Realisation

21 Dec 2006

I'm posting this as a topic here because i have something i need to get off my chest and doing it here seems like as good a place as any. I know i'll get some stick for doing this.
A while back i was going out with a great girl, she meant the world to me and we spent every moment together, in all the time we were dating we were never apart, I loved her to death. Then everything went wrong, things happened between me and her sister that tore the relationship apart, i lost her and I've regretted it everyday since. I spoke to her today for the first time in a very long time and i realised that its not the love of my life that i'm missing, she wasnt the love of my life, i was just young and in love, what i missed was even simplier than that, i missed the best thing that ever happened to me, i missed my best friend. Its taken three years for me to realise that. There has been so many times when things have started to go back to what they were, but everytime something has always gone wrong, now i realise that it all happened because we arent supposed to be together. Shes' my best friend, i'm supposed to be the guy that she calls in tears at 3am because her boyfriend has just dumped her, i'm supposed to be the guy that gives her flowers on valentimes day just because i want her to get something from a guy that loves her, i'm the guy who'll come and rescue her no matter how far shes fallen, i'm the guy thats meant to walk with her down the aisle on her wedding day- not the groom. I've wasted so much time, i'm sure everyone here has felt this way before.
I'm going to get a few nasty comments posted in this thread but i'm prepated for that, so go ahead, let me have them

21 Dec 2006

You betrayed her trust and shagged her sister? at a guess
In my book you dont do that to partners or best friends. Maybe you need to learn control? I think control is the issue not if the person is your girl frined or best friend.
Hope thats helpful.
Cheers

21 Dec 2006

Quote by tweeky
You betrayed her trust and shagged her sister? at a guess
In my book you dont do that to partners or best friends. Maybe you need to learn control? I think control is the issue not if the person is your girl frined or best friend.
Hope thats helpful.
Cheers

It was three years ago dear, so theres no real issue of control, ive changed. I didnt shag her sister, it didnt go that far. Alot of things came between us, such as her mother, her sister, her aunt, her father, my friends- everything really. Couldve got pretty nasty, but were still talking whichis the greatest part of it all

21 Dec 2006

Why do you think you have wasted time ? Because you have moved on from a sexual relationship into something much deeper ? You can't put a price on being the person who gets rung @ 3 in the morning! (Yes, we all know it's annoying-but we also know how much we mean to the person doing it!!).
"Shes' my best friend,"-in amongst the rest that's what stood out to me hun smile

Ok- so it messed up once and you haven't got back together since for one reason or another, maybe that's what you really want and friendship isn't enough ? Speaking from experience, the friendship is the best part of ANY relationship. Ok, so I am older and maybe a romantic lol-but most relationships (outside of family) start with friendship, and if you're lucky-like me- they end the same way.
It's hard being friends with someone we want more with, but hey-that's life and it's here for living. I believe in Fate/destiny whatever name you want to give it. If you're meant to be together you will. If not a true friendship is not to be overlooked/dismissed. It might be hard but you have to decide if you are man/woman enough to deal with it.
Don't sweat the things you haven't got/can't change (ie the small stuff) and be grateful for the things you have ;)
Minx x x

21 Dec 2006

Ahhh so you changed biggrin

did you learn control?
If everyones happy thats all that matters :D

21 Dec 2006

Quote by BiWelshMinx
Why do you think you have wasted time ? Because you have moved on from a sexual relationship into something much deeper ? You can't put a price on being the person who gets rung @ 3 in the morning! (Yes, we all know it's annoying-but we also know how much we mean to the person doing it!!).
"Shes' my best friend,"-in amongst the rest that's what stood out to me hun
Ok- so it messed up once and you haven't got back together since for one reason or another, maybe that's what you really want and friendship isn't enough ? Speaking from experience, the friendship is the best part of ANY relationship. Ok, so I am older and maybe a romantic lol-but most relationships (outside of family) start with friendship, and if you're lucky-like me- they end the same way.
It's hard being friends with someone we want more with, but hey-that's life and it's here for living. I believe in Fate/destiny whatever name you want to give it. If you're meant to be together you will. If not a true friendship is not to be overlooked/dismissed. It might be hard but you have to decide if you are man/woman enough to deal with it.
Don't sweat the things you haven't got/can't change (ie the small stuff) and be grateful for the things you have ;)
Minx x x

It was a long time ago that everything ended, but i do still have the scars, emotionally and physically (the hair on my lower legs grows oddly because i carved 14/12/2003 into it with a blunt needle) I hurt that girl alot, i made a hole in her family and things like that are hard to forgive, i know for a fact that her father will do some very nasty things to me if he ever seems me again. I messed up and i know that but that never stopped her coming back for me time and time again. She means the world to me but i guess i am too young to know the difference between the girl i want to marry and the one i want to watch get married.
I'm drunk right now i'm really going to regret all this

21 Dec 2006

You're still in communication with her so anything is possible in the future,whatever the rights and wrongs of the past!

