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Stephen Fry on BBC2~living with Manic Depression
Quote by sheddy
I suffer from anxiety attacks and have always been a worrier (spelling) the reason I was supposed to have given up driving trucks was that all that time on my own staring at the road led my mind to play over time.......the slightest thing that was of no importance would be a huge issue after worrying about it over a 4 hour journey. If I left a depot and I knew 4 or 5 hours down the road I had a tight yard to get into or a blind side reverse when I got there I would spend the entire journey worrying about it.....9 times out of 10 when I got there everything went fine and there was no need to worry but the stress it caused during the journey had a longer lasting effect
Thank you so much for posting that.......I now know someone else who suffers from the same driving anxiety as me.......I thought I was the only weirdo lol.......yes we know that we will manage to park without any problems, we know we will navigate that roundabout safely.....but it doesn't stop the palpitations and the light headedness and the pins in needles (type tingly feeling) in the arms and legs!
I'm another "born worrier" and am also having mega mega problems with reactive depression at the moment, unfortunatley due to my career and state registration, it isn't easy to ask for help (worst case senario involves being struck off - due to a "fitness to practise" clause). I did weigh up the pro's and con's of seeking help a couple of months ago - and decided that I definately couldn't practice my profession if I was dead, and if I let it get that far, it was unfair on family - who would take it upon themselves to carry the resonsibility. So today I had my first appointment with a Mental Health Worker (didn't really want to take anti-depressants, for several reasons) and I'm being referred for Cognitive Behavior Therapy.........so fingers crossed I can get out of this horrible black hole!
Les x
It is extreemely brave of people to share their experiences with a forum, not least because of the stigma attached with any sort of mental illness. Our son is currently waiting to be diagonosed with Aspergers Syndrome, which Kiss touched on earlier, and one our biggest fears is that he will become a target for bullies and alike 
Only by speaking out and sharing experiences will people be able to gain an understanding and acceptance of these kind of difficulties that people face.
:kiss: :kiss: to all those who have bared their souls 
Only by speaking out and sharing experiences will people be able to gain an understanding and acceptance of these kind of difficulties that people face.
:kiss: :kiss: to all those who have bared their souls 
Sex God
Quote by varca
I can personally empathasise with Mr Fry and with each and every one of you exceedingly brave people who have shared their very personal experiences on here.
My own story...
Happily I would not consider myself as suffering from depression any longer. In fact thanks to therapy and my loved ones I am stronger emotionally and mentally than I have ever been
If it will help others here suffering this plight and give them hope that you can recover from depression with only the very, very occasional down day I will bear my soul to you....
I am the person who I am now, a very strong person, a very happy person who rarely, as I have said, has "down" moments and I have come through, survived, not sure of the right adjectives here, the following:- :)
Parental (father) sexual abuse aged 8-14
Parental (father) physical abuse aged 5 -18
at 17 (never reported, friend of my best friend)
Mental cruelty (husband 21 - 36)
3 suicide attempts aged 13 - 15 (due to first two issues)
Finding out that the man I adored, grandfather, sexually abused his children
Mother divorcing father after 29 years, me telling her what he did to me and then she took him back 6 months later
Lost my son R at 7 months gestation
Lost my baby at 3 months gestation
Postnatal depression diagnosed after 2 years
22 year old cousin and murdered and the bastard got 4 years initially (happily we appealed to attorney general and he then got nine but still not enough!) Have a friend of a friend of a friend, a big black gay guy who will make friends with "it" very soon :) )
Marriage breakup after 17 years
Relationship breakup after 2 years
What helped me get through?, I cannot say for sure but therapy, my loved ones and just being able to talk and not being judged was a huge, huge help. I did have anti-depressants for 3 months after postnatal depression was finally diagnosed and that was fab as PND is about low levels of seratonin.
