Quote by Clare_Lincs
There is no chance we would name who this accident occured with,but to a point this person knew what they were doing and was part misunderstanding.
Question retracted, appologies.
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Swinging ettiquette
Sex God
Quote by Marya
What if you've played with someone before and it's all gone fine and lovely and they are heavily hinting at the prospect of a repeat performance and you don't?
I haven't got a reason for why I don't want to do it again, I just don't - and I think that's my prerogative ... but how do you do the letting-him-down-gently stuff? I do mean, literally word for word, what do you say?
I agree with what Roger and the others have said, Marya. Just say what happened was nice but you are not interested in anything further. Anything less firm will give him scope for some hope, so nip that in the bud immediately. If I was the guy then that's what I would appreciate most. Disappointing though it would be, I would know exactly where I stood. Good luck, it's not easy, I know.
Mike xxx
Quote by marmalaid
Well now everyones finished talking about me,may I speak for myself?
The event that occured has no consequence to anyone else but me and Steve
There is one other person that this may have consequences for, cast your mind back just one and a half months, someone got an email telling him that he was no longer invited to an aftermunch party, I remember him telling of how he was concerned that this would have a great impact on the way others perceived him.
If I suggest the possibility that this guy was not drunk and is generally good at picking up on negative signals, I can quite imagine the guy you are talking of feeling a little hurt now, wondering what impact this thread may have on how people might change their perceptions of him, he may be thinking are people going to uninvite me from parties now or not invite me at all? I I get invited to a party are people going to think that I am a lecherous git that won't take no or an answer?
These were just a few thoughts I had when I remembered your reaction to 'a person' being uninvited from the Notts Munch afterparty.
PS. Just to say that I am quite sure that the person that was uninvited from the Notts Munch afterparty is NOT the same guy under discussion here.
Chris
Indeed I am NOT the same guy under discussion here and I have good relations with both Clare and Steve and have been invited to their next party.
LC
Quote by marmalaid
There is no chance we would name who this accident occured with,but to a point this person knew what they were doing and was part misunderstanding.
Just a thought Clare, was it, in your opinion an accident or intentional, you seem to be suggesting it was both, but I don't believe an intentional accident is possible.
Just wondering.
Chris
Chris, with the deepest respect I think that it's a little unfair to ask this .. the three people involved should only be party to further (private IMO) discussion on this and revealing anything further than already has been said might lower the thread into something it isn't.
Calista xx
Quote by Marya
Can I ask for some advice also .. a little predicament i'm not sure how to handle. What if you've played with someone before and it's all gone fine and lovely and they are heavily hinting at the prospect of a repeat performance and you don't?
I haven't got a reason for why I don't want to do it again, I just don't - and I think that's my prerogative ... but how do you do the letting-him-down-gently stuff? I do mean, literally word for word, what do you say?
I have been in this situation too Marya,somebody I met wanted to meet again and while we did have a good time together I felt that it should stay as a one off. I was in the same predicament, how do I let him down gently without being nasty for no reason or saying something I didn't mean.
Basically I told him the truth, that I wanted to play around with other people and not stick to one particular swinging 'partner'. I want to experience more from the scene, meet more people and have different encounters with different people. Personally I often find that it is the first meeting with someone that is the most exciting and sometimes it is good to leave it at that, a good memory of a fun time.
It's better to be honest about it, if you enjoyed meeting this person, tell him so but say that it is a once only thing and that you prefer to remain just friends from now on.
Well this thread started to simply try and find out what people concidered to be the rules and rights and wrongs in swinging situations,especially clubs and parties.
A few questions have been asked by people that are no concern of anyone but myself and we wanted to know was what you all thought about playing around others and get a bit of advice on it,thats all.
We have had some good advice and we havent named any names to anyone because thats not what weve been trying to achieve and its shitty to do.
Thanks for some of the great advice weve recieved,its been very helpfull in setting up our boundaries,which we are both fully happy with.
