So, after much badgering by you lot, I had better finish off the holiday.
What else happened? After the third day I became afflicted with what all Brits abroad get afflicted with. I got the raging trots. But not any old trots, I am not that lucky. This type of trots was one of those that give you the sixty second warning. The one where you get a slight cramp across the top of your stomache......and if you haven't found anywhere to rest your backside.....it is coming out anyway. So I get my sixty second warning and decide to move PDQ over to the toilet by the bar. The fecking thing was occupied........after wasting ten seconds of waiting I tightened my arse and started to walk as fast as I could back to our room. My sex appeal must have dropped by 100% with my walk along the poolside. The only way to explain it......is to imagine if someone gave you a twenty pence piece and told you to hold it in the cheeks of your arse and not to let it drop or they would cut your knackers off, then adds that you have to walk......it will look like that. Anyway, I make my suductive walk across the pool and walk up two flights of stairs and to my room. All the time people keep saying "Hola", I reply through gritted teeth "HOLA" it is supposed to be quiet, but when you are concentrating on trying to keep your insides inside, it is the best you can do. Now I reach my room and swing the door open with such feroscity it nearly came through next doors wall........and I reach the toilet a happy man. I sit and.......has anybody heard of the expression "The bottom has fallen out of my world", .......well in this case, the world fell out of my bottom. Oh my fecking god it hurt. I was in agony. My arms were resting on my knees with my head in my hands........and I was thinking to myself, "Can this get any worse". Then I heard "Hola" and the maid was stood there with the clean towels. I had not closed any door in my rush for the loo. So, in true Brit fashion.....I said "Sorry". Her poor eyes were nearly popping out of her eyes. She made a hasty retreat and left me to finish in peace. I noticed that she closed the door. After I left the room she was out there with two other maids. With a stiff upper lip I walked along the corridor with the wails of laughter following me as she recited the tale to her friends.
Sometime at the pool, I heard Alex exclaim "Ow". I looked over to see her raising her t-shirt over her head. She said "Ow" again. Thinking she was being stung by some insect I jumped to the rescue. I waited to whack the fecker when it showed its head. Instead a puff of smoke emanated from the t-shirt and Alex was brushing herself down quickly. "Fecking hell that hurt she exclaimed"....."What was it babes" I enquired.......She had tried to take the t-shirt off while still smoking her cigarette and had been burnt in three places. At least it wasn't all me.
I noticed a big pool near one of the restaurants with some fish in it. So I took a few rolls of bread down to the pool one day. The pool was at the bottom of a slight bank. I threw the bread in and the fish were all attacking it with some gusto. I led a little trail of bread in the pool to were I was squating near the edge and I watched fascinated as these fish were devouring the bread. Then suddenly........two eyes appeared out of the water about four feet in front of me. The thought went flashing across my mind "Its a fecking crocodile". Shit myself? Very nearly. My legs started to back peddle up this bank, with me making some noise that I didn't even recognise. My arms were flailing, my legs were racing and my arse was dragging on the floor. Some gardeners from the complex came to my rescue. They helped me to my feet with me saying "Cr....cr...croco....crocodile". They then pissed themselves laughing and scared the big beastie away. It kicked its legs and swam away in the breast stroke fashion. OK......it was a toad......but let me tell you.....it was a fecking big toad OK. It didn't do me any favours in the trots department I can tell you.
Right, so now you know my holiday. I enjoyed it because I was with the woman I love. But she has said that I can choose the next holiday. I bet she will forget by the time we arrange the next one.
Dave_Notts
Join the most popular community of UK swingers now
Login
The holiday joy (part 2)
Orgasminator
:giggle: 
:rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :giggle:
I'm sorry to laugh at your obvious misfortune but this and the other post have had me in stitches!
I think it's probably best you choose the holiday next time....
:rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :giggle: I'm sorry to laugh at your obvious misfortune but this and the other post have had me in stitches!
I think it's probably best you choose the holiday next time....
:rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: OMG!!! :shock: :shock: :shock: Like x-man0223 I am glad I am only going to Devon as well :rotflmao:
Ooohhhh and mentioning Devon :bounce: :bounce: :bounce: We are off tomorrow to Devon until Sat
We should have gone yesterday but a small motor racing event at Silverstone got in the way 
Shireen (Rushing off to do a quick dash round Asda before getting back for the start of the GP so she can call Steve to listen to it :D )
xxx
:rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao::rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao:
:rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao:
:rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao:
:rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao:
Dave thats fLucking hilarous
Quote by Drifter
Dave,
So, you were busy emptying your bowels and all of a sudden the maid was stood there with clean towels! Interesting to read the details of your "movements" while on holiday. Perhaps a safer bet might be a week in Margate next time.
Shhhhhhhhhh FFS............I haven't told her yet :lol:
Dave_Notts