Chocolate helps too in low moments, that seratonin thing again :D
Just re-read what I have written, not sure whether to exit out or hit submit now!!!Grim reading I know now I actually look back on my life but I have decided that if others can be brave so can I and if it will give someone hope that there is light at the end of the tunnel then it will be worth me bearing my soul
xx
God Bless You, and thank you for those words :cry:
Sex God
Quote by varca
I can personally empathasise with Mr Fry and with each and every one of you exceedingly brave people who have shared their very personal experiences on here.
My own story...
Happily I would not consider myself as suffering from depression any longer. In fact thanks to therapy and my loved ones I am stronger emotionally and mentally than I have ever been
If it will help others here suffering this plight and give them hope that you can recover from depression with only the very, very occasional down day I will bear my soul to you....
I am the person who I am now, a very strong person, a very happy person who rarely, as I have said, has "down" moments and I have come through, survived, not sure of the right adjectives here, the following:- :)
Parental (father) sexual abuse aged 8-14
Parental (father) physical abuse aged 5 -18
at 17 (never reported, friend of my best friend)
Mental cruelty (husband 21 - 36)
3 suicide attempts aged 13 - 15 (due to first two issues)
Finding out that the man I adored, grandfather, sexually abused his children
Mother divorcing father after 29 years, me telling her what he did to me and then she took him back 6 months later
Lost my son R at 7 months gestation
Lost my baby at 3 months gestation
Postnatal depression diagnosed after 2 years
22 year old cousin and murdered and the bastard got 4 years initially (happily we appealed to attorney general and he then got nine but still not enough!) Have a friend of a friend of a friend, a big black gay guy who will make friends with "it" very soon :) )
Marriage breakup after 17 years
Relationship breakup after 2 years
What helped me get through?, I cannot say for sure but therapy, my loved ones and just being able to talk and not being judged was a huge, huge help. I did have anti-depressants for 3 months after postnatal depression was finally diagnosed and that was fab as PND is about low levels of seratonin.
Chocolate helps too in low moments, that seratonin thing again :D
Just re-read what I have written, not sure whether to exit out or hit submit now!!!
xx
:kiss:
Sex God
:shock:
having read this thread all the way through the problems i thought i had in my life pale into insignificance
i have a medle here at home that i got in the army (N.I) i still have bad dreams an it will always be with me "but" you people have to deal with this every day of your life
to quote rudyard kippling " your a better man than i Gungadin"
my hart is with you all :worship: :worship: :worship: :worship:
having read this thread all the way through the problems i thought i had in my life pale into insignificance
i have a medle here at home that i got in the army (N.I) i still have bad dreams an it will always be with me "but" you people have to deal with this every day of your life
to quote rudyard kippling " your a better man than i Gungadin"
my hart is with you all
:worship: :worship: :worship: :worship: Quote by sercher01
:shock:
having read this thread all the way through the problems i thought i had in my life pale into insignificance
i have a medle here at home that i got in the army (N.I) i still have bad dreams an it will always be with me "but" you people have to deal with this every day of your life
to quote rudyard kippling " your a better man than i Gungadin"
my hart is with you all
everyone has their own problems to deal with, don't make yours any less important than theirs, i used to look after a guy (in a care home) who fought in a war and he never recovered from it, used to wake up in the night screaming and crying its a very big thing to deal with for the men who whitnessed these things that most of us can't imagine, they are not 'better men than u' at all
Sex God
thanx NN hun :rose:
Quote by sercher01
thanx NN hun :rose:
cope and paste it i'll never be nice to u again lol
Serious tho most of us have had bad in our lifes, me included, i have had people wrong against me and have a perminant reminder every day when i get up but unlike most on here i don't feel comfy adversiting my personal life for all to read, and thats not having a dig at those who do, i respect that they can't talk about whats happened to them, guess i'm just not there yet
Quote by naughtynymphos1
thanx NN hun :rose:
cope and paste it i'll never be nice to u again lol
Serious tho most of us have had bad in our lifes, me included, i have had people wrong against me and have a perminant reminder every day when i get up but unlike most on here i don't feel comfy adversiting my personal life for all to read, and thats not having a dig at those who do, i respect that they can't talk about whats happened to them, guess i'm just not there yet
The advantage of advertising your private life here is that you are anonymous. I have found it very difficult to talk to familiy and friends. There is that feeling of being judged. No-one here seems to judge.
