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Singles getting emotionally involved

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Quote by duncanlondon
Ice Pie.
Are you simply saying that you want to fall in love?

Well I've got to say I'm intrigued - there is some motive behind it - but what I wonder!!
Quote by westerross
I wonder what inspired this - I obviously missed the deleted thread so I don't think I can comment. Without the context it seems a pretty random subject to open up - care to elucidate?

I had intended to reply to a post that has now been removed. I felt the removed post raised an issue that merited discussion so I started this thread. Despite some interesting theories received on the phone today it is not, from my point of view, about any particular individuals, it is a general observation about how things can go wrong if we're not communicating properly with the people we meet.
Quote by westerross
Ice Pie.
Are you simply saying that you want to fall in love?

Well I've got to say I'm intrigued - there is some motive behind it - but what I wonder!!
Psychoanalyse away, I don't mind. Someone posted something, I had an opinion, I expressed it, end of. smile
Quote by westerross
Ice Pie.
Are you simply saying that you want to fall in love?

Well I've got to say I'm intrigued - there is some motive behind it - but what I wonder!!
I feel sure you have had at least one PM by now or are all the gossip mongers asleep confused: :?: wink :wink:
Quote by Ice Pie
I wonder what inspired this - I obviously missed the deleted thread so I don't think I can comment. Without the context it seems a pretty random subject to open up - care to elucidate?

I had intended to reply to a post that has now been removed. I felt the removed post raised an issue that merited discussion so I started this thread. Despite some interesting theories received on the phone today it is not, from my point of view, about any particular individuals, it is a general observation about how things can go wrong if we're not communicating properly with the people we meet.
Can you say what the post was about and what inspired your thread? The original thread can't have all been 'illegal'. I'm genuinely interested. Apart from the truism that anytime two people interact unplanned things can happen - I'm not sure what your point is.
The original deleted posting is still recoverable.
Cherche le Mod.
Ice' post was question enough , you are just gonna detract from it if you focus on some long deleted thread. The subject was implicit enough , and as always intelligently put . If I am not mistaken both you guys would answer it equally eloquently . Im looking forward to it , I expect the thread was about some one splitting up with someone , and a single fella in the frame . thats what it usually is , but it was just the inspiration for the statement as he has said a few times now .
Quote by Silk and Big G
I expect the thread was about some one splitting up with someone , and a single fella in the frame. thats what it usually is , but it was just the inspiration for the statement

Bullseye.
I suspect my first post in this thread may have been close to mark.
There again it could have been miles off - still ho hum - its a subject worthy of consideration
Quote by PoloLady
Why-o-why is it that some people just can?t be honest about what they want?

Some people are deliberately not honest about what they want for the purposes of their own hidden agenda.
I've experienced this problem myself but not within swinging, however I could see how it might happen.
hello there everyone,
I have a sneaky suspicion, that the post in debate was mine.
I know it was removed because of the name and shame element, and in retrospect
thats probably fair.
I will start by pointing out that the post was the ramblings of a very hurt lady fueled
by half a bottle of vodka.I just wanted to hurt back.
I met the person concerned on here 9 months ago when I was a happy single having fun
and going with the chatted,and eventually met, we had a lovely time, and decided to meet was this is the turning point of things, It was him
not me that said, he wanted something more and he felt it only honest to tell me.
ok so far so good, we chatted, for hours about it and decided thats what we both wanted, we layed down our rules, the end result being we had 7 wonderful months together.
One of the first things I said to him was that honesty was everything to me,and that if
he ever changed his mind, or found he'd made a mistake, then though i'd be hurt, I made
him promise that he'd tell me,and not let me make a fool of myself.
Unfortunately, he couldnt be honest, and he cheated, so now not only am i left with a broken heart but the betrayal to.
Let me just add that this isnt a bad man we're talking about, in fact quite the opposite a wonderful man, who's only mistake was that he should have told me and not let me find out.
Swinging is a wonderful way to meet likeminded people and means so many different things to everyone of us.I wasnt looking for love it just crept up on me.
I always wondered how people could air their dirty washing (so to speak) on here, I think its because of the friendships and loving community that is swinging heaven.
Anyway, I will be ok,and I'll move on, wont be swinging for a while, but i'll b about.
Honesty, guys and gals, the only thing you need, remember that.
Love and happiness to everyone
candyfloss xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
So that should answer a few questions for some of us.
Quote by candyfloss
One of the first things I said to him was that honesty was everything to me,and that if he ever changed his mind, or found he'd made a mistake, then though i'd be hurt, I made him promise that he'd tell me,and not let me make a fool of myself.
Unfortunately, he couldnt be honest, and he cheated, so now not only am i left with a broken heart but the betrayal to.
Honesty, guys and gals, the only thing you need, remember that.
candyfloss xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

