"Do the ads really work?" . . . . . a solution . .

25 Apr 2005

my fellow members,
it has come to my attention once again of late, that there might just be a bit of an issue at times with the whole "Do the ads really work" question, and the overwhelming number of replies certain people are receiving, which they simply can't deal with.
it seems to me that the law of averages says, if some people are completely snowed under with replies, and having to book all their shags six months in advance, then others must be . . well . . . slightly less snowed under, and might well have the odd free weekend coming up sometime soon. this is obviously not a very efficient use of resources, and there might just be ways to tighten up on the whole distribution of shags thingie, in a michael howard kinda way! namely, i believe i can drastically cut the amount of emailing, and still deliver much better results for all concerned! biggrin

so . . . i have a cunning plan! once upon a time, Jiggle drew up an SH calendar, and very good it was too, but he didn't go quite far enough! you need a radical like me to come up with radical solutions, and i've yet again discovered it! what i propose to do, is act as an intermediary kinda matchmaker type person, whereby all those one line emails come directly to me. this will obviously free up everyone's inboxes for a start, and you'll once again be free to read all your spam and buy penis enlargers and dodgy pharmaceuticals without fear of 200 emails from would be sexual partners. :D
then, and this is the clever bit, i'm gonna spend several days putting together some kind of ginormous calendar on my bedroom wall, and give every single member their own column. this will obviously take me a while, and i'll need to nip out for a 6 foot ruler and lots of different coloured marker pens, but i'm not busy this week, so it should be ok.
anyways, whenever a member emails me wanting to book in a shag, i take a quick peek to see who might be free, and if there's a near enough kinda match, i can book both parties in, and bob's your uncle. if any further requests come in, i know immediately that they aren't available that day, and simply book them in for the next available slot. for those who really are shagging like rabbits every weekend from now till the end of time, i'll have several understudies on stand by, and this way, pretty much every member will be guaranteed of shagging every other member at least once over the next few years!
i'm sure you'll agree, this is very much the way forward! :bounce:
neilinleeds

25 Apr 2005

Quote by neilinleeds
my fellow members,
it has come to my attention once again of late, that there might just be a bit of an issue at times with the whole "Do the ads really work" question, and the overwhelming number of replies certain people are receiving, which they simply can't deal with.
it seems to me that the law of averages says, if some people are completely snowed under with replies, and having to book all their shags six months in advance, then others must be . . well . . . slightly less snowed under, and might well have the odd free weekend coming up sometime soon. this is obviously not a very efficient use of resources, and there might just be ways to tighten up on the whole distribution of shags thingie, in a michael howard kinda way! namely, i believe i can drastically cut the amount of emailing, and still deliver much better results for all concerned!
so . . . i have a cunning plan! once upon a time, Jiggle drew up an SH calendar, and very good it was too, but he didn't go quite far enough! you need a radical like me to come up with radical solutions, and i've yet again discovered it! what i propose to do, is act as an intermediary kinda matchmaker type person, whereby all those one line emails come directly to me. this will obviously free up everyone's inboxes for a start, and you'll once again be free to read all your spam and buy penis enlargers and dodgy pharmaceuticals without fear of 200 emails from would be sexual partners. :D
then, and this is the clever bit, i'm gonna spend several days putting together some kind of ginormous calendar on my bedroom wall, and give every single member their own column. this will obviously take me a while, and i'll need to nip out for a 6 foot ruler and lots of different coloured marker pens, but i'm not busy this week, so it should be ok.
anyways, whenever a member emails me wanting to book in a shag, i take a quick peek to see who might be free, and if there's a near enough kinda match, i can book both parties in, and bob's your uncle. if any further requests come in, i know immediately that they aren't available that day, and simply book them in for the next available slot. for those who really are shagging like rabbits every weekend from now till the end of time, i'll have several understudies on stand by, and this way, pretty much every member will be guaranteed of shagging every other member at least once over the next few years!
i'm sure you'll agree, this is very much the way forward! :bounce:
neilinleeds

You wish :lol2:
Not a bad idea though,I wanna nick it :evil2:

25 Apr 2005

you're not busy this week and THAT is how you want to spend your time???
so that's what the north is like...hmmm...Emmerdale just lies to me!

