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Rejection

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How do we deal with it ???
i mean in the sense of you message a person and they give a simple 'no thanks' or even blank you without a reply..... do you just shrug it off or do you take it on board ??
what about when your in a club and your eyes roam to a 'fittie' do you have the balls (not literally) to approach that person and ask if they would like to play ??
ME personally, i hate rejection lol...............
i don't have the bottle to even write a message to a couple/fem/male that i would like to have mischeif with.... and the times that i have actually biten my tongue closed my eyes and wrote a message 30% of the time ive been rejected....
and well with clubs scenrio's i find a open room, just watching the porn.... play with myself and hope that the couple i wanted come waltzin into the room and if they don't hey i just fantasize about it redface
so i do wonder, does it blow your confidence or just make you stronger ?
lol...as a single guy...you take it as par for the course !!
Quote by deancannock
lol...as a single guy...you take it as par for the course !!

Thats a bingo!
Quote by Gurlonloan
and the times that i have actually biten my tongue closed my eyes and wrote a message 30% of the time ive been rejected....

1 in 3 failure? :shock: whats your secret as that sounds pretty good going! (i'll take a guess at it being down to you being young/fit/interested in women) lol
on here i don't have much of a failure rate as most of my approaches are to people i've been chatting with for ages, so i already have a fairly good idea of the outcome...the few times i've replied to adverts i've scored an impressive 100%........fail rate. it's a bit annoying and deflating for a moment but i get over it. I rarely hesitate when it comes to flirting, dropping hints or blatantly asking if someone is interesed when i'm on here, can't see the point as its sort of the raison d'etre of the site.
on another site that has a 'meet today' feature wink its been a total washout. i've been pissed so many times i feel like a toilet freshner block in a pub urinal...and i've pretty much given up on the whole thing. my profile even says 'if i'm not what you're after just say and i'll bugger off', so when you see a post for someone looking for a meet that day, you fit exactly what they're looking for, polite message, all the info they ask for (usually follwed by about asking for polite, non timewasters rolleyes).....you know where this is going dont'cha? so before it turns into one of those big 'why don't people reply' uber rants, i shall just say 'Grrrrrrr evil' and depart for a thread elsewhere bolt
Tis part n parcel ov the course Gurliiiiii. Everybody has different tastes and what may not be 'their cuppa tea' may well be somebody else's. So we smile dust ourselves off and carry on.
For me, rarely do i ever ask for anything, i'm ole fashioned and believe that if they are really interested and want to get to know you then they will ask. Yep i'm cheeky, but thats just me, and i have learned to wear a mask when needed.
Yep i fear rejection, who doesn't but it is the way you handle it that is the main key, remember everybody is different in what they want or require..........wat may not be right for them or you may well be right for the next person.
So chin up, take it on the chin and carry on smiling xxxxx
Quote by Gurlonloan
How do we deal with it ???
i mean in the sense of you message a person and they give a simple 'no thanks' or even blank you without a reply..... do you just shrug it off or do you take it on board ??
what about when your in a club and your eyes roam to a 'fittie' do you have the balls (not literally) to approach that person and ask if they would like to play ??
ME personally, i hate rejection lol...............
i don't have the bottle to even write a message to a couple/fem/male that i would like to have mischeif with.... and the times that i have actually biten my tongue closed my eyes and wrote a message 30% of the time ive been rejected....
and well with clubs scenrio's i find a open room, just watching the porn.... play with myself and hope that the couple i wanted come waltzin into the room and if they don't hey i just fantasize about it redface
so i do wonder, does it blow your confidence or just make you stronger ?

