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The sanctity of marriage

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I would like a swinger's honest opinion as to why they would get married if they still want to put it about?
It seems to defeat the whole purpose of marriage
Having your cake and eating it
Because you and your partner are showing eachother a committment that you are not showing anyone else.
It's a love thing.
Quote by tigris
Having your cake and eating it

And if both parties not only consent to it but also thoroughly enjoy it, what's wrong with having your cake and eating it? Who is it hurting?
Quote by tigris
I would like a swinger's honest opinion as to why they would get married if they still want to put it about?
It seems to defeat the whole purpose of marriage
Having your cake and eating it

If I were you Tigris I'd perhaps spend some time reading other threads on here and get some background on the community and what it's about before opening that can of worms...
I sense however that perhaps your post is entirely rhetorical...
Post again and prove me wrong, please...
All of the above and it makes for a damn good excuse to throw a huge party lol
Quote by JudyTV
All of the above and it makes for a damn good excuse to throw a huge party lol

:laughabove: :laughabove: :laughabove: Now that one I do like :P .
Judy
Not that we ever really needed an excuse to throw a party lol
party in tthe NE on friday
would u forever go and have ur shite u whores melt
we know what we are here and all are happy with our lot
feck of back to ukip head quater u backward thinking prat
ps tv judy were and when the party love
promise will shave next time (face that is hun)
Tigris,have a good read on the threads here - you'll find some touching declarations of love by couples who just happen to share friendship and sexual pleasure with others - but the fountainhead of all they are is each other.
I also think monogomy is fine too,its beautiful if it works.
So does that eman that because we were married when we started swinging that we should get divorced??
We share so much more between each other than we do with our swinging friends,we share love,tenderness etc etc.
Quote by MISSCHIEF
Having your cake and eating it

And if both parties not only consent to it but also thoroughly enjoy it, what's wrong with having your cake and eating it? Who is it hurting?
Spot on Misscheif,couldnt have said it better myself :thumbup:
can i ask tigris why he/she actually joined the site? do they want to 'put it about' with some of the members or are they just hear to preach at us? is this person married or single? what do we know about them? could be another reporter confused
I find it rather disturbing that Tigris views sex as "the whole purpose of marriage", to be honest.
This subject is one that rumbles on and probably will for years but it's always good for a hearty exchange of views.
There are as many views on this as there are fish in the sea or stars in the sky, I read tigris's posting and get the impression that they have the view that getting married is purely about sex.
Most swingers will object to the term "putting it about" as they are nearly always very choosy about who they swing with. Ok I know there are those who choose the anything with anyone type swinging but in the main most folk choose specific partners. "Putting it about" is a term that is more at home to describe a guy or gal going out for a night on the pull with the intention of having a no commitment f**k with whoever they happen to meet.
Again married before we started swinging ... both hubby and I took a long time and though it throught for a while before committing but we simply see it as an extension of our own lovelife ...
If both parties are consenting and enjoy it why shouldn't they? I didn't get married purely for sex ... I married him because I loved him deeply, wanted us to become part of each other and marriage seems to satisfy all that.
Swinging is a bit of fun for us .... something for us to do together. It's not a replacement for our own sex life, it's an extension of it.
makes one concerned when someones first contribution to the forum is such are controversial one.......maybe researching an article are we ?????
not sure any of the explanations will hold water with the original poster, some people do some dont , those that dont will probably never understand how anyone can love some oneso deep they can share that love with others, i dont swing and im in a relationship but really understand how and why people do, good luck to all of you my eyes are wide open not blinkered by prejudice
oh yeah wh am i here?
as marms would say
in a put on Brummy voice
"yam all BASTARDS but we love yaaaaaaaaaa"
staggy :inlove:
Well our wedding is next year..... wonder how many people we'll be able to fit in the honeymoon suite?!?!?!? rolleyes
it seems t me that tigris had no intention of having an adult debate.. the fact that he/she/it posted sutch a controversial first post.. then jumped ship straight away says to me that the intention was to cause trouble or preach.
Quote by well_busty_babe
......... a controversial first post.. then jumped ship straight away says to me that the intention was to cause trouble or preach.

