:grin: Think the kind munch host would mind us showerly challanged bath users make an attempt at there place? :rascal: Ahhh c'mon, y will ya will ya will ect ect.
p.s. And can one be the life guard in charge of administering the kiss of life?
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The International Taking A Shower Event
Sex God
Quote by Sgt Bilko
I think there should be some sort of Dope Test......................... Start worrying Dave!!!!:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
I aint as silly as ya think Sarge, I have a cunning plan to beat you.
I,m gonna shower with me roller blades on. Ha that'll shave some time off!!
The location of my shower room being downstairs but not in a bungalow
do I go out through the front door and in the back?
( ruining any chance of a competitive time as I live in a Victorian townhouse and would have to pass five other houses then slot left down the alley finding my alleygate key on the way, open then close gate then pass the back of the five aforementioned houses then into the back door actually on the side , down the corridor through the kitchen through the utility into the shower.....six minutes gone already)
And if I have to post first i will have to walk ten minutes to my office first as I am the only person on the planet not to have a home pc
Or alternatively will someone come round and time me?
Help Sarge Im confused :roll:
: :?: :?: :?: :?: :?: :?: :?: :?:
:?:
do I go out through the front door and in the back?
( ruining any chance of a competitive time as I live in a Victorian townhouse and would have to pass five other houses then slot left down the alley finding my alleygate key on the way, open then close gate then pass the back of the five aforementioned houses then into the back door actually on the side , down the corridor through the kitchen through the utility into the shower.....six minutes gone already)
And if I have to post first i will have to walk ten minutes to my office first as I am the only person on the planet not to have a home pc
Or alternatively will someone come round and time me?
Help Sarge Im confused
:roll: : :?: :?: :?: :?: :?: :?: :?: :?: :?:
Sex God
Warwick you have my sympathies and a fair point, this shower thing has so many imponderables that do not make for a flat playing field therefore I would offer this suggestion to the world showering championship committee
A handicap system similar to horse racing.
We could all do our intial runs and record the timings along with measurements of distance from the P.C. to the shower, taking into account any special hinderances such as shared bathrooms, differing towl sizes, hard water or soft water areas, ownership of a power shower or standard plug and go type etc. Once this information has been collated, contenders could be handicapped by means of a deep sea divers weight belt, (available from any good deep sea divers shop) Those with a fully tiled, doggies nuts power shower close by, would carry more weight than someone like Warwick who has to take a taxi to get a wash.
Its just a thought.
A handicap system similar to horse racing.
We could all do our intial runs and record the timings along with measurements of distance from the P.C. to the shower, taking into account any special hinderances such as shared bathrooms, differing towl sizes, hard water or soft water areas, ownership of a power shower or standard plug and go type etc. Once this information has been collated, contenders could be handicapped by means of a deep sea divers weight belt, (available from any good deep sea divers shop) Those with a fully tiled, doggies nuts power shower close by, would carry more weight than someone like Warwick who has to take a taxi to get a wash.
Its just a thought.
Quote by davej
Warwick you have my sympathies and a fair point, this shower thing has so many imponderables that do not make for a flat playing field therefore I would offer this suggestion to the world showering championship committee
A handicap system similar to horse racing.
We could all do our intial runs and record the timings along with measurements of distance from the P.C. to the shower, taking into account any special hinderances such as shared bathrooms, differing towl sizes, hard water or soft water areas, ownership of a power shower or standard plug and go type etc. Once this information has been collated, contenders could be handicapped by means of a deep sea divers weight belt, (available from any good deep sea divers shop) Those with a fully tiled, doggies nuts power shower close by, would carry more weight than someone like Warwick who has to take a taxi to get a wash.
Its just a thought.
:kiss: :kiss:
Sex God
without wishing to hijack the thread at all...............
might i suggest an alternative sport for the less athletically inclined / less suicidally foolish , members of the forum? or indeed those of us without showers, in the interests of general inclusivity?
<<< wearing his PC hat today >>>
if we could have a "most time spent in the bath in any 24 hour period" event??
i think i'd win hands down! but i throw down the gauntlet to all comers! :lol2:
neil x x x x
might i suggest an alternative sport for the less athletically inclined / less suicidally foolish , members of the forum? or indeed those of us without showers, in the interests of general inclusivity?
