Steves rambling crisis of faith

10 Aug 2004

Weve been into the swinging scene as a couple for 5 or 6 months this time weve never managed a good meet,mainly down to my insecurities (something in our past)and the fact that in my opinion weve not met a couple where the female has really been that interested in me sad

This isnt one of those aah poor you threads,BTW.
Several times over the months ive voiced my concerns to Clare and said that possibly the swinging life isnt for me,weve talked and decided that one day the right couple will come thought that we would find some really nice couples at the munch,but it looks like we won't be going now,as my jobs still looking uncertain :upset:
As the months pass i'm still left wondering if i really can go through with it it would be better for Clare to go it alone,as she is very much into the whole swinging life,but i don't know if she could go it alone and if i could cope with it.
Too many questions and not enough answers.
Maybe i think too much and should just sit back,relax and just go with the is something i would love to i rambling on???
Anyway,i know that its down to me to decide what i should do (why am i telling all you lot then?),and i'm sure Clare will come back and sort me out :twisted:
We are thinking of arranging a munch ourselves,closer to home,somewher in the Midlands,and i think this would definately help really would love to meet everyone and it would be a good way of seeing if it is for me!!!
Steve,xxx

10 Aug 2004

Not quite sure what to say Steve hun......just wanted to say that I'm thinking of you....and there's always me if you want me.... :twisted: LoL.
Seriously though....only you and Clare can decide what to do and what is right for you....but there is no rush to decide anything, just see how it goes.....

10 Aug 2004

I can understand what you mean about not being sure Steve, i think we were both like that until we had our first experience at Liberation.
Give yourself time, but at the end of the day you have to go with your heart and you know that best.
I know we're looking forward to meeting you BOTH!!!!!!
Have a good old manly, 'you'll be fine' :therethere:

10 Aug 2004

Steve~
Awww - it's just a shame you guys live so far away - as Vix & I would welcome the opportunity to have a "heart-to-heart chat" with you two! ;)
I couldn't imagine ever "going it alone", as this is an experience that Vix & I will only share as a couple - and I remember Clare expressing similar sentiments in this thread. I think you definitely have the best idea in sitting back, relaxing and going with the flow. Be patient, be gregarious, and I'm sure the right couple will eventually come along.
~Reese! surprised

10 Aug 2004

I am the exact opposite to yourselves my wife is not interested in swinging/dogging at all in fact she has no interest in sex at all. I have tried my best over the last 18 months to get her interested but to no avail and for this reason I swing and go dogging on my own without her knowledge. It is very hard to meet couples for swinging as a single male and dogging in the area I go to seems to have died a slow death. The thing that worries me that when I have arranged to meet couples off SH either at their home or in a discreet car park I then begin the fears of suppose I am being set up. When I was in contact with a couple and would not go to there address before meeting them they couldn't understand my fears about turning up at there "house" being not sure if it was a genuine address. At least you are a couple and do things together but if you are not 100% certain if it is for you then I suugest it isn't unless you don't mind as a couple watching Clare with other men/women. Good luck with whatever decisions you make but try and make them as a couple and make sure you are both completely happy with what happens or else it would put a tremendous strain on your relationship.

10 Aug 2004

Quote by DreamerHelen
Not quite sure what to say Steve hun......just wanted to say that I'm thinking of you....and there's always me if you want me.... :twisted: LoL.
Seriously though....only you and Clare can decide what to do and what is right for you....but there is no rush to decide anything, just see how it goes.....

Helen,you are absolutely lovely

Quote by Morbious
Give yourself time, but at the end of the day you have to go with your heart and you know that best.
I know we're looking forward to meeting you BOTH!!!!!!

Were really looking forward to meeting BOTH of you too,nothing i decide will change that
Awww - it's just a shame you guys live so far away - as Vix & I would welcome the opportunity to have a "heart-to-heart chat" with you two!

Quote by Reese
I couldn't imagine ever "going it alone", as this is an experience that Vix & I will only share as a couple - and I remember Clare expressing similar sentiments in this thread. I think you definitely have the best idea in sitting back, relaxing and going with the flow. Be patient, be gregarious, and I'm sure the right couple will eventually come along.

