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i'm with you on this one...it's polite to reply, and i think it leads to better relationships...i'd feel fine about meeting up and seeing someone who'd turned me down or vice versa, if it had all been polite and nice....could still have a natter and a laugh....but it makes for uneasy feelings if the replies have been neglected.....creates a bad atmosphere sometimes.
I'd be inclined to agree it only takes a few minutes to send a cut and paste - thanks but no thanks. However I found that when doing this the follow up e-mails which came back were then starting to mount up faster than the original ad responses.
I also had concerns that by replying to e-mails I was no longer anonymous(?) And it was also clear that some folk had not read the original message. So why should I bother replying them.
I also had concerns that by replying to e-mails I was no longer anonymous(?) And it was also clear that some folk had not read the original message. So why should I bother replying them.
Quote by celticq
I'd be inclined to agree it only takes a few minutes to send a cut and paste - thanks but no thanks. However I found that when doing this the follow up e-mails which came back were then starting to mount up faster than the original ad responses.
I also had concerns that by replying to e-mails I was no longer anonymous(?) And it was also clear that some folk had not read the original message. So why should I bother replying them.
couldnt agree more :thumbup:
Sex God
I agree with celticq - replies will often generate more replies. Correspondence then gets overwhelming.
Also, we can have as many as 30+ replies to our profile in a day so often our replies can be very late as we wade through them all.
Also we've found that some guys who reply are often so far away from us, it's silly of them to have even bothered replying in the first place - I mean, would it really be worth arranging a meet with a guy from several hundred miles away?
If I'm feeling horny, I want a meet now - not next bloody week
Some guys simply do not read the ads properly and then wonder why they don't get an answer
Tracy-Jayne
Also, we can have as many as 30+ replies to our profile in a day so often our replies can be very late as we wade through them all.
Also we've found that some guys who reply are often so far away from us, it's silly of them to have even bothered replying in the first place - I mean, would it really be worth arranging a meet with a guy from several hundred miles away?
If I'm feeling horny, I want a meet now - not next bloody week
Some guys simply do not read the ads properly and then wonder why they don't get an answer
Tracy-Jayne
Quote by pendant
My tuppence: asynchronous communications are tenuous at best. I mean: if a message is not received it doesn't always mean one wasn't sent.
Now I'm not sure I mean. Bedtime for bonzo methinks
Your totaly right... and TXT messages are the worst for never being delivered or delayed for days... number of times messages either from me or to me have been delayed by more than a day or just never turned up is startling.... and its always the important messages tooo.
Thats why sometimes phone calls are best... or meeting in person.. ;)
Quote by hornycplCourtesy yes, common - no. Put bluntly - the majority of people do not want to reply to every e-mail, so don't.
does it really hurt people to send a quick reply? even if only to say your not interested? they took the time to read your msg/profile and to send you a msg. aint it common courtesy to reply?
It is a matter of being realistic. If you send off a message expecting a reply, even a polite no thank you, then the number of disappointments you have will soon piss you off.
If you are realistic, and accept that very few people will reply, then you will aboid all that stress.
It's like fishing I suppose, not all the fish in the pond will like your bait, and even if they do, they may just not be hungry enough to take a nibble.
lhk
Kat
Mod
Personally, if I respond to an ad, once it's sent, I forget about it. That way I never get wound up by them not replying (half the time I can't remember who I replied to!!) and it's a really nice surprise when I do get a response! So I have turned what could be a demoralising, miserable experience into something a lot more pleasant! :lol:
Mal
Still happy !
So I have turned what could be a demoralising, miserable experience into something a lot more pleasant! :lol: Mal
Still happy !
:P I haven't placed an ad in ages, though the pull towards that twilight zone is increasing in strength once more 
But when I do advertise I only reply to the emails I'm interested in. I found by sending out a polite 'no thank you' I'd opened myself up to obuse. If they don't add me to their msn or the emails demanding an explanation don't come in straight off the mark, months down the line I'll get a "Hey remember me? You still up for a fuck?" type email.
So no, shoot me. I don't reply to all responses. :twisted:
But when I do advertise I only reply to the emails I'm interested in. I found by sending out a polite 'no thank you' I'd opened myself up to obuse. If they don't add me to their msn or the emails demanding an explanation don't come in straight off the mark, months down the line I'll get a "Hey remember me? You still up for a fuck?" type email.
