This might be a really daft question to ask on a swingers site, but I've been pondering something (:scared: : ) Last week or so we had a thread about disability and someone posted that if thier partner became disabled through illness/ accident then they wouldnt leave etc, they'd just work through it for love... and this set me thinking - which is never a good thing :lol: Is that possible ? Is sex really the be all and end all of relationships? could you be in a long - term relationship with someone because you love them and sacrifice the sex life to remain in that relationship? what about vanilla's where swinging activities do not feature in their relationship but they're not getting it at home either? What happens if your sex drive is through the roof and your partner's isnt? would that lead to problems in your relationship or would you just accept it? or is it , do you think, why some people introduce swinging into their relationship? over to you :lol:
Me personally I dont think I would (maybe could) fall in love with some one if the sex wasnt at least good!.at the start ofthe relationship... However once in Love I would find it surprising if there were many people who would leave there parnter if a disabilty / disease etc made them not be able to have sex. If they did could they honestly say they were totally in love with them. strangely enough i ve just ended a short relationship the sex was good apart from that there was nothing so i reckon you need both sex and that spark / friendship etc. to fall in love.. good post!!
I would have to answer this based on my current relationship because we have such a loving relationship and still miss each other when we don't see each other and are best friends to each other. Although it would be hard to not have sex with each other, I would be more than happy to stay with her. :inlove: Sorry if I made anyone feel sick
Quote by Darkfire This might be a really daft question to ask on a swingers site, but I've been pondering something (:scared: : ) Last week or so we had a thread about disability and someone posted that if thier partner became disabled through illness/ accident then they wouldnt leave etc, they'd just work through it for love... and this set me thinking - which is never a good thing :lol: Is that possible ? Is sex really the be all and end all of relationships? could you be in a long - term relationship with someone because you love them and sacrifice the sex life to remain in that relationship? what about vanilla's where swinging activities do not feature in their relationship but they're not getting it at home either? What happens if your sex drive is through the roof and your partner's isnt? would that lead to problems in your relationship or would you just accept it? or is it , do you think, why some people introduce swinging into their relationship? over to you :lol:
Wow this is a thought provoking one! I think our relationship always runs smoother when we are both feeling compatible sexually. Obviously this isnt always the case and things can feel not so close if the sex is'nt going right. However If something happened to Storm and he was'nt able to perform I would miss sex, but it would be HIM I would miss sex with, not just sex in general as I'm perfectly able to satisfy my own needs if it's just release I'm after. So my answer to this is that yes OUR relationship always seems to feel better when we have the whole package, but I would'nt walk away if the sex part of the package was'nt there as the rest of the package is worth too much for me to leave. I'm interested in everyone's views on this too. Mind you I'm just a nosey tart Love Fire xxx
A relative of mine had this problem. His girlfriend had a spine problem and she was the one who broke up the relationship so he could find someone else and she wouldnt have it any other way. My view is love wins over but it's easy to say when not faced with it as with many things.
it was actually your post in the other thread that started me off Fire, so its all your fault! but its kinda snowballed in my head from a 'what if your partner could no longer give you a physical relationship due to disability' to a full blown 'is sex really that important' I can think of loads of situations where this might be an issue ... medication, new baby in the house etc, even down to having kids around and not enough 'us' time for fear of being interrupted etc.. what about post natal depression and other illnesses that impact on sex drive? and the other side of th question would be what about those who are 'playing away' or without their partner's knowledge because lack of sex at home is a problem so they seek it elsewhere? I dont want the thread to go down the 'playing away' route and all the arguements that come with it as to whether its right or wrong - but more a would their relationship survive anyway if one partner wasnt 'getting what they need elsewhere' ?
Quote by AndyNudeUK I would have to answer this based on my current relationship because we have such a loving relationship and still miss each other when we don't see each other and are best friends to each other. Although it would be hard to not have sex with each other, I would be more than happy to stay with her. :inlove: Sorry if I made anyone feel sick
Not sick, it was sweet but I was wondering why you were here as a single male Just being nosey, thats all
Quote by Dawn_Mids I would have to answer this based on my current relationship because we have such a loving relationship and still miss each other when we don't see each other and are best friends to each other. Although it would be hard to not have sex with each other, I would be more than happy to stay with her. :inlove: Sorry if I made anyone feel sick
Not sick, it was sweet but I was wondering why you were here as a single male Just being nosey, thats all Be as nosey as you want My fiancee isn't interested in having fun with anyone other than me :doh: I can only hope that one day she feels the same way as me :D
Quote by Darkfire it was actually your post in the other thread that started me off Fire, so its all your fault! but its kinda snowballed in my head from a 'what if your partner could no longer give you a physical relationship due to disability' to a full blown 'is sex really that important' Humph, I knew it would be my fault ffs....everything always is I can think of loads of situations where this might be an issue ... medication, new baby in the house etc, even down to having kids around and not enough 'us' time for fear of being interrupted etc..We've been thru all of those! what about post natal depression and other illnesses that impact on sex drive? And that! and the other side of th question would be what about those who are 'playing away' or without their partner's knowledge because lack of sex at home is a problem so they seek it elsewhere? I dont want the thread to go down the 'playing away' route and all the arguements that come with it as to whether its right or wrong - but more a would their relationship survive anyway if one partner wasnt 'getting what they need elsewhere' ? Maybe it would, maybe it would'nt, but if it ever came to light later (and these things do tend to eventually) the trust would be gone and then the relationship would probably be over so maybe it's just prolonging the inevitable. :dunno:
Hm.... as partners one needs to be compatible... one hopefully gets together because of this, + love obviously, but I think compatibility and love come hand in hand. and then one is suppose to grow together, because love changes as the relationship gets older. However some partners find that they grow away from each other... which results in a brake... Here comes my point, what does it mean to grow away from each other... it can be a hole number of things, such as interests, life values and sex so... yes if the sex is not working then the chances for a brake is higher, and higher still if other aspects of the relation ship is not working. I have bean in two relationships where it has ended because the sex has started not to work... but there were additional factors that became decisive A film to watch is Breaking the Waves It is very thought provoking and is about this subject
Quote by firelizard What about you Dark, what do you think?
