Okay so this week's, 'it's Sunday morning and I'm bored' topic is:; Have single men become lazy? Until recently I have not been truely active in the swinging scene. As with anything important and new in my life I have deliberately sat back for 6 months, tempered the flow, poked in and out a little and absorbed as much information as possible before I have made any real moves. After talking to many people openly over this time, guys, gals, couples; I have noticed a general consensus is that most single guys are lazy even when it comes to casual sex! Sooooo many dont turn up for meets when offered it, dont meet up for socials to get 'in' with the scene and network with genuine sexy people, many hang about like a bad smell in clubs voyeurising, just waiting to be approached instead of interacting and chatting. If I had a pound for every time I've heard a Single guy say he fantastises about a three some etc... but when questioned has done nothing to make it happen apart from keep telling every random woman he talks to about it, as if she will 'magic' one up for him and bring it to his door lol Do you think this 'laziness' is because: They are inept at social interaction and unable to make friends with people? They are unable to be emotionally detached if they get to know someone? They are just downright lazy and cant be asked to go the extra mile to have regular great sex instead of sporadic mediocre? Please give any other reasons you think this may be.............. This is not a 'beat men over the head' thread, but more to get opinions on the subject and maybe enlighten others as to why couples and single ladies have so many let downs. We keep hearing the 'poor me' cry from single guys about how tough it is, but when we try to open up to them and bring them into the scene we find that alot of them dont want to make the minimal efforts required. Pam xx
Never not turned up as arranged and up until financial circumstances took hold could be found regularly travelling the country attending munches and socials.... Spend time in chat (not just perving cams) :lol2: So can't say as I see myself being lazy
Hey Steve, This is not aimed at individual single guys, just an observation and query on the mass in general We all know that there are genuine guys who make efforts but they seem few and far between currently.
Quote by PamelaD Hey Steve, This is not aimed at individual single guys, just an observation and query on the mass in general We all know that there are genuine guys who make efforts but they seem few and far between currently.
Oh I understand you fully :-) I have seen myself the attitude displayed by some and to be honest it makes me cringe... I can't offer any pearls of wisdom as to why but I have seen it ...
IMHO a large number of the profiles on here belong to people who have no intention whatsoever in actually meeting up, they just enjoy the thought of it. I don't think it's laziness that they haven't turned up, just that they never intended to. We always read profiles and check that we are the type of person that is being sought before we contact people, whether it be by an advert search, profile search or in the chatroom. I guess we are just old fashioned in that way. The lazy part is not reading profiles in the first place to see if they are what the person is looking for. This usually rings the alarm bells for us when we are contacted by someone that clearly isnt what we are looking for.
I think that we have to accept that there are many people on this site who get pleasure from the idea of meeting, talking openly, fantasising but not actually taking any action. They have no intention of actually pursuing their fantasies. the reasoning behind this are as varied as any individual may be. I haven't met anyone for a long time but do enjoy chatting and socialising with folks. It doesn't mean I am lazy it just means personally its not likely to as long as folks are honest initially there's no problem with this, but that's the crux I think , many aren't honest and therefore it does become a problem for people looking to actively meet. In edit am not a guy but this applies to both sexes lol
Quote by flower411 As a single guy I`m still not confident enough to get out to socials on my own I`ve had some very kind offers to hold my hand if I do turn up and I am aware that I`m fairly well known by some in here and I`m sure I would have a good time .....maybe i`ll pluck up the courage soon but I can assure you it isn`t laziness on my part but simply cowardice. But that said, if I arranged to meet I would definately turn up.
It does take a bit of doing to go as a single when you've been known for so long as a couple but you'll wonder what you ever procrastinated about once you take the plunge :thumbup:
As a single guy I`m still not confident enough to get out to socials on my own I`ve had some very kind offers to hold my hand if I do turn up and I am aware that I`m fairly well known by some in here and I`m sure I would have a good time .....maybe i`ll pluck up the courage soon but I can assure you it isn`t laziness on my part but simply cowardice. But that said, if I arranged to meet I would definately turn up.
