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The snip.

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Quote by benrums0n
One of my fellow victims arrived at the clinic on a push bike, such was the "oh its only a minor op " propoganda. He got a taxi home.
I recall the smell of the cauterising iron, very unpleasant.

I feel queasy... Thank god I didn't have that... Apparently nowadays they just wrap it tightly with some cottony type stuff and it seals itself and the stuff dissolves over time.
I have to admit, I did wonder if after having the tubes cut, if my testicles would then me free to wander off around the rest of my body... they've shown no inclination to do so thus far though which is a relief... Can you imagine being at the doctors and him saying "Open wide... Mr Res... I thought you'd had your tonsils out?!?"
Quote by Dirtygirly
:giggle:
No... I didn't want to dwell on the whole chopping of your nuts thing too long in case it brought on flashbacks...
Spunk of the post vasectomy variety has a better texture and is altogether more pleasant (in my opinion only of course, I'm sure there are those who love the thick, gooey, funky, spunk, I'm just not one of them!) :mrgreen:

My God, it's the Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall of the spunk world!
"Flambé the spunk in a light vinaigrette with chopped parsley, and oodles of shorn pubic hair... Now I'm just off to the barn to strangle my cock for the meat course..."
I know who I'd prefer to see out of DG and HFW cottaging in the country though... :-)
Quote by Resonance
One of my fellow victims arrived at the clinic on a push bike, such was the "oh its only a minor op " propoganda. He got a taxi home.
I recall the smell of the cauterising iron, very unpleasant.

I feel queasy... Thank god I didn't have that... Apparently nowadays they just wrap it tightly with some cottony type stuff and it seals itself and the stuff dissolves over time.
I have to admit, I did wonder if after having the tubes cut, if my testicles would then me free to wander off around the rest of my body... they've shown no inclination to do so thus far though which is a relief... Can you imagine being at the doctors and him saying "Open wide... Mr Res... I thought you'd had your tonsils out?!?"
my doc actually gave me back my two little tubes :shock:
they were like two bits of spaghetti, couldnt help thinking how many sperm flow through that tiny tube :shock:
and only one does the job hhhmmmmmmm rolleyes
steve x
Quote by travlinmanukok
One of my fellow victims arrived at the clinic on a push bike, such was the "oh its only a minor op " propoganda. He got a taxi home.
I recall the smell of the cauterising iron, very unpleasant.

I feel queasy... Thank god I didn't have that... Apparently nowadays they just wrap it tightly with some cottony type stuff and it seals itself and the stuff dissolves over time.
I have to admit, I did wonder if after having the tubes cut, if my testicles would then me free to wander off around the rest of my body... they've shown no inclination to do so thus far though which is a relief... Can you imagine being at the doctors and him saying "Open wide... Mr Res... I thought you'd had your tonsils out?!?"
my doc actually gave me back my two little tubes :shock:
they were like two bits of spaghetti, couldnt help thinking how many sperm flow through that tiny tube :shock:
and only one does the job hhhmmmmmmm rolleyes
steve x
MrG was offered his tubes to keep but declined :shock:
Quote by Mrsgoggins
One of my fellow victims arrived at the clinic on a push bike, such was the "oh its only a minor op " propoganda. He got a taxi home.
I recall the smell of the cauterising iron, very unpleasant.