<<< wearing his PC hat today >>>
if we could have a "most time spent in the bath in any 24 hour period" event??
i think i'd win hands down! but i throw down the gauntlet to all comers! :lol2:
neil x x x x
Sex God
PRACTISE UPDATE: 04/05/04
PLACE: HERTS
SHOWER: LEFROY BROOKES STANDARD UPRIGHT
SUITE COLOUR: WHITE
SOAP USED: NON SCENTED
TOWL: STANDARD BATH SIZE
WEATHER CONDITIONS: DAMP HIGH HUMIDITY
WATER TEMPERATURE : TEPID 35 DEGREES
ROOM TEMPERATURE: 15 DEGREES (RADIATORS SHAGGED)
TIME ACHEIVED; 19 MINUTES
Whilst I am dissapointed in the first practise run, I am confident that progress can be made. I have taken note of the area's where I can improve and feel that by substituting braces for my belt will help, this will allow me to get my trousers off much quicker. The belt whilst looking devilishly cool isnt designed for shower olympics.
I also noted that if I were to take my shoes off first then the removal of the aforementioned trousers, would be much easier and the danger of snagging that I experianced which cost me several precious seconds and a fall, would be eliminated.
The spiral staircase that was installed as a designer feature will have to come out as ascending this at speed only made me dizzy and disorientated resulting in my ending up in the spare room instead of the bathroon. further precious seconds were lost as I refound my bearings and hot footed it into the bathroom.
The shower is not a seperate unit and is the type that is integeral with the bath, again this isnt ideal as the lip of the bath needs to be negotiated and being below 5 feet tall this is a significant hurdle without my little blue, step up stool, which in my haste, I had left in the spare room from whence I had just come. Seconds were lost whilst I decided wether to return and get it or too negotiate the bath edge. I choose the later and severly stubbed the big toe on my right foot, I am sure I will loose the nail.
Once in the bath I discovered that better preperation would further assist me and that a spotlessly scrubbed and dry footing is essntial for speed showering. The copious amounts of oil that the females in my house use do leave a thin veneer of oil on the baths surface which is lethal when showering against the clock. The running on the spot that I did trying to gain a footing, along with the almost perfect backflip with twist would be worth additional points in any other sport but as I understand there are no points available for style in this game.
If your shower has a curtain like mine, then be warned. Shut the door after you and ensure your window is closed. The through draught caused a vacumn effect which neatly wrapped the wet and cold curtain around my body making it nigh on impossible to work up a good lather because of my restricted arm movements. A lesson learned.
The step down out off the bath was daunting without my little stool however, by grabbing onto the overhead rail that supports the curtain, I was able to make a gracefull and speedy exit from the shower by swinging out. I shall use this technique for exiting in the future as it is very quick but will make a note to use stronger and bigger screws when I refix the rail to the wall.
I dried with no problem at all although lost some time getting into my pyjamas, as some of you are aware I own a set of Batman pyjamas and the little cape that is an integral part, did get caught up inside the jacket although I will say that the time lost was insignificant and therefore I will continue with them. Mrs davej has suggested that perhaps a pair of lycra pyjamas may be better suited to a sporting event, similar to the outfits worn by sprinters. A subsequent try with a borrowed lycra suit showed that no advantage could be gained and that the copious amounts of talcom powder required to persuade my body into the suit in the first place wasnt cost effective.
My dash back down the stairs, was better than my ascent as I remembered the effects of going round in cricles and snapped my head in the opposite direction on each turn, similar to the way an ice skater keeps their balance. I can report that I never went dizzy once and that the neck brace shouldnt hinder further attempts.
The return to the P.C. station was without incident and a note has been made to ensure that I do further runs in between the two hour time slots when my service provider bangs me out of the system and I have to log on again.
PLACE: HERTS
SHOWER: LEFROY BROOKES STANDARD UPRIGHT
SUITE COLOUR: WHITE
SOAP USED: NON SCENTED
TOWL: STANDARD BATH SIZE
WEATHER CONDITIONS: DAMP HIGH HUMIDITY
WATER TEMPERATURE : TEPID 35 DEGREES
ROOM TEMPERATURE: 15 DEGREES (RADIATORS SHAGGED)
TIME ACHEIVED; 19 MINUTES
Whilst I am dissapointed in the first practise run, I am confident that progress can be made. I have taken note of the area's where I can improve and feel that by substituting braces for my belt will help, this will allow me to get my trousers off much quicker. The belt whilst looking devilishly cool isnt designed for shower olympics.
I also noted that if I were to take my shoes off first then the removal of the aforementioned trousers, would be much easier and the danger of snagging that I experianced which cost me several precious seconds and a fall, would be eliminated.
