FACTS ABOUT CHUCK NORRIS:
Oxygen requires Chuck Norris to live.
Achilles was supposedly the greatest warrior of all time, but he died because of his weak spot, the Achilles tendon. There is no Chuck Norris tendon.
Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
Wilt Chamberlain once claimed to have sex with over 20,000 women during his lifetime. Chuck Norris calls that "a slow Tuesday".
A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured the man's blindness. Unfortunately, the first, last and only thing this man ever saw was a fatal roundhouse kick delivered by Chuck Norris.
They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take sh*t from anybody.
As a teen Chuck Norris impregnated every nun in a convent tucked away in the hills of Tuscany. Nine months later the nuns gave birth to the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated team in professional football history.
Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
The movie Anaconda was filmed in Chuck Norris' pants.
Outer Space exists because it is afraid to be on the same planet as Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris always has s*x on the first date. Always. The only time he
didn't was in 1941, otherwise known as the beginning of the Holocaust.
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris
allows to live.
Chuck Norris once walked down the street with a massive erection. There
were no survivors.
Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of
tennis.
When Chuck Norris was born, the nurse said, "Holy cr*p! That's Chuck
Norris!" Then she had had s*x with him. At that point, she was the third
girl he had slept with.
It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris likes to knit sweaters in his free time. And by "knit", I mean "kick", and by "sweaters", I mean "babies".
Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate an Indian.
Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.
Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.
Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.
According to Einstein's theory of relativity, Chuck Norris can actually roundhouse kick you yesterday.
A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris's fist.
When Chuck Norris was in middle school, his English teacher assigned an essay: "What is Courage?" Chuck Norris received an "A+" for writing only the words "Chuck Norris" and promptly turning in the paper.
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the
information he wants.
Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
There are no disabled people in the world. Only those people who have
felt the wrath of Chuck Norris.
Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related
deaths have increased 13,000 percent.
Chuck Norris does not have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway.
Chuck Norris took Mother Nature from behind. We refer to the event as the Big Bang.
Chuck Norris does not teabag the ladies. He potato-sacks them.
Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.
A recent poll discovered 93% of women think about Chuck Norris during sex. A similar poll discovered Chuck Norris thinks about Chuck Norris 100% of the time during sex.
Guns don't kill people, Chuck Norris kills people
Join the most popular community of UK swingers now
Login
Reasons why chuck norris is hard...
Sex God
yea, but i dare him to piss off my mom and survive :scared:
Orgasminator
Chuck Norris was a martial artist. He did a few films, which were all a bit, er rubbish 
Bruce Lee was / is the main man
I bet Chuck Norris couldn't reisist chewing a fruit pastel :lol:
I can think of a few ladies on here, far more scarey than Chuck Norris
Bruce Lee was / is the main man
I bet Chuck Norris couldn't reisist chewing a fruit pastel :lol:
I can think of a few ladies on here, far more scarey than Chuck Norris
Orgasminator
Quote by celestria
Chuck Norris was a martial artist. He did a few films, which were all a bit, er rubbish
Would you say that to his face if you could?
Er no :lol:
I just hope I can run faster than him :lol:
There again, he must be about 60, by now,
in fact is he still alive :?
Orgasminator
Ah hah, yup, I think he is still alive, good old google.
Here he is:
Here he is: