Single Femail or A Couple?

13 Oct 2004

Ok, Im siting here having given some thought to Mal pointing out Im a couple and coming to the realisation that Im actualy showing disrespect to those of you who are TOGETHER.
The tearm 'couple' I use loosly to describe myself and a friend who joined me in MY exploraion of the swing scene. A little nervouse to join in as the single femail it apeared the ideal solution. I did not think he was aversed to the idea of this (to quote "Im quite Bi actualy" "would like us to join other people"...) infact he gave me the link to this sight...However Iv come unstuck, realising that the only way the two of us will be able to explore fully is to put some work in and go to Munches, (yes I understand what that is now) and clubs, but he does not want to go that route. So Im in the quandry of going on my own :shock: which I never thought Id hear myself consider, or continue trying to persuade my friend to join me.
So, am I a couple (ok, one half of a pair of f**k mates) or a single femail? :fuckinghell:

13 Oct 2004

I think if you go to a munch and then tell him about the people you met and what a great time you had, he might wish to join you next time without you having to try to persuade him. biggrin

13 Oct 2004

Hi Nimbus,
Yeah - it's scary being the single femail, but maybe think about what "scares" you the most? You may find that a lot of those fears have already been bi-passed in your time here? I think you're really lucky to have a friend who at least knows what you're about. At least you have the safety of someone else at least knowing. And I'm with IcePie here too. Bet it wouldn't take him long to want to join in. lol

13 Oct 2004

I think if you go to a munch and then tell him about the people you met and what a great time you had, he might wish to join you next time without you having to try to persuade him.

It still doesnt alleviate the fears of the first time Ice Pie, and once the 'first time nerves' are over with, will I need him there? :twisted:

it's scary being the single femail, but maybe think about what "scares" you the most? You may find that a lot of those fears have already been bi-passed in your time here?

My bigest fear is the unknown, safety in numbers and all that.

I think you're really lucky to have a friend who at least knows what you're about. At least you have the safety of someone else at least knowing. And I'm with IcePie here too. Bet it wouldn't take him long to want to join in.

Maybe You and I'd be better off facing the unknown together shy? :evil2: the men wont know whats hit them!

13 Oct 2004

Maybe You and I'd be better off facing the unknown together shy? the men wont know whats hit them!

Hey Nimbus - you could just be onto the way to go there :twisted:

13 Oct 2004

We're off to our first ever Munch later this month and I can't wait! But, we're a couple and therefore have eachother, if no one else talks to us! I believe I would be bricking it and likely to woos-out if I were on my own. sad

I think I would regret that, as I bet you're not alone for long!

13 Oct 2004

Hello Nimbus - your experiences sound extremely familiar to me and I'm sure many of the other single women on the site.
I went through the same feelings of not wanting to go it alone and had a couple of single male playmates. And like you it was one of them who introduced me to this site (though he doesn't actually use the forum). But since joining this site - I have come to feel quite differently about things.
Going to my first Munch alone was extremely nerve wracking indeed. No matter what others might tell you about how welcome you will be made to feel (and you really really will be) I still had to go with no finger nails as I'd eaten them all off. But after attending 3 munches now I'd say I'm less nervous about going alone than I would be about going to a pub in town.
Although I'm not explaining it very well - I think I do feel exactly as you might. Firstly that I was appearing to be a fraud by presenting myself as a couple when really we were 2 singles playing together and secondly that I quite simply did not want to play on my own - the thought of meeting a couple as a single female did not appeal.
Since joining SH I have met so many folk who are useful for answering stupid questions and bouncing ideas off that I am now happy being a single swinging female - and so much more confident and able to explain to people what my relationship with my playmates is (can never think of a suitable word - surely FB is not the best we can come up with!)
Okay sorry rambling now so I'll shut up but best of luck. I'm certain that there is no better place to find your feet and make the right decisions.
Cheers
CQ

13 Oct 2004

why should you be so nervous? A munch is like a party, its a social event where we (the members) can meet and say HI for the first time and have a laugh.
As regards single or not, yes i class myself as single, i do have a buddy too but thats personal choice she's bi and has her life and i have mine.

