Hi lambchop im going through the same thing right now.
so i know what your going through, it hurts like hell.
and i diddent think anyone could cry so much.
i cant give you advce cos i need it myself .
people say it will get easyer each day, when does that start cos its getting harder for me each day.
god i told myself i wouldent do this on here but i saw your post.
and just wanted to say your not alone.
and here i go crying again, pls some one slap some sense into me.
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Splitting Up
Sex God
Quote by Wishmaster
Think about it logically .......if some shit of a person thinks it's absolutely acceptable to crap all over your feelings then do you really want them in your life anyway??
If someone fucks me about once - they're out! End of!
I'll be anyone's friend until THEY give me a reason not to be.
Wow, I've heard that one before from my fella.
I'm a little more forgiving than that, even when I shouldn't be. Don't know if I could be so cut and dried about things... might give it a go one day.
(((((((hugs)))))))) for those who need them right now.
Gem. x
Sex God
Quote by little gem
Think about it logically .......if some shit of a person thinks it's absolutely acceptable to crap all over your feelings then do you really want them in your life anyway??
If someone fucks me about once - they're out! End of!
I'll be anyone's friend until THEY give me a reason not to be.
Wow, I've heard that one before from my fella.
I'm a little more forgiving than that, even when I shouldn't be. Don't know if I could be so cut and dried about things... might give it a go one day.
(((((((hugs)))))))) for those who need them right now.
Gem. x
I'm liking your way of thinking Wishy..... that philosophy has a lot going for it.... but like Gem I'm probably too forgiving to ever subscribe to that type of thinking full time (though I wish I could).
Lambchop....... chin up, it'll get better in time....... look after yourself and do what you have to do to be happy.....
Lambchop,
having now come out of the other side of a split with my partner of 12 years i can offer a tiny bit of advice, though it is only based on my experience, i don't have kids, and everyone's relationship is different. BUT you may be able to use something from it.
I split with my partner after 12 years. On the whole it was a fantastic relationship. There were some things though that weren't. I moved out and then started seeing someone else. I missed my Ex. But the underying reason as to why i left had not been resolved.
The new relationship finished, i found myself at a loss, turned to the Ex for some help, we decided to give it a go and it lasted another week. We both realised it wasn't going to work as the thing that broke us hadn't changed. I still live with her, though we have different rooms and quite seperate lives. We get on very well, but there is no "sexual" content to the relationship. We are off to Morrisons later today, i say this as it kind of shows the inanity of how it works.
After the 2nd split with her, i found myself drinking a lot. Not alone, but in the pub. It was social drinking. It didn't help, just staved off the lonliness, and made me feel a bit better. I wouldn't recommend it as it only delays what you have to face eventually, that you start to rebuild your life. Things change and they are changing for you now. In 6 months, one year, things will be different to how they are now.
If your kids are your life, then drinking yourself into oblivion isn't going to make you rational, and therefore you will make bad decisions, and that will affect your relationship with them. If you mean it, that your kids are your life, then you need to start getting to grips with what you are going to do next. Staying reasonably sober will help there. Have a drink by all means, but just as an unwinding thing from what is a stressful time of your life, drink when you feel you deserve it, when you have done something that has moved you on... not when you feel shit.
Anyhows, good luck. It does get better, and sometimes you'll be surprised at how different life looks on the outside...
having now come out of the other side of a split with my partner of 12 years i can offer a tiny bit of advice, though it is only based on my experience, i don't have kids, and everyone's relationship is different. BUT you may be able to use something from it.
I split with my partner after 12 years. On the whole it was a fantastic relationship. There were some things though that weren't. I moved out and then started seeing someone else. I missed my Ex. But the underying reason as to why i left had not been resolved.
The new relationship finished, i found myself at a loss, turned to the Ex for some help, we decided to give it a go and it lasted another week. We both realised it wasn't going to work as the thing that broke us hadn't changed. I still live with her, though we have different rooms and quite seperate lives. We get on very well, but there is no "sexual" content to the relationship. We are off to Morrisons later today, i say this as it kind of shows the inanity of how it works.