25 Apr 2005

Quote by ockysweeties
you're not busy this week and THAT is how you want to spend your time???
so that's what the north is like...hmmm...Emmerdale just lies to me!

well i'm nothing if not helpful and completely selfless mrs ocky! :smug: lol

and yup emmerdale is a true picture of the north, honest. rolleyes

all green fields and sheep where i live, which is good, cos they help camouflage all the closed pits and slag heaps and canals! confused

:lol:
n x x x ;)

25 Apr 2005

Quote by neilinleeds
my fellow members,
it has come to my attention once again of late, that there might just be a bit of an issue at times with the whole "Do the ads really work" question, and the overwhelming number of replies certain people are receiving, which they simply can't deal with.
it seems to me that the law of averages says, if some people are completely snowed under with replies, and having to book all their shags six months in advance, then others must be . . well . . . slightly less snowed under, and might well have the odd free weekend coming up sometime soon. this is obviously not a very efficient use of resources, and there might just be ways to tighten up on the whole distribution of shags thingie, in a michael howard kinda way! namely, i believe i can drastically cut the amount of emailing, and still deliver much better results for all concerned!
so . . . i have a cunning plan! once upon a time, Jiggle drew up an SH calendar, and very good it was too, but he didn't go quite far enough! you need a radical like me to come up with radical solutions, and i've yet again discovered it! what i propose to do, is act as an intermediary kinda matchmaker type person, whereby all those one line emails come directly to me. this will obviously free up everyone's inboxes for a start, and you'll once again be free to read all your spam and buy penis enlargers and dodgy pharmaceuticals without fear of 200 emails from would be sexual partners. :D
then, and this is the clever bit, i'm gonna spend several days putting together some kind of ginormous calendar on my bedroom wall, and give every single member their own column. this will obviously take me a while, and i'll need to nip out for a 6 foot ruler and lots of different coloured marker pens, but i'm not busy this week, so it should be ok.
anyways, whenever a member emails me wanting to book in a shag, i take a quick peek to see who might be free, and if there's a near enough kinda match, i can book both parties in, and bob's your uncle. if any further requests come in, i know immediately that they aren't available that day, and simply book them in for the next available slot. for those who really are shagging like rabbits every weekend from now till the end of time, i'll have several understudies on stand by, and this way, pretty much every member will be guaranteed of shagging every other member at least once over the next few years!
i'm sure you'll agree, this is very much the way forward! :bounce:
neilinleeds

And you're doing this for free?? :shock:
:D

25 Apr 2005

Quote by Scandal
Why don't we just all send Neil our car keys, he can put them in a bag and pick them out in pairs. Be a bit like the FA Cup draw, we can all sit round and listen to RadioSH and then have the post draw analysis -
"Dya think that's a good match?"
"Yeah, I can't wait, we're really up for this one"
"This is the big one, it may go to extra time and even a replay"
:lol: :lol:

:rotflmao: :rotflmao:
i like it, i like it A LOT! save me ages drawing 20000 boxes on me bedroom wall that will! ok all car keys to PO Box neilinleeds, knottingley, west yorkshire, and we'll take it from there. be sure to enclose a stamped addressed envelope though. i'm not made o' money ya know! :lol2:
n x x x :P

25 Apr 2005

this is all such a good idea , once s/h radio is up and running we could have comentary of the s/h match of the day live , results at pm saturday, and next weeks fixtures pm`d to all members . Cant wait for s/h telly to arrive biggrin

25 Apr 2005

Quote by Scandal
Why don't we just all send Neil our car keys, he can put them in a bag and pick them out in pairs. Be a bit like the FA Cup draw, we can all sit round and listen to RadioSH and then have the post draw analysis -
"Dya think that's a good match?"
"Yeah, I can't wait, we're really up for this one"
"This is the big one, it may go to extra time and even a replay"
:lol: :lol:

Knowing my luck, I'd end up with an AA Box.
bloody Duncan Ferguson grrrr

25 Apr 2005

we don't have a car... can we give you our bike lock keys instead? biggrin

25 Apr 2005

What a ridiculous idea! , post ads , get replies and actualy meet up for sex!!! mad! mad! mad! mad! never work. I placed my ad to get information on how I can buy cheap pharmacutical products and enlage my penis by sending company xyz $1 and maybe to be offered some incredible financial deal that entails no capital outlay and no work on my part! .... So in a short time , when I am filthy rich and have 20" dong , who needs to advertise ? I could be so rich , I would not have to even go to the effort of doing sex myself as I could employ people to have sex on a frachise basis for me ! .....then e-mail me to tell me if I enjoyed it or not ! ( ps If my fantastic plan is infact proved by the expert SH forum debunkers as more of my crap talk, please put me down for a fixture next saturday afternoon and advise if I am playing home or away.