So no, shoot me. I don't reply to all responses. :twisted:
Personally, I got driven mad by people not replying. I mean, by advertising YOU invited me to get in touch; I fit all the criteria in your ad, I'm local, I jumped through all your hoops to the best of my ability, invested time and effort into contacting you; so I think the least I can ask for in return is five seconds of your time to type "sorry, no thanks".
I mean, if people get pissy about that; fine, they're wankers, ignore them. Some guys write "hey babe wanna fuck?" and attach a picture of their dick; fair enough, if they didn't put in any effort, why should you? But pre-judging everyone as a lazy idiot who can't handle rejection just because of the actions of a few pea-brained morons just doesn't seem right in my eyes. At the end of the day, nobody is a bottomless beerjug of creativity; everyone needs a bit of encouragement now and then, even if it is "Sorry, you didn't push my buttons, sure you'll find someone soon."
I mean, if people get pissy about that; fine, they're wankers, ignore them. Some guys write "hey babe wanna fuck?" and attach a picture of their dick; fair enough, if they didn't put in any effort, why should you? But pre-judging everyone as a lazy idiot who can't handle rejection just because of the actions of a few pea-brained morons just doesn't seem right in my eyes. At the end of the day, nobody is a bottomless beerjug of creativity; everyone needs a bit of encouragement now and then, even if it is "Sorry, you didn't push my buttons, sure you'll find someone soon."
I PM'd someone once and got the reply;
I'm glad they replied, because it gave me the option to point out what their original post specifically requests single males
I guess I'm saying that the single male that PM's you may be responding to a request that you'd forgotten you had made...
Chris
Quote by Someone
i am looking for a couple man and woman so pls read the ad
I'm glad they replied, because it gave me the option to point out what their original post specifically requests single males
Quote by Someone
we r getting no luck in bristol so me and vanessea will travel to cheddar any takers we r in our twenuties so mail me your addy and u must either be a couple or a single male
I guess I'm saying that the single male that PM's you may be responding to a request that you'd forgotten you had made...
Chris
Quote by hornycpl
does it really hurt people to send a quick reply? even if only to say your not interested? they took the time to read your msg/profile and to send you a msg. aint it common courtesy to reply?
Personally we respond to ALL messages even if it is to say "Thanks but no thanks" after all like said its only polite. However the one big issue we do have is when people ( and again sadly this mostly applys to the single guys) is that people, won't or can't for some reason get through their heads that yes we do have certain criteria and is put on our ad in plain english what we are seeking and how and what they should respond to, but for some reason only known to them still whinge when they don't get a reply when it is plainly obvious that , that is not what we were looking for or said in the ad anyway.
A couple of good examples of this are those, ( again in plain English on the ad ) who do not reply with the information we have asked for , such as face pics, and ( again in plain English only in upper case) those who try (yes only try as it don't work) to ad us to their msn contacts.
So I think the simple answer here is to READ the ad through carefully and only respond to those that you feel you may be suited to and respect their wishes stated on their ad.
Sex God
Going by what many advertisers report about the hit-and-hope emails they get, I would say there are an awful lot that are simply not worthy of a response.
There are those who say they have taken the time and trouble to reply to your ad and therefore deserve an answer, but that's not necessarily true. Introductions along the lines of "I haven't taken any notice of your criteria, but who cares, I'm up for a shag, when do you want it?" deserve to be binned without further ado, IMO.
There are those who say they have taken the time and trouble to reply to your ad and therefore deserve an answer, but that's not necessarily true. Introductions along the lines of "I haven't taken any notice of your criteria, but who cares, I'm up for a shag, when do you want it?" deserve to be binned without further ado, IMO.
Quote by Ice Pie
Going by what many advertisers report about the hit-and-hope emails they get, I would say there are an awful lot that are simply not worthy of a response.
There are those who say they have taken the time and trouble to reply to your ad and therefore deserve an answer, but that's not necessarily true. Introductions along the lines of "I haven't taken any notice of your criteria, but who cares, I'm up for a shag, when do you want it?" deserve to be binned without further ado, IMO.