After the 2nd split with her, i found myself drinking a lot. Not alone, but in the pub. It was social drinking. It didn't help, just staved off the lonliness, and made me feel a bit better. I wouldn't recommend it as it only delays what you have to face eventually, that you start to rebuild your life. Things change and they are changing for you now. In 6 months, one year, things will be different to how they are now.
If your kids are your life, then drinking yourself into oblivion isn't going to make you rational, and therefore you will make bad decisions, and that will affect your relationship with them. If you mean it, that your kids are your life, then you need to start getting to grips with what you are going to do next. Staying reasonably sober will help there. Have a drink by all means, but just as an unwinding thing from what is a stressful time of your life, drink when you feel you deserve it, when you have done something that has moved you on... not when you feel shit.
Anyhows, good luck. It does get better, and sometimes you'll be surprised at how different life looks on the outside...
Quote by Wishmaster
Think about it logically .......if some shit of a person thinks it's absolutely acceptable to crap all over your feelings then do you really want them in your life anyway??
If someone fucks me about once - they're out! End of!
I'll be anyone's friend until THEY give me a reason not to be.
The thing is though, you can't stay with someone and try really hard to be nice to them for their sake and make yourself miserable in the process. It would be wrong to stay with someone just because you don't want to hurt their feelings.
If a relationship breaks down, it doesn't necessarily mean that one person is a bad person, relationships change. I know I am a very different person now to the 16 year old he met.
Forum Virgin
hi...sorry to hear that lif is been so curel at the moment...alcohol isnt the answer it is a toxin and a depressant...so will only take you further down...have a chat with yoyr gp...explain what has lead up to this...the feelings you are experiencing and trouble sleeping..they may refer you to a councellor with/without medication...
you say your wif does love you any more...or is it that she loves you but isnt in love with you ,which ar both totally different...have you tried relate or other like organisations..
hope things get better for you....
every one on SH are supportive to you so borrow their strenght for now..
you say your wif does love you any more...or is it that she loves you but isnt in love with you ,which ar both totally different...have you tried relate or other like organisations..
hope things get better for you....
every one on SH are supportive to you so borrow their strenght for now..
me an rach were just looking at the threads and u guys all seem very sympathetic to lambchop, which is good, but there are two sides to every story and not everything is always so cut and dry, we sympathise with the guy also but....
lambchop my friend, if you and your lady have reached the end of the road together then its time you both took different slip roads and start a whole new journey by yourselves...
it is fairly obvious that at this point the likelyhood of you guys getting back together is fairly slim, but life goes on and where one door closes another opens....
be a man stay off the booze, which as other members have stated is a co depressant and make your kids proud by not hanging about or making them see their dad, who they love and respect, fall to bits in front of them.......
sometimes the best times are the worst times, that way you can find out a bit about who you are instead of being a couple person be a you person an stand on your own two feet man.....
does anyone think that was a bit out of order or am i about right...???
lambchop my friend, if you and your lady have reached the end of the road together then its time you both took different slip roads and start a whole new journey by yourselves...
it is fairly obvious that at this point the likelyhood of you guys getting back together is fairly slim, but life goes on and where one door closes another opens....
be a man stay off the booze, which as other members have stated is a co depressant and make your kids proud by not hanging about or making them see their dad, who they love and respect, fall to bits in front of them.......
sometimes the best times are the worst times, that way you can find out a bit about who you are instead of being a couple person be a you person an stand on your own two feet man.....
does anyone think that was a bit out of order or am i about right...???
I split after 24years of marriage, the hurt feeling carries on for a long while.
I feel for you. If you cannot get back together then you need to look at a few things with some priority in my mind. Try and keep it friendly as, if it looks as if it is getting nasty, money and financial security gets very important.
You need to take some control of yourself. Because, if your partner is more astute than you, you could end up loosing more that just your relationship.
1/ If there is an appreciable capital tied up (house, car, Caravan etc), then get legal advice soon.
2/ Stop any bank accounts that may be in joint names.
3/ Get all utility bills changed to her name (if she lives in your old marital home.) This includes phone bills. You are wholly liable or jointly liable according to whose name is on the bill. Phoning a premuim rate number in Australia and leaving the phone off the hook is a sure way of getting revenge on you and emtying your bank account. :cry:
4/ Do NOT stop paying the mortgage.