The spiral staircase that was installed as a designer feature will have to come out as ascending this at speed only made me dizzy and disorientated resulting in my ending up in the spare room instead of the bathroon. further precious seconds were lost as I refound my bearings and hot footed it into the bathroom.
The shower is not a seperate unit and is the type that is integeral with the bath, again this isnt ideal as the lip of the bath needs to be negotiated and being below 5 feet tall this is a significant hurdle without my little blue, step up stool, which in my haste, I had left in the spare room from whence I had just come. Seconds were lost whilst I decided wether to return and get it or too negotiate the bath edge. I choose the later and severly stubbed the big toe on my right foot, I am sure I will loose the nail.
Once in the bath I discovered that better preperation would further assist me and that a spotlessly scrubbed and dry footing is essntial for speed showering. The copious amounts of oil that the females in my house use do leave a thin veneer of oil on the baths surface which is lethal when showering against the clock. The running on the spot that I did trying to gain a footing, along with the almost perfect backflip with twist would be worth additional points in any other sport but as I understand there are no points available for style in this game.
If your shower has a curtain like mine, then be warned. Shut the door after you and ensure your window is closed. The through draught caused a vacumn effect which neatly wrapped the wet and cold curtain around my body making it nigh on impossible to work up a good lather because of my restricted arm movements. A lesson learned.
The step down out off the bath was daunting without my little stool however, by grabbing onto the overhead rail that supports the curtain, I was able to make a gracefull and speedy exit from the shower by swinging out. I shall use this technique for exiting in the future as it is very quick but will make a note to use stronger and bigger screws when I refix the rail to the wall.
I dried with no problem at all although lost some time getting into my pyjamas, as some of you are aware I own a set of Batman pyjamas and the little cape that is an integral part, did get caught up inside the jacket although I will say that the time lost was insignificant and therefore I will continue with them. Mrs davej has suggested that perhaps a pair of lycra pyjamas may be better suited to a sporting event, similar to the outfits worn by sprinters. A subsequent try with a borrowed lycra suit showed that no advantage could be gained and that the copious amounts of talcom powder required to persuade my body into the suit in the first place wasnt cost effective.
My dash back down the stairs, was better than my ascent as I remembered the effects of going round in cricles and snapped my head in the opposite direction on each turn, similar to the way an ice skater keeps their balance. I can report that I never went dizzy once and that the neck brace shouldnt hinder further attempts.
The return to the P.C. station was without incident and a note has been made to ensure that I do further runs in between the two hour time slots when my service provider bangs me out of the system and I have to log on again.
:rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao::rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao:
:rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao:
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:doh:
Sex God
DaveJ, you really should be on the stage! Haven't laughed so much in ages, and I now have the same "note to self" and "to do list" as Wilma
:rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao:
:rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :shock: :eeek: :grin: :laughabove: Dave, you star. Bravo again. :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao:
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Sex God
Not laughed so much in ages that was priceless
Sex God
O.K. folks thanks a lot but this aint meant to be funny, I desperately want the coveted gold plug award for myself. As a result we have made further improvements that whilst not perfect have possibilities.
As you are aware we have a spiral staircase which slowed our ascent. After looking at the possibility of removing this we have found the cost to be prohibitive however we have a plan. A company that supplies Alton Towers with its super fast rides has loaned us a twin seat carriage from a longer train that I managed to bolt onto the hand rail of the stairs. This electrically powered stair lift is state of the art and very quick. I managed to overide the safety bar feature but as yet cannot overide the censors that detect the additional person in the other seat. Mrs davej has been more than patient on the 74 attempts thus far and I owe her a meal out.
The first run took us a bit by surprise as we hit 40 mph by the time we reached the top stair. With the massive forward momentum and the missing safety bar, we should have realised that hitting the top buffer at this speeed would throw us violently across the top landing and we were indeed fortunate that the laundry basket helped to cushion us as we flew out of the seats. The hospital says that there is no permanant damage to either of us and that provided we do not want anymore children all should be well.
There was a problem with my getting over the lip of the bath without a stool, but again some searching has given us a simple solution in the form of a spring board of the type used by gymnasts for vaulting. This simple device gives ample lift to get me airborne if hit at a reasonable pace.I wasn't going to get caught out twice and ensured that all residues of oil in the bath were removed to ensure a firm footing on landing. I am pleased to report that this device works perfectly and will be used for further attempts although, another design for the overhead curtain rail may be needed. Having fixed it more securly, to aid my exit, I found it particularly unforgiving when my head struck it on the way into the bath via the spring board. Mrs davej has had the devils own job removing the hair and scalp remnants from the rail but we feel with some work on the angles this might be a goer.
