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The politically correct humour thread
Sex God
Quote by little
IcePie !
You are such a bastard !!!!!!!!!!!!!
Speaking as someone who has never met his father (although I do know who the bastard is) I have to say I do not find this in the least offensive, but, in the spirit of political correctness, I'm going to pretend that I do, so.... How DARE you!!! This is grossly offensive and prejudicial to millions of innocent children who, through no fault of their own, etc etc yak yak yak... ;)
Quote by Ice Pie
Speaking as someone who has never met his father (although I do know who the bastard is) I have to say I do not find this in the least offensive, but, in the spirit of political correctness, I'm going to pretend that I do, so.... How DARE you!!! This is grossly offensive and prejudical to millions of innocent children who, through no fault of their own, etc etc yak yak yak... ;)
:shock: Can't believe you have taken offense to that. Should have been a bit more specific with the play on bold words, and said
Icepie,
You are such a bastard !!!!
Okay, i never said i was any good at giving compliments !!!!
Lots of love, hugs and kisses
Little
XXX
PS Also think that political correctness is pish, so quite frankly, i couldn't care less !!!!!
:lol: :lol: :lol: 
Sex God
What's brown and sticky?............................. A stick ... no.... not funny? oh well 
... no.... not funny? oh well 
Casanova
Quote by Bignetsuke bird
Humpty Dumpty sat on the wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall,
All the King's horses and all the King's men,
Said "F*ck him he's only an egg.
:love:
Netsuke
EGGIST
OK, so how many different groups would be offended by this one?........
Michael Caine is holding a party in his house.
Everyone who is anyone is there-top stars from the film world and pop world.
Mick Jagger & David Bowie are helping themselves at the bar, Jim Morrison and his band are sitting on the couch puffing, whilst Peter Cook and Dudley Moore are exchanging original insults.
All is going really well, until Jim Morrison decides he's bored out of his skull, and wants to go home for an early night.
"0i Jim" objects Michael Caine, "party's only just started, hows about I get one of the girls to take you into the bed room for a pleasuring"?
"Great" says Jim "but she has to do the rest of the band too"
"Not a problem Jim" smiles Michael, as he pulls a young dolly bird close and whispers instructions in her ear.
Half an hour later, the young girl is just wiping her chin, when in walks Ringo Starr "Allright love?" He says "dont suppose you want to do the same to me"?
The young woman smiles and gets to work unzipping his flies.
Ringo is having a great time, until, mere moments before the end, the door flies open and Micheal Caine bursts in. He grabs the young girl by the hair and slaps her hard across the face!
"What was that for?" she whimpers
"I told you" Caine snarls "YOUR ONLY SUPPOSED TO BLOW THE BLOODY DOORS OFF!!!" ...
Michael Caine is holding a party in his house.
Everyone who is anyone is there-top stars from the film world and pop world.
Mick Jagger & David Bowie are helping themselves at the bar, Jim Morrison and his band are sitting on the couch puffing, whilst Peter Cook and Dudley Moore are exchanging original insults.
All is going really well, until Jim Morrison decides he's bored out of his skull, and wants to go home for an early night.
"0i Jim" objects Michael Caine, "party's only just started, hows about I get one of the girls to take you into the bed room for a pleasuring"?
"Great" says Jim "but she has to do the rest of the band too"
"Not a problem Jim" smiles Michael, as he pulls a young dolly bird close and whispers instructions in her ear.
Half an hour later, the young girl is just wiping her chin, when in walks Ringo Starr "Allright love?" He says "dont suppose you want to do the same to me"?
The young woman smiles and gets to work unzipping his flies.
Ringo is having a great time, until, mere moments before the end, the door flies open and Micheal Caine bursts in. He grabs the young girl by the hair and slaps her hard across the face!
"What was that for?" she whimpers
"I told you" Caine snarls "YOUR ONLY SUPPOSED TO BLOW THE BLOODY DOORS OFF!!!" ...
Sex God
uummmmm . . . not sure on that one parrot? :uhoh:
maybe i'll just sit back and watch for a bit before i decide if i can
or possibly more appropriately just stomp off in a huff? 
neil x x x ;)
maybe i'll just sit back and watch for a bit before i decide if i can
or possibly more appropriately just stomp off in a huff? neil x x x ;)
Sex God
well i can't bloody delete it now can i venus? but if you want me under you well who am i to argue? :rascal:
n x x x :P
n x x x :P
Sex God
Quote by SurreyBloke
Two goldfish are in a tank
One turns to the other and says
"I'll drive, you man the gun!"
Outrageous! This goldfish is blatantly sexist. He or she should have said "I'll drive, you person the gun".
Sex God
Whats three feet long and goes " SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSH" ??
Rod Hulls Telly
Rod Hulls Telly
Sex God
Quote by SurreyBloke
"You PISCINE the gun" surely?
