My wife and I have had an active sex life including same room fun to sucking but not fucking and.
Lately (since the birth of our son) this has gone off a bit. I have always "got off" on her flashing and flirting with other men and she's been happy to indulge me.
Recently (7 days) she went on a course with work, we talked about her getting chatted up and full permission was given by me providing there were no secrets.
When she returned she told me about a chap she had given a blow job and I was so excited I could have burst, but now she's being very odd, I've reassured her I love her and always will and she says she's just tired (maybe she is, maybe it's mt problem but I don't feel that!).
Has she played and got emotionally attached to this guy? is she just feeling guilty? I still feel really horny about it but I'm worried it will damage our relationship.
Very confused, but very horny.
Webster
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So what do I do now?
Blimey, sounds like a pretty awkward situation 
:? :? Not to mention a ground made of eggshells :?
Fraid that from what you've said, you're gonna have to talk with your wife. Difficult to guage anything just from a post. Does she talk about this guy more than normal? Or has she suddenly stopped talking about him like she maybe used to?
Maybe she's just having a complete rethink about things - do you give her more of a reaction/attention when something sexual happens with a 3rd party?? Or do you give her the same reaction/attention when it's just the two of you??
When it's just the two of you, are there always underlying fantasies of a 3rd party? Or do you make the most of and enjoy purely her company.
There's sooooooooo many ifs buts maybes and somehows, you just can't give a straight forward answer after one post on the subject I'm afraid
It's gonna have to be proper chat timewith your wife
Good luck!
:? :? Not to mention a ground made of eggshells :?Fraid that from what you've said, you're gonna have to talk with your wife. Difficult to guage anything just from a post. Does she talk about this guy more than normal? Or has she suddenly stopped talking about him like she maybe used to?
Maybe she's just having a complete rethink about things - do you give her more of a reaction/attention when something sexual happens with a 3rd party?? Or do you give her the same reaction/attention when it's just the two of you??
When it's just the two of you, are there always underlying fantasies of a 3rd party? Or do you make the most of and enjoy purely her company.
There's sooooooooo many ifs buts maybes and somehows, you just can't give a straight forward answer after one post on the subject I'm afraid
It's gonna have to be proper chat timewith your wife
Good luck!
Hi,
I'm not in the slightest bit qualified to answer this, but I'll give it a go.
You say your son was born recently? The whole pregnancy/childbirth/sleepless nights thing can make a woman lose her sense of identity and send her sexuality into a downward spiral.
Giving another man a BJ alone is unlikely to make her have feelings for him, but it could be making her question her life and make her wonder if there's something missing. That in turn could be making her feel guilty.
If any of this is true then the only advice I can give is to give her persistant reassurance and make her life sparkle a bit. Perhaps take some time out for just the two of you. Take a short trip away together and use the time to rekindle her sexual spark.
Above all... make sure she knows how much you care.
Good luck.
I'm not in the slightest bit qualified to answer this, but I'll give it a go.
You say your son was born recently? The whole pregnancy/childbirth/sleepless nights thing can make a woman lose her sense of identity and send her sexuality into a downward spiral.
Giving another man a BJ alone is unlikely to make her have feelings for him, but it could be making her question her life and make her wonder if there's something missing. That in turn could be making her feel guilty.
If any of this is true then the only advice I can give is to give her persistant reassurance and make her life sparkle a bit. Perhaps take some time out for just the two of you. Take a short trip away together and use the time to rekindle her sexual spark.
Above all... make sure she knows how much you care.
Good luck.
I've been a "watching" menmber of this site for a long time and I felt I would get non judgemental advice.
Thank you for the compassionate way you have responded and questioned my (our) attitude to each other. You have crystalised my feelings about what has been wrong for the last few years and I hope we can get this back on track. It isn't about swinging it is about communication and trust.
I will keep updated, either there will be fun to be had as a couple in time (months I suspect) to come or there will be a very morose single bloke out here looking for cuddles.