Quote by keeno
thanx NN hun :rose:
cope and paste it i'll never be nice to u again lol
Serious tho most of us have had bad in our lifes, me included, i have had people wrong against me and have a perminant reminder every day when i get up but unlike most on here i don't feel comfy adversiting my personal life for all to read, and thats not having a dig at those who do, i respect that they can't talk about whats happened to them, guess i'm just not there yet
The advantage of advertising your private life here is that you are anonymous. I have found it very difficult to talk to familiy and friends. There is that feeling of being judged. No-one here seems to judge.
not if you have met as many people as i have your not
Quote by naughtynymphos1
thanx NN hun :rose:
cope and paste it i'll never be nice to u again lol
Serious tho most of us have had bad in our lifes, me included, i have had people wrong against me and have a perminant reminder every day when i get up but unlike most on here i don't feel comfy adversiting my personal life for all to read, and thats not having a dig at those who do, i respect that they can't talk about whats happened to them, guess i'm just not there yet
The advantage of advertising your private life here is that you are anonymous. I have found it very difficult to talk to familiy and friends. There is that feeling of being judged. No-one here seems to judge.
not if you have met as many people as i have your not
Good point.
So now I'm a depressed unpopular bastard
:D :D 
Sex God
Lilac... the second part of the programme is on the same time and day next week (Tue 9pm BBC2) and I think theyre going to be talking about the provisions of mental health care both here in the UK and in the USA.
I feel a similar way NN.
Even though I started this thread and I hoped folk would find it a useful platform for discussing something that is considered , I personally feel a bit in awe of those of you who have opened up so bravely. Thankyou so much for your tales. :kiss:
I'm not sure why I still find it to admit that I had a breakdown and that I'm still not completely recovered? Possibly as Les said, the job I'm going for doesn't really tollerate perceived 'weaknesses' and thinks of them rather more as hinderance to performance than something to be helped with. Or maybe thats my skewed impression of things?
:kiss: Gem. x
Quote by naughtynymphos1
...Serious tho most of us have had bad in our lifes, me included, i have had people wrong against me and have a perminant reminder every day when i get up but unlike most on here i don't feel comfy adversiting my personal life for all to read, and thats not having a dig at those who do, i respect that they can't talk about whats happened to them, guess i'm just not there yet
I feel a similar way NN.
Even though I started this thread and I hoped folk would find it a useful platform for discussing something that is considered , I personally feel a bit in awe of those of you who have opened up so bravely.
Thankyou so much for your tales. :kiss:I'm not sure why I still find it to admit that I had a breakdown and that I'm still not completely recovered? Possibly as Les said, the job I'm going for doesn't really tollerate perceived 'weaknesses' and thinks of them rather more as hinderance to performance than something to be helped with. Or maybe thats my skewed impression of things?
:kiss: Gem. x
Quote by little gem
Lilac... the second part of the programme is on the same time and day next week (Tue 9pm BBC2) and I think theyre going to be talking about the provisions of mental health care both here in the UK and in the USA.
...Serious tho most of us have had bad in our lifes, me included, i have had people wrong against me and have a perminant reminder every day when i get up but unlike most on here i don't feel comfy adversiting my personal life for all to read, and thats not having a dig at those who do, i respect that they can't talk about whats happened to them, guess i'm just not there yet
I feel a similar way NN.
Even though I started this thread and I hoped folk would find it a useful platform for discussing something that is considered , I personally feel a bit in awe of those of you who have opened up so bravely.
Thankyou so much for your tales. :kiss:I'm not sure why I still find it to admit that I had a breakdown and that I'm still not completely recovered? Possibly as Les said, the job I'm going for doesn't really tollerate perceived 'weaknesses' and thinks of them rather more as hinderance to performance than something to be helped with. Or maybe thats my skewed impression of things?