In an emergency, yes. Normally I would use oil to clean the barrel.
Sex God
Quote by deancannock
whats the differance between an ir ship and 365 blowjobs.
ones a goodyear.....the others a f*cking excellent year !!!!
Nope no good this joke obviously has subliminal advertising for Tyre , which are made from Oil and as such represent indirect support for the illegal invasion of Iraq and the torture of its downtrodden people.
Sex God
Quote by Silk and Big G
whats the differance between an ir ship and 365 blowjobs.
ones a goodyear.....the others a f*cking excellent year !!!!
Nope no good this joke obviously has subliminal advertising for Tyre , which are made from Oil and as such represent indirect support for the illegal invasion of Iraq and the torture of its downtrodden people.
Good point. I retract my earlier offensive reference to oil.
Sex God
A guy steps into an elevator and notices a nice looking girl is in it.
He leans over and says, "Can I smell your cunt?"
"Of course not!" she screams back at him.
"Oh - then it must be your feet" he replies.
He leans over and says, "Can I smell your cunt?"
"Of course not!" she screams back at him.
"Oh - then it must be your feet" he replies.
Sex God
was upstairs playing on his computer when his grandad came in the room and sat down on the bed.
"What are you doing?", Asked the grandad. "You're 18 years old and wasting your life! When I was 18 I went to Paris, I went to the Moulan Rouge, drank all night, had my way with the dancers, pissed on the barman and left without paying! Now that is how to have a good time!"
A week later, the grandfather comes to visit again. He finds the boy still in his room, but with a broken arm in plaster, 2 black eyes and missing all his front teeth.
"What happened?", he asked.
"Oh Grandfather!", replied the boy. "I did what you did! I went to Paris, went to the Moulan Rouge, drank all night, had my way with the dancers, pissed all over the barman, and the beat the crap out of me!"
"Oh dear!", replied the grandad. "Who did you go with?"
"Just some friends, why? Who did you go with?"
"Oh!" replied the grandad. "The SS."
"What are you doing?", Asked the grandad. "You're 18 years old and wasting your life! When I was 18 I went to Paris, I went to the Moulan Rouge, drank all night, had my way with the dancers, pissed on the barman and left without paying! Now that is how to have a good time!"
A week later, the grandfather comes to visit again. He finds the boy still in his room, but with a broken arm in plaster, 2 black eyes and missing all his front teeth.
"What happened?", he asked.
"Oh Grandfather!", replied the boy. "I did what you did! I went to Paris, went to the Moulan Rouge, drank all night, had my way with the dancers, pissed all over the barman, and the beat the crap out of me!"
"Oh dear!", replied the grandad. "Who did you go with?"
"Just some friends, why? Who did you go with?"
"Oh!" replied the grandad. "The SS."
A professor was giving a lecture on the supernatural. To get a feel for his audience, he asks "How many people here believe in ghosts?"
Well that's a good start. Out ot those of you who believe, do any of you think you've seen a ghost?" 40 students put their hands up. "That's good, I'm really glad you take this seriously".
Has any one talked to a ghost?" 15 students raise their hands. "Has any one here ever touched a ghost?" the professor asks. 3 students raise their hands.
The professor can't believe it so he asks "Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?"
At the back Joe puts his hand up. The professor takes off his glasses and says "Son, in all the years I've been giving this lecture, no one has ever claimed to have made love to a ghost. You've got to come up here and tell us about your experience."
Joe goes up to the front of the lecture hall. The professoe says "So, Joe, tell us what it's like to have sex with a ghost?"
Joe replied "Woops! From the back where I was sitting I was thinking you said "GOATS".
:love:
Netsuke
P.S. I love....professors, students, ghosts, Joes, lectures, experiences et al.
Well that's a good start. Out ot those of you who believe, do any of you think you've seen a ghost?" 40 students put their hands up. "That's good, I'm really glad you take this seriously".
Has any one talked to a ghost?" 15 students raise their hands. "Has any one here ever touched a ghost?" the professor asks. 3 students raise their hands.
The professor can't believe it so he asks "Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?"
At the back Joe puts his hand up. The professor takes off his glasses and says "Son, in all the years I've been giving this lecture, no one has ever claimed to have made love to a ghost. You've got to come up here and tell us about your experience."
Joe goes up to the front of the lecture hall. The professoe says "So, Joe, tell us what it's like to have sex with a ghost?"
Joe replied "Woops! From the back where I was sitting I was thinking you said "GOATS".
:love:
Netsuke
P.S. I love....professors, students, ghosts, Joes, lectures, experiences et al.
Sex God
Jill Dando's husband wanted to paint their front door green, but she was dead against it.
Sex God
Quote by VenusnMars
Venusxxx *NOT adding any emoticons whatsoever*
But wanting to ! LOLOL what ? Did i go too far AGAIN !!?
