Found this on the net and it made me giggle....which I SO needed as kids 1, 2, 3 AND 4 have all done my swede in at various times this week....well make that since they appeared on the planet!!!
wouldnt swap em for the world, but GOD they are hard work sometimes :inlove:
"Clearly, I am now officially “of a certain age†because I was asked for parenting advice by someone who couldn’t possibly be old enough to drive, let alone have children. Based on the look in this poor girl’s eyes, she’ll never ask anyone anything ever again. I can talk longer than the shelf-life of Twinkies about the do’s and don’ts of parenthood. So I decided to write down some of my rules. You know, wisdom for the ages and everything.
discipline logical, but expect it to backfire.When my kids were young, I got tired of them throwing clothes on the floor after I lovingly — but not cheerfully — washed, dried and folded them. So I laid down the law. Or maybe I put a curse on them, it’s hard to tell the difference sometimes. “You’re doing your own laundry for the rest of your life!†I had to accept that they’d wear dirty clothes, at least until the first time some kind soul pressed a quarter in their hand because it looked like they needed a hot meal and shelter for the night. When they finally confronted their mountain of laundry, I got great satisfaction in knowing they wished — just for an instant — that they had simply put away the laundry I did for them.
2. Which leads me to the next rule of parental discipline — you’re never too old to say “Neener neener†to your kids. Go ahead. Say it. It feels delicious. Regardless of what others might say, believe that it makes you a better parent. Maybe not a better human being, but definitely a better parent.
3. For every parental law, there is an inverse law as well. Your kids are never too old to say “Neener neener†to you, either. My husband and I are both avid readers and when our children were very young, we heard all those scary stories about kids who don’t like to read. When they got old enough, I allowed them to stay up as late as they wanted as long as they were in bed reading. Some say bribe, I say incentive. Tomato, tomahto. At any rate, my son was always reading well into the wee hours. “Neener, neener, His third grade teacher learned this lesson too. As punishment for not filling out his “reading log,†(even though he read many long hours beyond the requirement) she told him he had to stay inside to read during recess. When his eyes lit up, he may as well have said, “Neener neener,
4. If you are too harsh, apologize immediately. If you don’t, they will remember it forever and hound you with the memory and never let it go. Trust me on this. They will.
5. If you are too lenient, apologize immediately and heap more punishment upon them. If you don’t, they will see your weak underbelly and exploit it forever. Trust me on this. They will.
6. Be a moral compass for your children. Never let them see you pick your nose, eat ice cream right out of the container, smoke, gossip, or double dip the celery right into the peanut butter jar. Do these things in private. And remember, always lie about your past. They weren’t there … how would they know?
7. Always feign interest in their passions. Even if it’s dirt-collecting. Even when they want to tell you every detail of their day. If you are horrified to think that you won’t always be interested in what your kids say, you probably don’t have kids saying anything yet. You’re still in the I-think-it’s-so-cute-that-you-poop stage. That’s fine. There will come a day when you hear your adorable offspring say, “Okay? So I was at … um … school today? And I’m like, in line for, y’know, lunch? And this, y’know, hottie like comes up? And I’m like just goin’ … whoa?†Trust me. Calculate square footage in your head, play the alphabet game, or construct a family tree from memory. But slap a silly grin on your face and pretend you’re interested. If you don’t, you won’t have any leverage when you’re telling the same story for the umpteenth time about how you and your pal in college dressed up like a two-headed monster and lurched around campus one Halloween trying to find a handicapped stall. (Or keep that part to yourself. See Rule #6).
8. If you want to stop some undesirable behavior, start doing it yourself. If you don’t like their choice in music, get a couple of their favorite CDs and start boppin’ around the house with the stereo on full blast. Women, wear hoochie clothes as necessary. Men, drop those drawers down around your butt crack. After all, how cool can it be if you like it?
9. Draw your line in the sand and stick to it. But choose wisely. Not everything is going to be of the utmost importance. Don’t be influenced by other parents; peer pressure isn’t just for kids. My friend was stunned when she found out I allow my children to go hungry rather than make them something that “wasn’t gross†for dinner. And I was stunned when she listed the television shows she allows her kids to watch. Decide what you can live with and what makes you crazy.
10. Teach the difference between tattling and telling. “Tattling†is when you’re trying to get someone in trouble. “Telling†is when someone is bleeding, burning, or exploding.
11. Understand and never underestimate the differences between kids. During their formative years, if I looked cross-eyed at my daughter, she’d be upset for a week. If I wanted my middle son to pay attention to what I said, I had to turn off the television, cradle his chin gently in my hand, look him in the eye, then drop a brick on him. My youngest would fly off the handle, sometimes with no real provocation, shrieking like a violin gone sour. Five minutes later he’d be smiling sweetly, ready to listen to what I wanted to say to him. About the time I figured out what worked, they’d change. Don’t ever expect the strategy that works for one child to work for another child. And don’t expect the strategy that works for one child to work on that same child thirty minutes later.