:kiss: Gem. x
It doesn't matter if you talk or not. What matters is that you are happy with what you are doing. If you want to talk bottling it up is a bad thing. I don't talk to my family and friends cos its hard but I talk here. They know how I am they love and they help but it is hard to talk.
I think finding that inner peace is what has helped me. Accepting what I am.
Quote by keeno
I don't talk to my family and friends cos its hard but I talk here. They know how I am they love and they help but it is hard to talk.
I think finding that inner peace is what has helped me. Accepting what I am.
How very true keeno. My son is bordering on depression at times due to years of bullying over his sexuality. He knows he can talk to me about anything but when he's feeling really bad, it's the one thing he CAN'T come to me about. That's why I'm so lucky to have my mate on hand to help. He's been through it and knows how to handle him.
I think everyone who's opened up with this very sensitive but subject is very brave to do so, whether it's to an anonymous forums or not.
Kudos to you all
Quote by little gem
I feel a similar way NN.
Even though I started this thread and I hoped folk would find it a useful platform for discussing something that is considered , I personally feel a bit in awe of those of you who have opened up so bravely.
When i first came home from work and saw this thread I hovered over it for 20 min's or so before turning to PK and asking should I or shouldn't I, her reply was the usual one I get when I query if I should post or not "it's up to you, if you feel it's right then post it". To be honest although we have talked a lot about what we think triggered it........we have rarely touched upon my actuall depression and since this thread has started we have talked a great deal about it and both got more of an understanding what it means to us. I know PK has got a lot from this as have I so even if the thread wasn't expected to go the way it has I for one am glad it has. So a huge thanks to everyone who has posted in it :kiss: 
Sex God
Quote by sheddy
I feel a similar way NN.
Even though I started this thread and I hoped folk would find it a useful platform for discussing something that is considered , I personally feel a bit in awe of those of you who have opened up so bravely.
When i first came home from work and saw this thread I hovered over it for 20 min's or so before turning to PK and asking should I or shouldn't I, her reply was the usual one I get when I query if I should post or not "it's up to you, if you feel it's right then post it". To be honest although we have talked a lot about what we think triggered it........we have rarely touched upon my actuall depression and since this thread has started we have talked a great deal about it and both got more of an understanding what it means to us. I know PK has got a lot from this as have I so even if the thread wasn't expected to go the way it has I for one am glad it has. So a huge thanks to everyone who has posted in it :kiss:You were the one who actually halted my last oncoming panick attack Sheddy.....so thank you too. :rose:
Just in case you don't remember it was about 3am in the morning in the PoshShed a few months back. :kiss:
On a lighter note......
how does this sound for a new site logo
"SH, you dont have to be mad to fit in here, but we all are"
I'ts really shocking just how many of us/our partners are suffering/have suffered these problems.
Which came first, the swinging or the prozac?
(Disclaimer- Im not mocking, just observing- I've had (too) many years of experience with this too)
how does this sound for a new site logo
"SH, you dont have to be mad to fit in here, but we all are"
I'ts really shocking just how many of us/our partners are suffering/have suffered these problems.
Which came first, the swinging or the prozac?
(Disclaimer- Im not mocking, just observing- I've had (too) many years of experience with this too)
Is it just us or everybody?
If this is a straw poll for the nation as a whole then we have a lot of the population with problems. So, maybe we should try to be a bit more sympathetic to all the grumpy, miserable people we meet during our everyday lives. They all have lives and many will have their own problems to cope with.
Oh no I've come over all nice and understanding. I wonder if I lie down whether it will pass?
If this is a straw poll for the nation as a whole then we have a lot of the population with problems. So, maybe we should try to be a bit more sympathetic to all the grumpy, miserable people we meet during our everyday lives. They all have lives and many will have their own problems to cope with.
Oh no I've come over all nice and understanding. I wonder if I lie down whether it will pass?
