I have kept quiet until now..I wasn't sure how much input I wanted to put in here.....
I have enjoyed "loss of control" play to a certain extent and for me its because I tend to be quite dominant in my outside life that I like the idea of losing my power....
I have done it twice.....both with people I care about and trust totally and implicitly.....I would NEVER do it with someone that I didn't trust or had just met....
I think people have to be careful with this "loss of control" play....it can be dangerous if it gets out of control.....
But I DO agree that it is inappropriate for a chatroom....if you want a "loss of control" chatroom, there are some out there....but here is not the place....
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Rape fantasy!
just to butt in here. there are many survivors who don't make a noise or struggle but who are are also non consenting this is why discussion and clear understanding is important.
of course - I can only speak for me, and what my reactions would be. I understand that some women are terrified to the point of silence and submission, a form of self preservation I think. But I know how I'd react hence can make a clear distinction between the two.
Quote by Darkfire
just to butt in here. there are many survivors who don't make a noise or struggle but who are are also non consenting this is why discussion and clear understanding is important.
of course - I can only speak for me, and what my reactions would be. I understand that some women are terrified to the point of silence and submission, a form of self preservation I think. But I know how I'd react hence can make a clear distinction between the two.
As I mentioned before, a close friend who has been in this situation- and is one of the ballsiest people you could imagine had this to say on the topic recently.
I had ended up (a couple of weeks ago) in a very pressured, potentially dangerous situation with a guy who was pressuring me for sex. Long story short but my friend said to me "you would have shouted & fought wouldn't you?
I replied "obviously! Daft question really"
Her response was "good, because I didn't".
I dont think you can ever be sure unless it has happend to you.
Sex God
Quote by Kiss_Me
What makes a good (fantasy) ? I am not sure whether it is something that you can act - maybe I'm wrong? If you can't act it then, to do it, you must enjoy the 'abuse you are inflicting' on the rapee.
Interesting post Tune but I just wanted to ad my own comment to yours.
If the loss of control is mutual and sexually enjoyable for both people how can it be "inflicting abuse"?
That's why I put the words in quotes - to make it clear that it is not truly inflicting abuse but part of the fantasy. In a loss of control role play - one is controlled and one is controlling or, if you like, 'abusing'.
I'm not saying that both parties won't enjoy it. What I am saying that if you are the ' ' and you can only do it convincingly because you enjoy it - does it not worry you that you enjoy it? It is the motivation of the controlling party that I'm focusing in on here.
.
That's why I put the words in quotes - to make it clear that it is not truly inflicting abuse but part of the fantasy. In a loss of control role play - one is controlled and one is controlling or, if you like, 'abusing'.
I'm not saying that both parties won't enjoy it. What I am saying that if you are the ' ' and you can only do it convincingly because you enjoy it - does it not worry you that you enjoy it? It is the motivation of the controlling party that I'm focusing in on here.
as I put in an earlier post I certainly get pleasure from giving pleasure. The actual act that the recipient is gaining pleasure from is irrelevent (within limits) to limits are set by me and her when setting our boundaries.
My motives are to give pleasure and recieve pleasure. If I am termed the controlling party then I am clear about the nature of what I am doing. I do not bite or scratch anyone else that I have sex with. I wouldn't do it as a matter of course as it is not pleasurable for me in isolation, it came about because it was something she enjoyed.
I get pleasure from that.
:twisted:
I'm not saying that both parties won't enjoy it. What I am saying that if you are the ' ' and you can only do it convincingly because you enjoy it - does it not worry you that you enjoy it? It is the motivation of the controlling party that I'm focusing in on here.
as I put in an earlier post I certainly get pleasure from giving pleasure. The actual act that the recipient is gaining pleasure from is irrelevent (within limits) to limits are set by me and her when setting our boundaries.
My motives are to give pleasure and recieve pleasure. If I am termed the controlling party then I am clear about the nature of what I am doing. I do not bite or scratch anyone else that I have sex with. I wouldn't do it as a matter of course as it is not pleasurable for me in isolation, it came about because it was something she enjoyed.
