"PAH....It's just a fleshwound."
"come back and fight you coward. I can still give you a nasty bite on the ankle!"
Whats so special about the cheese maker's (in a posh womans voice)
I don't think they are specificly reffering to cheese maker's but all manufacturers of dairy products..(in a posh mans voice)
stones sir!!
no there lying all over the place....not like these sir! feel the quality of that..craftmanship
sir........uhm, alright then i'll have 2 with points, an' 1 flat one
can i have a flat 1 mum.............erm i mean dad
oh..alright.....i'll have 2 with points, 2 flat ones and a bag of gravel
soph n nige
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sing 3 is the magic number
Which film fad the bit with the upper crust twits race in it?
The one where they're revving up thier sports cars and struggling with bra straps.
hi easy
it could have been the the circus series...yep just found it on DVD....its were they are all running stupidly round that field.....falling over.....and then trying to put bra's on dummies...lol
soph n nige
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sing 3 is the magic number
Some of my personal favorites:-
Oh no! not the comfy chair!
No-one expects the spanish inquisition!
And the latin lesson in Life of Brian - "Romans go home"
Pretty much love the lot especially the original TV series & The Life of Brian.
to all above
The Beard will be black and huge and the eyes, they be red with the blood of living creatures? And the Whore of Babylon shall ride forth on a bed of excitement and throughout the lands there will be a greeeeeeeeat rubbing of parts.
nige n soph
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sing 3 is the magic number
Just because some moistened tart gives you a scimitar is no basis for a system of government
Soon followed by
Come see the violence inherent in the system. Help,. help, I'm being oppressed.
-Have I got a big nose Mum?
-Stop thinking about sex.
-I wasn't.
-You're always on about it - "Will the girls like this, will the girls like that, is it too big, is it too small?
Mike.
We are the knights that go NI!
classic
- I'm not the Messiah! Will you please listen? I am not the Messiah, do you understand? Honestly!
- Only the true Messiah denies His divinity.
- What? Well, what sort of chance does that give me? All right! I AM the Messiah!
- He is! He is the Messiah!
- Now fuck off!
(Silence)
- How shall we fuck off O Lord?
mike.
Spare a talent for an old ex-leper, sir.
Did you say -- ex-leper?
That's right, sir. (he salutes) ... sixteen years behind the bell, and proud of it, thank you sir.
What happened?
I was cured, sir.
Cured?
Yes sir, a bloody miracle, sir. Bless you.
Who cured you?
Jesus did. I was hopping along, when suddenly he comes and cures me. One minute I'm a leper with a trade, next moment me livelihood's gone. Not so much as a by your leave. Look. I'm not saying that being a leper was a bowl of cherries. But it was a living. I mean, you try waving muscular suntanned limbs in people's faces demanding compassion. It's a bloody disaster.
You could go and get yourself a decent job, couldn't you?
Look, sir, my family has been in begging six generations. I'm not about to become a goat-herd, just because some long-haired conjuror starts mucking about.
What - has nobody quoted the Medical Love Song?
Inflammation of the foreskin reminds me of your smile
I've had ballanital chancroids for quite a little while
I gave my heart to NSU that lovely night in June
I ache for you my darling, and I hope you get well soon
My clapped-out genitalia is not so bad for me
As the complete and utter failure every time I try to pee
My doctor says my buboes are the worst he's ever seen
My scrotum's painted orange and my balls are turning green
My heart is very tender though the parts are awful raw
You might have been infected but you never were a bore
I'm dying of your love, my love, I'm your spirochaetal clown
I've left my body to science but I'm afraid they've turned it down
My penile warts your herpes, my syphilitic sores
Your moenelial infection, how I miss you more and more
Your knobs itch my scrumpox, our lovely gonorrhoea
At least we both were lying when we said that we were clear
Our syphilic kisses sealed the secret of our tryst
You gave me scrotal pustules with a quick flick of your wrist
Your trichovaginitis sent shivers down my spine
I got snail tracks in my anus when your spirochaetes met mine
Gonoccalurethritis, streptocalbalinitis,
Meningo myelitis, diplococcal cephalitis,
Epididymitis interstitial keratitis,
Syphilitic choroiditis and anterior uveitis.
"There shall in that time be rumours of things going astray, erm, and there shall be a great confusion as to where things really are, and nobody will really know where lieth those little things with the sort of raffia-work base, that has an attachment. At that time, a friend shall lose his friend's hammer, and the young shall not know where lieth the things possessed by their fathers, that their fathers put there only just the night before, about eight o'clock."
Mike
cruxifiction party......cruxifiction party....... wait for it..attention...by the left quick march
Everytime those bloody Catholics have sex they have to have a child.
But we have two children dear and we have had ...
But that's not the point.
we'll take the foreplay as read, if you don't mind, dear.
Let me come with you, Pontiuth. I may be of thome athithtanthe if there ith a thudden crithith!
Mike
Thou shalt throw the holy hand grenade on the count of three. Three shalt be the number of the count, and the count shalt number three. The count shalt not be two, unless thou then progress immediately to three. Four shalt not be the number, nor shall it be five. And six is right out as well.
and my personal favorite.... MY BRAIN HURTS!!!!!
JUDEAN PEOPLES FRONT??? We're the Peoples Front of Judea!
What happened to the Popular Peoples Front?
He's over there
SPLITTER!!!!
how about this 1 with Mr. Creosote....
Waiter: "but its only a thin little wafer."
Mr. Creosote: "fuck off! i cant eat another bite!"