same duifference
too many preachers not enough lovers
adiose amigos
staggy
I was one of the few people in the chatroom last night when Tigris started this particular debate. I suggested he posted his queries in the Forum but after being politely put in his place regarding moral judgements, I'm surprised and annoyed that he has continued in the same train of thought use the unfortunate and offensive phrase 'put it about'.
I'm in absolute agreement with all the above posters and would like to add a few comments of my own.
It has been said in another thread, but I believe swinging is an exploration of sexuality with like-minded people. It is not love-making and it's not always just going out and shagging random strangers.
From the people I have got to know, it seems the couples involved in the swinging scene have already well-established stable, secure, honest, open and very loving relationships. Swinging is an extension of their sex-life and they can do it because they have this special bond.
I think Tigris should reconsider his approach and have at least a little respect and sensitivity towards the people on this site. They are intelligent human beings (well, mostly... Neilinleeds doesn't immediately spring to mind ... :shock: ). They are not sex-crazed animals (bar Blue) who prowl the internet for a quick shag. They are not some primitive sub-culture (why do I keep thinking about Neil?) to be studied in the moralistic, judgemental, self-opinionated, condescending manner that Tigris appears to have adopted.
Tigris, you said last night that you didn't find the answers you were looking for on the Forum. I suggest you have answered the questions yourself and with your narrow-minded views, you have come here to seek nothing more than confirmation of that. I advise you to open your mind to the possibilty that people in the swinging scene do not feel the need to justify themselves to the likes of you, the Media or society as a whole.
Take a good look around - this is a very open and welcoming environment. The people here are a community based on that openness, honesty, friendship, trust and tolerance. You might like to try it sometime. Or get out before they get really pissed off!!!!
Well i can,t add anymore than whats already been said, but we decided to enter this scene with both eyes open as well as mind and hearts, we share the love we have with other with other people as long as we stay in the bounderies we set , and what goes on outside our sex life is just as important , we do have a life outside swinging which we now enjoy all the more biggrin i,ve never been so comfortable and confident in all my life .After a couple of failed relationships it,s not easy to trust again, but this has helped me in particular to overcome my worries and fears . i,m sure i,m not the only one to think like this !!! :happy: :inlove: kiss
My apologies for the negative impact my first post has had, I should have stressed in the chatroom that i already made the post before joining the chatroom, if it comes across as ignorant pls forgive me.
As I stated in the chatroom I joined because I found the threads I read to be full of warm friendly individuals, I am finding it difficult to reconcile how such warm friendly individuals would be at ease sleeping with others outside of the sanctity of marriage.
I do not wish to cause offence with my questions, I am just trying to understand the moral implications of why it's done and how individual swingers justify it considering many are married and many did undertake these vow:
...
(MAN), will you have this woman as your lawful wedded wife, to live together in matrimony? Will you love her, honor her, comfort her, and keep her in sickness and in health; forsaking all others, be true to her as long as you both shall live? (I will).
(WOMAN), will you have this man as your lawful wedded husband, to live together in the matrimony? Will you love him, honor him, comfort him, and keep him in sickness and in health; forsaking all others, be true to him as long as you both shall live? (I will).

I also have a million dollar question regarding my first post, if the other partner suddenly decided they were not happy with you taking part in this activity would you stop? or would this be the end of the marriage?
Quote by tigris
(MAN), will you have this woman as your lawful wedded wife, to live together in matrimony? Will you love her, honor her, comfort her, and keep her in sickness and in health; forsaking all others, be true to her as long as you both shall live? (I will).

Actually, that doesn't actually say you can't have extramarital sex any more than it says you're not allowed to care for your sick mother.
But either way, you can take the marriage vows as a contract, and in the business world it's not unusual for contracts to be modified with the consent of both parties, so why not the marriage contract?
Quote by tigris
...
(MAN), will you have this woman as your lawful wedded wife, to live together in matrimony? Will you love her, honor her, comfort her, and keep her in sickness and in health; forsaking all others, be true to her as long as you both shall live? (I will).
(WOMAN), will you have this man as your lawful wedded husband, to live together in the matrimony? Will you love him, honor him, comfort him, and keep him in sickness and in health; forsaking all others, be true to him as long as you both shall live? (I will).

I also have a million dollar question regarding my first post, if the other partner suddenly decided they were not happy with you taking part in this activity would you stop? or would this be the end of the marriage?
You missed out the 'be true' to each other bit, which is what the couples on here are about. They are just extremely open and honest with each other about their sexuality, fantasies - and have decided to explore it.
They are still 'forsaking all others' with the vow of committment and love. That is what marriage is about!!!
And to the final part ........... yes, I know of a couple of couples where one party has decided they don't want to play anymore - and they have left the scene v. happy and together people.
Quote by tigris
I also have a million dollar question regarding my first post, if the other partner suddenly decided they were not happy with you taking part in this activity would you stop? or would this be the end of the marriage?