I get pleasure from that.
:twisted:
Quote by westerross
I'm not saying that both parties won't enjoy it. What I am saying that if you are the ' ' and you can only do it convincingly because you enjoy it - does it not worry you that you enjoy it? It is the motivation of the controlling party that I'm focusing in on here.
.
Why the heck should I be worried? I enjoy being dominant at times, over somebody else who gets equal pleasure from submitting. It's about the intensity and trust that that person obviously feels to be able to have in you for them to 'submit' and allow their barriers completely down.
I am not a person who would ever get pleasure from seeing somebody actually suffer emotionally or physically – it has to be two way.
As we’ve all agreed as this is no actual real harm or suffering going on and it’s enjoyed by those who partake in the role-play why do you think I should be worried?
Another quick point and example – if I asked my gf to dress up and meet me in the local pub and she pretended to be a prostitute and I her customer and we play acted all evening. Would that mean that I would actually want to visit a prostitute in real life? (I can assure I would not!) or that my gf really wants to be one? What’s the difference?
I'm still intrigued as to why Tune thinks I should be worried!
I've never tried this in roleplay though it was high on my ex's list of fantasies. That said I can categorically say he would NEVER go out and do something like that for real. It's knowing the difference between the two that makes the fantasy an acceptable part of your sexlife. I would have given it a go too if we were still together but would never even consider it with someone I didn't know and trust implicitely.
It's not everyone's cup of tea the same as bondage or anal sex isn't. I see this type of fantasy as an extention of a bondage scenario, where the receiver is totally at the mercy of the giver. The same level of trust and awareness is needed for both as I see it.
It's not everyone's cup of tea the same as bondage or anal sex isn't. I see this type of fantasy as an extention of a bondage scenario, where the receiver is totally at the mercy of the giver. The same level of trust and awareness is needed for both as I see it.
Quote by winchwench
I dont think you can ever be sure unless it has happend to you.
It has. Or at least, he thought about it - no big drama before anyone starts - or this kills the thread altogether, i cant even say it was an attempt, because it was over before it even started. (i'm tempted to put some laughing emoticons in here to keep it lighthearted, but wont, because that would be distasteful - i hope you understand what I mean)
A few years back I was hassled by a bloke while walking (tottering ,. pissed up, in high heeled shoes) home from a night out, after exchanging the usual pleasantries (ie fuck off mate i'm not interested) he decided it was a good idea to attempt to drag me down an alleyway - and that's as far as he got. End of.
So although I know what you're saying Winchy and no, i havent truly been in that situation, I kinda do know how i'd react
- and I know Tania isnt here, but before anyone else says it, that experience has absolutely nothing to do with my enjoyment of loss of control fantasies. Quote by Kiss_Me
I'm not saying that both parties won't enjoy it. What I am saying that if you are the ' ' and you can only do it convincingly because you enjoy it - does it not worry you that you enjoy it? It is the motivation of the controlling party that I'm focusing in on here.
.
Why the heck should I be worried? I enjoy being dominant at times, over somebody else who gets equal pleasure from submitting. It's about the intensity and trust that that person obviously feels to be able to have in you for them to 'submit' and allow their barriers completely down.
I am not a person who would ever get pleasure from seeing somebody actually suffer emotionally or physically – it has to be two way.
As we’ve all agreed as this is no actual real harm or suffering going on and it’s enjoyed by those who partake in the role-play why do you think I should be worried?
Another quick point and example – if I asked my gf to dress up and meet me in the local pub and she pretended to be a prostitute and I her customer and we play acted all evening. Would that mean that I would actually want to visit a prostitute in real life? (I can assure I would not!) or that my gf really wants to be one? What’s the difference?
I'm still intrigued as to why Tune thinks I should be worried!
Quote by Kiss_Me
This whole thread worries me - I can't imagine even wanting to lose control. :shock: I trust Chris implicitly but I don't think I could even be submissive for him.
Each to their own FB! No need to worry is there?
Kiss- I think some confusion could have arisen here?