Yeah i'm sure she wouldnt want to and i don't know why i put that bit for the sitting back,ive tried before,but find it dificult,maybe i'm trying too hard.
One thing ive already realised that i had probably forgotten,is that all of the people on here are fantastic and to even just have you as friends is physical aspect is a bonus if it youve already helped me a bit.
Steve,xxx

10 Aug 2004

awwwww steve.
have a big hug from me.
we have chatted to you two quite a bit and we both think you are fab and are really looking forward to meeting you.
i know that you feel as though nothing is working out swinging wise at the moment but think of it in a more positive way..... in a way u have been doing all the teasing part on here.. getting to know people and forming bonds with them. by the time you do eventually get to meet them it is likely that you will feel totally at ease with them and it will be a million times better than it would have been had you met them sooner.
i know how close you and clare are and i dont think for a moment you seriously meant that you would want clare to go it alone.... i also know that clare would not want to do it anyway.
you do have a lot of obsticles in your path.. it is not easy having young children.. they do fit in well with a hedonistic lifestyle... nor does it help that you live slightly out of the way as it were.
but it WILL happen .. you will meet the right people and then there will be no looking back.
trust me.... i am nearly a doctor! wink

now get of the computer before clare comes home and catches you!
love ya
xxxxxxx

10 Aug 2004

Busty you are priceless,and should be a psychologist or something equally clever.
Thanks for the wise words,every one is true and it has really touched me that we are so high in you esteem worship

As for the computer,its bloody mine,but you wouldnt think it the way Clare hogs it smackbottom

Steve,xxx
(feeling very loved up thanks to all the coments and PM's)

10 Aug 2004

Steve, Busty is sooo right, it`s not easy with young children, don`t we just know that?! However, I`d say that both you and Clare are two of the most popular couples on here. Why not just concentrate on your website (which can be a huge sexual buzz), the companionship on here, and get out to munches when you can? Things may happen in it`s own time when you are least expecting it!
Just relax a little, let things develop in its own time, but don`t put too much expectation on it. Have some fun with the idea, it should be fun.
I`m confident you and Clare will BOTH find what you want in time.
AND WHY THE HELL WON`T MY KIDS STOP SCRAPPING?!!!! mad

:x :x
ARRRRRGGGGHHHHHHHHHHLLLLLLLGGGGGLEEEEEEEEE!
Scuse, a little off topic. redface

Venusxxx

10 Aug 2004

Quote by VenusnMars
Steve, Busty is sooo right, it`s not easy with young children, don`t we just know that?! However, I`d say that both you and Clare are two of the most popular couples on here. Why not just concentrate on your website (which can be a huge sexual buzz), the companionship on here, and get out to munches when you can? Things may happen in it`s own time when you are least expecting it!
Just relax a little, let things develop in its own time, but don`t put too much expectation on it. Have some fun with the idea, it should be fun.
I`m confident you and Clare will BOTH find what you want in time.
AND WHY THE HELL WON`T MY KIDS STOP SCRAPPING?!!!! :x :x
ARRRRRGGGGHHHHHHHHHHLLLLLLLGGGGGLEEEEEEEEE!
Scuse, a little off topic.
Venusxxx

A little off topic, excuse me Steve.......
Because they are kids!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Mine have been tidying their room all morning, it should have taken them 10 minutes!!

10 Aug 2004

Steve,
Hi - not spoken to you for a while mate......
As you know i have the exact opposite to you in that although we live probably only a couple of miles away from each other - my wife refuses to even meet anyone form the same town, although we've had a couple of experiences now away from home - which have been enjoyable - but not fantastic. She has similar crisis about meeting up and something going wrong - and then meeting in Asda or something!!
It would be a shame for you both not to be able to enjoy the scene (but i guess that it's not for everyone) but stick with it a while - i wonder if you have too much pressure on your self?
Good Luck

10 Aug 2004

Quote by lincskate
As you know i have the exact opposite to you in that although we live probably only a couple of miles away from each other - my wife refuses to even meet anyone form the same town, although we've had a couple of experiences now away from home - which have been enjoyable - but not fantastic. She has similar crisis about meeting up and something going wrong - and then meeting in Asda or something!!

Lincs~
I am so envious! Vix & I would love to have someone like that who lived nearby! As we've mentioned before, our whole village knows about what we do (which can be a bit embarrassing for potential partners who first meet up with us at the local pub!), so encountering them "in the light of day" wouldn't be a problem. Since traveling is so difficult for us, it would be just wonderful to have some "local playmates".
~Reese! surprised