..sorry to read about this unhappy time in your life Candy. Most of us want honesty from our partners, but in reality we lie not because we want to hurt anyone, but because of opposite reasons. I always felt it was easier to be honest with people I had little time for, because I had little concern for the consequences of such honesty (that's me being brutally honest btw!). Most of us think that we can get away with the actions that pre empt telling a lie..so whoever might be affected by those actions isn't hurt, as they don't have the knowledge. I'm not making excuses for your ex, but you say that he isn't a bad man...so I guess he felt in his own, misguided way he was trying to protect you from his wrongdoing.
Hope you're well on the road to recovery Candy and good luck for the future biggrin
Quote by candyfloss
I have a sneaky suspicion, that the post in debate was mine.

candy, I know for a fact that it wasn't your post. I did see the post in question and spoke to Ice about it last night. It seems that loads of people (myself included) have assumed incorrectly that they each were the ones to prompt this thread. I think that in itself speaks volumes about the accuracy of the wording in Ice's post - and many more that followed it.
Lots of people will remember my posting along these lines a few months ago, and the events that led up to that sound pretty similar to what candyfloss has described above. There's obviously a lot of it going on behind the scenes and all of us can have a bit of a hard time working out exactly what people mean.
I've had my say on this subject in the past though and see no need to rehash it all again. My main point in posting on here is to remind everyone who is so convinced they "know" Ice was talking about them, of a thought for the day I read once on a little desk calendar.
We'd all stop worrying so much about what others think of us, if only we realised how seldom they do
eerm angelchat i never said, i was convinced it was me, just said a suspicion, and it wasnt a
go at ice pie, would never presume i was everyones topic of right its very
sad that someonelse is going through what i'm going through and whoever it is i wish them happiness and a speedy recovery.
As you said you have had your say on this matter, and as i remember you had a lot to say it would be nice of you to let others gain whatever small bit of healing they can from opening up their hearts, as you must of done, instead of presuming that we're all doing it for the attention as some obviously have done.
candyfloss xxxx
Quote by candyfloss
eerm angelchat i never said, i was convinced it was me, just said a suspicion, and it wasnt a
go at ice pie, would never presume i was everyones topic of right its very
sad that someonelse is going through what i'm going through and whoever it is i wish them happiness and a speedy recovery.
As you said you have had your say on this matter, and as i remember you had a lot to say it would be nice of you to let others gain whatever small bit of healing they can from opening up their hearts, as you must of done, instead of presuming that we're all doing it for the attention as some obviously have done.
candyfloss xxxx

Candyfloss you've totally misunderstood me hun, I was by no means having a go at you nor anyone else who's going through this kind of thing.... I've been there remember? I know how painful it is. I simply wanted to make a point that as so many of us thought it may be us that Ice was referring to, he was obviously correct in his original post.
I apologise if you felt that I was having a go at you, but the only part of my post aimed at you was the first sentence. The rest of it was purely my meandering thoughts on the subject and I wholly understand anyone's need to let off steam when they've been hurt. As you so rightly say, I did exactly the same when I was in that position, and it helped enormously.
I sincerely hope this clarifies my last post
Quote by Angel Chat
eerm angelchat i never said, i was convinced it was me, just said a suspicion, and it wasnt a
go at ice pie, would never presume i was everyones topic of right its very
sad that someonelse is going through what i'm going through and whoever it is i wish them happiness and a speedy recovery.
As you said you have had your say on this matter, and as i remember you had a lot to say it would be nice of you to let others gain whatever small bit of healing they can from opening up their hearts, as you must of done, instead of presuming that we're all doing it for the attention as some obviously have done.
candyfloss xxxx