The shower curtain being sucked in and wrapping itself around me was the easiest solved and with a velcro strip glued to the curtain and the bottom of the bath, this now stays in place. Mrs davej was a little peeved that I hadnt told her about the velcro and was slightly traumatised when she had to stay in the bath for 8 hrs until I came home from work after sitting on the strip and becoming firmly locked in place. Her pubic hair will grow back in time and as she later admitted when she allowed me back into the house, it was little worse that a bikini wax.
I feel that we may soon be in a position to try a proper run and, have an impartial person ready to stand by and time me, in the shape of our village tinker and knife sharpener, Shamus O'strope who I know will be impartial because rumour has it that he has 'no axe to grind'
As you are aware we have a spiral staircase which slowed our ascent. After looking at the possibility of removing this we have found the cost to be prohibitive however we have a plan. A company that supplies Alton Towers with its super fast rides has loaned us a twin seat carriage from a longer train that I managed to bolt onto the hand rail of the stairs. This electrically powered stair lift is state of the art and very quick. I managed to overide the safety bar feature but as yet cannot overide the censors that detect the additional person in the other seat. Mrs davej has been more than patient on the 74 attempts thus far and I owe her a meal out.
The first run took us a bit by surprise as we hit 40 mph by the time we reached the top stair. With the massive forward momentum and the missing safety bar, we should have realised that hitting the top buffer at this speeed would throw us violently across the top landing and we were indeed fortunate that the laundry basket helped to cushion us as we flew out of the seats. The hospital says that there is no permanant damage to either of us and that provided we do not want anymore children all should be well.
There was a problem with my getting over the lip of the bath without a stool, but again some searching has given us a simple solution in the form of a spring board of the type used by gymnasts for vaulting. This simple device gives ample lift to get me airborne if hit at a reasonable pace.I wasn't going to get caught out twice and ensured that all residues of oil in the bath were removed to ensure a firm footing on landing. I am pleased to report that this device works perfectly and will be used for further attempts although, another design for the overhead curtain rail may be needed. Having fixed it more securly, to aid my exit, I found it particularly unforgiving when my head struck it on the way into the bath via the spring board. Mrs davej has had the devils own job removing the hair and scalp remnants from the rail but we feel with some work on the angles this might be a goer.
The shower curtain being sucked in and wrapping itself around me was the easiest solved and with a velcro strip glued to the curtain and the bottom of the bath, this now stays in place. Mrs davej was a little peeved that I hadnt told her about the velcro and was slightly traumatised when she had to stay in the bath for 8 hrs until I came home from work after sitting on the strip and becoming firmly locked in place. Her pubic hair will grow back in time and as she later admitted when she allowed me back into the house, it was little worse that a bikini wax.
I feel that we may soon be in a position to try a proper run and, have an impartial person ready to stand by and time me, in the shape of our village tinker and knife sharpener, Shamus O'strope who I know will be impartial because rumour has it that he has 'no axe to grind'
Quote by warwick
its official davej is mad
sad to say my own attempt has not been so successful
TAXI :!: :!:
Warwick;
I hate to disagree, but have to. It's obvious, to any sane person, that Dave is NOT mad. Look at his posts man!!! He has practised, found flaws in his technique and moved swiftly to address said flaws... This is a mark of a GENIUS.
I for one wish that I had the clear thinking powers that Dave has.
Dave is as sane as the next man (and I am that next man) :shock:
ps: I have spent the last 12 hours in the bath - do I get a prize?
Paul
Sex God
Gentlemen, to put you at rest I can assure you that I am perfectly sane. This is not opinion but fact as on my last trip to the special doctor that mummy takes me to now and again, to discuss my mental health, I distinctly heard the doctor describe me as certifiable. Whilst I havnt recieved my certificate yet it can be taken that if I am to recieve an award then I must be O.K.
:rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: Well MY mummy and the nice man at the hos-pi-tal say I'm spacial. :smug: Means I must be a gini-ass.
Quote by warwick
Right just got back from taking my shower
reckon thats 6 hours 53 minutes
Did i miss anything
:rotflmao: :rotflmao: Not bad Warwick, but you forgot to lock your gate on your way through the back garden, a 30 second penalty incurred there me thinks :lol2:
You need to borrow Davejs new electric chair thingy, I'm sure Alton towers might have a spare one but don't choose the ladybird shaped ones, they're just childish!