Certainly as someone who always takes time to try and make sure they fit the advertisers requirements before responding to their advert (ok, sure, in some instances I may have misunderstood, or the advert wasn't clear enough), it would be nice to get some sort of reply. I've never sent a one line reply to an advert. I try to be fairly clear on what I'm after within what it is they are looking for.
Of all the ads I've replied to on here, I've had three responses (so far). Two were polite no's, the other worked out.
On other systems, I've had one rude no, one saying they'd like to chat to me on the phone (gave them my number, they never called), and that's it.
Maybe a 3% response rate. Bear in mind, I'm not sending out short emails to ads and I've always felt I've been within the advertised criteria (err, that I recall, some clever person will probably pop up with evidence against me now I've said that!
).It doesn't really bother me too much though, it's what I expect.
Quote by JudyTV
Look at it this way; the people who can't be bothered to reply to perfectly decent invited responses are obviously concerned only with achieving their own pleasure, thus would probably be a "crap shag" anyway.
This is in part true roger but not everyone is a crap shag just because they dont reply.
I'm not 100% sure you realise I'm parodying one of the frequent arguments against effort-free postings in Let's Meet Up ("if you can't be bothered to write more than one line, you probably can't be bothered to satisfy your partner")?
Quote by JudyTV
When your in box continually fills up with pictures of someones cock when you clearly asked for face pics. One liners that say quite disgraceful things let alone replies that are disturbing and verging on the freaky.
Personally, I do find it very depressing that this comes up every time the issue of replying is discussed, because nobody but nobody is saying that such mails are deserving of replies.
Quote by JudyTV
If perhaps some of the more blatant unwanted replies to ads were published (a good thing in my opinion) then sympathies may lie differently.
I think anyone who's read this forum for a decent amount of time will have seen lots and lots of examples. But again, I see this as a bit of a red herring; nobody's talking about responding to replies that are way off the mark, or abusive, or rude, or ignorant, or... or any of these things.
Now, fair enough, art is a subjective thing and one man's Romeo & Juliet is another man's Plan 9 From Outer Space. Everyone thinks what they write is a work of seductive genius and it rarely is. But people will never learn unless they're told they're wrong. If replies to adverts are of an overwhelmingly disappointing quality, it's because we've fashioned a culture where crapness is allowed to rampage unpunished. (And also because 95% of men are complete morons.)
Quote by JudyTV
It could just change your mind if you you yourself was on the end of some of these replies.
I've received some abusive messages myself in my time.
Quote by JudyTV
I notice most of the moaning about replies does in fact come from a certain quarter.
I've noticed it from two quarters - "single men" and, albeit to a lesser extent, "couples". And also "single women" moan about replies, but they moan about a different aspect of replies.
Quote by JudyTV
The fact is people have busy lives and really don't have the time to send out responses to the many replies that they get.
Yes, but people also have busy lives and don't have the time to reply to adverts. The river runs both ways; I'll wager nobody but nobody is advertising or replying solely for the benefit of other people. Everyone wants something - friendship, personal satisfaction, money, prestige, orgasms, whatever. Nobody is performing a public service - the point of swinging, as it was always explained to me, was two (or three, or four, or whatever) people coming together to mutually fulfill fantasies and/or desires. And that mutuality surely has to start from the beginning - it surely isn't fair to expect people to find time in their "busy lives" to woo you if you yourself aren't willing to find a few seconds in your equally "busy life" to respond?
Quote by JudyTV
Perhaps if there was a way of responding anonymously then it would be different, then we could too could use a list of cut and paste responses to all replies.
Sexpert
We have commented on this subject many times.
We can only comment on the "couples looking for couples" aspect (this is purely a social decision rather than sexual )
Couples looking for couples do not generally get a mailbox full of 100s of replies. We get a handful each time we place an ad. We reply to ALL as we are so darn flattered that anyone would take an interest in us.....UNLESS the sender clearly has not read the advert requirements in which case we may or may not respond. I think those who advertise for single males should be able to reserve the right to simply delete an email which clearly ignores your ad requirements. HOWEVER if you have the time to advertise on here and read through the mailbox full you yourself encouraged then I think that responses which clearly pay attention to your ad deserve a reply...in the name of decency. Any unwanted follow up to that polite reply should of course then be ignored.
