this is not me but a friend(true this time) anyway he got with her about 3 years back and took on her kids,all was well,well everything was perfect,then another kid comes along(his) and all is still perfect,then a fallout over nothing occurs between his mum and his partner,his partner stops his mum n dad(the new kids grandparents ) from seeing their 1-2 year old only grandchild and stops him from taking her round their house,he is in bits about this and it shows believe me. he wants out of the relationship after witnessing such cruelty,is he right or should he stay and be dictated to?
How recent was this falling out? It's possibly just a knee-jerk reaction by his partner (albeit a wrong one) and she is getting at the Grandparents in the only way she effectively can. What she is doing is wrong and I would advise your mate to stand up to her and bloody well say so! He should not be dictated too at all, maybe if he explains how he is feeling she may come around ? It's never right using children against people and I hope for all concerned that this gets sorted. Minx x x
hello biwelsh,,,it was about 4 month ago now and his partner has still kept it says to me that he dont feel like a man no more cos he is told he cant take his own daughter round her grandmas,i know how he must feel but have never been in such a position and niether do i know anyone who has!!
Quote by robbie_rob hello biwelsh,,,it was about 4 month ago now and his partner has still kept it says to me that he dont feel like a man no more cos he is told he cant take his own daughter round her grandmas,i know how he must feel but have never been in such a position and niether do i know anyone who has!!
Oh dear I appreciate that you can't go into detail but was the row really over nothing or do you think your mate mightt be playing it up a bit? I only ask because if it was all going well, maybe there is an underlying problem ? Minx x x
speaking from experiance my ex did the same to stopped me seeing my kids over something trivial the best advice i can give to your friend is to leave her because if she can do it once she will do it again only next time it could be him she stops them seeing
Some very harsh replies here coming from people who don't know the full circumstances of what actually happened, although I’m not going to comment as such I have picked up on a few things, firstly you said that your friend took on her kids and everything was perfect, did the grandparents? Then another kid comes along (your friends) does the grandparents take more interest? Do they treat their own grandchild different from your friend’s stepchildren and is it very obvious? I’m just asking this as your wording makes me believe they only want to see their own grandchild, surely your friends step children see his mother and father as their grandparents too? I understand the grandparents have a right to see their grandchild, but your friend did take her children on and they also have the right to be treated as equal, I also think the grandparents should treat them all as equals too and should be wanting them all round visiting not just the one, they are all kids after all and none of them are at fault. As I said this might not be the case its just what I’ve picked up on within your wording. And it would be nice to here otherwise from yourself, but I don’t think anyone can actually comment on this without hearing the full story never mind telling him to leave her or worse.
sounds to me like your mates missus is a right royal bitch........ how dare she deny that child the love of its grandparents. :x :x :x :x :x :x :x :x :x :x
OK, my two penneth worth. Firstly, if the falling out had nothing to do with the grandparents- then yes, he has to stand up to her. If he sets a precedent now & lets himself fall into the doormat role then thats what he'll always be. However, this trivial falling out..were the grandparents actually involved? My in laws (her in particular) did everything in her power to undermine me as a mum and turn my eldest against me. She made up lies about the way I treated my daughter, said I was an unfit mother and had rejected my daughter when she was born. The last one was the worst, and it didn't actually transpire that she'd been spreading this bull until recently. A month or so after giving birth, I got glandular Fever and was Mr W was away on the lorries & mother in law came up to help look after the baby. 15 years later, time and her twisted mind turned the truth into hes version- that I rejected my baby instantly & she had to take care of her for the first week of her life. They had come to stay that week- but for the first 5 days I was in hospital FFS- so her warped mind was in overdrive! Can you imagine the hurt that would have caused my daughter if she had beieved it? Obviously nothing like this may have happened- but if this woman has had her parenting undermined, and then perhaps her fella has not supported her, it could go some way to explaining her actions. Just as not all parents are good ones- the same goes for Grandparents. I do hope that its more simple & resolveable though!
the grandparents(from what ive seen) have totally embraced the other kids and no special treatment is given,the other kids ARE allowed to visit the grandparents and still do(their choice) i know that what is happening now is ruining things for the other kids too as its made it a very strange situation for the grandparents i.e seeing a lot of the kids that are'nt biologically their grandkids but not being able to have their son and his own kid round(sounds harsh i.e other kids but this was never an issue before but has now been made into one by the kids mother) it winds me up and is costing me a lot of time and money on the phone (not that i mind ) i say he has to sack her or be treated as a doormat forever,a precedent will be set from which there will be no going back.
You say it was a fallout over 'nothing', but sometimes things that seem very trivial to others can be extremely hurtful and seem very important to others. Your friends partner may have been very deeply distressed by what happened. Having said that, using the child as a weapon is NOT the answer. The child has done nothing wrong, and is suffering the loss of the grandparents through no fault of it's own. I can understand your friends anger over this, but leaving really should be the last resort. Not only will that make fighting his corner far more difficult, but ALL of the children will suffer the loss of their Dad. My suggestion would be to try to work things out calmly with his partner. To sit down and talk about why she was so upset, why she is denying the child it's grandparents, and what she thinks needs to be done to make things right again. You said everything was perfect before this upset, so surely perfection is worth fighting for?
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