It does take a bit of doing to go as a single when you've been known for so long as a couple but you'll wonder what you ever procrastinated about once you take the plunge :thumbup: Thanks for some more insight Flower I am an extrovert and fiercely independant so find the meeting part for me is a breeze. Although I didn't pop out of the womb like this, I became strong minded due to having to brave awkward and demanding situations alone. I agree with Steve take the plunge and see........... We all have to push through our barriers to get exactly what we want from life, or we will only end up with whats on easy offer and whinge about it ;)
I realise this is probably controversial, but single men on here are not swinging are they (swinging meant using the traditional definition). They are just here for an easy lay - and what exactly is wrong with that... nothing of course. So what's my point, well if they were serious about a relationship, then they would hardly be looking on here, so if it is casual sex that they want, then why exactly should they try to find it - it's casual and if a couple want a single guy then they will find them. Of course much depends on "the market". If you are a chiselled gorgeous hunk of a man then you won't have to wait very long, if you are not blessed with good looks then you had better be patient. Don't get me wrong, there is someone for everyone, but this is predominantly a swinging site and not a dating one and I think a lot of people forget that. So are single men lazy? I personally don't think so, but if they are than what is the problem with that? I personally look for a man myself, and based solely on looks and physical attraction, that might be wrong, and that's fine, I am not telling anyone else what their criteria should be, but I am immediately put off by a proactive single guy (not a proactive couple), it strikes me as a bit desperate for a single guy searching for a date on here. I prefer lazy men, it lets me find them and reduces the amount of whispers I have to ignore. Wrong? Perhaps, but I am not telling anyone else what they should do or how proactive they should be, just that a proactive single guy is a turn off.
I don't know about guys not turning up, but when I am meeting as part of a couple some men have been so set in what they want they forget about what we want. One has even kept texting after we turned him down. On the other hand some guys do back away even when offered at clubs; preferring to watch and wank rather than play. I think we all find meets hard at first. Sometimes guys just back out and run when it becomes real. ..but the number that just say 'hi check me out'. one lady I know had 50 mails b4 she finished putting her profile on. and most just said 'hi' or 'Im just down the road' Travis
First post from a technophobe - hope it works! Don't know anything about "the scene" but what original post describes sounds very similar to what goes on in most nightclubs every Friday in any city you care to mention - the single men stand around ogling the room and drinking ten pints to pluck up the courage to speak to the sexually confident women. I think it's probably hard for us ladies to empathise - it's much easier to be sexually self-assured when you're a girl as we only have to bat our eyelids and smile to get laid. Even more so if you're in a relationship as you know full well that at least someone you fancy fancies you back. And it seems to me that there's a lot of hyperbole on this site (well maybe it's all true -who knows?!) about ten inch cocks and I'd love to make you scream blah blah, maybe they're worried they'll disappoint? Having said that, I was in the chatroom last night and asked what I thought was a pretty straightforward question about how to work the cam to a bunch of single guys, repeated it three times before giving up on getting a coherent answer - even that annoyed me so a failure to meet would no doubt seriously pee me off! Oh just previewed this and there's no picture - it's not laziness I really don't know how to put one on?!
Quote by PamelaD Sooooo many dont turn up for meets when offered it
The site has over a million members. Some are swingers, some are wife swappers (or couples that swing) some are here for a cheap source of porn. Others are just here for the chase, waiting for the confirmation of a meet before backing off and smugly saying to themselves, 'yup, i've still got it'. I know people here in all these pigeon holes.
Quote by PamelaD , dont meet up for socials
When the munch scene started here in 2003, there was pretty much a 100% attendance. Sure occasionally somebody had a sickness, or a busted car, but if people said they would come they pretty much did. Then the socials started. Less strict rules, maybe to help allow those not on site to come... I've seen in the chatrooms that people who have not put their names down for a specific event be 'blackballed'. So some of the lists are populated with members who want to remain in the clique. I've also known first timers drive over 100 miles, and crap themselves in the carpark of the event for a couple of hours before driving home again.