A few questions have been asked by people that are no concern of anyone but myself and we wanted to know was what you all thought about playing around others and get a bit of advice on it,thats all.
We have had some good advice and we havent named any names to anyone because thats not what weve been trying to achieve and its shitty to do.
Thanks for some of the great advice weve recieved,its been very helpfull in setting up our boundaries,which we are both fully happy with.
Sorry for hijacking again, Steve, just a quicky to say thanks to everyone for your advice and PM's.
I have taken it all on-board and will deal with the situation as soon as.
Roger - absolutely spot-on - letting him down gently isn't exactly what I meant really but I hear you! I was looking for a straight forward rejection speech without fibbing or coming across as a complete bitch and agin, dear SH-ers, you have come up trumps!
Thankyou each and all
I have taken it all on-board and will deal with the situation as soon as.
Roger - absolutely spot-on - letting him down gently isn't exactly what I meant really but I hear you! I was looking for a straight forward rejection speech without fibbing or coming across as a complete bitch and agin, dear SH-ers, you have come up trumps!
Thankyou each and all
Sex God
Quote by Steve_Lincs
Right i will try and explain why i'm asking this our last party there was a bit of trouble and i just wanted to find out from everyone out there what they thought the unwritten guidelines were that no one should step over were.
At the next party for example,we will be mainly playing together but if the situation arises we will happilly play with another problem is should someone ask before laying a hand on Clare or should they just wait for the slap or mouth full of cock fuck you following me or am i talking shite????
Apologies, but I've just caught up with this thread after the past weekend's events. As for guidelines, I personally think that the only ones that would apply are those you and your partner have discussed thoroughly beforehand. If anything troublesome crops up that's not covered in those, then it's time to have another dialogue with your partner about it.
As for someone laying a hand on Vix at a party, I certainly have no problem with that - in fact, I've come to expect it (and, to be honest, would probably wonder what was up if it didn't happen)! There have been a number of occasions when she's disappeared briefly at a party when she's "on the pull" on our behalf. Is she out snogging someone? Having (or receiving) a grope? Just talking? Who knows?! It's all just part of the "game", really...
...and it doesn't matter, either. It's just a matter of having the confidence that, if she's going to take someone to bed, I'll be there too (and vice versa)! Of course, these are things that she & I have discussed before...not only in-depth, but over & over again. Thus, the "guidelines" start with and end at the line of communication between yourself and your partner. If something makes either of us uncomfortable but we haven't discussed it before, it's no one's fault but our own - and that's when it's time to revisit the conversation and refine the boundaries.
Each of us has our own personal limits, but I don't expect anyone else to respect these unless we express them verbally. Once that's done and understood, only then can we pass responsibility on to our swinging partners. More often than not, I wind up feeling angry at myself when a situation crops up that we've not yet discussed and defined. It's my own shortcoming in not having addressed the possibility, but the fact that it's come up gives Vix & I the opportunity to redefine ourselves.
The guidelines? I don't think there are any starting out, save whatever you and your partner discussed and agreed upon prior to entering the swing scene. Rather, it's a process of personal and mutual growth over time.
Time to read on and catch up with the rest of the thread, now...
~Reese!
Sex God
Can I add to this thread and ask what you all think of forum etiquette and pm's
isn't it a tad annoying when someone in pm just can't take no for an answer?
isn't it a tad annoying when someone in pm just can't take no for an answer?
Sex God
Quote by Clare_Lincs
Can I add to this thread and ask what you all think of forum etiquette and pm's
isn't it a tad annoying when someone in pm just can't take no for an answer?
Yep,so you just ignore them,usually works
Maybe it's cos I'm not feeling great that I couldn't, not once but twice did I pm the guy and say I was not interested in playing!!!
