Sexual Accidents?

8 Aug 2005

Quote by SXBOY
I've never actually had an accident of a sexual nature but some of the things I get up to could cause an accident if someone without experience tried to do 'em! :shock: :shock: :shock:
For that reason I wouldn't recommend anything I can do to anyone else! :P
A peek at the pic link in my signature or at my pic in the SH Calendar will give you some idea of what I mean ops: :oops: :oops:
:whistling: :whistling:

why does your pix only get a rating of 4.1 in your link ?
dont these people appreciate you ?

Well, erm......I'm sure it's not everyone's cup of tea dunno

:dunno: :dunno:
I'm happy with 4.1 as an appreciative audience though! Maybe the rest are just chicken or need educating? Who cares! lol

:lol:
:rascal: :rascal:

8 Aug 2005

this banjo string thing :!: billy connoly once likened it to female
the banjo that is.
if thats the case i`ve been playing mine for years and
still can`t get a fooking tune out of it .
sierra x x lol

8 Aug 2005

Quote by sierra
this banjo string thing :!: billy connoly once likened it to female
the banjo that is.
if thats the case i`ve been playing mine for years and
still can`t get a fooking tune out of it .
sierra x x

:laughabove: :laughabove: :laughabove:

15 Aug 2005

There I was all naked laying on the bed... lights dimed.... waiting for me Debs to come to bed.......... he like to see me play with my self when he walks in to the bed room
so there I am leans over to get me lub to use a vib on me self............. slowly massages it in........ and the next min I jumped up and screamed
I had only dipped me fingers in to the vix pot instead of the Vaseline banghead

Well when Mr Debs walk in he thought I had the best orgasm he has every seen!

5 Sep 2005

Another one for the list...
Sexual Accident Report.
Name: Mrs TallnHairy
Age: 20s
Location of accident: Bedroom, Lower left corner of bed
Injuries: Sprained pride
Describe the cause of the accident:
Mrs TnH after a number of orgasms declared she was now feeling giddy and attempted to get the tissues. Unfortunatly she missed the end of the bed with her arm by a clear foot, and after a comic pause fell off the bed with an 'oh shit' comment.
Further Actions:
Considering adding safety rope around the bed ;)
Minimum recovery timer for females to be set to 5 minutes as 2 is obviously not long enough.
I know you are supposed to come back to earth afterwads, but not with such a bump...

5 Sep 2005

In her life prior to me ( apperently she did have a life before me lol) my wife had a relationship with a male nurse. Much as it is unprofessional he told her of a man that had been brought into casualty with an 'unusal' injury.........
Hands up all of you who can remember the little digital clock gear shift inserts that were so prevailent in the latter part of the 80's(and hands up all those who can see where this story is going)......
This gentleman had to have his digital clock removed from his rectal passage........
Enough said lol

5 Sep 2005

Do teeth marks in your man's manhood count as a sexual accident redface

Dev

5 Sep 2005

Quote by sexyann57
We were having a threesome one afternoon, i was having anal sex with our swinging partner and i followed through ops: :uhoh:

I was having anal sex with a lady and on one occasion she didnt follow through but I did have some poop smeard around the head of my penis :bolt:
Ive had anal sex many times with a woman and this has never happend befor or since, but it was very disconcerting none the less, Especialy as I always was wash my penis straight after anal sex but it felt horrible to be visibley removeing her sh*t from my knob! :oops:

5 Sep 2005

Quote by devondelight
Do teeth marks in your man's manhood count as a sexual accident
Dev

It does if it nicks th skin leaving a scar! smile

I know Ive got one!, oral is great but dont go to mad! confused

5 Sep 2005

The most hideous sexual accident I can barely face contemplating was that fateful, dark and gloomy night long, long ago and far, far away, when Mr Postie Snr said to Mrs Postie Snr, "fancy an early night"
How they regretted it!

5 Sep 2005

Quote by Happy Cats
The most hideous sexual accident I can barely face contemplating was that fateful, dark and gloomy night long, long ago and far, far away, when Mr Postie Snr said to Mrs Postie Snr, "fancy an early night"
How they regretted it!