fookin hell, i'll have typers cramp! it is a bit close to home this one actually, but to be honest i dont know i know what i think..... but i also know my actions do not represent those thoughts. My sex drive is way way higher and stronger than my other half's - but we deal with that because i can either sort myself out or play with someone here. I think it does becaome a problem though, certainly for me, if he's had a really busy week and comes home knackered, and the 'us' time starts slipping.... but its no threat to the relationship itself. I really dont know luv hence why i threw the questions open on here, maybe if its just a temporary problem (illness/ busy at work/ whatever) then for me, and most people it wouldnt be a problem, but if it was permanent and the sex life was over.... well, i dunno, depends how strong the rest of the relationship is I guess (edited to add: Personally speaking, at the moment the crux of my thining is that if asked to give up swinging, and the sex life at home was an 'issue' and there were other things 'wrong' in the relationship, in all honesty I think i'd walk :shock: but it would be giving up a hell of alot for the sake of a shag, so is sex really worth it? is it the be all and end all? hmmmm back to the original question :lol: )
but if it was permanent and the sex life was over.... well, i dunno, depends how strong the rest of the relationship is I guess Thats the thing really is'nt it. We've been through the temporary's, but have yet to face the permanent. Maybe it will happen maybe it won't, but until it does I don't suppose we'll ever know 100%. Love Fire xx
Well what an interesting topic - my wife found god sometime ago (around 14 months) and I have been in a state of enforced celibacy for that period now, with the exception of 1 meeting with an excellent lady from this site in November last year, I will not leave the relationship as I have 2 young children, but is 'doing my bloody head in' - so the short answer is yes sexless relationship exist, but are seldom satisfying.
Obviously I can only speak from personal experience and believe that I would stick around if the sex wasn't 'up to scratch'. Due to the fact that I have been studying Buddhism for quite a few years now I have learnt that desire is usually the root cause of most of our woes, whether it's for sex or money or material objects etc. I don't want to bang on about it because I will probably wander way off topic! Anyway of course I have desires sexually and I'm far from perfect, but I find it helpful for me to stop and think for a moment and try to get it into perspective. KM x
The big question is, can’t or won’t If you think your partner can’t have sex, the result say of an accident or severe illness, it’s so much easier to accept a loss of part of a relationship. If however, one partner has the suspicion, well founded or not, that the other won’t have sex, then the whole thing becomes much harder to live with. If, Fire were to have an undeniable medical reason not to have sex again, our relationship would I think be strong enough to survive. If, even against all logical reasoning, I felt she chose not to have sex, then I’m sure it would be much harder to live with. Stormwalker
Quote by firelizard The big question is, can’t or won’t If you think your partner can’t have sex, the result say of an accident or severe illness, it’s so much easier to accept a loss of part of a relationship. If however, one partner has the suspicion, well founded or not, that the other won’t have sex, then the whole thing becomes much harder to live with. Stormwalker
In a way I guess Morbius shouls answer this for us, mainly because due to my periods of depression the first thing that goes out of the window is intimacy. We have a very strong healthy relationship and should i never ever want sex again, he has my permission to seek it elsewhere (with my knowledge obviously). Should the boo be on the other foot? I'd definitely stick with him and he'd most probably afford me the same agreement. We've invested too much love in each other to let a lack of sex between us drive us apart. Cx
Impossible to answer that one because it is an option and the open relationship the we've had since we got together wouldn't just suddenly disappear. We do both have strong sexual appetites (well his always is, mine is when I'm not ill!!!!!) and so we appreciate how difficult lack of intimacy is in our partner. I'd rather have him happy and satisifed (because I know how important sex is to him) and he deserves that from me. Cx
very good question ! well i hope i dont have to go through that experience, i mean not having to see my partner in any sort of disability to answer ya question, I wouldnt know wut would happen unless i go through that experience.... my initial thought would be, surely stay with that person and swing with someone else?! is that evil?! maybe a discussion with the partner would lead to some sort of suggestions / sollutions .... anyhow simply i dont know!!!
