MrsFC : ooohh!! your cock looks just like his
Me : :D
MrsFC : Although you're not as ugly
Me :shock:
MrsFC : Because he is ugly
So have you ever tried to pay somebody a compliment but turned it into an insult ?
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Putting foot in it
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Sex God
Oh dear,
MrsFC IMO MrFC is quite cute
:giggle:
MrsFC IMO MrFC is quite cute
:giggle:
Master of Sex
I did once ask a woman (and I meant it genuinely) "When's the baby due?" and she glared at me and said "I'm not pregnant". :doh:
Quote by byron
I did once ask a woman (and I meant it genuinely) "When's the baby due?" and she glared at me and said "I'm not pregnant". :doh:
Been there done that... got a mouthful of abuse too... On the London underground Central Line!
Now I stare at them like some demented pervert trying to make sure they are pregnant before I give up my seat...
:shock: Then I still get a whack in the face with a handbag!
ops: :doh: ffs you just cant win!
Master of Sex
Quote by Robin Prince of Thieves
I did once ask a woman (and I meant it genuinely) "When's the baby due?" and she glared at me and said "I'm not pregnant". :doh:
hahahahahah - priceless
:D :DShe avoids me now. Can't think why.
Not going to go down well this but here it goes..........
<<<< Stand's faces the group and admits
My names Sheddy and I used to wrong name for the wrong person recently :shock: In my defence I was asleep and had just been woken up by the phone ringing and other things were playing on my mind. But non the less I felt a right twat I'm shite with names at the best of times and have been known to call people I know well by completely unconected (to me or them) random names and each time I do it I want the earth to swallow me up. I mean ffs if I can't get someones name right who you are holding a conversation with what does it say about me 
<<<< Stand's faces the group and admits
My names Sheddy and I used to wrong name for the wrong person recently :shock: In my defence I was asleep and had just been woken up by the phone ringing and other things were playing on my mind. But non the less I felt a right twat
I'm shite with names at the best of times and have been known to call people I know well by completely unconected (to me or them) random names and each time I do it I want the earth to swallow me up. I mean ffs if I can't get someones name right who you are holding a conversation with what does it say about me 
Sex God
my mom regularly calls me by the dogs name, after 30+ years you think she could get it right more often 
Quote by byron
I did once ask a woman (and I meant it genuinely) "When's the baby due?" and she glared at me and said "I'm not pregnant". :doh:
I actually did that to an ex workmate. I called over to see her one day and said when she opened the door 'Haven't you had that baby yet?' just as I saw her hubby come to the door with a rather cute but sleeping 3 week old baby boy.
exit Sassy stage right
Master of Sex
Quote by meat2pleaseu
my mom regularly calls me by the dogs name, after 30+ years you think she could get it right more often
There's one way to resolve this: I'll throw a stick and see what you do.
Well I was at a small party friends house, I fancied the knickers off her best friend, but she had a girlfriend so I kept my thoughts to myself. Anyway after everone had left we were messing around on the sofa and we started to get carried away.
To cut a long story short, just as I pulled this girls top off I said her best friends name!!!! :shock: We both just froze and she just looked at me, got up off the sofa put her top on and went to her bedrrom. We didn't talk about it again - but I did end up living with her best friend for two years.
That has got to be the single most cringeworthy moment of my life.
To cut a long story short, just as I pulled this girls top off I said her best friends name!!!! :shock: We both just froze and she just looked at me, got up off the sofa put her top on and went to her bedrrom. We didn't talk about it again - but I did end up living with her best friend for two years.
That has got to be the single most cringeworthy moment of my life.
Someone I know told me a good one…
His company had a new MD appointed, who happened to have a Vietnamese wife (who was a good few years younger and was absolutely gorgeous). The rumours started to rapidly spread that she was a mail-order bride.
Anyway, they had a team building thing where wives and partners could attend a social event in the evening. Mrs MD arrived looking super-hot. Some new up and coming sales executive leant over to the guy next to him at the bar and said “I bet you don’t find many like that on ebayâ€. The man next to him replied “Yes, my wife is one in a wasyour job?â€
:grin:
His company had a new MD appointed, who happened to have a Vietnamese wife (who was a good few years younger and was absolutely gorgeous). The rumours started to rapidly spread that she was a mail-order bride.