Another site out there supplies % stats based on how many emails a particular advertiser has responded to. Needless to say that we have no desire whatsoever of making any contact with those who fall well below the 100% mark.
We can only comment on the "couples looking for couples" aspect (this is purely a social decision rather than sexual )
Couples looking for couples do not generally get a mailbox full of 100s of replies. We get a handful each time we place an ad. We reply to ALL as we are so darn flattered that anyone would take an interest in us.....UNLESS the sender clearly has not read the advert requirements in which case we may or may not respond. I think those who advertise for single males should be able to reserve the right to simply delete an email which clearly ignores your ad requirements. HOWEVER if you have the time to advertise on here and read through the mailbox full you yourself encouraged then I think that responses which clearly pay attention to your ad deserve a reply...in the name of decency. Any unwanted follow up to that polite reply should of course then be ignored.
Another site out there supplies % stats based on how many emails a particular advertiser has responded to. Needless to say that we have no desire whatsoever of making any contact with those who fall well below the 100% mark.
I responded to the rude "no" I got, I just replied saying "No need to be rude".
This seems just plain wrong. If an advertiser is getting responses from people who clearly haven't read their ad, or who are just taking a chance, or who are being rude, or otherwise wasting an advertisers time, then the advertiser is well within their rights to not respond. But by doing so, under the system you mention above, their rating will not be 100%, purely due to their getting crap responses to their ad through no fault of their own.
Quote by foxy30s_cpl
=Another site out there supplies % stats based on how many emails a particular advertiser has responded to. Needless to say that we have no desire whatsoever of making any contact with those who fall well below the 100% mark.
This seems just plain wrong. If an advertiser is getting responses from people who clearly haven't read their ad, or who are just taking a chance, or who are being rude, or otherwise wasting an advertisers time, then the advertiser is well within their rights to not respond. But by doing so, under the system you mention above, their rating will not be 100%, purely due to their getting crap responses to their ad through no fault of their own.
Quote by JudyTV
we will always reply to well worded, polite responses to our ads especially if they fit the required criteria.
Who is "we"? You might. But most people aren't as nice as you.
Quote by JudyTV
Now let me tell you this roger, one guy who whinged about this several months ago was one of the one line " Fancy a shag brigade". Guess what - he still is, he cant even remember who he has already sent replies to, either that or he is just not very bright.
So he's a pillock. And..?
Quote by JudyTV
Its really quite simple, if you respond with the correct wording and fit the criteria you will in most cases get a polite reply back, end of really.
In which case, I failed to respond with the correct wording and fit the criteria 118 times out of 124. Except I did fit the criteria, every time with one exception, so it must've been the words. Makes me think of Gandalf, trying to open the Mines of Moria.
Which brings us full circle:
Quote by JudyTV
It is obvious the change has to come from those replying and not those placing the ads
Hows someone to know what to change unless they're told? I've read all the Advice For Single Men - hell, I even wrote some of it - but what that Advice does is stop you looking like a moron. What it specifically doesn't do is tell you specific ways to attract people (and with good cause; everyone's different and everyone's attracted to different things). I'm sure lots of people putting effort into replying to ads are happy to accept if their wording is not "correct", but maybe they'd like a clue as to how to change it?
Sexpert
Quote by zootle
I responded to the rude "no" I got, I just replied saying "No need to be rude".
=Another site out there supplies % stats based on how many emails a particular advertiser has responded to. Needless to say that we have no desire whatsoever of making any contact with those who fall well below the 100% mark.
This seems just plain wrong. If an advertiser is getting responses from people who clearly haven't read their ad, or who are just taking a chance, or who are being rude, or otherwise wasting an advertisers time, then the advertiser is well within their rights to not respond. But by doing so, under the system you mention above, their rating will not be 100%, purely due to their getting crap responses to their ad through no fault of their own.