Sex God
A while back (I mean a long time, possibly nearly two years ago now) there was a thread about mental health where someone asked if swingers and experience of depression went hand in hand. If I get time I'll go an hunt for it... the thread made very interesting discussion.
Possibly, the theory that more people are suffering from some sort of mental health issue than say they are is more common than thought. They did say on the documentary that approx 4 million people in the UK have been diagnosed with Bi-Polar Disorder and they estimate nearly half as many are undiagnosed.
I know that I've very rarely admit that I need *any* help because I'm feircely independant and to ask for help with things makes me weak in my eyes. However, if someone asks for help, then I don't think they're weak at all. How does that work?
Sheddy, the thread wasn't meant to go any particular way... but it's turned out better for all those who have been prepared to share and contribute. I do feel that to be a responsible thread poster that I should post the web address of the Samaritans should anyone reading this need help or advice with this issue... .
Gem. x
Possibly, the theory that more people are suffering from some sort of mental health issue than say they are is more common than thought. They did say on the documentary that approx 4 million people in the UK have been diagnosed with Bi-Polar Disorder and they estimate nearly half as many are undiagnosed.
I know that I've very rarely admit that I need *any* help because I'm feircely independant and to ask for help with things makes me weak in my eyes. However, if someone asks for help, then I don't think they're weak at all. How does that work?
Sheddy, the thread wasn't meant to go any particular way... but it's turned out better for all those who have been prepared to share and contribute. I do feel that to be a responsible thread poster that I should post the web address of the Samaritans should anyone reading this need help or advice with this issue... .
Gem. x I have thought long and about whether to post this or not, and re-written it at least ten times. I think the reason I’m posting is that I’m a bit tired of hiding really. What has happened to me in the past has shaped who I am and I shouldn’t feel guilty or ashamed of it because that would mean I feel guilty or ashamed about who I am, which on the whole I’m not.
I’d been with my partner for 15 years when he first attempted to take his own life. I came home from the hair-dressers and found him. He’d taken two boxes or paracetamol and drunk a bottle of whiskey. I was in complete shock. I’d known he was feeling down but had no idea how bad it had become as he’d refused to talk to me about it. He received counselling and was put on strong anti-depressants, which thankfully worked. We decided to get married, neither of us had seen the need before but this seemed like a damn good reason. It was a fantastic day and completely the perfect thing for us to have done. It was difficult to explain to all our friends and family what had suddenly got into us, as it was his wish that none of them knew about his illness. It was only my parents and his best man that knew.
This was six months afterwards and his doctor and he felt he was ready to ease of his medication – carrying on with the counselling. The first couple of months were ok, then he started feeling depressed again – this time talking to me about it and going straight back to the doctor who re-prescribed him with the same drug. For some reason it didn’t agree with him second time round and he was vomiting a lot. One morning he successfully committed suicide. I wont go into details but suffice to say he meant it. Due to the nature of it, my call to the ambulance also attracted the attention of the police. My house was descended upon by not only an ambulance – which could do nothing - but also two patrol cars and CID. We ran our own business from home and our five employees were not allowed to leave or my parents allowed in. I was swabbed and photographed for ‘evidence’. It was a crime scene as far as they were concerned. I was taken to the police station (by this time my parents had talked themselves in) and kept there for seven hours until I was told I couldn’t return home that night due to ‘on-going investigations’. I was in no fit state to answer any questions. I fell to bits basically.
The funeral was a nightmare, all of our friends saying how shocked they were and not knowing what to say to me. To this day I’m sure most of them blame me, I can literally count on one hand the number of people who stood by me and I know I can rely on them through anything. Both my and his family were amazing and I’m sure I wouldn’t be here myself if it hadn’t been for them. I continued with the business, as it was my only source of income I had to try to run it alone, two months later one of my employees stole a van, its contents and a weeks takings. It turned out he’d been stealing from us for months and had stolen over eight thousand pounds. I packed in the business and decided to return to college.