:lol: Im not sure tha qualifies :lol: :lol:

5 Sep 2005

Quote by sexyfella
We were having a threesome one afternoon, i was having anal sex with our swinging partner and i followed through ops: :uhoh:

I was having anal sex with a lady and on one occasion she didnt follow through but I did have some poop smeard around the head of my penis :bolt:
Ive had anal sex many times with a woman and this has never happend befor or since, but it was very disconcerting none the less, Especialy as I always was wash my penis straight after anal sex but it felt horrible to be visibley removeing her sh*t from my knob! :oops:
:laughabove:
well fancy that finding s**t up someones arse, shame on her :shock:

5 Sep 2005

Quote by naughtynymphos1
We were having a threesome one afternoon, i was having anal sex with our swinging partner and i followed through ops: :uhoh:

I was having anal sex with a lady and on one occasion she didnt follow through but I did have some poop smeard around the head of my penis :bolt:
Ive had anal sex many times with a woman and this has never happend befor or since, but it was very disconcerting none the less, Especialy as I always was wash my penis straight after anal sex but it felt horrible to be visibley removeing her sh*t from my knob! :oops:
:laughabove:
well fancy that finding s**t up someones arse, shame on her :shock:
well she could have been to the toilet first :shock:

6 Sep 2005

Dislocated my shoulder!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oooo... the pain still haunts me... i was on top. riding her quite high to get full on contact... practically doing cat dips on her.. leaned too far forward.. and... crunch...
still carried on to end though as she was damn close..... had to do a Lethal Weapon thing and pop it back in!!

6 Sep 2005

a good few years ago i was enjoying a fantastic threesome with this really cool and gorgeous guy, and this stunning girl... it was going swimmingly, we were all loving it and felt like quality porn stars... so there i was, giving some deep throat, .. when i gagged... but i didnt just gag, i threw up all around his knob. We all just froze, the porn star vibe suddenly brought down to earth with a "eeeeeew shes thrown up om my dick!"
however, i would like to think i redeemed myself by keeping my mouth clamped tightly round him at all times, managing to swallow the lot.
im not sure if i shouold have shared that really confused

6 Sep 2005

however, i would like to think i redeemed myself by keeping my mouth clamped tightly round him at all times, managing to swallow the lot.
im not sure if i shouold have shared that really confused

I think you qualify for redemption anyway its not as bad as my accident redface

6 Sep 2005

Quote by sexyfella
however, i would like to think i redeemed myself by keeping my mouth clamped tightly round him at all times, managing to swallow the lot.
im not sure if i shouold have shared that really

I think you qualify for redemption anyway its not as bad as my accident redface

but was yours an accident though...if you count that then i qualify for getting brown fingernails on numerous occasions... its not nice, but really what can you expect?
:?
maybe buy people a douche bag as a present to give them a hint?

6 Sep 2005

Quote by fluffer
however, i would like to think i redeemed myself by keeping my mouth clamped tightly round him at all times, managing to swallow the lot.
im not sure if i shouold have shared that really

I think you qualify for redemption anyway its not as bad as my accident redface

but was yours an accident though...if you count that then i qualify for getting brown fingernails on numerous occasions... its not nice, but really what can you expect?
:?
maybe buy people a douche bag as a present to give them a hint?
well that never happend before I think a little trip to the toilet prior to anal sex would have changed things as your anus is free of sh*t most of the time.
It only travels to the anus when your getting ready to go wink

6 Sep 2005

*edit

6 Sep 2005

blimey Darkfire... he must have really pulled! Ive got one too and it stands up to quite a bit of push and pull. Glad you cracked him with your knees though! Hope he learnt his lesson.
Did he take you to the hospital? I love the looks nursing staff give to partners when there are unexplained accidents.
lol

6 Sep 2005

Quote by Darkfire
*crossing legs just thinking about it...but*
A couple of years ago I was with a partner who was particularly fond of my intimate piercing...until one session he got a bit vigarous and caught the ring a bit too hard and ripped it straight through :shock:
cue :eeek: :eeek: me in agony draws knees up in split-second reaction and promptly connected with his jaw ....
soooo much blood, much :censored: :fuckinghell: :censored: cursing, and a dash to the hospital - then had to explain to A&E nurse how we'd managed to get in such a state! ops:

omg I think you could start a thread saying sexual accidents needing hospital attention :shock:
So how long did you have to go with sex? and did everything heal ok after?