5/ Try and appear to any children that they carry no fault and you still love them.
6/ Lastly, move out and get your post redirected so she will not know what legal/financial moves you may be making.
Belive it or not, the Doctors is a good place to go. Anti-depressants, sleeping tabs and councelling can help.
Of course, the kids are the main thing, so make sure you provide for them.
I feel for you. If you cannot get back together then you need to look at a few things with some priority in my mind. Try and keep it friendly as, if it looks as if it is getting nasty, money and financial security gets very important.
You need to take some control of yourself. Because, if your partner is more astute than you, you could end up loosing more that just your relationship.
1/ If there is an appreciable capital tied up (house, car, Caravan etc), then get legal advice soon.
2/ Stop any bank accounts that may be in joint names.
3/ Get all utility bills changed to her name (if she lives in your old marital home.) This includes phone bills. You are wholly liable or jointly liable according to whose name is on the bill. Phoning a premuim rate number in Australia and leaving the phone off the hook is a sure way of getting revenge on you and emtying your bank account. :cry:
4/ Do NOT stop paying the mortgage.
5/ Try and appear to any children that they carry no fault and you still love them.
6/ Lastly, move out and get your post redirected so she will not know what legal/financial moves you may be making.
Belive it or not, the Doctors is a good place to go. Anti-depressants, sleeping tabs and councelling can help.
Of course, the kids are the main thing, so make sure you provide for them.
Ok..... for a start.... forget the alcohol......
No problems have ever been solved by staring at the bottom of a glass or can... the alcohol will act as a depressant and make you ultimately feel worse.
You need to either open a channel of communication between yourselves or use a mediator serice... i.e. Relate... it can help just to talk any problems through..... divorce is a mega-final step and not to be taken lightly....
If you cannot find any common ground then you need to seek the services of a lawyer... a good Family solicitor who can talk things through and discuss your options... remember the first 30 minutes of consultation are free... choose a reputable firm that specialises in Family Law... not just any old firm...
I wish you all the best.... but just remember... leave the alcohol alone... if you are depressed or not sleeping... go and see your local G.P... they may be able to offer advice and perhaps some medication to help you through this period......
equi-princess xxx
No problems have ever been solved by staring at the bottom of a glass or can... the alcohol will act as a depressant and make you ultimately feel worse.
You need to either open a channel of communication between yourselves or use a mediator serice... i.e. Relate... it can help just to talk any problems through..... divorce is a mega-final step and not to be taken lightly....
If you cannot find any common ground then you need to seek the services of a lawyer... a good Family solicitor who can talk things through and discuss your options... remember the first 30 minutes of consultation are free... choose a reputable firm that specialises in Family Law... not just any old firm...
I wish you all the best.... but just remember... leave the alcohol alone... if you are depressed or not sleeping... go and see your local G.P... they may be able to offer advice and perhaps some medication to help you through this period......
equi-princess xxx
Quote by lambchop
Anyone got any advice on splitting with your married partner and kids? I am about to move out and finding life very hard at the momoment and drinking far too much,but cant sleep,is it posible to dislike your partner when with her,but miss her like crazy when you know she's not . I know this isnt really a swinging issue,but most swingers seem to be happy and comfortable with themselves and can offer salient advice
Goin thru the same thing here m8. Just split up with my partner of 4 years about 4 weeks ago and left behind my only child, a daughter of nearly 4. I always thought it gets easier.. Ha.. it dont
I love her to pieces but when were together we just dont mix any more.. all the spark had gone.. we barely spent any time together.. it just got too bad to be at home.. and now I thought leaving would make life easier but I wish I had stayed. She now wants a life on her own and here I sit on me onsies :( My advice.. think it through before you go.. maybe a small break appart would help.. absence makes the heart grow fonder and all that.. and now I have time alone.. all I do is think about them and how things could have easily changed.. and how the small things that seemed to ammount to a whole heap of trouble just dont really matter at all...You have my thoughts right now my friend, I know it can't be easy for you.. its horrible for me and we were only together for 4 years! I wish I had some mirracle advice to offer but nothing I have tried seems to work.. I keep busy but thoughts still sneak in.. I have only slept for 6 hours this past week.. and things just dont seem to be easing. So if anyone knows the key to stop all the hurting then please share. :(
Myke
Quote by equi-princess
You need to either open a channel of communication between yourselves or use a mediator serice... i.e. Relate... it can help just to talk any problems through..... divorce is a mega-final step and not to be taken lightly....
