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The Combined Wisdom of Chatrooms

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runs a database of funny things that have been said in chatrooms all over the net.
Here are some of my favourites, for anyone out there in need of a laugh:
<Liquids> I am so sick of starting dates off with "are you a cop" and ending it with "do you take visa"
<Liquids> could be worse
<Liquids> they could start with "asl" and end with /ignore
<jeebus> the "bishop" came to our church today
<jeebus> he was a fucken impostor
<jeebus> never once moved diagonally
<tatclass> YOU ALL SUCK DICK
<tatclass> er.
<tatclass> hi.
<andycode> A common typo.
<tatclass> the keys are like right next to each other.
<AndrewLB_in_Chise> My mom saw me walking downstairs to the comp room with a box of kleenex and she just gave me this look. -.- I've never felt so dirty in my life...
<DemonEater> ESPN is showing 2003 national jump rope championship
<DemonEater> who the hell watches jump rope competiti--- ooh bouncy
<Rabidplaybunny87>: Okay, so my neighbors officially hate me
<GarbageStan23>: why?
<Rabidplaybunny87>: Well, me, david and andrew were having a bonfire in the backyard, and we were making s'mores and all... and suddenly we here sirens, and see a firetruck turn into the street in front of us.
<Rabidplaybunny87>: So we all went running to see what was up, and our neigbor's house was on fire!
<GarbageStan23>: oh shit!
<Rabidplaybunny87>: Yeah, and when we got there, the wife was crying into her husbands arms, and we were just kinda standing there, and then she saw us, and then like for 10 seconds, gave us the dirtiest look ever
<Rabidplaybunny87>: Turns out, we were still holding our sticks with marshmallows on it, watching the fire....
<Rabidplaybunny87>: talk about bad timing...
<TRON> if my calculations are correct SLINKY + ESCULATOR = EVERLASTING FUN
<Pahalial> "ignorance more frequently begets confidence than does knowledge" - Charles Darwin
<kionix> wtf? begets isn't a word. quit trying to make up words, fuckface.
<alphageek> "are you currently alive? yes, no"
<Help747> X
<Help747> er
<Help747>...................X
<Help747>............................. X
<Help747>..............................................................X
<Help747>..........................................X
<alphageek> lol. this isn't pin the tail on the donkey
<Help747>.............................................. X......X
<Miyomei2>: I had my portable CD player, and took it in the bathroom with me while I went to pee.
<Miyomei2>: And the second I whipped my penis out, the theme song to 'Rocky' started playing.
<Miyomei2>: I've never felt more manly than in that moment.
<power> so are there really no people here who have the Avril Lavigne CD?
<power> dammit
<power> back to the old fashioned way of pirating
<bored> power, you're going to put on an eye patch and sail the seven seas?
Id like to know.. Who discovered cows could be milked, and WTF WAS HE DOING!?
<Lafarga> bada: I'm throwing peanuts at your head at this moment.
<bada> funny, I dont feel them
<Lafarga> bada: That's because you're thousands of miles away, across the internet, so my peanuts are bouncing off my monitor instead.
<Raven> I tried setting my password to penis.
<Raven> It said my password wasn't long enough. sad
<@David> Yay I get laid today! Been a month.... needing it by now
<@Sony> ...........
<@Sony> TMI TMI TMI
<@David> Only a few hundred pounds but its better than nothing
<Malpine> Thanks for the info
<@David> eh?
<@David> damn i meant PAID
<@David> I get PAID today
<@David> dammit
<Beeth> Girls are like internet domain names, the ones I like are already taken.
<honx> well, you can stil get one from a strange country :-P
<M3rlin-> what is the legal age to buy alcoholic in england ?
<p5Ds13a06> you cant buy alcoholics
<p5Ds13a06> but if you wink the right way, some of them will follow you home for free
<+darthpony> geez dude
<+darthpony> with my last gf
<+darthpony> I made the most terrible fruedian slip
<+darthpony> we were sitting at breakfast the one day, and I wanted to ask her "pass the sugar please"
<+darthpony> instead I said "you're ruining my life, you fucking bitch"
<FreshBrew> IM DONT MATH FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
<FreshBrew> HELL FUCKING YES
<kolby> you still in english?
<Raize> can you guys see what I type?
<vecna> no, raize
<Raize> How do I set it up so you can see it?
<tag> Ouroboros: lets play Pong
<Ouroboros> Ok.
<tag> | .
<Ouroboros> . |
<tag> | .
<Ouroboros> . |
<tag> | .
<Ouroboros> | .
<Ouroboros> Whoops
<myliw0rk> There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra than on Alzheimer's research.
<myliw0rk> This means that by 2020, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.