I feel queasy... Thank god I didn't have that... Apparently nowadays they just wrap it tightly with some cottony type stuff and it seals itself and the stuff dissolves over time.
I have to admit, I did wonder if after having the tubes cut, if my testicles would then me free to wander off around the rest of my body... they've shown no inclination to do so thus far though which is a relief... Can you imagine being at the doctors and him saying "Open wide... Mr Res... I thought you'd had your tonsils out?!?"
my doc actually gave me back my two little tubes :shock:
they were like two bits of spaghetti, couldnt help thinking how many sperm flow through that tiny tube :shock:
and only one does the job hhhmmmmmmm rolleyes
steve x
MrG was offered his tubes to keep but declined :shock:
I'm surprised we've not seen Linda Barker trying to use them to adorn a living room in Changing Rooms.
Surely if you wanted to keep them, you'd leave them where they were? It'd be like removing your testicles and carting them around in your hands. While it may be pleasurable, it isn't practical. Driving would be an adventure for a start and as for the school run, forget it.
OMG this thread has brought tears to my eyes....tears of laughter......worked for years in theatres and spent a spell in the day theatres doing thi sort of 'easy peasy, bread and butter' stuff
The 'nut sack is squeezed hard to stretch the saggy sking tight to enable the master surgeon (you'd only let an expert near them....right???
Nah this is junior and trainee doc practice stuff!!!
once the scrotum has been cut and the tube dissected out with various diggy type implements, the surgeon (cutter as they are affectionately known) will hook an insrtument (usually a artery clip underneath it and waggle it about to give himself a good clear inch or so of tubing to play with!
Then he takes two strong artery clips, with very tight vice like locking grips, and clamps them around an inch apart, squeezing the life out of that teeny little harmless vas deferens.
He snips....generally with some sharp poinyt hair dressing or toe nail type scissors a good inch of tubing out.....some will the cauterise (burn with a pait of tweezers wired to the mains) the ends of the tube....kind of like heat sealing a plastic bag......yes it does stink....the smell of burning flesh does......always managed to make the staff think of BBQ's, sunday lunch or some other such delicacy......cumberland sausage for instance!!
Now, hoping you have shaved, to ensure no pubic har detritus gets sewn into the teeny weeny wound, then a couple of stitches are put in with the manual dexterity of an expert upholsterer.....or matress maker....
thank god they are disolvable stitches, thus doing away wuth the need for a student district nurse to come and get you to hoik your cojones out over the waistband of your baggy joggers to remove them with cold hands and a rusty scalpel blade!
Two BIG sympathy plasters are put on, on on each wound.....a good scrub technician always made sure that at least one side of the sticky dressing was adhered securly to the UNSHAVED pubic hair still in the place god intended it to grow from (muahahaha - not for long suckers!) so that removal of said sticking plaster is indeed as painful as having rectal surgery!
a quick clean up of any escaped bodily fluids and a nice elastic jockstrap but on by a nurse that makes ugly betty look like claudia schiffer - done so that your little man doesnt start getting all excited and thus stretch the newly sliced scrotum, necessitating new stitches to be put in.
and its hey presto, all done, off ya go thanks for playing the Vasectomy game....and were all gossiping about the size of your todger and that reminds us, we must get some chipolatas out of the freezer! wink
et voila.....tomorrow, step by step instructions on the art of circumcision lol :lol:
Quote by Bonedigger
OMG this thread has brought tears to my eyes....tears of laughter......worked for years in theatres and spent a spell in the day theatres doing thi sort of 'easy peasy, bread and butter' stuff
The 'nut sack is squeezed hard to stretch the saggy sking tight to enable the master surgeon (you'd only let an expert near them....right???
Nah this is junior and trainee doc practice stuff!!!
once the scrotum has been cut and the tube dissected out with various diggy type implements, the surgeon (cutter as they are affectionately known) will hook an insrtument (usually a artery clip underneath it and waggle it about to give himself a good clear inch or so of tubing to play with!
Then he takes two strong artery clips, with very tight vice like locking grips, and clamps them around an inch apart, squeezing the life out of that teeny little harmless vas deferens.
He snips....generally with some sharp poinyt hair dressing or toe nail type scissors a good inch of tubing out.....some will the cauterise (burn with a pait of tweezers wired to the mains) the ends of the tube....kind of like heat sealing a plastic bag......yes it does stink....the smell of burning flesh does......always managed to make the staff think of BBQ's, sunday lunch or some other such delicacy......cumberland sausage for instance!!
Now, hoping you have shaved, to ensure no pubic har detritus gets sewn into the teeny weeny wound, then a couple of stitches are put in with the manual dexterity of an expert upholsterer.....or matress maker....
thank god they are disolvable stitches, thus doing away wuth the need for a student district nurse to come and get you to hoik your cojones out over the waistband of your baggy joggers to remove them with cold hands and a rusty scalpel blade!
Two BIG sympathy plasters are put on, on on each wound.....a good scrub technician always made sure that at least one side of the sticky dressing was adhered securly to the UNSHAVED pubic hair still in the place god intended it to grow from (muahahaha - not for long suckers!) so that removal of said sticking plaster is indeed as painful as having rectal surgery!
a quick clean up of any escaped bodily fluids and a nice elastic jockstrap but on by a nurse that makes ugly betty look like claudia schiffer - done so that your little man doesnt start getting all excited and thus stretch the newly sliced scrotum, necessitating new stitches to be put in.
and its hey presto, all done, off ya go thanks for playing the Vasectomy game....and were all gossiping about the size of your todger and that reminds us, we must get some chipolatas out of the freezer! wink
et voila.....tomorrow, step by step instructions on the art of circumcision lol :lol:

