Quote by mrstyneside4fun
they just little shites between 13 and 16 and no matter what punishment you give them they will find away round it. Ours were like what your going through at the moment but we pleased to say they great now could not ask for better kids so there is light at the end of the tunnle. We thought they were going to grow up to be evil but they never do ..... all you can do is just hang in there and rember to take time for your self,s or you will go nuts.
shaz xxx
Quote by Marya_Northeast
i believe - and have read a little about this - that it all started up in the 60's and 70's when so-called child experts encouraged people not to punish but to understand kids and give them the freedom to express themselves blah blah ...
Quote by Calista
However, at the moment they know the minute I raise my voice they move and do whatever it is they should be doing or stop what they shouldn't be.
I often wonder if this is part of society's problem. Kids have to be protected now and part of growing up is lost. Instead they look for kicks elsewhere and it comes out as disobedience and lack of respect.
Quote by jaymar
i believe - and have read a little about this - that it all started up in the 60's and 70's when so-called child experts encouraged people not to punish but to understand kids and give them the freedom to express themselves blah blah ...
Quote by Mallock2006
i believe - and have read a little about this - that it all started up in the 60's and 70's when so-called child experts encouraged people not to punish but to understand kids and give them the freedom to express themselves blah blah ...
: :grin: Quote by danne-gary
i think im the oposite to everyone else here .... my kids r late teens and early twenties and iv had very few problems
they have been bought up in a very lenient household but they know the rules even tho there are very few of them
they have both had ill health at times and therefore have had time off school whenever i or they thought they needed it and im sure they have had time of when maybe they didnt really need it but im ok with that
they have done well at school and both have jobs they love and they are good at them and they are well thought of
i think they key is the lenient and carefree household with few rules, meals werent at "proper" times and werent always conventional, we did mad things with them and generally had a great time, we listened to and respected their opionions .... we certainly had lots of their friends around who all love it at our house
i grew up in a household where i wasnt allowed an opinion a lot of the time and times lived in fear .... no i wasnt abused or beaten but they were simply strict .... i wanted it to be different for my kids
:D
Quote by danne-gary
i think im the oposite to everyone else here .... my kids r late teens and early twenties and iv had very few problems
they have been bought up in a very lenient household but they know the rules even tho there are very few of them
they have both had ill health at times and therefore have had time off school whenever i or they thought they needed it and im sure they have had time of when maybe they didnt really need it but im ok with that
they have done well at school and both have jobs they love and they are good at them and they are well thought of
i think they key is the lenient and carefree household with few rules, meals werent at "proper" times and werent always conventional, we did mad things with them and generally had a great time, we listened to and respected their opionions .... we certainly had lots of their friends around who all love it at our house
i grew up in a household where i wasnt allowed an opinion a lot of the time and times lived in fear .... no i wasnt abused or beaten but they were simply strict .... i wanted it to be different for my kids
:D
Quote by jaymar
I have heard this before. I know of a girl who comes from a household like this. She's allowed free reign of her home, boys sleeping over (she's 25 but this has always been allowed since age of 18). There were no rules or boundaries from the parents and she abs adores them.
But what if it went so wrong? No rules or boundaries could quite well take on the opposite affect. You've been lucky I would say Danne, very lucky. xxx
Quote by army24831203
We have friends who'se kids rule the roost in an incredibly "child focused" home. When their 8yo boy yelled at his mum that she was "A f**king bitch" recently, he was just allowed to get away with it. :shock:
Jay- don't get me started on "parentline" etc. Unfortunately, in "The System," when you try to get help you are always seen as being at fault. They ignore the fact that you have other well adjusted kids (for want of a better phrase) because it doesn't fit their "model."
And a :therethere: for everyone here with problems with their "little darlings."
Not my bloody fault her husband has a major crush on me!
Quote by BiWelshMinx
Hugs to all that are dealing with 'little darlings' at the moment and you have my total sympathy. My situation is slightly different but just as frustrating.
I work full time Mon-Sat, the kids' Dad lives 30 miles away and is just here on weekends, so my Dad is the one who does the school run and has my kids until I come home around pm.
Now my kids (son aged 11, daughter aged 9) are no angels, they squabble over the slightest thing-but they know when I raise my voice I mean business and the squabbling stops. I rarely have to punish them, but when I do it's no Wii, no PS2 etc etc. There's no back chat, a little sulking but that's to be expected. However, when my Dad looks after them it's a different story. I have learned (just this evening) that my 'little darlings' have in the past week, swore at my parents, told them they will "do what I want" and referred to my mother as, "the bitch from Hell". To say I am livid is an understatement!
My initial reaction is to stop all privileges and give them a good talking to, but my Dad thinks he should be the one to deal with it as it's him who looks after them while I am in work. I have tried to explain that he's the main problem as he's not consistent in his punishments (he had a hard life growing up and finds it hard to be tough on the kids) but he feels he would be betraying the kids' confidences.
ARRRGGHHH!!
I know if I talk to and punish them things will change. He is insisting that I don't and to let him deal with it (even though he's agreed he's too soft and they are getting too hard to control). So I am stuck between a rock and a hard place. My kids wouldn't dream of behaving with me the way they do with him, but as he's the one who looks after them for me to work, I don't want to cause friction by punishing the kids for bad behaviour I am not supposed to know about.
Any suggestions ??