Thanks again
Web
Thank you for the compassionate way you have responded and questioned my (our) attitude to each other. You have crystalised my feelings about what has been wrong for the last few years and I hope we can get this back on track. It isn't about swinging it is about communication and trust.
I will keep updated, either there will be fun to be had as a couple in time (months I suspect) to come or there will be a very morose single bloke out here looking for cuddles.
Thanks again
Web
Sex God
Quote by PoloLady
From what I can gather - you both have a very young child and she has now returned to work - may be she is just as she says.......... tired
exactly.............so why not try talking to her........or even arranging for someone too look after your kids so u can have a bit of time alone..........or even just giving her a massage sometime and talking to her about how u feel.........
Sex God
And generally the hormonal balance can alter for a period after childbirth, which can affect a lot of things including sex drive.
Good luck. Sounds like you've got a fairly sensible approach to it. Communication, as Missy says, is the first step.
Good luck. Sounds like you've got a fairly sensible approach to it. Communication, as Missy says, is the first step.
You're all right. Much more complex than you could imagine (or maybe not).
Both of us have high expatitions from our respective employers and are rewarded commesurateley, our son is over 5 & under 10 so doesn't really understand, but the sexual fantasies and enactments statrted when we were not even married.
I'm sure we willl work this out and I now more than before (but i knew really) that this is not a problem related to our sexual leanings but more a lack of love.
Trouble is I never remember any situation where love wasn't the answer as far as I was concerned )from parking tickets to shopping it doesn't really matter).
I need to sleep now, one way or another I need to find a way forward.
I am very sorry for the down tone of this message, bur as I said before at least you understand and are not too judgenental,
Who knows where we go from here? We should be flying but I suspect I've fucked up.
Web
Both of us have high expatitions from our respective employers and are rewarded commesurateley, our son is over 5 & under 10 so doesn't really understand, but the sexual fantasies and enactments statrted when we were not even married.
I'm sure we willl work this out and I now more than before (but i knew really) that this is not a problem related to our sexual leanings but more a lack of love.
Trouble is I never remember any situation where love wasn't the answer as far as I was concerned )from parking tickets to shopping it doesn't really matter).
I need to sleep now, one way or another I need to find a way forward.
I am very sorry for the down tone of this message, bur as I said before at least you understand and are not too judgenental,
Who knows where we go from here? We should be flying but I suspect I've fucked up.
Web
Sex God
Quote by markz
live each day as if it was the last
Tried that but kept waking up with no money and no clean clothes
Sex God
Quote by markz
live each day as if it was the last
Tried that but kept waking up with no money and no clean clothes
but at least you kept waking up :D
Yeah.....skint and naked :?
Sex God
Quote by makingcocoa
live each day as if it was the last
Tried that but kept waking up with no money and no clean clothes
but at least you kept waking up :D
Yeah.....skint and naked :?
Who needs money when you have a naked Laird? :twisted: :D
Ms Cocoa
YOU can have a naked Laird anytime you want
Sex God
Quote by markz
live each day as if it was the last
Tried that but kept waking up with no money and no clean clothes
but at least you kept waking up :D
Yeah but after you've done that six times on the trot, don't you kinda get the idea that this one may not be the last?
you're scaring me :scared:
Sex God
Just a thought. If you little one has started school recently (or even not that recently) maybe his mum is feeling just a little bit less useful. It can be as big a change as when you started your family in the first place.
Like the others have said and implied - consistent reassurance of her status as a woman - not a wife or mother may be the way to go. You met and fell in love (and lust ) with a woman first and foremost.
Like the others have said and implied - consistent reassurance of her status as a woman - not a wife or mother may be the way to go. You met and fell in love (and lust
) with a woman first and foremost. 
Warming the Bed
I have total sympathy for you and your wife.
I am happily married to a great guy and have been together for 12 years.
how ever we now have a 3 year old and a 5 year old who race about the house and have no peace to ourselves, so forget a quickie in the morning.