As with all of the people who have posted on this thread, this is not a plea for sympathy – far from it. Believe me I’ve had my fill of those pitying looks and then the crossing to the other side of the street because they don’t know what to say. I have my good days and my bad days but on the whole it has left me wanting to live life and not wait for tomorrow. My self-confidence, however, with regard to relationships, has taken a battering. After all if your life partner doesn’t think you’re worth living for what chance is there that anyone else will? Another thing I have learnt is not to look just at the surface, everyone has their own story and events that have happened in their lives to shape who they are. A little tolerance goes a long way.
H.x
I’d been with my partner for 15 years when he first attempted to take his own life. I came home from the hair-dressers and found him. He’d taken two boxes or paracetamol and drunk a bottle of whiskey. I was in complete shock. I’d known he was feeling down but had no idea how bad it had become as he’d refused to talk to me about it. He received counselling and was put on strong anti-depressants, which thankfully worked. We decided to get married, neither of us had seen the need before but this seemed like a damn good reason. It was a fantastic day and completely the perfect thing for us to have done. It was difficult to explain to all our friends and family what had suddenly got into us, as it was his wish that none of them knew about his illness. It was only my parents and his best man that knew.
This was six months afterwards and his doctor and he felt he was ready to ease of his medication – carrying on with the counselling. The first couple of months were ok, then he started feeling depressed again – this time talking to me about it and going straight back to the doctor who re-prescribed him with the same drug. For some reason it didn’t agree with him second time round and he was vomiting a lot. One morning he successfully committed suicide. I wont go into details but suffice to say he meant it. Due to the nature of it, my call to the ambulance also attracted the attention of the police. My house was descended upon by not only an ambulance – which could do nothing - but also two patrol cars and CID. We ran our own business from home and our five employees were not allowed to leave or my parents allowed in. I was swabbed and photographed for ‘evidence’. It was a crime scene as far as they were concerned. I was taken to the police station (by this time my parents had talked themselves in) and kept there for seven hours until I was told I couldn’t return home that night due to ‘on-going investigations’. I was in no fit state to answer any questions. I fell to bits basically.
The funeral was a nightmare, all of our friends saying how shocked they were and not knowing what to say to me. To this day I’m sure most of them blame me, I can literally count on one hand the number of people who stood by me and I know I can rely on them through anything. Both my and his family were amazing and I’m sure I wouldn’t be here myself if it hadn’t been for them. I continued with the business, as it was my only source of income I had to try to run it alone, two months later one of my employees stole a van, its contents and a weeks takings. It turned out he’d been stealing from us for months and had stolen over eight thousand pounds. I packed in the business and decided to return to college.
As with all of the people who have posted on this thread, this is not a plea for sympathy – far from it. Believe me I’ve had my fill of those pitying looks and then the crossing to the other side of the street because they don’t know what to say. I have my good days and my bad days but on the whole it has left me wanting to live life and not wait for tomorrow. My self-confidence, however, with regard to relationships, has taken a battering. After all if your life partner doesn’t think you’re worth living for what chance is there that anyone else will? Another thing I have learnt is not to look just at the surface, everyone has their own story and events that have happened in their lives to shape who they are. A little tolerance goes a long way.
H.x
I am amazed and in awe of the people who are posting the messages here. These are incredibly moving personal stories and I feel privaliged to share them.
I posted some rambling about suicide earlier so hopefuly people know where I'm coming from here.
Sometimes, taking your life is not because life isn't worth living, certainly in my case it would be great to switch off my head and stop the noise and traffic that runs round it sometimes. There are times when a silence in my head would be great but so far I have avoided it.
Like I said before I love life and being me but I also belive that could change at sometime and I will feel different.
I posted some rambling about suicide earlier so hopefuly people know where I'm coming from here.
Sometimes, taking your life is not because life isn't worth living, certainly in my case it would be great to switch off my head and stop the noise and traffic that runs round it sometimes. There are times when a silence in my head would be great but so far I have avoided it.
Like I said before I love life and being me but I also belive that could change at sometime and I will feel different.