6 Sep 2005

edit

6 Sep 2005

Im glad to hear your all repaired and in working order, taking it out during penatration is probably for the best :smoke:

6 Sep 2005

Well my story certainly won't have you wincing like some of the others on here, but here it is anyway.
About a year and half ago I was with my ex girlfreind (wasnt an ex at the time). I was on top and things were going well, then for some reason she kinda sat up as I was moving forward. She sat up with enough force ( i think she was about to cum but we never discussed that bit) that her forehead connected with my nose. She didnt break it but she managed to bang it hard enough that my nose started bleeding, and of course this meant i was bleeding on her. Well, the pain was quite reasnoable and there was alot of blood, ive no idea how i managed to get to the bath room toilet paper without getting more blood on the carpet.

6 Sep 2005

QUOTE Well when I was 21 I was in Denmark with work. I was seeing a very nice young lady who worked for the Danish department doing the same job that I did for the Scottish Office ( I will NOT say any more .... well ask me at the scottish munch lolol ). She was giving me one helluva blow job when she choked , coughed and BIT........ put a hole right thru my foreskin...........after much screaming , wailing and running around with a towel wrapped around my knob we got dressed and she drove me to the hospital... needed 2 stiches but the foreskin didn't heal , got infected , foreskin shrunk ( couldn't pull it back over my glands ) and I had to have a circumcision.
And the bastard of a "surgeon" cut off to much skin !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I went from 7" down to just over 6"................. BUGGA.........
Still must admit that the extra hardness and thickness now means that i've not had many complaints ( only one and that was because she was 5ft tall , small build and I was a bit too wide youch !! ).
Davie ( still cringes to this day remembering this lol ) QUOTE
Does this mean if your circumcised at a young age, u cant grow too big??

7 Sep 2005

when i was student nurse many years ago i had to remove stitchs from a guys penis! he said he slipped gettin out of the bath and his dick some how managed to end up in his pet dogs mouth and got bit shredded on its teeth!!! .......yeah rite!!!!! but mde us laugh over our tea break!
:mrgreen: :censored: :mrgreen:

7 Sep 2005

Quote by tottychick
when i was student nurse many years ago i had to remove stitchs from a guys penis! he said he slipped gettin out of the bath and his dick some how managed to end up in his pet dogs mouth and got bit shredded on its teeth!!! .......yeah rite!!!!! but mde us laugh over our tea break!
:mrgreen: :censored: :mrgreen:

i remember the guardian or someone did a big magazine article on all the bizarre excuses nurses had had from patients... like the amount of people who just happened to be hoovering naked and fell over and accidentally got the tube stuck on their knob.. or the man who accidentally fell over, naked of course, and sat on a pool ball, which went up his arse and he couldn't get out.... i wish i could remember more...but that one about the dog is priceless! lol

7 Sep 2005

Quote by tottychick
when i was student nurse many years ago i had to remove stitchs from a guys penis! he said he slipped gettin out of the bath and his dick some how managed to end up in his pet dogs mouth and got bit shredded on its teeth!!! .......yeah rite!!!!! but mde us laugh over our tea break!
:mrgreen: :censored: :mrgreen:

That's as bad as the story I heard years ago from a consultant in A&E: he'd had a bloke brought in stuck inside a sheep, who's excuse was "I was having a piss in a hedgerow when the sheep backed into me".

:rotflmao:

7 Sep 2005

:laughabove: :laughabove: i ave heard countless excuses over the years but they still make us laugh...o wot a great job!
:lol2:

7 Sep 2005

Quote by tottychick
when i was student nurse many years ago i had to remove stitchs from a guys penis! he said he slipped gettin out of the bath and his dick some how managed to end up in his pet dogs mouth and got bit shredded on its teeth!!! .......yeah rite!!!!! but mde us laugh over our tea break!
:mrgreen: :censored: :mrgreen:

Now that is quality! Ive heard about all the things nurses see and do got any other ones? wink