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SH Big Brother - Week 3 - ALL UP 4 eviction

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Quote by Vix
Little Brother,
I dont like this !!!!! All u ever do is give us food to cook and I DONT DO COOKING !!!

Good point, Blonde.
I think we should strike.
Agreed !
Little Brother........... Vix and I are on strike !
Quote by blonde
Agreed !
Little Brother........... Vix and I are on strike !

Does this mean I have to let someone else get a word in edgeways? :shock:
Quote by Vix
Agreed !
Little Brother........... Vix and I are on strike !

Does this mean I have to let someone else get a word in edgeways? :shock:
No Babe, chat away !!!! Just dont cook...... ok ?
Quote by blonde
No Babe, chat away !!!! Just dont cook...... ok ?

Kewel.
We can survive on raw veggies. And fags and wine, natch.
Ian strolls into the house to ask if any of the housemates have any prop requests (as i'm off to B&Q later anyway)
hope you all had a good weekend away - surprised you all came back!!! lol
DAY ELEVEN IN THE SHBB HOUSE
This weeks Tasks for the remaining Housemates
who are:
VIX
RHG
MARMALAID
MARCUSO
LIBRA+LOVE
SARGE BILKO
MISSCHIEF
STEVEG_NW
EAGER SLUT
HARD
BI_WELSH MINX
BLONDE

This weeks task is:
To write a poen about your time in the house and your experiences with your fellow housemates and post it please
You will be asked shortly for you nonimations for this weeks evictions candidates
We hope you enjoyed your weekend passes and made the most of your time away from the house and thank you for all returning yesterday at the correct time
Red will be leaving the house for an personal problem and wont be back for 10 days, she will still be open to eviction in her absence.
Would DaveJ please post about his experience as BUSH in a poetry manner
Tanglewood your task will be set as prop builder later in the week, in the meantime we suggest you clear away your tent and fix a few broken things from around the house!
The gnome has now been sent away to a incident councelling session after his encounter with Marmaid and will be received GUM treatment at the same time.
Libra+Love is reminded thats there is a dogging van in the house, should she wish people to watch her
Errrrm, let me think....
This is the house that just came about
The what and the where know not I.
The occupants are still in with a shout
But we'll see them go bye and bye.
What's that? Only from housemates you say redface sorry!
Tune Essence, your contributions are most welcome this thread is too be enjoyed by all
Quote by Little Brother
Tanglewood your task will be set as prop builder later in the week, in the meantime we suggest you clear away your tent and fix a few broken things from around the house!

