Hello Boys and Girls
Greetings from the Artificer's workshop here in Shropshire...
Let me introduce myself:
I confess that I, like many blokes, lurked around the forum for some time before registering. Desperate to broaden my sexual horizons, I was drawn to the 'excitement' of dogging. So, I fired off a multitude of e-mails, filled the old thermos and pointed the old jalopy towards the sunny car parks of Shropshire. Oh dear. I've certainly had 'experiences': I hadn't realised how cold and lonely a car park is in November, had my shoes re-coloured by the residues of dogs rather than dogging and I am embarrassed by the antics of some of my fellow sex (like one guy who came peering round my car with 'night vision glasses'). Worst of all, returning cold and tired from a day of labour I pulled in at Cosford to grab a bite from my little lunch box-dogging was the last thing on my mind. Halfway down my strawberry yogourt, the Boys in Blue arrived and gave me the third degree; ironic or what? So, I gave up BUT all was not lost as whilst musing on my adventures in my workshop I chanced across the delights of the forum. May I say a big thank you for the pleasure you've all given me. As a small token of my appreciation, I would like to introduce an award for the correspondent who has given the Artificer most pleasure. It was a hard decision: the wit and banter is of a high order, but, SAPPHO is this year's recipient. Her pantheon of purring prose has warmed the Artificer's cockles-or something like that. Thankyou Sappho, I'm waiting for Jonathon Ross to ring back about when he is free to make the award. As for the prize, well, I notice that 'The Rabbit' seems very popular with the ladies, so, my trusty friend Fred the Ferret and I are off tonight to catch one. If you asked really nicely Sappho, I might just crank up the old Model T and slip over to deliver your new furry-friend personally. I await your instructions...
Anyway, more from the wily Artificer soon
Merry Christmas to you all
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The Artificer's Christmas Awards
Sex God
Quote by FredFlintstone
Well done sappho - any chance of a place at your table at the awards dinner - will lie quietly at your feet?
Fred don't be silly. It is Sappho's award. Everybody will be at her feet. Dare I say a carpet of semi naked, horny, appreciative males.
I second Fred on the cracking post Artificer. Superbly wrote.
Good luck in your dogging adventures and we all hope to hear about your very exciting experiences.
Welcome
Sex God
Quote by FredFlintstone
Pray tell Artificer - they must be a dopey shites award for most brain numbing post as well?
I am convinced we could get Bluexxx to present that award - posteriously!
There is always a booby prize - sorry Judy Finnegan!
The biggest stated cock award. :shock:
The most desperately sounding award.
The most vague award.
: The most hijacked award. :twisted:
The list can continue.... :cry:
Hmmm, I wonder if Judy would be willing to co-host with J, Ross?
Quote by Artificer
.....the wit and banter is of a high order, but, SAPPHO is this year's recipient.....
Being an ex Artificer myself (763 entry, HMS Fisgard) I'm a natural cynic.......but.......being an ex Artificer also makes me aware of what thoroughly decent chaps we are and that we'd never dream of writing a thinly veiled:
"I'm a single guy from Shropshire trying to catch the attention of that Shropshire goddess I've noticed in the forum" ad
So I'll add my congratulations to the others.
Sex God
Agree with SteveG - the motives may be questionable though the choice is valid. As soon as I saw Artificer's location I had a sneaky feeling that I knew who the lucky recipient would be. 
Nevertheless both the award and the adulation are richly deserved. Well done Sappho! :love:
Nevertheless both the award and the adulation are richly deserved. Well done Sappho! :love:
F**K!
Want me to act as second Will?
I take it you will act as second for artificer Steve, and no doubt give him a few tips as you were the last one to duel with the foolishly misguided quill master Will?
*whispers* - "Of course you will win Will - every faith in you! - what flowers do you like and is this phone number for your mother an up to date one?"
Want me to act as second Will?
I take it you will act as second for artificer Steve, and no doubt give him a few tips as you were the last one to duel with the foolishly misguided quill master Will?
*whispers* - "Of course you will win Will - every faith in you! - what flowers do you like and is this phone number for your mother an up to date one?"
Sex God
Thanks for the offer of acting as second Fred, but isn't it usual for one's second to be on your side?
Besides, I am not sure there is anything to fight about yet. Artificer clearly has excellent taste and it looks like a little harmless admiration to me.
Sorry Fred, but you will have to go and stir somewhere else!
Wilma, give him a kick for me sweetheart! 8)
Besides, I am not sure there is anything to fight about yet. Artificer clearly has excellent taste and it looks like a little harmless admiration to me.
Sorry Fred, but you will have to go and stir somewhere else!