Relate can work out pretty expensive, £40 per hour "donation". Of course, if it saves the marriage it is worth it.
i am no soothesayer, mystic preacher or prophet but surely the key to getting on is........
getting on.......
everyones threads are giving the same advice but to be honest the only way to get on is to ACCEPT that things have changed and you will have to change accordingly....
i really dont mean to sound harsh but all the tea and sympathy in the world wont do you guys any good, just accept that things have changed and try to be as strong for yourselves as you can, as long as you are alive there is a chance anything could happen.
getting on.......
everyones threads are giving the same advice but to be honest the only way to get on is to ACCEPT that things have changed and you will have to change accordingly....
i really dont mean to sound harsh but all the tea and sympathy in the world wont do you guys any good, just accept that things have changed and try to be as strong for yourselves as you can, as long as you are alive there is a chance anything could happen.
Hi, Lambchop.
There's been a lot of sense spoken - the best being get off the booze. Nothing wrong with a drink, but not to escape.
I've just got home from a 3 hour drive to take my kids home after seeing them for the weekend.
Right now, I feel like diving into a bottle as well - it's always worse just after taking them back. However, I'm going to have a bath, then take a glass of wine while watching us stuff the Aussies in the second test. Tomorrow it will be a little better.
Willxx69 - dead on - exactly how I am approaching it - not gone to law yet, trying to work it out between us.
Suze43 - are you my wife? If so, can you stop being so bloody awkward about the money?
There's been a lot of sense spoken - the best being get off the booze. Nothing wrong with a drink, but not to escape.
I've just got home from a 3 hour drive to take my kids home after seeing them for the weekend.
Right now, I feel like diving into a bottle as well - it's always worse just after taking them back. However, I'm going to have a bath, then take a glass of wine while watching us stuff the Aussies in the second test. Tomorrow it will be a little better.
Willxx69 - dead on - exactly how I am approaching it - not gone to law yet, trying to work it out between us.
Suze43 - are you my wife? If so, can you stop being so bloody awkward about the money?
Hi Lambchop,
I split up with my husband 10 years ago.....just after finding out I was pregnant with our second child.....at the time I thought my heart was actually going to break....but it didn't or I wouldn't be here writing to you!!
It is hard....it is messy....it is a struggle.....but you have to focus on your kids and not how easy it is to forget and bury your head in the sand!!
We did go to Relate for counselling and it did help us in a major way.....we actually understood why we couldn't be together....crazy but true....and I think it is mainly due to that understanding that we are very good friends and never have a bad word to say about each other.
I know everything seems pointless and that it all seems such an effort but if you work at it instead of letting it happen then maybe you could still be friends which is so much better than twisted enemies when children are involved.
As a final thought I too would echo everyone else's concerns and say please leave the alcohol alone and please,please go and see your GP if you really feel so down that everyday things are a struggle.....depression is an illness that you cannot afford to ignore either xx
Best of luck and remember to smile at least once a day
loadsa luv Cuddles xxxx
I split up with my husband 10 years ago.....just after finding out I was pregnant with our second child.....at the time I thought my heart was actually going to break....but it didn't or I wouldn't be here writing to you!!
It is hard....it is messy....it is a struggle.....but you have to focus on your kids and not how easy it is to forget and bury your head in the sand!!
We did go to Relate for counselling and it did help us in a major way.....we actually understood why we couldn't be together....crazy but true....and I think it is mainly due to that understanding that we are very good friends and never have a bad word to say about each other.
I know everything seems pointless and that it all seems such an effort but if you work at it instead of letting it happen then maybe you could still be friends which is so much better than twisted enemies when children are involved.
As a final thought I too would echo everyone else's concerns and say please leave the alcohol alone and please,please go and see your GP if you really feel so down that everyday things are a struggle.....depression is an illness that you cannot afford to ignore either xx
Best of luck and remember to smile at least once a day
loadsa luv Cuddles xxxx