13 Oct 2004

Quote by shynewbie
[Hey Nimbus - you could just be onto the way to go there :twisted:

hehehehehehehhehehehehehehehe Shy
biggrin

:D :kiss: :D :kiss: :D :kiss: :D :twisted: :twisted:

Quote by Vix
I believe I would be bricking it and likely to woos-out if I were on my own.

bricking it is one way to look at it, thankyou Vix....I know Im not alone in my fears.

Quote by celticq
Although I'm not explaining it very well - I think I do feel exactly as you might. Firstly that I was appearing to be a fraud by presenting myself as a couple when really we were 2 singles playing together and secondly that I quite simply did not want to play on my own - the thought of meeting a couple as a single female did not appeal.
Since joining SH I have met so many folk who are useful for answering stupid questions and bouncing ideas off that I am now happy being a single swinging female - and so much more confident and able to explain to people what my relationship with my playmates is (can never think of a suitable word - surely FB is not the best we can come up with!)
Okay sorry rambling now so I'll shut up but best of luck. I'm certain that there is no better place to find your feet and make the right decisions.
Cheers
CQ

THANKYOU CQ!!!!!!!!!!!!! You explained it very well indeed! and yes hear hear about playing with couples on my own! I have done so a couple of times with people I know very well but to enter the scene as 'lone female seeks couple' doesnt appeal.
On the 'FB'/playmate question..... :idea: do I see another pole around the corner? :twisted:

Quote by midlandsman1970
why should you be so nervous? A munch is like a party, its a social event where we (the members) can meet and say HI for the first time and have a laugh.
As regards single or not, yes i class myself as single, i do have a buddy too but thats personal choice she's bi and has her life and i have mine.

Thanks midlandsman for both the reasuring PM :rascal: and the above, nervous is something we are all guilty of when what we face is the unknown, no matter how safe we are told bungie jumping is, there is always the little part of you that remembers the time you heard of a rope snapping. :grin:
Al x

13 Oct 2004

I call him my swinging partner, CQ. I dislike the FB term intensly as it implies we have no other connection with each other at all when we are actually quite good friends too. Although, I do keep threatening him to sell him to daveJ for a few goldfish now and again lol

To say we are a couple is disrespectful of my loving longterm boyfriend. I was nervous going to a munch as a couple. Now I'd happily go as a single fem.

13 Oct 2004

Here goes another "my first time...." story from me lol
I went to my first munch in May of this year in Manchester (at the time known as Munchester!) and was supposed to be going with a guy I had met through SH. Real life intervened and he decided the week before not to go (there are no hard feelings about this, it was the right decision for him at the time) but I was left with the dilemma of whether to take my name off the list and thereby miss out on the party I'd been so looking forward to, or to bite the bullet and go alone.
I only changed my mind about a million times in those 7 days, and in the end Well_Busty_Babe said that she'd pick me up on her way there so that I didn't have to walk in on my own (and I'll be eternally grateful to her and the_tongue for doing that :rose smile

Neither myself nor WBB had been to a munch before, and to say we were "brickin it" is a massive understatement!!
We ran in, holding each others hands in a vice-like grip and dashed straight to the toilets. Once we'd calmed down (only slightly :scared: ) we made it to the bar, and a few double vodkas later were able to actually start saying hello to people.
It was the best thing I could have done!! Everyone really was lovely, and I flitted about chatting to lots of people and before I knew it was dragging some poor unsuspecting bloke along to a club with me! He didn't complain though ;) cool

and hasn't complained in the 5 months we've been a couple since then either :twisted:
So I say go for it!! If you have a friend to hold your hand (literally or metaphorically!) all the better, but munches are a fantastic way to meet people - either on a social level or as prospective swinging "accomplices"
I was lucky enough to find someone that I ended up falling in love with, but that certainly isn't what I went there to find.