Quote by PamelaD If I had a pound for every time I've heard a Single guy say he fantastises about a three some etc...
One word sums up that statement. Every time I watch Man v Food I think I'm capable of eating a burger the size of a dustbin. Put one in front of me, I'd not even know where to start.
Quote by PamelaD They are just downright lazy and cant be asked to go the extra mile to have regular great sex instead of sporadic mediocre?
Initial Contact Mutual Interest Arrangement Meeting I can't think what else there could be unless it's trips to the theatre, or sunday lunch with the inlaws. Maybe bombarding each other with hourly text messages? If any of these happened to me, The warning bells would sound very loudly and I'd run a mile..... I would even go as far as to suggest that the frequency of an event would not in my eyes bear any relation to quality. They are both defined by separate criteria. Unless of course we are discussing pizza :-)
Some great thoughts going on here; thanks for the input Not sure all got the gist of what I was asking but Hey ho! :P Always good to have an open discussion and try to figure out the way some peoples brain work differently from ours I guess it seems the nearest answers I got were that some people are too nervous to go through with their ideas, some never intend to and some are just rude sociopaths with no regard for anyone else :P (tongue firmly planted in cheek) I dont think demands have got higher as many I have spoken to are old school and have said there has been a decline in politeness and respect, especially of the other partner in a couple. Recent social 1/4 of the confirmed males turned up?? Would love to know how many messaged to apologises to the organisers at least, surely that is the most basic of manners and effort! Gf had a meet cancelled and then was stood up because he was busy and didnt bother to even text to say! Another had a guy who had texted happily to confirm the night before, just not turn up on the day with no message since........ Many of these guys are the very ones who claim to be 'good guys' and 'genuine' in chatrooms, and whinging that they aren't getting enough lol. Disrespect is running rife it seems :sad:
Single guys are a common topic. Sites such as this are substituting for premium chatlines, and for those users it's all just talk and fantasizing. The next thing is, of course, that the singles aren't always really single. The next thing is that lots of guys are scared off by a woman with, what they perceive as, lots of experience within a community. It's the old story of wanting to find someone who won't compare him with lots of others....strange concept I know.
Its really interesting for me to read about your experiences PamalaD. I originally joined this site as the lad I had been playing with for the last year and a half was constantly hot and cold about the idea of a threesome. One week he was up for it and we would make plans to go to a club or suchlike, then the day came and he wouldn't want to. So, I came to find threesome fun as a single female, which I have done. Despite the fact we talked about it several times, I am still unsure about his reasons in relation to his constant change of heart, but laziness was certainly not a factor. he was the best lover I have ever had. I have had similar experiences with other single guys. One planned to come to a club with me, after begging and begging to be the guy i took, he refused to answer the phone the day of the event. I was then left going by myself, when there were three other guys who also wanted to come, but at that point it was too late. When I speak to most people about these kind of events people respond with 'oh really, a single guy who refused threesome/moresome sex, madness, what are you doing to these men?'. It is nice to know that other females have similar experiences
I've been on here and various other swing sites for years and slowly realised that 90% of people on here and what they claim they want is complete bullshit or they don't really know. Couples and single women are as guilty as single men in spouting shite, theres just more blokes on here so its more obvious. People also seem to have fixed ideas about how everything will work and anything that falls outside of these parameters is somehow unacceptable. Frankly, i'm suprised anyone meets up anymore
Quote by PamelaD Okay so this week's, 'it's Sunday morning and I'm bored' topic is:; Have single men become lazy? Until recently I have not been truely active in the swinging scene. As with anything important and new in my life I have deliberately sat back for 6 months, tempered the flow, poked in and out a little and absorbed as much information as possible before I have made any real moves. After talking to many people openly over this time, guys, gals, couples; I have noticed a general consensus is that most single guys are lazy even when it comes to casual sex! Sooooo many dont turn up for meets when offered it, dont meet up for socials to get 'in' with the scene and network with genuine sexy people, many hang about like a bad smell in clubs voyeurising, just waiting to be approached instead of interacting and chatting. If I had a pound for every time I've heard a Single guy say he fantastises about a three some etc... but when questioned has done nothing to make it happen apart from keep telling every random woman he talks to about it, as if she will 'magic' one up for him and bring it to his door lol Do you think this 'laziness' is because: They are inept at social interaction and unable to make friends with people? They are unable to be emotionally detached if they get to know someone? They are just downright lazy and cant be asked to go the extra mile to have regular great sex instead of sporadic mediocre? Please give any other reasons you think this may be.............. This is not a 'beat men over the head' thread, but more to get opinions on the subject and maybe enlighten others as to why couples and single ladies have so many let downs. We keep hearing the 'poor me' cry from single guys about how tough it is, but when we try to open up to them and bring them into the scene we find that alot of them dont want to make the minimal efforts required. Pam xx