Candyfloss you've totally misunderstood me hun, I was by no means having a go at you nor anyone else who's going through this kind of thing.... I've been there remember? I know how painful it is. I simply wanted to make a point that as so many of us thought it may be us that Ice was referring to, he was obviously correct in his original post.
I apologise if you felt that I was having a go at you, but the only part of my post aimed at you was the first sentence. The rest of it was purely my meandering thoughts on the subject and I wholly understand anyone's need to let off steam when they've been hurt. As you so rightly say, I did exactly the same when I was in that position, and it helped enormously.
I sincerely hope this clarifies my last post
passionkiss
OK, purely academically, of course, let’s explore on of the areas where this could be heading.
What if you’re in a relationship with someone and for whatever reason you say you love them – might be in the heat of the moment or that you genuinely believe it at the time. But then you realise that, in fact, you don’t. Now you really like this person and they are obviously besotted with you and you really don’t want to hurt them – what would you do (and don’t say you wouldn’t say it in the first place because it does happen and it would spoil the question anyway).
Would you:
1) Come straight out with it and say ‘I’m sorry – I said I love you but I don’t’
2) Keep going with the deception for fear of causing an upset
3) Get a friend to tell them straight or
4) Get a friend to raise the subject in a round about way to see if the partner gets the message on their own
5) Other – please specify
Sorry my typesetting is crap and I couldn't possibly start a poll!
Quote by westerross
OK, purely academically, of course, let’s explore on of the areas where this could be heading.
What if you’re in a relationship with someone and for whatever reason you say you love them – might be in the heat of the moment or that you genuinely believe it at the time. But then you realise that, in fact, you don’t. Now you really like this person and they are obviously besotted with you and you really don’t want to hurt them – what would you do (and don’t say you wouldn’t say it in the first place because it does happen and it would spoil the question anyway).
Would you:
1) Come straight out with it and say ‘I’m sorry – I said I love you but I don’t’
2) Keep going with the deception for fear of causing an upset
3) Get a friend to tell them straight or
4) Get a friend to raise the subject in a round about way to see if the partner gets the message on their own
5) Other – please specify
Sorry my typesetting is crap and I couldn't possibly start a poll!

Had this situation and did option 1 - felt THE biggest t*at ever. Hardest thing I have ever done.
Quote by AndyS-NE
Had this situation and did option 1 - felt THE biggest t*at ever. Hardest thing I have ever done.

I chose option 1 and she wouldn't believe me - I just couldn't spell it out so I went with the flow - we had a great time for a long time.
If you were pissed, then that is the cop out - "God I hope I didnt do or say anything stupid"
If not - I reckon I would try to be honest.
Quote by Happy Cats
If you were pissed, then that is the cop out - "God I hope I didnt do or say anything stupid"
If not - I reckon I would try to be honest.

In my case i was pissed and sober when i said it - but it wasn't real love more "she" was replacing a need in my life - rebound i think they call it.
Now that was hard to explain to the lass in question, never stopped feeling guilty over it, thats why i cringe when i read ads from people who say thy just come out of a relationship and are looking for some foun - emotions are hard things to control.
Quote by zootle
Why-o-why is it that some people just can?t be honest about what they want?

Some people are deliberately not honest about what they want for the purposes of their own hidden agenda.

Tell me something I don't know lol :lol: :lol:
So having done all this. Am I correct in assessing that Ice narrowed things down and wanted the get out. That the woman,(not sure who it is), wanted and was open to the full settlement?
So do we need a judge,a referee or Solomon?
Quote by duncanlondon
So having done all this. Am I correct in assessing that Ice narrowed things down and wanted the get out.

No
That the woman,(not sure who it is),

Meaning you have absolutely no idea and are just fishing for gossip wink
Sorry, there isn't any. :P
wanted and was open to the full settlement?

I guess you missed these:
Quote by Ice Pie
it is not, from my point of view, about any particular individuals.

Quote by Ice Pie
Someone posted something, I had an opinion, I expressed it.
???
So do we need a judge,a referee or Solomon?

I seem to keep having to repeat myself rather a lot in this thread. dunno I have made a general observation, prompted by someone who I don't personally know who felt let down. It's not specifically about me or anyone else and that is definitely the last time I'm going to repeat that. :P
Frankly mate, if I wanted to discuss details of my or anyone else's private life, this is the last place I would do it. :shock:
Quote by x-man0223
now this has been a interesting read
i cant say what anyone else on here is looking for but for me it is simple i want to be able to have a laugh when i cant afford to go out i want to meet new friends which i have i am not in it for a shag i havent even posted a add and i have been very lacking in pm's(sending). if i do end up meeting somone then i have to expect that it proberly wont be what normal people would consider a normal relationship and if it dosent work out then so be it.
so i think i am saying is come to the site and eventualy i will make a munch maybe i will meet somone and if i do i will remeber where i met them but most of all i hope i have the most fun i can have all the way thru and not upset anyone and if the sex ever comes into it then leave the major emotions at the door as it proberly is not going to go anywhere if it ever happens
enjoy the site all and just have fun