10 Aug 2004

:therethere:
Steve,
Morbius and I have considered a swinging lifestyle for a long time, we talked I to death and I was never enthusiastic about it. Whilst both he and I are a great couple together, we do both have different "tastes" ... he very much likes the swinging whilst I am more into the BDSM aspect.
We seemed for a long time never to gel at the same time and so went off the idea of swinging. With the external pressures of children, jobs, money problems etc it is never easy. Finally after resurrecting the desire and talking it to death again we made the move and here we are.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that we all have crises of conscience, we all feel things should happen a different way than they do, and our needs and wants vary from day to day ~ so it's okay to feel this way.
We struggle in a similar way to you ~ a number of people are detered by Morbius extra few pounds (trust me it just means there is more to love ) and it can get downheartening.
Clare is very prolific at posting ... like me ... I don't talk this much irl (gags Morbius) ;) and so her personality shines through a lot more .... and I know you've said that you don't want separate logins but perhaps it might help because we can get to see your personality more independently?
Stick around ..... once you've met a few more people at munches etc then I'm sure you'll feel a bit better. Whilst transport might be an issue for you it doesn't have to be a barrier, it's about Â£15 from here to Grantham on the train and so you can always come visit us (you're welcome to stay too although the Ritz we ain't ;) ) and we're situated ideally for loads of clubs .... Sheffield, Leics, Stoke, Birmingham isn't that bad a journey ;) We can arrange to go and meet some other people (I'm sure there are loads on here who would come along to a club etc).
What's the saying ? Patience is a virtue. 5/6 months isn't a long time really and like you said I think you're thinking about it too much :idea: especially at a time when you have a fair bit of stress in your life ~ never good.
so more :kiss: plenty of hump

and just a touch of :rascal:

10 Aug 2004

not to mention some smackbottom

and a little :cheers:

10 Aug 2004

Right it's self psychology time.
Clare is a wonderful i met her she was a sshy 16 year old,now after many years together she has turned into a confident,funny,popular,sexy and gorgeous is basically the same in person as she is on here,and shes even more attractive in the flesh.
Now when it comes to me it's different.I was fairly confident when i met Clare and she was a breath of fresh air for the years though ive become less confident and far to thoughtful for my own is mainly due to the fact i'm not the most attractive man,ive never thought otherwise,i have bad teeth and i'm a pushover.
I think perhaps,my insecurities over myself and the attention Clare gets are a part of the problem.I get left as an afterthought when people want to meet us.
Also the problems ive had during meets have possibly been down to me not wanting her to enjoy herself TOO much,which is stupid becaues i love her to enjoy herself.I just have this little gremlin in my head that tells me that if she does then she won't want to come back to me.
I know this is stupid because she loves me and has never indicated anything else.
I seriously think that we will stay at this,we enjoy chatting to each and everyone of you,and we are going to meet a lovely couple at the end of the month for some drinks.
I'm sure that as soon as we can get to or arrange a munch that that will help as well so things arent as bad as maybe i make it i'm just a drama queen lol

Steve,xxx

10 Aug 2004

Right i'm not sure where to starrt so bear with me with this!!
Steve has had some issues with the whole swinging thing,and i whole heartedly believe it is down to him not having the best experiences,where as a few of them i did myself enjoy.I'm sure that if it were the other way around that i would feel exactly the same way he does in that respect.
As for attention,then yes of course i enjoy it,who wouldn't?But for me it has been a confidence boost as this time last year my self confidence was on the floor and it has taken loosing a lot of weight and sorting myself out to get to the levels of confidence that i have now.
Personal issues which were my fault have been to blame for Steves insecurities,and i guess its not easy to move on sometimes,but i think lately we have manged it and feel happier than ever being together as a couple.
Swinging was always something that i think we had in the back of our minds,but what triggered it off was the same personal situation which caused us some problems,so i think that hasnt helped.
I honestly believe that Steves insecurities are mainly unfoundered,as sexually weve only actaually met 2 other couples,neither of which i believe the female wasnt right for him or the situations.
I truely believe that when we meet the "right" couple that we can both enjoy the experience,and hopefully get a warm glow all over for it,BOTH of us.
I really do think that Steve does think a little too much!!Instead of leeting it out when he feels it,he tends to build it all up inside then blow off steam all at once!!!!!!
He has nothing to not be confident about he is the most wonderful man i know,regardless of what he says he is so damn sexy its unbelieveable,he's kind,attractive,thoughful,sensitive,and not quite as much of a pushover as i'd like lol

(yet!!)
As for what was mentioned about me going off alone,never in a million years,i see this as something we do as a couple for us together,never apart.
Steve your a daft sod and i love you to little tiny posting more(as i keep telling you to,and get tarting around for your confidence!)
Your loving doting wifey,xxx
wink

10 Aug 2004

Quote by clarensteve
Right it's self psychology time.
I think perhaps,my insecurities over myself and the attention Clare gets are a part of the problem.I get left as an afterthought when people want to meet us.
Also the problems ive had during meets have possibly been down to me not wanting her to enjoy herself TOO much,which is stupid becaues i love her to enjoy herself.I just have this little gremlin in my head that tells me that if she does then she won't want to come back to me.
I know this is stupid because she loves me and has never indicated anything else.
Steve,xxx