Very thought provoking I feel that on a short term bases sexless relashionships can survive but if we are talking long term then i feel that very few relashionships can survive this without going else where. Sex is more to a woman then just a physical act.A woman needs to know that she is cared for,wanted,is physically attracted to her yes she can get this in other ways but to a woman the sexual relashionship is the final bond it makes her feel physically attracted,gives her confidence in herself as a woman.(My mum use to say that a women that is loved & cared for walks taller in life) Mmmmmmm wasn't quiet sure what she ment at the time. Sex is just a physical act which meets our physical needs but it doesn't meet our emosional ones so you need it all to be complete in a relashionship. Maybe i'm talking a lot of what do you think? I'd be interested to hear
Quote by Saffy Very thought provoking I feel that on a short term bases sexless relashionships can survive but if we are talking long term then i feel that very few relashionships can survive this without going else where. Sex is more to a woman then just a physical act.A woman needs to know that she is cared for,wanted,is physically attracted to her yes she can get this in other ways but to a woman the sexual relashionship is the final bond it makes her feel physically attracted,gives her confidence in herself as a woman.(My mum use to say that a women that is loved & cared for walks taller in life) Mmmmmmm wasn't quiet sure what she ment at the time. Sex is just a physical act which meets our physical needs but it doesn't meet our emosional ones so you need it all to be complete in a relashionship. Maybe i'm talking a lot of what do you think? I'd be interested to hear
you make lot of sense in wut u just said. your mom is very wise too ! lol
i completely agree with you saffy. i recently broke it off with a partner who was impotent due to smoking. he either coulndn't or wouldn't stop. to begin with it was just the lack of sex that got to me, but as time went on, i started to wonder whether he found me attractive, cared for me, was committed to me. then i started to doubt myself and lose confidence in my own sexuality and to imagine that i was too old for him, not pretty enough etc. i also have friend who plays away from home as his wife is not interested in sex. he still finds her very attractive after 20 years together and doesn't want to leave her or his children. but he finds her disinterest in him very hard to cope with. as it's not a problem for her, she just refuses to acknowledge that it is a problem for him, and no amount of talking or explaining seems to make any difference. in every other way they have a good relationship but it's just a blind spot. he's only 39 - should he put up with sex 10 times a year?
Hello, i have been with my wife for 18 years we have two kids 4 years and a year and a half and that was the last time we had sex we get on se well have a laugh but there is no sex between us and i ask if would could go and see someone about it but she just laughed, i was getting so grumpy over the bad tht when i did bump into a girl i ad not seen for years we ended up as sex buddies( after a year) we never talk i just go round and we have great sex, and i know its having my cake and eat it , but my home life is fantastic now i do not want a divorse, but if it had carried on the way it was thats what would of happened . so now you can all throw eggs at me for being a bad man
Quote by goose35 A relative of mine had this problem. His girlfriend had a spine problem and she was the one who broke up the relationship so he could find someone else and she wouldnt have it any other way.
My first husband and I parted because he so wanted children and and I couldn't give him the babies he so craved... he is now married with a son who is now about nine years old and I've never regreted it... My first husband believes I left him for another man... technically I did however the real reason was that he needed to find a woman who could give him babies and he would never have left me... so I had to make the move... I hope that makes sense...
My partner has MS, and the situation is going to deteriorate with time. I love her to bits, she is not just my partner, she is my best mate. Come the day when our sex life is over, she will still be my best mate. but for now we live for the moment, we both know what the future eventually holds for us.
Quote by WibblyWobbly he needed to find a woman who could give him babies and he would never have left me... so I had to make the move... I hope that makes sense...
blimey, that's a sacrifice and a half hun :shock: I know it's all worked out for the best now, and that he has his son and you have GT, but that must have been so hard at the time. Saffy wrote:
Sex is more to a woman then just a physical act.A woman needs to know that she is cared for,wanted,is physically attracted to her yes she can get this in other ways but to a woman the sexual relashionship is the final bond it makes her feel physically attracted,gives her confidence in herself as a woman
I dont think that's bollocks at all luv, I think that's spot on personally :thumbup: - especially this bit :
Sex is just a physical act which meets our physical needs but it doesn't meet our emosional ones so you need it all to be complete in a relashionship.
Swinging I think fulfills the physical need, and we can always sort ourselves out as a quick fix Miss h wrote:
to begin with it was just the lack of sex that got to me, but as time went on, i started to wonder whether he found me attractive, cared for me, was committed to me. then i started to doubt myself and lose confidence in my own sexuality and to imagine that i was too old for him, not pretty enough etc
now that would be the sort of thing that would make me throw in the towel and walk away. I know its been mentioned in the thread, but psychologically there's a difference, imo, between a sexless relationship because your partner cant - through illness etc and wont, through lack of interest. I am surprised though really at the number of people who would stay in the relationship and sacrifice sex as not being the be all and end all, considering that most of us are swingers and physically enjoy sex and are used to being fulfilled sexually. I thought it might be a bit more of a problem to most and my head hurts! :lol:
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it's a bit thought provoking for a sunday evening isnt it 