Wilma, give him a kick for me sweetheart! 8)
Greetings from the wily Artificer:
So Sappho lives in Shropshire..well, shiver my roof timbers, I never noticed. (Excuse my poor diction: I appear to have my tongue protruding through my cheek). If only I'd known. It must be something in our clean Shropshire air, or maybe the implicit trusting nature of we Shropshire peasants, but it is the beauty of prose-be it from the bows of the Torpoint Ferry (ring any bells SteveG_NW)-or the hallowed portals of this forum, that really brews the Artificer's teabag! The location is purely co-incidental-(gosh, this tongue is hurting my cheek). In all my wanderings across the oceans-or at least the boating lake at Alton Towers- I have learned but one thing of women who exude the charm and style of Sappho: they are like the finest wine-best laid down.
I look forward to hearing from you my friends...
Artificer
So Sappho lives in Shropshire..well, shiver my roof timbers, I never noticed. (Excuse my poor diction: I appear to have my tongue protruding through my cheek). If only I'd known. It must be something in our clean Shropshire air, or maybe the implicit trusting nature of we Shropshire peasants, but it is the beauty of prose-be it from the bows of the Torpoint Ferry (ring any bells SteveG_NW)-or the hallowed portals of this forum, that really brews the Artificer's teabag! The location is purely co-incidental-(gosh, this tongue is hurting my cheek). In all my wanderings across the oceans-or at least the boating lake at Alton Towers- I have learned but one thing of women who exude the charm and style of Sappho: they are like the finest wine-best laid down.
I look forward to hearing from you my friends...
Artificer
Sex God
Why is my sword arm getting twitchy?
Fred, you may be needing that 'Second' outfit after all!
Fred, you may be needing that 'Second' outfit after all!
Quote by willxx69
Why is my sword arm getting twitchy?
Fred, you may be needing that 'Second' outfit after all!
Will someone come and help me hold onto this seething mass of manhood because I just don't know how long I can hold him.......
OK - I'll tell the truth - he has got those tights and frills on again, and I keep spilling my beer from laughing so much, and the stitch in my side is stopping me from holding the door closed and letting him out into the sqaure again!
Will what on earth made you buy an XXL codpiece? - it's way too big - a small would have done!
Quote by KitKat
Would the winner mind slicing our turkey for us as well?
You want the blood washing off artificers sword first Kat?
*whispers to Will* - "you are gonna breeze this one mate"
Quote by KitKat
BTW Fred - Wilma is stunning 8)
I would like to think that this is just a picture exchange you are on about Kat?
I would like to say something trite like "She is my Xmas cracker" - but she would probably say I am her piece of holly, "Two tiny red berries and a little prick!"
What the hell "She IS a right little Xmas Cracker!" (hic!)
Fred
xxxxxxxxxxxx
Quote by Artificer
.....from the bows of the Torpoint Ferry (ring any bells SteveG_NW)
Ah yes.......remember it well. That and other landmarks/institutions that have most probably all disappeared now........Aggie Westons, the Fleet Club, Boobs, The Ace of Clubs, The Phoenix, The Pussycat Club, Union Street, Ivor Dewdnies pasties, Diamond Lils and 'grab-a-granny' night at the Fiesta.
Misspent youth?.........nah!!! :twisted:
Well, I return from a couple of days doing the pre-festivity familial round to find a gong has been flung in my direction!
Gosh! What more can a girl say?
Hang on, grabs white bra and halterneck black frock - ooops, don't forget Kleenex a la Paltrow, right set bottom lip a-trembling bravely...
Well, I'd just like to thank Mum and Dad without whose first home decorating I would not be here today. And of course, my fellow and dearly-beloved Forum companions without whom none of this would h-h-h-have been *sniff* possible.
But above all, thank you, thank you to the Artificer for recognising talent when he reads it. It clearly doesn't matter to him that I look like the back end of a number 59.
Thank you, thank you, I love you all!!!
PS: Will I have to give it back when I tell him I'm no longer single???
Gosh! What more can a girl say?
Hang on, grabs white bra and halterneck black frock - ooops, don't forget Kleenex a la Paltrow, right set bottom lip a-trembling bravely...
Well, I'd just like to thank Mum and Dad without whose first home decorating I would not be here today. And of course, my fellow and dearly-beloved Forum companions without whom none of this would h-h-h-have been *sniff* possible.
But above all, thank you, thank you to the Artificer for recognising talent when he reads it. It clearly doesn't matter to him that I look like the back end of a number 59.
Thank you, thank you, I love you all!!!
PS: Will I have to give it back when I tell him I'm no longer single???