21 Dec 2006

Quote by Drewxcore
Why do you think you have wasted time ? Because you have moved on from a sexual relationship into something much deeper ? You can't put a price on being the person who gets rung @ 3 in the morning! (Yes, we all know it's annoying-but we also know how much we mean to the person doing it!!).
"Shes' my best friend,"-in amongst the rest that's what stood out to me hun
Ok- so it messed up once and you haven't got back together since for one reason or another, maybe that's what you really want and friendship isn't enough ? Speaking from experience, the friendship is the best part of ANY relationship. Ok, so I am older and maybe a romantic lol-but most relationships (outside of family) start with friendship, and if you're lucky-like me- they end the same way.
It's hard being friends with someone we want more with, but hey-that's life and it's here for living. I believe in Fate/destiny whatever name you want to give it. If you're meant to be together you will. If not a true friendship is not to be overlooked/dismissed. It might be hard but you have to decide if you are man/woman enough to deal with it.
Don't sweat the things you haven't got/can't change (ie the small stuff) and be grateful for the things you have ;)
Minx x x

It was a long time ago that everything ended, but i do still have the scars, emotionally and physically (the hair on my lower legs grows oddly because i carved 14/12/2003 into it with a blunt needle) I hurt that girl alot, i made a hole in her family and things like that are hard to forgive, i know for a fact that her father will do some very nasty things to me if he ever seems me again. I messed up and i know that but that never stopped her coming back for me time and time again. She means the world to me but i guess i am too young to know the difference between the girl i want to marry and the one i want to watch get married.
I'm drunk right now i'm really going to regret all this
Well try not to dwell on it tonight then :) We all make mistakes, but life goes on ;)
We all get pissed and regret stuff too hun, such is life confused

Sleep well x

21 Dec 2006

My advice to you is to tell her how you feel, open your heart to her, if she throws it back at you well at least you know where you stand. If she takes it, then good luck with your future. True saying I suppose faint heart never won fair lady - something like that - good luck

21 Dec 2006

Quote by Drewxcore
She means the world to me but i guess i am too young to know the difference between the girl i want to marry and the one i want to watch get married.

There's a quote that this reminds me of (but I can't remember it properly right now) it's something like; A foolish man thinks he knows everything, whilst the intelligent man admits to not knowing everything.....
Know I know that I've quoted that totally wrong, but I think you get the gist of my meaning, and the fact that you can recognise that there is a difference in the two feelings you mention above show that you are getting nearer to finding the answer for yourself.
No one can ever answer questions for you, they can only advise you, listen to others advise, then go away and think things trough for yourself until you decide what it is that you want, and then you can take things forward from there....... biggrin

21 Dec 2006

A lot of families experience something like this round about the time when young adults are beginning to pair off and thinking of settling down for the happy ever after. Yours it not the worst story in the world so far.
Their family may have survived this and moved on. In the meantime you may be beating yourself up way beyond what is required at this stage. So you just have to keep growing out of it. cool

21 Dec 2006

Quote by BiWelshMinx
It's hard being friends with someone we want more with, but hey-that's life and it's here for living. I believe in Fate/destiny whatever name you want to give it. If you're meant to be together you will. If not a true friendship is not to be overlooked/dismissed. It might be hard but you have to decide if you are man/woman enough to deal with it.
Don't sweat the things you haven't got/can't change (ie the small stuff) and be grateful for the things you have ;)
Minx x x

Oh the wisdom of Minxy ( must have got her in a sober moment wink

)
I got 'involved' with my best mate but we decided to call an end to that side of things when we started getting too close ( it's complicated ) It's very very hard to see him on an almost daily basis as just friends, knowing we could rip each other's pants off at a moments notice but we have agreed that we have to keep it like this, for both our sakes.
It's been very hard to cope with at times and I could have taken the easy route and walked away, never seeing him again but that would mean losing my soulmate too. I love him to bits and our friendship is worth more than any shag, however good it is. Our relationship goes much deeper than any romance ever could and that means the world to me.
It will be hard to watch her go off with someone else but remember, partners come and go but best mates are for life. Be there for her, remind her how much you care and you'll always have her in your life kiss

23 Dec 2006

I think the main thing here is you have realised your mistakes... that is called growing up..
so you are doing ok by admitting this.. I think your thread is very admirable as you seem to have deep regrets and are discussing this with everyone xx

23 Dec 2006

Sounds like you have a really good friend in this woman Drew...
Thats worth all the tea in china...
I have one or two that I can call my good friends.......With whom I would trust my life...........My family's life..........
Be thankfull as they are worth more than anything else you have had or ever will have...

