroom ,we find this is due to the fact that some cpls and single either just sit there saying nowt at all or end up trying to break the ice by whispering get told off then sit and winge ,it aint clicky its just a lot of peeps already know each other ,you would not go to a pub for the first time speak to no one then its clicky ,just join in dont sit back and the rest will come.

We quite often go in and just chat privately with friends tho so it would seem we are sitting saying nothing when we actually are not so I would agree with you there, also, our computer has been acting up really badly and we are finding that we are 'locked' in and have to reboot. Another thing is that my hubby is absolutely hopeless at typing, he uses one finger.. sometimes we log in see if some is there and then end up chatting on MSN with them, quite often we are still showing as being in the room when we are not, its a shame the idle sign couldn't come on automatically after so long. Anyway, we have always been friendly and have made some great friends, but I have to say, recent events and certain people who I'll not name have made things difficult because of certain reasons. I don't know who gets told off and whispers because we don't whisper (well I don't anyway) and if hub does its only because he cannot keep up with the main room. A few of the comments I have made are prob. based on hearsay, my trouble is that I stick up for people who are too frightened to themselves and have been scared away from the chatroom because of other people (not us by the way).

28 Oct 2006

Quote by jaymar
speaking for my hubby and I, we are dead friendly with everyone, but... because we will not conform with the 'clicks', then we can often be 'picked on' unnecessarily (ie., threatened with being booted whereby the popular ones would be laughed out etc etc, this was just one example).

i have just gone through your posts and cannot find any evidence of this happening,you seem to have joined in without any kind of trouble,apart from this thread where you were agreeing with the original poster....but again i couldn't find any proof of this happening to you in these forums....