WOW Steve... I absolutely see where you are coming from. I often feel like a spare part when we go out because Susie gets so much more attention than i do, be it online, in the forum, chatroom, and at parties. I can't help feeling sometimes that I'm left just tagging along etc...
But, in the same instance, I know that Susie idolises me, as she should...lol (just kidding babe) and that she'd stop this instantly if thats what i want, but i don't, and she won't.
You and Clare seem to have a wonderful relationship, you seem very close and we have to say that we wish you lived closer, we'd love to meet up with you sociably......
Steve mate.... you'll be fine, I really hope you meet someone you both feel totally fine with and when you do, you'll probably look back on this and have a little chuckle to yourself.
Paul and Susie (Paul) xx

10 Aug 2004

AWWWWW what a great post. I was in two minds whether or not to 'spoil' it by commenting, but i know Steve and Clare will understand. ;)
Just one thing to say, to the rest of the SH members...............
Guess we wont see many posts from these guys for a while, me thinks they will be a little 'busy' ;) hump

Hugs to you both smile

10 Aug 2004

Quote by morbiusUK
Guess we wont see many posts from these guys for a while, me thinks they will be a little 'busy' ;)
Hugs to you both

WE BLOODY WISH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It is the summer holidays and we havent got a cellar!!!!!!
(we are only joking btw!)
Clare AND Sexy gorgeous,wonderful,amazing sex god Steve,xxx
wink

10 Aug 2004

We'll babysit.......but it'll cost ya!! ;) :twisted:

10 Aug 2004

Quote by clarensteve
I think perhaps,my insecurities over myself and the attention Clare gets are a part of the problem.I get left as an afterthought when people want to meet us.
Also the problems ive had during meets have possibly been down to me not wanting her to enjoy herself TOO much,which is stupid becaues i love her to enjoy herself.I just have this little gremlin in my head that tells me that if she does then she won't want to come back to me.
Steve,xxx

Steve,
The posts I have read from you both either singularly or collectively it comes across to me that Clare adores you so as to leaving you this will never happen.
Unless you are a male super model (& even they have insecurities) then none of us are perfect .. a few extra pounds here & there, thinning on top etc, as I have said in a previous post its the inner beauty that people shud be looking at not the outer shell!!
We all have had / will have bad experiences (but hopefully not too many), but I honestly believe you have not met the right couple / female yet.
Good luck in whatever you both decide to do in the future, but I hope that I will meet you both one day at a Munch.
The WHOOSH Man

10 Aug 2004

All peepes ignore the fact that it says that Clare posted this,it was done before we split up lol

:lol:

10 Aug 2004

Alrighty Then.....
Im sure that the ladies you've met very much enjoyed your company and for you to think otherwise is just plain silly, your a really nice bloke and dont let anyone else tell you otherwise - Molly xx
Hope you can still make it to the munch!
I think its inevitable that the women in our lives will get more attention than us mate as they're gorgeous and we're a pair of grumpy old men. - Chris
Molly And Chris

10 Aug 2004

That's exactly it.......
I suspect that a vast majority of the users of this site and others like it are blokes.... obviously, the gals are gonna get all the attention, and they're gonna like it, who wouldn't... but, at the end of the day.... who crawls into your bed every night : kiss

Paul

10 Aug 2004

it's not just you steve hunny - we started on here looking for a couple. then we changed to bi fem only. then it went to couple with bi fem, then back to bi fem which is where we've stayed with the ad, BUT has had the tendancy to change during meets and more consistantly than not ends up as couple with bi fem. rolleyes

All these changes have been down to me, and also to us being like you, never having had a 95% brilliant meet!!
So............. you're not alone in it, i'm changeable too!!!! kiss

10 Aug 2004

And if it`s any consolation Mars` decided he was interested in contacting a single Bi male, and I was iffy with every ad he clicked on because I prefer all the people in the Cafe!
We haven`t even done ANYTHING yet! rotflmao

Venusxxx

10 Aug 2004

Quote by VenusnMars
and I was iffy with every ad he clicked on

Yep, thats another reason we havent got very far. Daz might like an ad, but then i'm very picky and theres always SOMETHING wrong! to be fair, all of our meets so far have been through people who've contacted US, not the other way round!! rolleyes

10 Aug 2004

Thank god its not just me then,maybe ive just been a bit parranoid lol

:lol:
Steve,xxx

10 Aug 2004

probably babe, cos if it's not paranoia, what is it with me????? lol

10 Aug 2004

Well weve confirmed tonight that were going to the NW Munch next weekend and arranged a Munch ourselves(its in the lets meet up section in Nottingham),so the day has got much better.
I'm really hoping that were gonna have a great time at the Munch and Morbius and Calista are taking us so thats great in itself.
Can't wait!!!