Dont think it lazyness all the time, i think its nerves, first times always scary, just being honest, been a member of this site now for a few years, not a hardcore scene swinger but met a few couples and have had a great time, that first time though, boy was i scared, all worked out in the end though, were all still friends now:-)
I think that most people on here are optimistic whether men, women or couples/singles/groups. Some people prefer the chase...others "bottle it" when things get real. People are sometimes lazy, sometimes thoughtless by default. The people who are worth it go that extra mile anyway. TO a lesser of greater extent we are blazing our own trail and that is never easy
i have been on this site for a number of years now and it annoys me when i see posts like this, where i live NW of london the ratio of men to women/couples is very high and as such trying to get a meet is almost impossible. I now dip in and out because i have a life outside this site because i get fed up with chatting and sending emails and never get replies, is that lazy? i have never failed to turn up when i said would but then again its not that often lol I used to go to socials but as most are miles away from me i cant really afford the costs at the moment so does that make me lazy? bit of a rant sorry
How can an open discussion annoy anyone?? No one has said anything about people being too lazy to look for meets! The original post was a question on single men in general moaning about not getting meets but putting in very little effort when the opportunity for one arose................................. Pam xx
I'd love to get to meets etc and have met some people on other sites - the ads part of this site isnt the best in the world and has ads back to 2004 so a little housekeeping might be in order. My job as a musician means 90% of the time i'm working at weekends when a lot of the socials happen - I like the chat and do get irritated by the amount of guys I hear that are no shows - it ruins it for everyone. If and when I arrange to meet up I always do - everyones time is precious and its just plain ignorant not to turn up or at least contact the person to let them know theres a problem - that's inexcusable. there are also still too many people that think a meet is a green light for playing - it's not - its just to see how you get on socially - playing may or may not happen - too many have expectations still. I'm hoping to start meeting up with some off here as I'm only back on site since June and really enjoying having a laugh with people - may have to build some time in to get to a social but work is what pays the bills so fun has to take 2nd place. I agree with the OP that some on here could get the impression that sgl guys are lazy - if you send an email with 'Lets fuck' as the title and a phone number in the email - it could be construed that you are just mass mailing and hoping someones desperate enough to take you on. Eventually those people leave the site because they dont get any meets ( surprise!!) problem is that decent people are also leaving the site because they are bombarded with these emails and get the occasional one that someone has taken time over. It's unlikely that the guys who come in the forums fall into the 'lazy' category as they have taken the time to come in and interact in the forums whereas the lazy ones will be busy mass mailing one liners and looking at the pics of tits!!!! Rambling rant over - now let's fuck!! .....077.......... lol
Quote by PamelaD How can an open discussion annoy anyone?? No one has said anything about people being too lazy to look for meets! The original post was a question on single men in general moaning about not getting meets but putting in very little effort when the opportunity for one arose................................. Pam xx
From a mans point of view I simply don't understand this. You are absolutely right of course. I've seen it a number of times from my days as a couple there were times when you couldn't give it away lol! Even since as a male in some of the rooms people have been after meets and the number of blokes who expected you to travel to them or wanted you to describe the woman in every minuscule detail with more pics, on cam etc etc was pretty bad to be honest. As the person who was looking said at the time, it kind of took all the fun out of it! And I think it boils down to a number of reasons. Some people will find these inflammatory, the genuine ones probably not! - I think there are a substantial number of men who love the IDEA meeting but want the woman to themselves. - Who are concerned about being compared to other men (men can be quite sensitive). - Are not in a position to be able to go through with the offer made in the heat of the moment - Have gone of the idea after they have wanked over your pictures - Look at swinging the wrong way and want commitment - Speak first without checking they are available or that the meet isn't 100 miles away - Commit to a meet without understanding what the meet is to be about (i.e they say yes to a meet but then realise its a gangbang, or 'oh your husband is going to watch' etc) - and the list could carry on! I have never understood this to be honest. In terms of self defence (I know I don't need to lol!) if I say I can do a meet I will short of the world ending lol! - Val.