<MasterG> .......................................................................................................
<judas> where's pacman when you need him?
<Jeedo> hey baby, whats up?
<Indidge> umm....nothing?
<Jeedo> So....want me to like come over today so we can fuck?
<Indidge> Wait....did you want to speak to my daughter?
<Jeedo> Yes . :-/
<DigiGnome> Real life should have a fucking search function, or something.
<DigiGnome> I need my socks.
<Mikkel> If you went camping and you got REALLY drunk with your friend and you
woke up the next morning with a condom stuck up your ass would you tell anybody?
<Celestya> i dont think so
<Mikkel> Wanna go camping?
<Mike3285>: wtf is a palindrome
<MaroonSand>: no its not dude
<Cthon98> hey, if you type in your pw, it will show as stars
<Cthon98> ********* see!
<AzureDiamond> hunter2
<AzureDiamond> doesnt look like stars to me
<Cthon98> <AzureDiamond> *******
<Cthon98> thats what I see
<AzureDiamond> oh, really?
<Cthon98> Absolutely
<AzureDiamond> you can go hunter2 my hunter2-ing hunter2
<AzureDiamond> haha, does that look funny to you?
<Cthon98> lol, yes. See, when YOU type hunter2, it shows to us as *******
<AzureDiamond> thats neat, I didnt know IRC did that
<Cthon98> yep, no matter how many times you type hunter2, it will show to us as *******
<AzureDiamond> awesome!
<AzureDiamond> wait, how do you know my pw?
<Cthon98> er, I just copy pasted YOUR ******'s and it appears to YOU as hunter2 cause its your pw
<AzureDiamond> oh, ok.
<WiLdSeXyPrInCeSs> i luv guyz where would they be wifout us gals???
<XeNoX> Still in the Garden Of Eden you gullible bitch.
<Dark_Fox> Kami: if you changed your name to Kame, you would have a much more interesting name smile
<Kami> Dark_Fox: And if you changed yours to Dark_Fax, you'd have a more communicative name. :)
* Dark_Fox is now known as Dark_Fax
<Kami> It'd be... 'telecommunicative.'
* Dark_Fax makes noises and bitches because he's out of paper ant toner *
<Kami> Oh god, that happened at work today.
<Dark_Fax> FEED MEE!!!
<SailorV> Nuuuuuuuu
* Dark_Fax displays wrong time *
* Dark_Fax rings for no reason *
* Kami is now known as VCR-clock
* Dark_Fax gets a paper jam *
* VCR-clock blinks
* VCR-clock blinks
* VCR-clock blinks
* VCR-clock blinks
* VCR-clock blinks
* VCR-clock blinks
<Dark_Fax> PAPPPERRRRR
* VCR-clock blinks
<Dark_Fax> TOOOOOONEEERRRR
* VCR-clock blinks
<VCR-clock> :)
* Dark_Fax breaks a bearing and bounces around on the counter *
<Dark_Fax> FEEEED ERROORRR!!!! NEED PAPER!!
* Dark_Fax rings again for no reason *
* VCR-clock blinks some more
* SailorV runs and hides becuz there are weirdo's in here
* Dark_Fax chases SailorV * MY PAPER!!! MY PREEESCIOUUUS!!
* VCR-clock blinks
* VCR-clock blinks
<SailorV> EEEE!
* SailorV unplugs the VCR
* VCR-clock has quit IRC
* Dark_Fax is now known as Dark_Fox
<Dark_Fox> ok i think ive peaked the humor of that
<aryov> This cake is soooo good
<aryov> it's like sex, except I'm having it
<Alcaron> You should set yourself up a webcam. I don't know why, but I get this feeling we'll catch you doing something stupid. :)
<Longi> Alcaron: thats exactly the reason i wont set one up, the high probablity of me doing someone extremely embarassing
<Longi> err?
<Longi> THING
<Longi> someTHING!
<mage> what should I give sister for unzipping?
<Kevyn> Um. Ten bucks?
<mage> no I mean like, WinZip?
and finally...
<turno> I want to fuck Michelle's brains out with my huge fucking cock, over and over again .. and then her sister can come and join us too.
<Seeker> Err turno, your mom reads the quotes on
<turno> I'll fucking KILL YOU! !
<Seeker> Your mom does work for the church ? If she reads what you just said she'd be pretty angry right?
<turno> Dude you have no fucking clue, don't seriously... you'd be ruining my life.
<Seeker> Don't worry, I won't post it.
<Seeker> Hey dude, I'm gonna paste something - will you post it on
<opiate> the turno thing? haha you fucking bastard!!
<Seeker> hehe his mom's gonna fucking kill him, drag him to that church they go to and get the priest to sodomise him.
<opiate> yeah and then he's gonna come fucking kill us, still I reckon it's worth it;)
<turno> You're not gonna post it are you ? Please don't .. I'm begging you.
<Seeker> I'm not gonna post it:) and even if I did she'd never know that your nick turno was her son Michael Savu .
<turno> *phew* spose you have a point
:laughabove:
I have never laughed so much .... pmsl
I so needed that today .. thanks
So chatrooms do have their uses - they keep the forums amused!! rotflmao
Mal
cool
rotflmao :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao:
:happy: :happy: :happy:
Vey vey funny. Much more fun than I've ever had in a chatroom wink
<Mike3285>: wtf is a palindrome
<MaroonSand>: no its not dude