Hope it helps!
Sex God
Quote by winchwench
This whole thread worries me - I can't imagine even wanting to lose control. :shock: I trust Chris implicitly but I don't think I could even be submissive for him.
Each to their own FB! No need to worry is there?
Kiss- I think some confusion could have arisen here?
Hope it helps!
Sorry
Quote by winchwench
This whole thread worries me - I can't imagine even wanting to lose control. :shock: I trust Chris implicitly but I don't think I could even be submissive for him.
Each to their own FB! No need to worry is there?
Kiss- I think some confusion could have arisen here?
Hope it helps!
There wasn't any confusion honey - just an excuse for me to :kiss: FB!
:rascal:
xxx
Orgasminator
I once asked a guy I had met and became very friendly with to try out the scenario. He was willing to explore, as was I. But it got so real and my distress was so genuine that we had to call it off. He was very relieved when I asked him to stop as he was feeling lousy but hadn't wanted to disappoint me. It was OK to try this scenario because I proved once and for all to myself that it hadn't been my fault and that no matter what I could have done, I wouldn't have been able to avoid it.
Sex God
Quote by Kiss_Me
I'm not saying that both parties won't enjoy it. What I am saying that if you are the ' ' and you can only do it convincingly because you enjoy it - does it not worry you that you enjoy it? It is the motivation of the controlling party that I'm focusing in on here.
.
Why the heck should I be worried? I enjoy being dominant at times, over somebody else who gets equal pleasure from submitting. It's about the intensity and trust that that person obviously feels to be able to have in you for them to 'submit' and allow their barriers completely down.
I am not a person who would ever get pleasure from seeing somebody actually suffer emotionally or physically – it has to be two way.
As we’ve all agreed as this is no actual real harm or suffering going on and it’s enjoyed by those who partake in the role-play why do you think I should be worried?
Another quick point and example – if I asked my gf to dress up and meet me in the local pub and she pretended to be a prostitute and I her customer and we play acted all evening. Would that mean that I would actually want to visit a prostitute in real life? (I can assure I would not!) or that my gf really wants to be one? What’s the difference?
I'm still intrigued as to why Tune thinks I should be worried!
That's twisting my words. By posing the question, I was not suggesting anyone should feel guilty.
It was a genuine question as I've never participated in such a fantasy (not sure if light bondage is the same
). So I'm going on imagination here and I did wonder whether enjoying being a is entirely healthy. It is such an emotive subject that it is easy to slip into denial in my view.
It's clear that you think that's not an issue - so I've got your answer. I respect your right to your opinion (I think I probably agree with it) as I hope you respect my right to ask the question.
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My fb and I have talked about this. He knows it's one of my 'things' and therefore knows I get off on it, he enjoys that aspect of it - knowing that he's doing something that is fullfilling a fantasy for me. Does that mean that he's going to go out and become a ? No, the reason for him doing it was for me.
Is your point that someone may enjoy the ' ' aspect too much and try it for real? I can't answer that because I can only speak for myself and the experience that Nat and I had. However, the - or loss of control - is a fantasy/scenario I enjoyed, that does not mean that I am going to go out and put myself into a situation whereby it may happen for real.
H.x
Is your point that someone may enjoy the ' ' aspect too much and try it for real? I can't answer that because I can only speak for myself and the experience that Nat and I had. However, the - or loss of control - is a fantasy/scenario I enjoyed, that does not mean that I am going to go out and put myself into a situation whereby it may happen for real.
H.x
Quote by westerross
So I'm going on imagination here and I did wonder whether enjoying being a is entirely healthy. .
good point TE
this is the big grey area for me, and the main reason I'll say over and over again that this has to be with someone yuo know and trust. I dislike the chatroom idea because it is, imo, wide open to people (and in this sense I mean blokes) who enjoy taking control from strangers, with or without consent. There is always a chance that one of them enjoys, in the sinister sense, the idea of ' '. Lets face it, there's plenty of people who fit into the quick shag brigade category, we're not naive enough to think there arn't other 'types' of people out there! I assume that's what others have meant earlier in the thread by sending out mixed messages over loss of control fantasy.