If either me or Clare decided that we didnt want to swing anymore then the other one would respect this as we do all of this together for the benifit of no one else but us.
Quote by tigris
My apologies for the negative impact my first post has had, I should have stressed in the chatroom that i already made the post before joining the chatroom, if it comes across as ignorant pls forgive me.
As I stated in the chatroom I joined because I found the threads I read to be full of warm friendly individuals, I am finding it difficult to reconcile how such warm friendly individuals would be at ease sleeping with others outside of the sanctity of marriage.
I do not wish to cause offence with my questions, I am just trying to understand the moral implications of why it's done and how individual swingers justify it considering many are married and many did undertake these vow:
...
(MAN), will you have this woman as your lawful wedded wife, to live together in matrimony? Will you love her, honor her, comfort her, and keep her in sickness and in health; forsaking all others, be true to her as long as you both shall live? (I will).
(WOMAN), will you have this man as your lawful wedded husband, to live together in the matrimony? Will you love him, honor him, comfort him, and keep him in sickness and in health; forsaking all others, be true to him as long as you both shall live? (I will).

I also have a million dollar question regarding my first post, if the other partner suddenly decided they were not happy with you taking part in this activity would you stop? or would this be the end of the marriage?
My marriage means everything to me ... truely and if Morb said never again then I'd respect that and move on and vice versa.
As for the vows ... they are required legally ... I understand that you can state your own but the majority of people recite them as rote .... well sorry but no-one should be forced to accept them just because however many years ago some bureaucrat decided that this is how marroed people should act! Hardly appropriate for today
Marriage is about growing together, respecting, each other, supporting each other. What the hell my sexlife has to do with the registrar/vicar/participating members I don't know and as long as hubby and I share the same view then so be it.

Can''t seem to find the bit in the marriage vows that supports abuse within marriage. Men who beat their wives up. Women who beat their husbands up (it DOES happen). People who are in marriage. Oh - and where are the marriage vows that legally bind two people of the same sex?
Sorry Tigris - but the swinging couples I have met have had some of the most stable and open marriages I have come across. Probably something to do with the honesty that HAS to go hand in hand with swinging
Ahem- sorry - but for the first time since I joined this forum someone really did piss me off!!!
Quote by Rainbows

Sorry Tigris - but the swinging couples I have met have had some of the most stable and open marriages I have come across. Probably something to do with the honesty that HAS to go hand in hand with swinging
Ahem- sorry - but for the first time since I joined this forum someone really did piss me off!!!

That is a really great point there,well said biggrin
I (M half of couple) read this and was thinking about this during work....
We are married, VERY happily married, and we count ourselves very lucky indeed. Indeed, we say this to each other frequently - especially after visiting friends who may be struggling in marraige.
We are, and have been, and always will be 100% faithful. There is 100% trust between us - and this is much more than most marraiges. (How many have afairs - is it something like 60%?). This will never happen with us - and friends (mainly single!) say "you can never trust your partner 100%". I can - we do.
To us, as others here, swinging is a way of enjoying life a bit more. Learning new things and exploring F's bi-side. Nothing to do with love - but sex and fun. We don't plan (at the moment) to full swap (have pen-sex with other party), but just soft play which is touching and basically soft extended foreplay. We're not *that* expereienced, but so far, each event could be looked at by outsiders and say "that looked fun and safe!". One of my nicest memories is seeing my wife being pampered by another couple, looking at me lovingly with a smile on her face holding my hand....
At home, we talk/enjoy the memories, but thats it. Whereas we like the couple and enjoyed the fun - there are no emotions involved other than "fun". (If there were we'd leg-it fairly quickly!!). Would either of us swing alone? No - we've enjoyed and plan to enjoy as a couple!
Life is short. Our aim is to enjoy it. Sit in our rocking chairs when we're old and say "Blimey - remember we did XXXXXXXXXX" - rather than "I wish we did....."
We are confident we'll be together till one of us dies. sad - and are sure we'll be happy until then.
We're not religous, and do not like/want (and won't have) kids.
We plan to harm no one, and just chill and have fun!
PS - we thought swinging was seedy, sex clubs were tacky. That was last year. What we've learned since then is not the case. There is probably less sex and more chat here than the average night club! The sex clubs we've been to have been lovely. Seriously, chat to others here and perhaps go along and see - its not seedy and can really make strong couple stronger....
Be happy - and hope this answers some of your questions.
What is wrong with that?
FWIW - if marraiges are weak, or one partner wants to swing just to get laid elsewhere, then they are in trouble anyway.