Sad really - ended up firing off a sarcastic reply last time and hpefully thats the last of it
Sex God
I spoke too soon and the loser came back with this remark
I HOPE YOU LOSE SOME 1 YOU LOVE ON CHRISMAS DAY LOL
Some people will never learn and this one will be going to a mod, shame on him
I HOPE YOU LOSE SOME 1 YOU LOVE ON CHRISMAS DAY LOL
Some people will never learn and this one will be going to a mod, shame on him
Quote by Lil_Bunny
I spoke too soon and the loser came back with this remark
I HOPE YOU LOSE SOME 1 YOU LOVE ON CHRISMAS DAY LOL
Some people will never learn and this one will be going to a mod, shame on him
Thats not on at all theres some right Wankers out there
And people wonder why you dont want to play with them
Sex God
Could you PM a mod with the details please.... that's out of order 
Sex God
thanx Blue have done
He's a none poster and joined 2 days ago, pity we can't force them to read the rules etc, might at least put some of the idiots off
He's a none poster and joined 2 days ago, pity we can't force them to read the rules etc, might at least put some of the idiots off
Sex God
Quote by manofmuchfun
thanx Blue have done
He's a none poster and joined 2 days ago, pity we can't force them to read the rules etc, might at least put some of the idiots off
nothing to do with that lil bunny, there was no need to come back with that comment which is in bad taste,spitefull and a little boy who cant have his way, I dont think s/heaven has any place for those people and HE should be named
isnt it common sense to play fair on here?
Common sense is something that most of us here have in abundance,respect and manners too.
Just an odd one slips through the net and makes an absolute pillock of himself
Hey ho, life goes on
Sex God
The dickhead concerned is now an ex-member of SH. We don't need his sort on here 
Sex God
Quote by Flirty Fruitcake
whats wrong with it scouse twat shouldnt have been in iraq
And that attitude shouldn't be on this site!
Indeed. The name is in very bad taste and that sort of attitude is not welcome here. The user has been banned.
Sex God
Interesting Debate........ 
Hijack
Bloody Hell Blue.... two bans in one thread.... this must be a record (Don’t take me wrong... I agree whole heartedly with the bans
)
/Hijack
Hijack
Bloody Hell Blue.... two bans in one thread.... this must be a record (Don’t take me wrong... I agree whole heartedly with the bans
)/Hijack
Sex God
Quote by bluexxx
whats wrong with it scouse twat shouldnt have been in iraq
And that attitude shouldn't be on this site!
Indeed. The name is in very bad taste and that sort of attitude is not welcome here. The user has been banned.
What a sick mother****er using a handle like that and making such an ignorant remark. :spit:
Where do these wankers crawl out from?
Sex God
Quote by MQ
It wouldn't surprise me if it was the same arsehole who was bugging Lil Bunny then decided to come in here under a new name to stir up trouble. Wanker
Well the Mods can check that quite easily. It'd be interesting to know.
Sex God
Quote by Eagerslut9
It wouldn't surprise me if it was the same arsehole who was bugging Lil Bunny then decided to come in here under a new name to stir up trouble. Wanker
Well the Mods can check that quite easily. It'd be interesting to know.
Their IPs are not the same, but that's all we can tell really
And another thing ......
What's the etiquette regarding playing with someone who has a swinging partner but is not their 'real' partner?
I'm assuming that if I was to play with someone like this, then the arrangements are between the two of us. As long as we're both consenting then it's all dandy, right?
If that person has a regular partner but they're not in an actual relationship, do I need to consult them? Isn't it between the two of them to sort out whether they play seperately? Especially so, if the person has given no indication other than that they are free to do whatever they choose?
The moment's gone now but I just thought I'd ask anyway.
What's the etiquette regarding playing with someone who has a swinging partner but is not their 'real' partner?
I'm assuming that if I was to play with someone like this, then the arrangements are between the two of us. As long as we're both consenting then it's all dandy, right?
If that person has a regular partner but they're not in an actual relationship, do I need to consult them? Isn't it between the two of them to sort out whether they play seperately? Especially so, if the person has given no indication other than that they are free to do whatever they choose?
The moment's gone now but I just thought I'd ask anyway.
Sex God
Don't quote me but all partnerships on the scene should have already set their limits. But the best thing to do if unsure is ask the swinging partner I guess