ffs gurl how long did you sit watching the porn ? and why did you not say you wanted us to join ya ? wink :wink:
i told you the meet & Greet woman in tescos was straight & not to ask her for a shag!!!
Also i wondered who i lent my porn DVDs to lol
On the topic in hand , you have to chat to people first to see if you have the same tastes or play the same , if you don`t then fair enough.
we have lots of friends who we chat to but have never played with , probably now we know them so well will never play. Find it easier to play then be friends if that makes sence
Hugs Gray
I think one of the reasons why I've constructed a very clear identity for myself is precisely to avoid rejection. The lack of fuzzy edges makes its easier to discriminate between those who would suit and those who would not suit, and that means I can turn 'rejection' into 'incompatibility' which is a much nicer concept.
I don't know if that helps, but I'll also say this. That idea didn't fall from the sky - it came from experiencing rejection, and not liking it. Fearing rejection is pretty much universal at some stage in our lives. Being rejected is pretty much universal as well. You seem to have a pretty good handle on that truth, but maybe there's one further truth you need to put in your pocket for the dark nights. If someone's daft enough (or as much in need of specsavers, as Kaz puts it) to turn you down, they'd probably have been a lousy shag anyway, either because they can't see that you're ideal for them, or because you're not ideal for them. So it's worth fronting up to 'em, and asking; they may be feeling exactly the same fear of rejection as you.
This is not the place to recount this anecdote, but I'll recount it anyway, just to lower the tone. We've all heard the story of the single bloke in a disco, who walks up to every woman there and asks i she fancies a fuck. A rugby team mate of mine did that every time we went out as a team. I've seen it work, and I've seen him be escorted off the premises by the bouncers. The best was when an offended lady poured her drink over him, and he stood there with a glace cherry in his hair, and quietly said 'So no chance of a blowjob either then?' Now that's another way of handling rejection.
It depends whether your fear of rejection is stronger than your fear of them saying 'yes'. If it is, you'll never ask anyone for a shag because you have already made your mind up they'll say no.
However, try turning it around. Everytime someone say's 'no', take it as a step closer to a 'yes'. if you feel you are already rejected 2 out of 3 times, you know that, on average everytime someone says 'no' you are closer to that 'yes' and feel good about it rather than put down. It's a bit like spamming the ads (but not with a cut and paste fancy a shag post!). If you think you only get one positive out of ten, think how many you can get if you send out a hundred? It should be ten - and that's not a bad response for rejection! lol
Chin up, chuck, just try to stay positive.passionkiss
Mal
wink
Great thread.
I dont fear rejection, I choose to embrace it. I assume that only a tiny proportion of folk will find me attractive and that those that do will be too scared of my gorgeousness to do very much about it. So I don't get hurt by rejection but I probably miss out on opportunities. I cope with that by falling back on the old whatever will be will be maxim.
Not much help I spose but coping with things is all about how you choose to think about the situation. For example a chap I know very well found it difficult to cope with the sexual rejection when his wife decided to run off and establish a household with their female play mate. He felt inadequate and unable to meet the sexual needs of his life partner, which wasnt helped by the amusement and piss taking the situation caused amongst their mutual "friends". It took a very special and wonderful woman to help him change his thinking about that. She turned to him after hours of love making and said "Blimey no wonder you managed to keep a lesbian happy for 10 years".
Your post has changed my thinking Gurl. In future if we see a lady pleasuring herself in a TV or cinema room I will assume she's waiting for us to say hi and will stand in front of her twitching my towel. Gotta be worth a punt huh? lol
i found that after sufficient rejections i have a slighty thicker skin. also a better reckoning of the types that i would not be suited to. also my profile is brief and more in the way of saying what i do and where i am rather than a wish list. but as far as answering ads goes, you can be conveniently rejected on anything you put in your profile.
also there is a rejection fetish. i have seen some dreadful incidents where people have proceeded around a club confronting people and being instantly rejected. it wasn,t a pretty sight or business. it happened quite badly in sauna club one night, where an aging woman got louder the more rejectons she got. sad but also self destuctive. but there may well be other rebuilding processes at work underneath it all.
actually it was in rio's. even you wouldn't have brucie. she got off her face and quite awful. no one wanted her by then.
Quote by Mal
However, try turning it around. Everytime someone say's 'no', take it as a step closer to a 'yes'.

:shock:
How far away from the yes must I be standing then ? :lol2:
oh ffs gurl, next time just slip us a note saying which room smile
brucie, it was more to do with her making herself get rejected, in a weird kind of way. once it became apparent it simply turned guys off. and she wasn't by most standards unattractive but her attitude and behaviour was. spooky and unpleasant.
Quote by deancannock
lol...as a single guy...you take it as par for the course !!

That's about the size of it.
I have previously approached people as a result of seeing their ads or profiles, and when they reply with a "no thank you" I reply to that with something along the lines of "Thank you for your reply, good luck in your search"
Thats on the rare occasion I have received a reply in the first place....
Fact of the matter is, people have preferences and choices, and you won't fill them, sadly some don't accept that, I have seen enough flounces and hissy fits to know this, surely the only answer is to say thank you and move on?
Quote by Gurlonloan
and the times that i have actually biten my tongue closed my eyes and wrote a message 30% of the time ive been rejected....