well LB, you're a bit behind - i came in and cleared the tent away at the weekend biggrin
*gets to work plugging holes wink*
Libra+Love - any repairs needed in 'your' dungeon?
PoloLady and westerross sneak up to the Big Brother house perimeter wall. They are carrying a large black rucksack, step-ladders and chuckling in a mischievous way.
Tune places the ladders against the wall and Polo gets the sniper BB gun from the rucksack. They load the rifle with a single super stink-bomb pellet and take their position at the top of the wall.
In the garden Steveg_nw is picking daisies. His shorts are too tight and his butt-crack is showing in such a fashion that any bricky would be proud. Polo takes aim. “Don’t miss” whispers Tune “it’s our only stink pellet”. With a steady hand and sharp eye Polo gently begins to firm her grip on the trigger. Pfffttt - the shot is taken. Bulls-eye ( or maybe puckered-eye is more appropriate). Steveg stands up with an almighty yelp and sprints back into the house.
In the lounge Steveg runs over to the Sarge (who was taking a nap on the sofa) “my arse is stinging” cries Steveg_nw. By now the stink pellet had taken full effect and was releasing the most gut wrenching stench. Sarge replies “ I am not surprised – what the fudge-Sunday have you been eating?” Overwhelmed by the smell the Sarge passes out and lands face first in a pile of crunchy knickers (which had been left there by the girls – dirty so-and-so’s) knocking the remains of one of Rachel Lanes voddy-mud-shakes over - which splashes down the back of Steveg’s shorts. Steveg runs off to find more help for his stinging rectum.
As Steveg enters the kitchen Marmalaid is attempting to do some washing-up (naked except for a frilly pinny of course). “Help me Marms, my ass is stinging” Marmalaid caught one sniff and saw the brown stains on steveg’s shorts. “You dirty bastard” yelled Marms as he grabbed a brillo pad from the sink “Get back you smelly bastard”. As Marms staggered backwards, slowly being over-come by the fumes, he slipped on a pile of used condoms. Losing his footing and falling backwards he grabbed out and pulled the fruit-bowl off of the work top, knocked his head on the cupboard door and rendered him self unconscious on the kitchen floor amidst the fallen fruit.
Vix ran into the kitchen to see what all the commotion was – there lay Marms with a plum in his mouth and a banana up his arse. Steveg trying to look innocent, still smelling like the breath of death with brown stains now forming a crust down the back of his shorts, saying “I just felt a sudden sting in my arse”. Then Sarge appears from the floor and looking over the breakfast counter. “What happened?” he mumbled with a pair of kinickers stuck to his chin and dried voddy-mud-shake round his mouth.
Vix screamed and ran off to join RHG, Ginger Jo and BiWelshMinx in the darkroom, locking the door behind her.
Sarge makes a dash for the dungeon, still with knickers stuck to his chin, closely followed by the banana bearing Marms (who was running with a slight waddle).
Steveg, still none the wiser as to what had happened, started to give chase “Wait-up guys”.
As they run into the dungeon Libra+Love and Rachel Lane have Marcuso and Eager Slut in shackles. “Owww more Gimps” cries Rachel with glee, until Steveg appears and the odour begins to fill the dungeon. “Get out you filthy bugger” cries Rachel as Libra clouts steveg with a 10 inch rubber cock.
At this point the dungeon door closed. Polo and Tune couldn’t see anymore of the action inside the house but were still laughing. “I think that was a job well done” says Polo. “Indeed” replies Tune “Shall we celebrate the success of our mission with a copious amount of oral sex?” Polo turned to Tune with a glint in her eye “I think that would be just dandy” and off they skipped into the woods.
OMG Pololady
rotflmao :rotflmao: :rotflmao:
Nurse Sarah races into the BB house, to look after Marms, oh dear what has happened in here..............
rotflmao :rotflmao: :rotflmao:
Now I know i shouldn't be laughing at this but... that is just classic. Can we get away from the stench for the oral??
Quote by Sarah1448
OMG Pololady
rotflmao :rotflmao: :rotflmao:
Nurse Sarah races into the BB house, to look after Marms, oh dear what has happened in here..............

Oi Nursey - get back out here and get in the woods with me and tune :twisted:
Pololady,
Where was I when all this was going on ??.............. lol
Quote by PoloLady
OMG Pololady
rotflmao :rotflmao: :rotflmao:
Nurse Sarah races into the BB house, to look after Marms, oh dear what has happened in here..............

Oi Nursey - get back out here and get in the woods with me and tune :twisted:
Running after TE and Pololady..................... (Goodie) more fun out here than in the smelly BB house
Little Brother,
Here is my poem !!!!
Hello my name is blonde,
I am in the house,
I can't cook.
Hope you like it !!!! ...... this would make me a genius back on my planet !
Quote by blonde
Pololady,
Where was I when all this was going on ??.............. lol

