ill keep this short as I'm on my pda, hard work typing,.... anyway...
playing with singles, where does their ultimate responsibility end, most couples have play rules, rules which they have decided and formed over much discussion about playing, example, some don't do penetration, kissing, unprotected sex etc, so when these rules are breached by lets say a third party play mate and one of the partners who is at fault?, is it all too easy to point the finger of blame at the swingle, they live in a world all too often that's shrouded in guess work, we know our rules have changed with a knowing look and little discussion to suit a situation, can we expect swingles to bare the brunt of getting it wrong when things go tits up, we think not. what do you think, more on this when I'm back at the pc...
this is a general question not one based on our own play times.
staggy
xx
in reality..its like all relationships...if somethin goes wrong..it tends to be more through a lack of comminication than annything else. And in reality...that means everyone bears some responsablity.
However it has to be said in swinging relationships, there is a higher level of trust required. If one or more ie the relationship feels that trust has been breached or betrayed, then i think it can be very difficult to repair.
I'd want everyone to feel good, to feel included, to be able to express their individual feelings such as to say yes great or no thank you, with nobody feeling used or abused or left out.
A single swinglers role should be to enhance what is already there.I'd want very much to make a couple feel(both of them) that they'd picked a good guy to play with!
Someone a swingle has to be respectful and appreciative but also, when the time comes, let their wildest desires go free without fear of offending, by mutual agreement as such.
I always like the thought of meeting with smiles and parting with smiles - and lots of smiles in between those two points too!
But we aren't machines or perfect swinganistas - just flawed well meaning human beings trying to share pleasure need to cut each other a bit of slack if it doesn't quite go to plan, to say oh well, its not the end of the world, we basically had good intentions toward each other but the moment didn't quite you think about it in a potential threesome it's quite something for all three to hit their respective sweet spot!
yes yes of course shared pleasure and all that, concentrate replies on when things go wrong, when rules are breached, ie the guy you are playing with is asked by your partner to do something or even he asks and is given the green light by your partner to do something you are not happy with, for whatever reason it happens beyond your control, is the guy, the single at fault, switch it round from he to she to suit your response, or are you as a couple ultimatly responsible for what happens to your own relationships? ie take it up with your partner before condemning the third party.. that's where I'd ask you to concentrate your replies
staggy
xx
I have been in many situations where i have suffered from Single blame sydrome. When things go wrong it's usually the single female or male that tends to get the blame, people that have seen this type of treatment or been subjected to it will know exactly what i mean.
I agree with the above posts that rules should be set out first to avoid trouble, but i also know that these rules are not always voiced, or kept to by the people that issue them.
I will give some examples of Single Blame Sydrome...
I once met a male that i then went on to play with and have an emotional relationship with on the vanilla scene. After several months we split up and i found out he had a wife and kids. The wife turned out to be a friend of a friend, and before long it was my fault that this man had an affair with me and i was subjected to a difficult time of being called a 'homewreaker' etc. Now surely, if we look carefully at the situation, its the married man that betrayed, broke a vow, and did wrong. But how often have we seen the single female get the blame!!!
Another situation.
A Friend of mine, had contact with a couple that they had played with prior to this situation and got on well with. They all went to a club with a bunch of friends, and as agreed this friend went along as the sub for the night. Cutting a long story short, the male from this cpl broke the rules that himself and his partner had agreed on when traveling up to the club. The male was not allowed to play seperately from his partner on this night (but had done with this friend on several other occasions with permission). Now if i'm wrong then please point it out to me, but surely if the male part of this couple knew the rules, then shouldn't he be to blame?? Instead, as typically always, the single friend does.
It's a horrible fact, but it's something that has become more popular to see on the scene now days. Not everyone has their head screwed on.
thats my view anyways.
Easy answer...fuck with strangers, always use a condom, and don't start kissing!!
Friendship?....that's exactly how the complications start!
The responsibility is largely with the couple. Having probably spent a lot of time selecting the single and preparing them for their purposes, there should not be any 'misunderstandings', about what is expected from each other.
Generally, the single is only too pleased to cooperate in any which way and aware they tread a narrow margin in getting it right and wrong.
The couple should have established they have the control, and should therefore be able to bring any undesired events under control.
If they have got it right, it will be an enjoyable experience without any upset.
There will always be either singles or couples who detract from their agreements, and in such cases all must share the responsibility. It may be due to force of personality on either side, resulting in the undoing of various arrangements. But this is still a shared responsibility.
) it can though spoil the mood .