Take for instance this morning hubby and i were in bed and wanted to get frisky but the two terrors would sooooooooooooo not leave us alone
Any way i went off on a tangent there
My hubby and i have tried the swinging clubs and they do not appeal to us now as many a time we have went and found we did not want to play with any one.
So hubby found this site and we have tried a 3 some together but again that did not appeal to my hubby.................... so after much conversation it was stated that i could play alone with whom i like.
For a good while after i met some one i felt very guilty about doing it but hubby assured me that it was ok, and if i told him ome details oh my godddddddddddd he got so turned on.
But i like your wife tend to wonder why i d this and feel the need for change.
I do love y hubby but is the lust for him gone and are we just parents doing the best we can to make a marriage work................
i hope this helps
I am happily married to a great guy and have been together for 12 years.
how ever we now have a 3 year old and a 5 year old who race about the house and have no peace to ourselves, so forget a quickie in the morning.
Take for instance this morning hubby and i were in bed and wanted to get frisky but the two terrors would sooooooooooooo not leave us alone
Any way i went off on a tangent there
My hubby and i have tried the swinging clubs and they do not appeal to us now as many a time we have went and found we did not want to play with any one.
So hubby found this site and we have tried a 3 some together but again that did not appeal to my hubby.................... so after much conversation it was stated that i could play alone with whom i like.
For a good while after i met some one i felt very guilty about doing it but hubby assured me that it was ok, and if i told him ome details oh my godddddddddddd he got so turned on.
But i like your wife tend to wonder why i d this and feel the need for change.
I do love y hubby but is the lust for him gone and are we just parents doing the best we can to make a marriage work................
i hope this helps
Thanks all fot the kind words and advice.
An update...........
My wife with full permission from me played away whilst on her course. I had before this been neglecting her & the family. There was an emotional attachment with the person she met (he made her feel special, which I mostly don't).
The quietness (secrecy) was my problem and we have now talked through the problem. Hurrah!!!!!! it turns out my wofe loves me and (something of a surprise, although why it was is beyond me, when it hit me) I adore, love and admire her.
A point that comes from this is how men and women think of sex (a generalisation I know we are all different).
My wife (although very bi) would not willingly let another woman into our relationship because I might fall in love with her although she will go off have girly time and tell me about it which I find horny, I don't mind this. She can't understand why I would be happy to watch another man fuck her and thinks that it would be better to play away and tell me about it after, this troubles me as I think she needs an emotional attachment for sex & whilst I'm prepared to accept my chances against another girl I don't want her getting both emotional & physical fulfillment without at least my presence.
We are now though very much back in love, still in touch with the guy she met and probably eventually will meet him again. The lesson I've learnt is that communication is the key.
Oh yes and I'm not paranoid everyone really does hate me!
An update...........
My wife with full permission from me played away whilst on her course. I had before this been neglecting her & the family. There was an emotional attachment with the person she met (he made her feel special, which I mostly don't).
The quietness (secrecy) was my problem and we have now talked through the problem. Hurrah!!!!!! it turns out my wofe loves me and (something of a surprise, although why it was is beyond me, when it hit me) I adore, love and admire her.
A point that comes from this is how men and women think of sex (a generalisation I know we are all different).
My wife (although very bi) would not willingly let another woman into our relationship because I might fall in love with her although she will go off have girly time and tell me about it which I find horny, I don't mind this. She can't understand why I would be happy to watch another man fuck her and thinks that it would be better to play away and tell me about it after, this troubles me as I think she needs an emotional attachment for sex & whilst I'm prepared to accept my chances against another girl I don't want her getting both emotional & physical fulfillment without at least my presence.
We are now though very much back in love, still in touch with the guy she met and probably eventually will meet him again. The lesson I've learnt is that communication is the key.
Oh yes and I'm not paranoid everyone really does hate me!