I would have serious concerns about anyone who pm'd me as a result of this thread wanting to play out the scenario, but i have no concerns about the person I've actually experimented with this with
Sex God
Quote by H-x
Is your point that someone may enjoy the ' ' aspect too much and try it for real?
I guess that's the ultimate scenario I'm posing the question about. Thanks.
I can understand how emotive that might be and I'm really not trying to make anyone feel uncomfortable here. It's just something that occurred to me and is, I think, worthy of some dispassionate debate.
Although I guess the sort of dodgy characters Darkfire refers to are not the ones who will examine their motives in any case. So p'raps it wasn't worth bringing up!
.
Quote by westerross
Is your point that someone may enjoy the ' ' aspect too much and try it for real?
I guess that's the ultimate scenario I'm posing the question about. Thanks.
I can understand how emotive that might be and I'm really not trying to make anyone feel uncomfortable here. It's just something that occurred to me and is, I think, worthy of some dispassionate debate.
Although I guess the sort of dodgy characters Darkfire refers to are not the ones who will examine their motives in any case. So p'raps it wasn't worth bringing up!
.
Tune has made a good point.....the thought of acting out a scenario is disturbing enough as it is.......but to be the you must also get a thrill out of it as well by doing it...just saying it a fantasy isn't enough as a reason for me!
Quote by da69ve
Is your point that someone may enjoy the ' ' aspect too much and try it for real?
I guess that's the ultimate scenario I'm posing the question about. Thanks.
I can understand how emotive that might be and I'm really not trying to make anyone feel uncomfortable here. It's just something that occurred to me and is, I think, worthy of some dispassionate debate.
Although I guess the sort of dodgy characters Darkfire refers to are not the ones who will examine their motives in any case. So p'raps it wasn't worth bringing up!
.
Tune has made a good point.....the thought of acting out a scenario is disturbing enough as it is.......but to be the you must also get a thrill out of it as well by doing it...just saying it a fantasy isn't enough as a reason for me!
I don't think that anyone here has said that they had a fantasy about taking control as a " " .I for one would have an issue with someone sharing that as a fantasy with me. Indulging someone elses' fantasy and being the person who takes control within agreed limits is something else entirely.
I have said that I have been willing to bite and scratch when asked by a partner- (this is to an extreme level). This is not a normal sexual behaviour for me but as an aid to her enjoyment was something that I was willing to participate in. It was not something that I had ever fantasised about and is still not something that I think about with pleasure in isolation with anyone else. It is something that I was willing to do to get a (rather amazing :twisted: ) reaction from her. nothing more.
This is no different than those who are willing to be the " " in the fantasy we are talking about.
the aim of the game is pleasure between consenting adults with agreed limits/boundaries and outcomes.
Sex God
Is it my imagination, are women into this role play more than men. Is the percentage of women set against the percentage of men higher with regard to wishing to enter into this form of role play. It seems that the men taking part in this thread are far more reluctant than many of the women to actually take part..
Sex God
I am not so sure it was high, not have read this.
dunno
but reluctance to speak up or admit such fantasies might have something to do with it. Funny how there's not been one bloke post yet along those lines.... - its not the most socially acceptable of fantasies is it!
can you imagine what would happen if someone came into the thread and mis-worded his 'i have fantasies about a woman' (and yes, I know - that was deliberately mis-worded to make my point )
I know I have typed out and re-read/ edited my posts in here so many times, because it is so emotive and it only takes one misunderstanding to light the fire
but reluctance to speak up or admit such fantasies might have something to do with it. Funny how there's not been one bloke post yet along those lines.... - its not the most socially acceptable of fantasies is it!
can you imagine what would happen if someone came into the thread and mis-worded his 'i have fantasies about a woman' (and yes, I know - that was deliberately mis-worded to make my point
) I know I have typed out and re-read/ edited my posts in here so many times, because it is so emotive and it only takes one misunderstanding to light the fire
Quote by
Is it my imagination, are women into this role play more than men. Is the percentage of women set against the percentage of men higher with regard to wishing to enter into this form of role play. It seems that the men taking part in this thread are far more reluctant than many of the women to actually take part..