26 Dec 2006

The girl has been seeing a guy for two years and shes getting married, she kept it all secret for ages, she never told a soul, not even me.
Merry fucking christmas

26 Dec 2006

we all seem to have this ability to do stupid things its in our nature, im spending my first christmas away from my wife soon to be ex and my kids. i was concentrating so hard on making sure i did not end up like my parents and her parents and have affairs and get divorced, that i did not see mistakes i was making else where.
yes we both made mistakes but mine was bigger.
human nature is a bugger at times and theres never one right way to do things.

26 Dec 2006

Your 18...you were 15 then......i think its time to move on.......no don't she will or has,if you just leave her alone!.......how do you expect another relationship to work,if they get the feeling you'd rather be somewhere else!

26 Dec 2006

Quote by Drewxcore
The girl has been seeing a guy for two years and shes getting married, she kept it all secret for ages, she never told a soul, not even me.
Merry fucking christmas

so what......not really any of your business is it now considering !...your the last person who should be angry about it......just be happy that she is happy!

27 Dec 2006

I think the realisation here is that you should not have access to alcohol or blunt needles any time soon confused

27 Dec 2006

Quote by Drewxcore
Shes' my best friend, i'm supposed to be the guy that she calls in tears at 3am because her boyfriend has just dumped her, i'm supposed to be the guy that gives her flowers on valentimes day just because i want her to get something from a guy that loves her, i'm the guy who'll come and rescue her no matter how far shes fallen, i'm the guy thats meant to walk with her down the aisle on her wedding day- not the groom. I've wasted so much time, i'm sure everyone here has felt this way before.

Quote by Drewxcore
The girl has been seeing a guy for two years and shes getting married, she kept it all secret for ages, she never told a soul, not even me.
Merry fucking christmas

I've read this like you want to be number 1 in her life - but without the commitment or relationship type thing, because the instant you found out she already has a number 1, you got upset?
You said you want to be the one who picks her up when she's down, send her stuff on valentines day cos noone else loves her like you do ......... but once you found out that someone does love her, that she doesn't need sympathy, that she's moved on, you don't like it, you feel put out?
Maybe ask yourself what's in it for this woman, to allow you back into her life, even just as a 'best friend'.
1) You've already admitted to treating her badly in the past - how does she know you won't do it again, even on a 'friend' level? ...... You have to gain trust, acceptance and the presumption that your best friend will never hurt you. You lost that once, so even more difficult to get it back.
2) Is this new best friend worth all the hassle she would get from her family?
3) Is this ex boyfriend but new best friend worth all the hassle, questions and possible possiveness from the man she's going to marry, the man she loves and trusts, the number 1 in her life.
The list of a 'best friend' goes on and on and on - rarely spoken about, always just taken for granted. For example, I have what I would class as 3 'best friends', all of whom I've known since school age, but one of them I don't speak to from one year to the next. But I know, and she knows, that if ever ever ever either of us need anything, we would be there like a shot, no questions asked, same with the other two (although I'm in more contact with them). When we do see or speak to each other, its like it was only yesterday, we still know each others secrets, woes and happiness. Could you handle not being called or relied upon from one month to the next - after all, she's gonna be a busy newly wed.
Personally, from what I've read, I would say to you to back right off. Maybe let her know that if ever she needs anything, you'll be there for her, but that's it.

27 Dec 2006

Quote by Mr-Powers
Your 18...you were 15 then......i think its time to move on.......no don't she will or has,if you just leave her alone!.......how do you expect another relationship to work,if they get the feeling you'd rather be somewhere else!

I thought I was the only one thinking that!!
confused

15 is not the age to be having that kind of relationship, no matter what you think!
You were still a child at that age, and 18 is still very very young now, I'm not much older than you now (6 years, I'm 24) and I know how much I've changed in those 6 years!
It would have been a disaster if I'd got married and settled down with one of my first boyfriends, and no matter what you might say, I reckon the same would be the same for you!
I really have to say- get over yourself sunshine! you will laugh about this when you're 30 i reckon!
lol

................................ sits and awaits all the childhood sweethearts who've been together 40 years to come along and prove her wrong................