Sorry blonde - you must have been in the loo dunno
Babe,
I think I was in the shower !!!
Oooooooh Ooooooooh, it's been dead quiet in here all weekend. I stayed in and did some covert exploring wink :wink:
But WTF's going on here? All my holes have been blocked up and we're being invaded from outside the house by Polo and Tune.
I'm having a curry delivered in a while via a covert network of subterfuge I've established. There's enough for everyone so we don't need to go on strike over cooking as we just don't need to do it. Everyone's invited and afterwards we're gonna bag our farts and catapult them over the fence at Polo and Tune. Yep, that'll fix 'em! :huh:
:rascal: :rascal: :rascal: bolt
Meanwhile outside of the house….
Polo, Sarah and Tune intercept the curry courier. Polo and Sarah jump out and lift their T-shirts to distract Tikka-trader whilst Tune wraps a wedge of cotton wool soaked in chloroform over his face to render him temporarily unconscious.
They lace the curry with extra strong laxative and then revive the courier with smelling salts – tell him he fell off his bike and help him on his way.
“Tee hee” says Polo. “More oral?” suggests Sarah. “Game on” replies Tune. Back into the woods they skip.
OK! OK! The magnificent Polo has clearly demonstrated to me how wrong I was (if that means nothing to you don't worry about it).
Only one problem - if they intend to bag their farts to throw at us and we've just sent in a curry dosed with laxative - don't you think we should evacuate the area??
Either that or we can stop for some more oral!! rolleyes
Quote by westerross
OK! OK! The magnificent Polo has clearly demonstrated to me how wrong I was (if that means nothing to you don't worry about it).
Only one problem - if they intend to bag their farts to throw at us and we've just sent in a curry dosed with laxative - don't you think we should evacuate the area??
Either that or we can stop for some more oral!! rolleyes

I think we will be safe for a couple of hours - so more oral it is then!
We can retreat to the secret bunker later – it is condom bobby-bomb proof lol
Essexlady, as head of security you have waaaaayyyyy to much time on your hands
Bloody brilliant
lol :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
essex lady needs to get out more
or get more in
what the hell is a camper van doing in the house, it'll only attract dog(ger)s
OK - it is now The curry should have been scoffed-down by now.
Tune, Sarah, I think it is time for us to retreat to the secret bunker for the evening - before the shit hits the divan in the house lol :lol: :lol:
I am off to bunker-bedome... if you two are stopping out for more oral in the woods, just remember the secret knock to get in the bunker wink
BTW - the stink-bomb pellet on steveg's ass was just a distraction. Whilst they were all running away from the smell, we sent bluexxx over the wall (dressed in her ninja suit - so remained undetected). Part B of the plan was completed successfully - they now only have one roll of loo paper and it has been treated with itching powder :twisted:
Err,.............. my poem:
Woke up one morning with a sore head
To find I was kidnapped and tied to a bed.
Well, I can tell you, I was soon in shock :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock:
To find I'd been kidnapped
(Because of my cock?) :rascal: :rascal: dunno
I soon found out it was extremely lewd
And I was expected to be, well......................rude redface surprisedops: :oops: :oops:
So I decided the best thing to do
Was to throw the towel in and bare all for YOU. wink :wink:
'Course being naturally shy this wasn't easy
But I know it's my duty to be really sleazy
So here I am doing my best
To be a tart just like the rest. :bounce: :bounce: :bounce:
I've not met the person who could tame me ........yet,
(Except maybe, a certain feline pet) passionkiss sillyassionkiss:
A lovely lady with a heart of gold
Who tries to make me do as I'm told smackbottom :smackbottom:
:grin: :grin:
I hope I'm good at being a tease
I only do it you know to please
(Yep, really....................Eeeeeeeek!):shock: :shock:
Whether I go or stay, win or lose
At the end of the day YOU can choose. :dunno: innocent :whistling:
:scared: :scared: :scared: :scared: :scared: :scared:
bolt
Quote by PoloLady
BTW - the stink-bomb pellet on steveg's ass was just a distraction. Whilst they were all running away from the smell, we sent bluexxx over the wall (dressed in her ninja suit - so remained undetected). Part B of the plan was completed successfully - they now only have one roll of loo paper and it has been treated with itching powder :twisted:

Knock..... ...........knock!
Right I've had me oral - and I've got a bit of humble pie here as well. As long as this can withstand this hijack with good demeanour then I'm a convert.
Jeez, what was that - a plastic coated Exocet.
I killed and cooked the BB cock
Boiled it down in a vat of stock
Turned it into nice fajitas
Served it to these fussy eaters
Crept out of bed and had a prance
Got some wine
For doing my dance
Played a game with Marmalaid and custard
Twisted up a nice mess and
Got us all flustered
Blonde and me we went on strike
Want us to do housework?
GO TAKE A HIKE!