You get rejected 30% of the time? Wow I wish I had that record! I'd be over the moon!
Of course women who get rejected feel as much pain/disappointment/argh/yuck as any man would feel. But, like someone said - men take rejection far better than women do simply because we're used to it. Yes, I know about the guys who throw a hissy fit but they are very few in relation to the majority of guys who take rejection as part and parcel of being a man approaching women.
As far as I know most women don't do the chasing and therefore are not used to rejection but when they do get rejected - jeeesus you'd better stay well away - and I'm saying this from personal experience smile
My only gripe is - I wish people would be polite enough to reply 'thanks but no thanks' when I approach people from their ads. Being polite really doesn't hurt anyone. But hey such is life.
But 30% rejection??? Gosh I can only dream! lol
"No" is just a little more fuel to keep you moving down the line until you come to "yes". I have too many rejection tales to tell but won't bore you with them. They don't trouble me any; generally it all comes down to a numbers game, if you ask enough people your question someone will give a positive response, and don't be surprised when some of the "no's" change their mind later. xx
I have only ever had a no thank you once from someone who actually asked me out originally so I am not really sure about rejection as if only a sexual encounter then what does it matter? life is full of frogs Gurl so watch out for them as eventually there will be be plenty of princes and princesses for you in abundance lol
I dont experience rejection via this website cos Im very particular about who I choose and invest a lot of time and effort into that choice. If i were to be rejected at an early stage then its no great loss so it doesnt even register. If its not meant to be its not meant to be. I wouldnt arrange to meet anyone I hadn't got to know. Timewasters are not really a problem for me because I dont go for the quick meet. By the time I arrange to meet someone I know them well enough to know theyll turn up as will I.

Hey Gurl xxx
No1 I cant believe ANYone would reject you,(why??) your a pretty, funny, cute & thoroughly lovely gurly smile Maybe the female feels their man would fancy you too much wink But Any couple you chose would be lucky to share with you.
I had a nosey at your profile & your pics are ace!! So no problem there... My guess is.. that you state exactly what I feel too, should I choose to go down the couples road....
No her without him --- No him without her
Many ladies (not all) just want you for their own pleasure & don't allow their guys to do more than watch... where's the fun in that for us single girlies dunno Im only playfully Bi (I only play with a fem if in a moresome situation) not interested in one 2 one fem. If Im not being penetrated while playing its deffo no fun for me!!
I say Im straight on my profile but still the couples message for their women wanting fem play AND profile only states I ONLY look for single men!!... So I Rarely bother to reply as they've not bothered looking or taking notice of MY written profile.
My advice?.. Just sit back n let them come to you. Gorgeous Single Ladies for couples are like golddust on here, you should be fighting them off!!!
Minxie :rascal:
I have a severe phobia of rejection in real life (stems from switching schools in my childhood). So much so I tend not to approach people I don't know for fear of rejection, so to compensate I force myself into social situations where I can't avoid it. That's part of the beauty of the site to me, you get to meet and know people without actually doing either, so the rejection isn't quite a rejection... if you follow.
Great post Gurly! How I feel about rejection varies greatly depending on how much I feel I've invested in the person/idea/desire. If it's just seeing someone at a club that I fancy and it doesn't work out then I brush it off. As Dean said it's par for the course for a single guy and more so for an old single guy:-)
On the other hand if it's someone I know and like and the rejection shows I've misread the signals, I feel bad because not only have I been rejected but because there is a chance that a friendship has also been damaged by my 'mistake'. Worst of all of course is when you get rejection from someone you care really deeply about; no one can just brush that off and it hurts like hell:-(
As many have said already, anyone who rejects you must be seriously weird, short-sighted or has taken a vow of chastity:-) Don't sweat the petty things, there are far more couples that would say yes to you than would say no, I'd bet a fortune on that! Just accept that some people don't have the sense to grab opportunity when it knocks and move on to someone with better taste:-)
Hugs babe x
Quote by vampanya
I dont experience rejection via this website cos Im very particular about who I choose and invest a lot of time and effort into that choice. If i were to be rejected at an early stage then its no great loss so it doesnt even register. If its not meant to be its not meant to be. I wouldnt arrange to meet anyone I hadn't got to know. Timewasters are not really a problem for me because I dont go for the quick meet. By the time I arrange to meet someone I know them well enough to know theyll turn up as will I.

That sounds the best way to use this site, I'd certainly raher get to know someone before making a move. I can't really comment about the club scenario as its something I haven't indulged in just yet.
I've seen the word 'invest' used more than once here, surely we shouldn't be talking of rejection, it should be profit/loss/balance sheet etc?