25 Apr 2005

Quote by ockysweeties
we don't have a car... can we give you our bike lock keys instead?

ah yeah! a good point well made. that's quite a big flaw, and obviously i wouldn't want to miss anyone out. specially me, seeing as how i don't drive either! :doh:
ok . . . i've got it now . . . i'm gonna buy one of these . . .

. . . . and 20000 ping pong balls, which i'll number with a magic marker. then using the list of SH members, i'll simply draw 2 balls at a time ((( please stop laughing. it wasn't an innuendo rolleyes

))) or 3 or 4 balls if you're into that kinda thing, then every weekend, i'll post 'em all in a huge excel spreadsheet, so we all know where we are. then like horny red and dino said, we'll have the final scores, and update some kind of league table for the score draws and stuff.
that's most definitely the plan now. ta for the help. :D
neil x x x ;)

25 Apr 2005

Neil,
I've got about 500 one liners in my email box from blokes you are welcome to, what's your email address again?

25 Apr 2005

Quote by bigDewi69
And you're doing this for free?? :shock:

Oh you poor naive innocent lad :therethere: You have no idea the kind of things Neilnolongerinleeds will do for free. :shock: :gagged:
Sarah, he can have my one line wanna shag pms too, and the ones from that other site we invaded, the fishy one....
Can we punish neil if he gets the match wrong? :rascal:

25 Apr 2005

Excellent Neil. I'm going to dig in the ads section for our ads, up date them in the hope we get loads of replies to forward to you.
Can you leave our balls in one weekend a month though because I am going to need a weekend off wink

Just so I am clear, do we only get one ball as a couple don't we dunno

What colour are they and will some neutral be adjudicating during the ball pulling?
Dawn biggrin

25 Apr 2005

Damn the fact that I'm not advertising at the mo.... this balls thing sounds rather fun lol

25 Apr 2005

You only get matched with one other person at a time? :cry:

25 Apr 2005

Quote by neilinleeds
we don't have a car... can we give you our bike lock keys instead?

ah yeah! a good point well made. that's quite a big flaw, and obviously i wouldn't want to miss anyone out. specially me, seeing as how i don't drive either! :doh:
ok . . . i've got it now . . . i'm gonna buy one of these . . .

. . . . and 20000 ping pong balls, which i'll number with a magic marker. then using the list of SH members, i'll simply draw 2 balls at a time ((( please stop laughing. it wasn't an innuendo rolleyes

))) or 3 or 4 balls if you're into that kinda thing, then every weekend, i'll post 'em all in a huge excel spreadsheet, so we all know where we are. then like horny red and dino said, we'll have the final scores, and update some kind of league table for the score draws and stuff.
that's most definitely the plan now. ta for the help. :D
neil x x x ;)
can we trust you won't rig the selections???

25 Apr 2005

I guess the luck of the draw idea does not take sexual orientation into the equasion which might throw up some interesting combinations !

25 Apr 2005

I have had about 1 or maybe 2 in the past few months, hmm.

25 Apr 2005

now look you lot. and this means you dawn and peenut and mrs ocky and polo lady . . .
i go to all this bloody trouble, and you lot just pick bloody holes in the damn thing! sometimes i don't know why i bleedin' bother! mad

/flounces
oh . . . sorry i'm back now redface

. . . ok there's one or two teething problems admittedly, but with your help, we can finally make SH a proper swinging site. biggrin

ok . . . my latest idea, is to book Wembley Stadium once it's kinda half finished, stick up a few marquees on the pitch, lay on coaches from all over the country, and over a long weekend, hopefully every single one of our 20000 members will shag everyone else that way. the voyeurs among us can just watch from the terraces, and we can rig up some air compressors to the team baths for a kind of big jacuzzi type thing. i'll have St John's Ambulance Brigade on standby, in case of major injuries and red raw sore bits, and maybe we can nick their uniforms from time to time to spice things up. :twisted:
i think that will be much easier all round eh? dunno

neil x x x ;)

25 Apr 2005

Will this be during the week you have off? smile

25 Apr 2005

Quote by bigDewi69
Will this be during the week you have off?

Will the coaches have toilets?
Can you arrange a burger or pie van for half time?
Will the bar be open?
Will there be cheer leaders? Hmmmmm maybe Missy should be given the job of arranging those dunno

25 Apr 2005

........and where are we going to stick our name badges on the off chance we might want to arrange meetings with some people again?
Will someone be taking notes or what Neil?

25 Apr 2005

Quote by neilinleeds
.....over a long weekend, hopefully every single one of our 20000 members will shag everyone else......

I suggest you book it for a fortnight!!!
'Cos if all 20,000 members turn up, just how long do you think it will take for any one person to shag 10,000 people?
Allowing 2 minutes per shag it will take slightly under 14 days!!!
What a fortnight though?!!!
This is making some ludicrous assumptions such as :-
the membership is a 50-50 male/female split (some hope there, eh?),
that some of you greedy people will have to restrict yourselves to JUST doing all of the opposite sex,
and that I, errhhh, I mean and that the male will last for 2 minutes.
I'd also suggest that condoms be made from a fire retardant material and that you pre-book another 2 weeks off work afterwards to recover.

25 Apr 2005

Quote by Dawn_Mids
Will this be during the week you have off?

Will the coaches have toilets?
Can you arrange a burger or pie van for half time?
Will the bar be open?
Will there be cheer leaders? Hmmmmm maybe Missy should be given the job of arranging those dunno

right . . . Ian can do the pie van, cos he'll like that. might not be much food left for the rest of us though. rolleyes

cheerleaders? well Mrs Ocky might have time to train a few of you up in the whole pom pom shaking thing, though thinking about it, most of you ain't so bad on the pom pom thing, so maybe you can just join in if the mood takes you.
we won't be licensed, so it's a bring your own crate kinda thing, bit like partners. i could maybe arrange a fridge on the bus, but that's it.
Missy will be too busy hiding out in the team baths pretending she's scared, when really she's just perving all the naked blokes. :roll:
as for badges, i'll ask Ice Pie for some sticky ones, and Morbius can bring the duck tape in case they fall off. usual place . . . somewhere around the left breast will do.
right . . any more pigging questions or what FFS! :roll:
n x x x :P

25 Apr 2005

Quote by neilinleeds
right . . any more pigging questions or what FFS!
n x x x :P

I have several....
Like why do I not get picked on back when I pick on you?
Why do I not get pom pom shaking duties? sad

And ......
Do you fancy a wander Neil? ;) :twisted:

25 Apr 2005

Quote by little gem
I have several....
Like why do I not get picked on back when I pick on you?
Why do I not get pom pom shaking duties?
And ......
Do you fancy a wander Neil? ;) :twisted:

Gem you can shake your pom poms any time.
John
wink

25 Apr 2005

Quote by Horous

I have several....Like why do I not get picked on back when I pick on you?
Why do I not get pom pom shaking duties?

Gem you can shake your pom poms any time.
John
wink

:bounce: WoooooHooooo! biggrin

See, someone wants me! :P
<drags horous into the back room and shags him silly>

25 Apr 2005

Quote by neilinleeds
as for badges, i'll ask Ice Pie for some sticky ones, and Morbius can bring the duck tape in case they fall off. usual place . . . somewhere around the left breast will do.

but Neil I am allergic to sticky thingys on my body, I can't even have plasters so there is no way I am having Morbius anywhere near me with duck tape :shock:

Quote by neilinleeds
right . . any more pigging questions or what FFS!

Yes
Who is bringing towels?
How long do we have with each person/persons?
What happens if my time is up and I haven't cum yet :shock:
Can we have a bondage tent?
I think you should talk to PoloLady Neil, have you ever seen inside her handbag? :giggle:

25 Apr 2005

<Still breathless>
Course you are wanted Gem, I was looking forward to meeting you on Saturday.
What's this about a bondage Tent? And how can your time be up before you've cum?
John.