Your child sudenly gets a new hair cut and anounces they are "goth/chav/rock/etc." to shock you....
(antidote) you tell em... "and like talk to the hand cos the hand isnt listening" or that you love their new choice of individualisum as you did it at least 16 years before!
Zits and scratches take more than 2 weeks to heal
(anit-antidote) they took just as long when you were young... the problem is you realise that you might not live long enough for them to heal this time around!
When going out for a few pints you need that first piss a lot sooner than you used to and for so many years you'd managed to put it off till at least the 8th cos the first wee out denoted one pint in one pint out.
(antidote) Get a partner thats into water sports... or realise that at 80 you shouldnt be in a night club trying to chat up 18 year olds!
Every time you wash your long hair you seem to loose more and more into the plug hole.
(antidote) Grow it longer, if you do go bald at least you can do a comb over like in the hamlet adverts (you have to be old to remember them as they were baned)
The bags under your eyes dont go away.
(antidote) who cares, most people are looking at your distended belly and wondering just how many pints you can down on a week end
The biceps you used to show so proudly have now decended and are on the undercide of your arms as wings.
(antidote) hey they were good while they lasted, and you will one day visit the gym you've paid membership for to be trendy
Most of the adverts on SH want "under 30" and hung like a horse.
(antidote) you know they are fake and sit chuckling and dribiling down your chin knowing the nurse will wipe it up for you, and there will be at least one that is looking for "over 60, incontinant, and less than 5""
The mods, in much the same way as the police, start to look younger than you.
(antidote) at this point you are bolocked.... off to the nursing home with you!
Orgasminator