I am sure that this is something that is impossible to poll..... because the intimacies of peoples' sex lives are not up for discussion. I know that I would be willing to try anything with the right person and discussion. and you may notice that I am a woman :shock:
I think the reluctance on the part of the men in the forum is that this thread is about the fantasy and there are still many people on here who freely judge others without any right to. So openly admitting that it is something they have done or thought of, may have them all thinking that people will think that they are actually a who partakes in the activity with and without consent.
Sex God
Quote by splendid33
Is it my imagination, are women into this role play more than men. Is the percentage of women set against the percentage of men higher with regard to wishing to enter into this form of role play. It seems that the men taking part in this thread are far more reluctant than many of the women to actually take part..
I am sure that this is something that is impossible to poll..... because the intimacies of peoples' sex lives are not up for discussion. I know that I would be willing to try anything with the right person and discussion. and you may notice that I am a woman :shock:
I think the reluctance on the part of the men in the forum is that this thread is about the fantasy and there are still many people on here who freely judge others without any right to. So openly admitting that it is something they have done or thought of, may have them all thinking that people will think that they are actually a who partakes in the activity with and without consent.
Yes I know this is not scientific. I was surprised the way the thread had gone, and put my piont.
Quote by
Is it my imagination, are women into this role play more than men. Is the percentage of women set against the percentage of men higher with regard to wishing to enter into this form of role play. It seems that the men taking part in this thread are far more reluctant than many of the women to actually take part..
It may be because some women don't feel so 'bad' or 'guilty' talking about it or admitting it as a man might?
Is it more acceptable to say on here "I want to be controlled/taken over rather than openly saying I want to control a woman or have a woman pretend to fight me off?".
IN EDIT: Sorry Darkfire I was so busy typing and re-wording my own post I didn't see yours and have basically echoed what you have rightly said! :thumbup:
I know we have gone back to the word again but I still think it’s unclear (I maybe wrong of course) that what the people taking part in these scenarios are really doing and/or seeking!
My own perspective based on my own experiences would be that when two people, male or female, have talked to me about this fantasy it’s about lust, being desired and the control and loss of control. It’s about doing something in private that isn’t actual part of the ‘real world’ so to speak mainly because it's 100% consensual. It’s fantasy!
I have never met anybody that has said and meant “oooo yeah cry b*tch†or “I love it when you beg†because if I had I would be disturbed by it as I think that most people would.
Yes there are people out there who are aroused by peoples tears (another fetish all together!) and by causing people real harm – and I feel that this particular fantasy genre is getting lumped in with it. It’s entirely different.
My own perspective based on my own experiences would be that when two people, male or female, have talked to me about this fantasy it’s about lust, being desired and the control and loss of control. It’s about doing something in private that isn’t actual part of the ‘real world’ so to speak mainly because it's 100% consensual. It’s fantasy!
I have never met anybody that has said and meant “oooo yeah cry b*tch†or “I love it when you beg†because if I had I would be disturbed by it as I think that most people would.
Yes there are people out there who are aroused by peoples tears (another fetish all together!) and by causing people real harm – and I feel that this particular fantasy genre is getting lumped in with it. It’s entirely different.
Sex God
Yes, I fully take onboard the fact that it is Fantasy and that men may be reluctant to admit to their part in the fantasy for social reasons. Since there in no hard evidence, and no men willing to 'confess' to their part in such a fantasy we will not be able to go to deeply into the male side.
For myself, forcing or pretending to force is reserved for offenders not victims. Victims, real or imagined, it make no difference. This is purely a trait of my personality, other I am sure see the gap between real and fantasy differently.
For myself, forcing or pretending to force is reserved for offenders not victims. Victims, real or imagined, it make no difference. This is purely a trait of my personality, other I am sure see the gap between real and fantasy differently.
