on your faces girls................
My boyfriend, not happy with my mood swings, bought me a mood ring the
other day so he would be able to monitor my moods.
When I'm in a good mood it turns green. When I'm in a bad mood, it
leaves a big f***ing red mark on his forehead. Maybe next time he'll
buy me a big diamond.
My husband came home with a tube of KY jelly and said, "This will make
you happy tonight."
He was right. When he went out of the bedroom, I squirted it all over
the doorknobs. He couldn't get back in.
A couple are lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the
happiest woman in the world."
The woman says, "I'll miss you."
Q.:- What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A.:- A rumour.
He said, "Since I first laid eyes on you, I've wanted to make love to
you really badly."
She said, "Well, you've succeeded."
He said, "Shall we try swapping positions tonight?"
She said, "That's a good idea......you stand by the ironing board while
I sit on the sofa and fart."
He said, "What have you been doing with all the grocery money that I
gave you?"
She said, "Turn sideways and look in the mirror you fat b****ard."
Q.:- What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
A.:- 45 minutes
Q.:- What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
A.:- Through his chest with a sharp knife.
Q.:- Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring
and good looking?
A.:- Because those men already have boyfriends.
Q.:- What makes men chase women if they have no intention of marrying?
A.:- The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of
driving.
Q.:- What do you do if you see a man running around with half a head?
A.:- Reload and try again!
Rob