worship WOW **checks keyboard** you sure you didnt read my mind???
Now as to Ice's post... valid words and an excellent piece of art...
**now wonders if Ice is related to ann landers**
I’d like to throw another few points into the discussion pot:
Point 1
I have become wary of singles that only seem to meet other singles and say they want to “swing”.
Despite what they say when arranging to meet:
Some (not all) single women only meet single guys because they have a hidden agenda to gain a partner (more than a swinging partner).
Some (not all) single guys only meet single women because they have a hidden agenda to shag as many women as possible and think this is the easy way of doing it.
Unfortunately, you don’t always identify this type of person until it is too late.
In an ideal world these people would only cross paths with each other and leave the rest of us alone lol
Point 2
Sometimes people know the full score (this mainly but not exclusively applies to single women) but chose to hear what they want to hear. Then when they can’t hear what they want to hear anymore – the selective memory kicks in and instantly the other person is the villain.
Point 3
Nothing in life is guaranteed except death.
Apolgies Ice if you were/are pissed off. I was wrong and your reply put that right.
I can see why a couple who met in the swinging environment and subsequently fallen out would probably initially seek help from the environment. It makes sense to seek it from like minded people and particularly if they know you and watched the relationship develop. There have been some postings like this. Although it is usually hushed away quickly as being non-cool.
I think you are correct in identifying the burden of conscience involved with swinging. But I think this is something that it has different characteristics with age/experience, sexual orientation, culture/societies.
Which brings me to the expression 'hardened swingers'. I assume they have had considerable experience, and there is no way they will fall into a messy emotional state with anyone.
So do we narrow our experiences by controlling our thoughts and emotions, and avoid hurt and disaster. Or do we go with the flow and do that specail, wonderful thing? Are we so in control that we can turn these thing on and off as and when we require?
I don't think so, Eros and Loki can visit us any time.
Quote by duncanlondon
Apolgies Ice if you were/are pissed off.

Not at all mate. I actually think it's funny that so many people are trying to solve a mystery when there isn't one to solve. I have no hidden agenda. smile
Speaking of which:
Quote by PoloLady
Some (not all) single women only meet single guys because they have a hidden agenda to gain a partner (more than a swinging partner).

That also applies to some men.
Some (not all) single guys only meet single women because they have a hidden agenda to shag as many women as possible and think this is the easy way of doing it.

That also applies to some women.
Quote by duncanlondon
Which brings me to the expression 'hardened swingers'. I assume they have had considerable experience, and there is no way they will fall into a messy emotional state with anyone.

I'm not sure that it's safe to make that assumption. The 'hardened' aren't necessarily very experienced, and vice versa.
So do we narrow our experiences by controlling our thoughts and emotions, and avoid hurt and disaster.

No. I think the way to avoid, or at least minimise potential damage is not to suppress our thoughts and emotions, and indeed motives, but to be honest about them.
Or do we go with the flow and do that special, wonderful thing?

I'd say do what feels right, just be open about why you're doing it. If you have one of the agendas Polo spoke of, unhide it because it's nothing to be ashamed of unless it's the basis for deceit.
Are we so in control that we can turn these thing on and off as and when we require?

Some people might be able to do that. Personally I don't want to. If I feel something, I wouldn't pretend that I don't, and if I don't feel something, I wouldn't pretend that I do. I'm here to have fun, make friends, and if things go beyond that, whether it's me or the other person who wants to take it further I'll deal with that when it arises by just being me and saying what's on my mind.
From my point of view swinging can only be accomplished with truth and honesty..........this i know from my own personal experience. This experience has now cost me £1,500 and boxes of tissues to escape his green eye.
The one thing that i have got from this bad experience is that i have a bucket load of truthful, honest and caring people that i have met from the room. They know who they are and to be honest without their help and their huge shoulders i dont know what i would have done.
As Ice said u have to be honest...........tell them exactly wot u are thinking and feeling...........they may not always like wot u have to say but honesty is the best policy, so when i say i dont want a relationship with some 1 i mean it. For once in my life i am having ME time that may sound selfish but as long as the people around me or swing with me understand that then no1 is hurt.
I hope and pray that no1 has to endure wot i have, to quote some1's profile 'surely this is meant to be fun, so lets have some together!!!'