12. Every once in a while, bewilder your children. After dinner ask, “Who is doing dishes tonight?†If one of them volunteers, thank them but pick someone else. Tomorrow, when someone volunteers, thank them and let them do the dishes. Be completely random about it. But, if anyone ever says “Not me†or volunteers someone else, they always do the dishes. You’ve gotta have some consistency. Sometimes the bewilderment is unplanned, but still effective. I was very pregnant and my husband wasn’t home. For some reason I felt compelled to discipline my full-figured three-year-old which involved, of all things, lugging him to his room. However, when we got to the stairway, he grabbed on to the railing and held on like a pit bull on a porterhouse. I absolutely couldn’t budge this freakishly strong child. Accepting the ridiculous situation, I collapsed in helpless laughter on the bottom step. He was totally bewildered and to this day does not understand why the punishment ended in gales of laughter on that bottom step.
13. Keep your sense of humor at all times. If you don’t, they’ll tattle to your mother that you threatened to leave and never come back. Trust me on this. They will.
14. Accept that you are just like your mother or father and get on with your life. Whether their style of discipline worked or not, whether you liked it or not . . . it’s a done deal. If it makes it easier, know that your children will be just like you. For example, growing up I vowed never to say “Because I said so, that’s why!†The first time I said it, I was in labor and the kid WOULD NOT GET OUT OF ME. It helps a bit knowing I will pass that legacy on to my children.
15. Always set a curfew you can live with. Don’t tell them they can stay out till midnight if you want to be in bed by nine. It just makes everyone cranky.
16. Make sure they know “no means Whether it’s your answer to their request for just one more ice cream cone, or your daughter’s answer when her date turns into an octopus … know that you have done your job well.
17. Require them to practice their instrument thirty minutes every day. Don’t you wish your parents had?
18. Avoid taking your toddler into men’s restrooms. During a trip to the hardware store, my husband had to take one of the kids to the restroom. Before his horrified eyes, this inquisitive child grabbed the rim of the urinal, pulled their cute widdle nose within millimeters of it and asked, “What’s this thing, Daddy?†As God is my witness, I could not touch this child for several days. Someone should invent “bleach
19. If you laugh at bad behavior once, you’re a goner. The first time your toddler mimics vulgar language they picked up on the street, leave the room to laugh. Pretend you’re coughing. Jump up and say, “I’ve got to call Time and Temperature immediately!†Do anything, but do NOT let them see you laugh. If your fourteen-year-old swears, it’s easy not to laugh. But when an innocent, cherub-faced toddler hollers out something he might have learned, oh, maybe when you were trying to fix the disposal, or maybe when you dropped a carton of eggs, or maybe when that SUV cut you off — that’s something so startling it demands a big fat guffaw. Avoid this guffaw at all costs. A momentary lapse on your part will prime the pump for your innocent, cherub-faced toddler to holler this expletive anywhere, anytime, for any reason. Like in church. Or when Grandma is holding him. Trust me on this. They will. Instead, laugh yourself silly after they go to bed, regale your friends with the story the next day, and file the episode away into family folklore, to be trotted out at all holiday gatherings.
20. Don’t get all hung up on the whole “sharing†thing. It’s a nice sentiment, really it is, but how often do you do it? How many paychecks do you give away? Do you lend your car out willy nilly? I know you have candy stashed away in your underwear drawer. All adults do. I don’t think it’s reasonable to ask kids to do what you aren’t willing to do.
There. Twenty reasons why my kids are perfect in every way. Why are YOUR kids perfect in every way?"
taken from here
worth printing out and referring back to every now and again, when you are sobbing into a large vodka at the marker pen drawings of iggle piggle on your cream leather sofa!!!
Join the most popular community of UK swingers now
Login
Rules of Parenting....so very true!
last reply
8 replies
876 views
1 watcher
0 likes
Quote by Bonedigger
And remember, always lie about your past. They weren’t there … how would they know?
this only ever works if you're a single child, and the previous generation of your family is dead or on another continent.
otherwise they WILL find out.
there's always an aunt Therese, a childhood friend, an uncle bernard who will share all sorts of things of your past, just to embarass you
Quote by Melting_pot
And remember, always lie about your past. They weren’t there … how would they know?
this only ever works if you're a single child, and the previous generation of your family is dead or on another continent.
otherwise they WILL find out.
there's always an aunt Therese, a childhood friend, an uncle bernard who will share all sorts of things of your past, just to embarass you
oooohhh yeah Im with ya on that one!!
Sex God
fabulous mrs B ty for sharing it all rings so incredibly true especially the point about listening to thier stories about thier day i have mastered the look of interest whilst still watching eastenders out the corner of my eye
Sex God
Quote by Bonedigger
7. Always feign interest in their passions.
20. Don’t get all hung up on the whole “sharing†thing. It’s a nice sentiment, really it is, but how often do you do it?
I selected the two that struck chords with me.
Number 7. I always tried to take an interest in my son's life but one day he stopped his chattering and said "Mum, you've got your not-listening face on again." After that I either concentrated or I was honest enough to tell him I couldn't listen right then.
Number 20. I was the youngest of 3 in a not well off household. The nearest we got to owning something was getting to open the present ourselves and having the first play. After that it was "share with your sister/brother". And forget ever eating a whole bag of sweets if the others took an interest. It has left me with some really annoying ownership issues.
Sex God
