I could do with a stiff one myself!! And a drink :lol2: :lol2:
Monica Bellucci is in love with me. She is also rather partial to my 10 inch cock. A while ago, whilst driving her in my Ferrari to the exclusive world premiere of The Dark Knight, she told me she'd organised a threesome with me, her and Boris Johnson. I wouldn't mind, but I'm more of a Ken man myself.....
Barmaid, mine's a stiff one!
Hi Pete, boy do I need a drink.
I was coming over the East Lancs Road tonight, when all of a sudden putt..putt..putt… my car gives out, and I had to push it to the side of the road, and it started chucking it down.
Well I got out of the car, and looked at the passing vehicles sorrowfully, no bugger stopping, until the traffic cleared and there was no one on the road. It was dark by now, and I was starting to get a little concerned, I don’t mind telling you!
All of a sudden I could hear the sound of hooves, and, sure enough, galloping toward me was what can only be described as a Victorian carriage, circa 1900, pulled by two black plumed horses..
The carriage slowed, the door’s window pane was pulled down and a black gloved hand beckoned me towards the door. “Come in, my dear, “ a voice said – a voice as dark and cold as the night air and mist that now encircled me.
Well you know how it is when you get stuck in a time displacement field. The door was opened and I jumped in, as you do..
Turns out I’d been beamed into the fifth dimension.
Actually I’m still there, but hopefully you’ll be able to put my drink on ice till I escape, sometime on a Tuesday in 2020, if my calculations are correct.
Cheers :cheers:
I used to work in the call centre for the emergency services and one night I took this call ..............
Me: Which service do you require?
Man: An ambulance
Me: What's the nature of your emergency?
Man: My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart
Me: Is this her first child?
Man: No, you idiot! This is her husband!
Now............ can I have a very large brandy and coke, no ice...... 3 icecubes and a slice of lime?
Thank you
Sam xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
I was a body double in Bridget Jones when she wore those famous big pants!
Where is the blooming barman?
I still haven't had my drink and I have been waiting in the Jacuzzi all night :rascal:
Sam xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Mine's a pint of bulmers please.........
and while I'm here did I happen to tell you that I am in fact the heir the the Mcvities biscuit fortune and also the inventor of the jaffa cake?
This is my tallest story and over 100 people now credit me with the invention of afore mentioned jaffa cake. Result!!
I'm all on me ownsome tonight - even considered doing the ironing. Having naughty thoughts though :rascal:
Er, I'm crap at telling jokes though - can I still have a drink please?
Does anyone know how to make a slow comfortable screw??
:rascal:
is the bar open I'm knackered, been wandering around the motor show all day trying to help my friends entertain thier 2yr old daughter as well as trying to look at the cars.
Mine are old enough to keep themselves amused, I'd forgotten how much hard work it is :haha:
but in the absence of our beloved MoDs and admin, I've nicked the keys off St3v3 and opened the place up.
:cheers:
so I reeeeeaallly need a drink. Gin and tonic, please bartender sir. Easy on the tonic, ice and lime please.
i see a padlock on a thread and its like a moth to a flame :lol2: 
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