:laughabove: rotflmao :laughabove: :rotflmao: :laughabove: :rotflmao: :laughabove: :rotflmao:
Brilliant. PSML
Quote by Mister_Discreet
<@David> Yay I get laid today! Been a month.... needing it by now
<@Sony> ...........
<@Sony> TMI TMI TMI
<@David> Only a few hundred pounds but its better than nothing
<Malpine> Thanks for the info
<@David> eh?
<@David> damn i meant PAID
<@David> I get PAID today
<@David> dammit

:laughabove: :laughabove: :laughabove: :laughabove: :laughabove: :laughabove: :laughabove: :laughabove: :laughabove: :laughabove: :laughabove: :laughabove:
Nothing like a good old-fashioned freudian slip. :lol2:
rotflmao :rotflmao: :rotflmao:
funny as! another one to add to me favs. nice one! biggrin
<<< note to self : remember anything you say in chat can be taken down and used as evidence that you're feckin' stupid! :doh: >>>
n x x x x ;)
Quote by roger743

<@David> Yay I get laid today! Been a month.... needing it by now
<@Sony> ...........
<@Sony> TMI TMI TMI
<@David> Only a few hundred pounds but its better than nothing
<Malpine> Thanks for the info
<@David> eh?
<@David> damn i meant PAID
<@David> I get PAID today
<@David> dammit

:laughabove: :laughabove: :laughabove: :laughabove: :laughabove: :laughabove: :laughabove: :laughabove: :laughabove: :laughabove: :laughabove: :laughabove:
Nothing like a good old-fashioned freudian slip. :lol2:
Reminds me of a particularly embarassing typo by yours truly in a family oriented chatroom:
<myself> Welcome back Laura. Thought you were spending the rest of the afternoon in the bath?
<laura> I was but it got a bit lonely in there
<myself> You're never alone with a rubber dick.
<laura> OY! none of that before 10pm
<myself> Duck!! I meant rubber duck!
/quit
Humbled.
ego-search results: I don't exist.
suggested solution: get a life.