Quote by jaymar
i think im the oposite to everyone else here .... my kids r late teens and early twenties and iv had very few problems
they have been bought up in a very lenient household but they know the rules even tho there are very few of them
they have both had ill health at times and therefore have had time off school whenever i or they thought they needed it and im sure they have had time of when maybe they didnt really need it but im ok with that
they have done well at school and both have jobs they love and they are good at them and they are well thought of
i think they key is the lenient and carefree household with few rules, meals werent at "proper" times and werent always conventional, we did mad things with them and generally had a great time, we listened to and respected their opionions .... we certainly had lots of their friends around who all love it at our house
i grew up in a household where i wasnt allowed an opinion a lot of the time and times lived in fear .... no i wasnt abused or beaten but they were simply strict .... i wanted it to be different for my kids
:D
Quote by Marya_Northeast
I have heard this before. I know of a girl who comes from a household like this. She's allowed free reign of her home, boys sleeping over (she's 25 but this has always been allowed since age of 18). There were no rules or boundaries from the parents and she abs adores them.
But what if it went so wrong? No rules or boundaries could quite well take on the opposite affect. You've been lucky I would say Danne, very lucky. xxx
Quote by varca
ooooohhhhhhh Jaymar, a subject close to my heart.......the thing is these days kids have far too many rights.
I can totally empathise with you having a teenager of my own who knows exactly which buttons to push 
I am the worlds worst mother and only care about myself apparently if he doesn't get his own way and any threat of punishment (non smacking as i don''t believe in it but boy can he push me...) for his behaviour is usually met with "I'll call childline" I just hand him the phone and call his bluff. He didn't tell me, other children did and he finally admitted that it had been going on and has been for a long time. We are now taking steps to deal with it officially and I can honestly say that I have seen a change in his attitude and behaviour in the short few days since this all came into the open.Quote by danne-gary
i think im the oposite to everyone else here .... my kids r late teens and early twenties and iv had very few problems
they have been bought up in a very lenient household but they know the rules even tho there are very few of them
they have both had ill health at times and therefore have had time off school whenever i or they thought they needed it and im sure they have had time of when maybe they didnt really need it but im ok with that
they have done well at school and both have jobs they love and they are good at them and they are well thought of
i think they key is the lenient and carefree household with few rules, meals werent at "proper" times and werent always conventional, we did mad things with them and generally had a great time, we listened to and respected their opionions .... we certainly had lots of their friends around who all love it at our house
i grew up in a household where i wasnt allowed an opinion a lot of the time and times lived in fear .... no i wasnt abused or beaten but they were simply strict .... i wanted it to be different for my kids
:D
Quote by duncanlondon
I think there are some basic rules about dealing with kids. If you wouldn't accept behaviour from an adult you shouldn't accept it from a kid. The kid may not understand what they are trying to do, but you have to assert yourself to show what you will accept.
Sometimes this does not need an explanation. Kids just do things and they don't rationalise why and how. Adults have to use the same language to get the message across.
You may only need to do this once or a few times and then you have to hold your ground and be consistent up until the child's ability to rationalise has developed enough to associate things like illogicality, unfairness, hypocrisy etc. Then you are dealing with an adult.
Doing this tells the child about 'you', because you are just as important as the 'me' in the child. Its usually irrelevant about the circumstances, its just about you, your 'me' and the kid's 'me'.
It may shock you at first. But then you find its quite easy to turn on the theatre to get things back into an even playing field. From there you should be able to work things out.
You can't allow yourself to be so demoralised and undermined that you are no longer any use to the people you love.
Quote by winchwench
We have friends who'se kids rule the roost in an incredibly "child focused" home. When their 8yo boy yelled at his mum that she was "A f**king bitch" recently, he was just allowed to get away with it. :shock:
Jay- don't get me started on "parentline" etc. Unfortunately, in "The System," when you try to get help you are always seen as being at fault. They ignore the fact that you have other well adjusted kids (for want of a better phrase) because it doesn't fit their "model."
And a :therethere: for everyone here with problems with their "little darlings."
Quote by foxylady2209
Hugs to all that are dealing with 'little darlings' at the moment and you have my total sympathy. My situation is slightly different but just as frustrating.
I work full time Mon-Sat, the kids' Dad lives 30 miles away and is just here on weekends, so my Dad is the one who does the school run and has my kids until I come home around pm.
Now my kids (son aged 11, daughter aged 9) are no angels, they squabble over the slightest thing-but they know when I raise my voice I mean business and the squabbling stops. I rarely have to punish them, but when I do it's no Wii, no PS2 etc etc. There's no back chat, a little sulking but that's to be expected. However, when my Dad looks after them it's a different story. I have learned (just this evening) that my 'little darlings' have in the past week, swore at my parents, told them they will "do what I want" and referred to my mother as, "the bitch from Hell". To say I am livid is an understatement!
My initial reaction is to stop all privileges and give them a good talking to, but my Dad thinks he should be the one to deal with it as it's him who looks after them while I am in work. I have tried to explain that he's the main problem as he's not consistent in his punishments (he had a hard life growing up and finds it hard to be tough on the kids) but he feels he would be betraying the kids' confidences.
ARRRGGHHH!!
I know if I talk to and punish them things will change. He is insisting that I don't and to let him deal with it (even though he's agreed he's too soft and they are getting too hard to control). So I am stuck between a rock and a hard place. My kids wouldn't dream of behaving with me the way they do with him, but as he's the one who looks after them for me to work, I don't want to cause friction by punishing the kids for bad behaviour I am not supposed to know about.
Any suggestions ??