Anyway, they had a team building thing where wives and partners could attend a social event in the evening. Mrs MD arrived looking super-hot. Some new up and coming sales executive leant over to the guy next to him at the bar and said “I bet you don’t find many like that on ebayâ€. The man next to him replied “Yes, my wife is one in a wasyour job?â€
:grin:
Sex God
Quote by meat2pleaseu
my mom regularly calls me by the dogs name, after 30+ years you think she could get it right more often
thats an " indiana jones" thing meaty :shock:
aparentley the dogs name was " indiana"
Quote by MrFC
So There we are me and MrsFC with some wine and watching smut
MrsFC : ooohh!! your cock looks just like his
Me : :D
MrsFC : Although you're not as ugly
Me :shock:
MrsFC : Because he is ugly
So have you ever tried to pay somebody a compliment but turned it into an insult ?
Did i miss somat there :? :?
She says you have the cock of a pornstar and your better looking than said pornstar :? :?
EH????
Quote by makaveli69
So There we are me and MrsFC with some wine and watching smut
MrsFC : ooohh!! your cock looks just like his
Me : :D
MrsFC : Although you're not as ugly
Me :shock:
MrsFC : Because he is ugly
So have you ever tried to pay somebody a compliment but turned it into an insult ?
Did i miss somat there :? :?
She says you have the cock of a pornstar and your better looking than said pornstar :? :?
EH????
I thought it was just me who was trying to see where the insult is.
Quote by Abilene
So There we are me and MrsFC with some wine and watching smut
MrsFC : ooohh!! your cock looks just like his
Me : :D
MrsFC : Although you're not as ugly
Me :shock:
MrsFC : Because he is ugly
So have you ever tried to pay somebody a compliment but turned it into an insult ?
Did i miss somat there :? :?
She says you have the cock of a pornstar and your better looking than said pornstar :? :?
EH????
I thought it was just me who was trying to see where the insult is.
Sex God
Quote by Dawnie
Oh dear,
MrsFC IMO MrFC is quite cute
:giggle:
No, he is very cute me thinks :rascal:
:blink: I know what I meant ladies :giggle: it just came out all wrong :giggle: :giggle: ..................not like me at all really................ ops: Quote by sercher01
my mom regularly calls me by the dogs name, after 30+ years you think she could get it right more often
thats an " indiana jones" thing meaty :shock:
aparentley the dogs name was " indiana"
No, what happened was Meaty's Mum took one look at Meaty as a baby and said 'bloody hell, he's a bit ruff' :? :giggle:
Sex God
and would you like a bit of ruff Sassy? :rascal:
Warming the Bed
As best man at my bro`s wedding a few yrs back, I started off my speech by welcoming xxxx to the family , and said how much we were all looking forward to seeing her in Reader`s wives.
Only person who laughed was my Dad ops: :oops:
Only person who laughed was my Dad
ops: :oops: whilst i didnt actually pit my foot in it this was very embarressing:
myself and my manager at the time where doing a stock count he was lying on the floor counting items we kept in the cupboard whilst i was on the till. we were both making crude comments too each other ( very crude actually) when we heard a cough, looked up to find our area manager and his boss standing there glaring at us ......
funnily enough no longer working for that company now
Lou xx
myself and my manager at the time where doing a stock count he was lying on the floor counting items we kept in the cupboard whilst i was on the till. we were both making crude comments too each other ( very crude actually) when we heard a cough, looked up to find our area manager and his boss standing there glaring at us
......funnily enough no longer working for that company now
Lou xx
Sexlightened
About 15 years ago I was talking to the neighbour over the back fence, and as I like to turn the wick up on the hi-fi I wanted to check that when I used Volume 11 it wasn’t audible in their house. I tried to ask “Can you hear the music when I crank the volume up?â€, but mid-sentence decided to change “crank†for “whack the volume upâ€. Unfortunately it came out as “Can you hear it when I wank… errrr, whack the volume up?â€
Even longer ago I walked into a shop and instead of asking the kid behind the counter “Do you sell…â€, I managed to ask “Do you smell…â€
I though of something else well embarrassing when I was dozing off in bed last night, but I can’t remember what it was. I’ll post it later if I remember.
Even longer ago I walked into a shop and instead of asking the kid behind the counter “Do you sell…â€, I managed to ask “Do you smell…â€
I though of something else well embarrassing when I was dozing off in bed last night, but I can’t remember what it was. I’ll post it later if I remember.