Quote by HughGRection I'd love to get to meets etc and have met some people on other sites - the ads part of this site isnt the best in the world and has ads back to 2004 so a little housekeeping might be in order. My job as a musician means 90% of the time i'm working at weekends when a lot of the socials happen - I like the chat and do get irritated by the amount of guys I hear that are no shows - it ruins it for everyone. If and when I arrange to meet up I always do - everyones time is precious and its just plain ignorant not to turn up or at least contact the person to let them know theres a problem - that's inexcusable. there are also still too many people that think a meet is a green light for playing - it's not - its just to see how you get on socially - playing may or may not happen - too many have expectations still. I'm hoping to start meeting up with some off here as I'm only back on site since June and really enjoying having a laugh with people - may have to build some time in to get to a social but work is what pays the bills so fun has to take 2nd place. I agree with the OP that some on here could get the impression that sgl guys are lazy - if you send an email with 'Lets fuck' as the title and a phone number in the email - it could be construed that you are just mass mailing and hoping someones desperate enough to take you on. Eventually those people leave the site because they dont get any meets ( surprise!!) problem is that decent people are also leaving the site because they are bombarded with these emails and get the occasional one that someone has taken time over. It's unlikely that the guys who come in the forums fall into the 'lazy' category as they have taken the time to come in and interact in the forums whereas the lazy ones will be busy mass mailing one liners and looking at the pics of tits!!!! Rambling rant over - now let's fuck!! .....077.......... lol
Your part regarding old adverts will get lost in this post - why not pop it in the site sugestions and feedback forum and tell us how the adverts can improved? http://www.swingingheaven.co.uk/swingers-forum/viewforum/26.html
Single guys have a hard time on this site because of me. I'm charming, witty drop-dead gorgeous and can party like a rock star. However, this level of awesomeness was not God-given. A respectful attitude in the chatrooms, engaging conversation at socials and epic-level dance moves have been perfected over the years to produce the irresistible bundle of fun that is me. With the ratio of males to females on this site, it's obvious single guys have to step up their game if they want to be noticed. You can't argue with the laws of mathematics, that's just how it is. Looking at the numbers, I would be falling over myself to make sure I stood out from the pack. So, in answer to the lovely Pamela's question 'Are Single Guys Lazy', I challenge you all to pick twenty single guy profiles at random and then calculate how many of said profiles contain no text and a video recording of a blurry penis ejaculating over a desk. I rest my case.
Maybe part of it is also that the single guy are not single so are unable to put in the required effort. Not the case for all of course but maybe a larger than expected %. TBH if I was single next week I wouldent use this site if I was looking for pure 1 on 1 fun. Ive a lot of friends that have become single down the years and all of them have not had a lot of trouble finding sex, dates, relationsships from the run of the mill free dating sites.
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I`ve had some very kind offers to hold my hand if I do turn up and I am aware that I`m fairly well known by some in here and I`m sure I would have a good time .....maybe i`ll pluck up the courage soon but I can assure you it isn`t laziness on my part but simply cowardice. But that said, if I arranged to meet I would definately turn up.