Zootle, I was aware that there may *appear* to be a paradox within my statement . the site is a very tight, pay site with a verification system
Im sure that if you advertise within "couples4couples" you should only receive responses from couples (?) With each response there is an automated "no ta" button which also appears to alleviate Judys problem of revealing private email. weve not had 1 mail from chancers and weve also been spared precious moments writing to people who probably wont even acknowledge us. FWIW I would NOT like to see this site follow suit and if I am over refering to the other site I would be happy for this post to be edited
foxys xxx
Ok, this is an offical announcement:
ops: :oops: :oops: :oops: :oops: :oops: :oops: :oops: :oops: :oops: :oops:
Mr and MrPink are guilty as charged. We did not respond to hornycple, and very embarassed about!
:oops: :oops: :oops: :oops: :oops: :oops: :oops: :oops: :oops: :oops: :oops: :oops:
As judyts said there are many reasons for not repling to someone and I know its no excuse but myself and MrP have had a bad patch over the past couple of weeks and were just catching back up on the forum.
BBBBBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO i hear you all say.
Hornycpl we apologise. :oops:
ops: :oops: :oops: :oops: :oops: :oops: :oops: :oops: :oops: :oops: :oops: Mr and MrPink are guilty as charged. We did not respond to hornycple, and very embarassed about!
:oops: :oops: :oops: :oops: :oops: :oops: :oops: :oops: :oops: :oops: :oops: :oops:
As judyts said there are many reasons for not repling to someone and I know its no excuse but myself and MrP have had a bad patch over the past couple of weeks and were just catching back up on the forum.
BBBBBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO i hear you all say.
Hornycpl we apologise. :oops:
My experience of the ad system and the lets meet up is really quite frustrating.
I am a size 18. I have big boobs. I state this quite clearly in all my ads. I dont' have an issue with my size, build or my boobs, but feel that since not i'm not everyone's cup of tea, its only fair and avoids timewasting by being honest from the beginning.
I get quite annoyed when i have spent time getting to know someone. Exchanged emails, blethered on msn and then we exchange pics, only to be told that i'm not the right size or a bit too big for there liking. Its as though what i have just said comes as a surprise. :shock:
So reading someone's ad is all important. It saves an awful lot of time and embarrassment for everyone. I don't mind if when we meet up we don't click, this is afterall just natural and human nature that not everyone will click. At least we can have a laugh and build a friendship along the way, as has happened on a few occasions.
As for replying, i do if they have done as i have asked them to do. Thats my only criteria for replying. Send a willy pic which hasn't been requested, and i'll not reply. If i find someones ad to be offputting in a certain way, but they have done as i have requested, i will reply with a, you might try this sort of thing.
Ultimatley, if people respect my wishes, then i will repay that with respect back.
Lots of love, hugs and kisses
Little
XXX
I am a size 18. I have big boobs. I state this quite clearly in all my ads. I dont' have an issue with my size, build or my boobs, but feel that since not i'm not everyone's cup of tea, its only fair and avoids timewasting by being honest from the beginning.
I get quite annoyed when i have spent time getting to know someone. Exchanged emails, blethered on msn and then we exchange pics, only to be told that i'm not the right size or a bit too big for there liking. Its as though what i have just said comes as a surprise. :shock:
So reading someone's ad is all important. It saves an awful lot of time and embarrassment for everyone. I don't mind if when we meet up we don't click, this is afterall just natural and human nature that not everyone will click. At least we can have a laugh and build a friendship along the way, as has happened on a few occasions.
As for replying, i do if they have done as i have asked them to do. Thats my only criteria for replying. Send a willy pic which hasn't been requested, and i'll not reply. If i find someones ad to be offputting in a certain way, but they have done as i have requested, i will reply with a, you might try this sort of thing.
Ultimatley, if people respect my wishes, then i will repay that with respect back.
Lots of love, hugs and kisses
Little
XXX
Quote by JudyTV
And then I go and say judyts instead of tv, :doh: i think i need to go to bed with a cold compress and stay there for a while, sorry judy
Hi pinkbubble.
Hunni, I can assure you I have been called a lot worse so no need to apologise there. After-all there is only a "little" thing that separates the two types
. I am of course being light hearted here and in no way mean to offend anyone who is TS or seeking transition of any kind, (just covering my bum here) :P . After saying all that I have every intention of keeping my "little" thing, I have had it a long time and would feel quite lost without it. GRS just isn't for all of us
.Judy
Thanks 