You see... It is only after it has happened the truth eventually comes out...
I'm now off to sit cross legged for the rest of the day.
Quote by Bonedigger
OMG this thread has brought tears to my eyes....tears of laughter......worked for years in theatres and spent a spell in the day theatres doing thi sort of 'easy peasy, bread and butter' stuff
The 'nut sack is squeezed hard to stretch the saggy sking tight to enable the master surgeon (you'd only let an expert near them....right???
Nah this is junior and trainee doc practice stuff!!!
once the scrotum has been cut and the tube dissected out with various diggy type implements, the surgeon (cutter as they are affectionately known) will hook an insrtument (usually a artery clip underneath it and waggle it about to give himself a good clear inch or so of tubing to play with!
Then he takes two strong artery clips, with very tight vice like locking grips, and clamps them around an inch apart, squeezing the life out of that teeny little harmless vas deferens.
He snips....generally with some sharp poinyt hair dressing or toe nail type scissors a good inch of tubing out.....some will the cauterise (burn with a pait of tweezers wired to the mains) the ends of the tube....kind of like heat sealing a plastic bag......yes it does stink....the smell of burning flesh does......always managed to make the staff think of BBQ's, sunday lunch or some other such delicacy......cumberland sausage for instance!!
Now, hoping you have shaved, to ensure no pubic har detritus gets sewn into the teeny weeny wound, then a couple of stitches are put in with the manual dexterity of an expert upholsterer.....or matress maker....
thank god they are disolvable stitches, thus doing away wuth the need for a student district nurse to come and get you to hoik your cojones out over the waistband of your baggy joggers to remove them with cold hands and a rusty scalpel blade!
Two BIG sympathy plasters are put on, on on each wound.....a good scrub technician always made sure that at least one side of the sticky dressing was adhered securly to the UNSHAVED pubic hair still in the place god intended it to grow from (muahahaha - not for long suckers!) so that removal of said sticking plaster is indeed as painful as having rectal surgery!
a quick clean up of any escaped bodily fluids and a nice elastic jockstrap but on by a nurse that makes ugly betty look like claudia schiffer - done so that your little man doesnt start getting all excited and thus stretch the newly sliced scrotum, necessitating new stitches to be put in.
and its hey presto, all done, off ya go thanks for playing the Vasectomy game....and were all gossiping about the size of your todger and that reminds us, we must get some chipolatas out of the freezer! wink
et voila.....tomorrow, step by step instructions on the art of circumcision lol :lol:

pmsl Mrs B that made me :lol: and I can't wait to read the next instalment
Quote by Bonedigger
OMG this thread has brought tears to my eyes....tears of laughter......worked for years in theatres and spent a spell in the day theatres doing thi sort of 'easy peasy, bread and butter' stuff
The 'nut sack is squeezed hard to stretch the saggy sking tight to enable the master surgeon (you'd only let an expert near them....right???
Nah this is junior and trainee doc practice stuff!!!
once the scrotum has been cut and the tube dissected out with various diggy type implements, the surgeon (cutter as they are affectionately known) will hook an insrtument (usually a artery clip underneath it and waggle it about to give himself a good clear inch or so of tubing to play with!
Then he takes two strong artery clips, with very tight vice like locking grips, and clamps them around an inch apart, squeezing the life out of that teeny little harmless vas deferens.
He snips....generally with some sharp poinyt hair dressing or toe nail type scissors a good inch of tubing out.....some will the cauterise (burn with a pait of tweezers wired to the mains) the ends of the tube....kind of like heat sealing a plastic bag......yes it does stink....the smell of burning flesh does......always managed to make the staff think of BBQ's, sunday lunch or some other such delicacy......cumberland sausage for instance!!
Now, hoping you have shaved, to ensure no pubic har detritus gets sewn into the teeny weeny wound, then a couple of stitches are put in with the manual dexterity of an expert upholsterer.....or matress maker....
thank god they are disolvable stitches, thus doing away wuth the need for a student district nurse to come and get you to hoik your cojones out over the waistband of your baggy joggers to remove them with cold hands and a rusty scalpel blade!
Two BIG sympathy plasters are put on, on on each wound.....a good scrub technician always made sure that at least one side of the sticky dressing was adhered securly to the UNSHAVED pubic hair still in the place god intended it to grow from (muahahaha - not for long suckers!) so that removal of said sticking plaster is indeed as painful as having rectal surgery!
a quick clean up of any escaped bodily fluids and a nice elastic jockstrap but on by a nurse that makes ugly betty look like claudia schiffer - done so that your little man doesnt start getting all excited and thus stretch the newly sliced scrotum, necessitating new stitches to be put in.
and its hey presto, all done, off ya go thanks for playing the Vasectomy game....and were all gossiping about the size of your todger and that reminds us, we must get some chipolatas out of the freezer! wink
et voila.....tomorrow, step by step instructions on the art of circumcision lol :lol:

mrs bonedigger telling us about :shock: circumcision ....get it
mrs
bone
mrs
bone
start the car.......................... :wink: :wink:
steve x
well after listenin to you lot of wimps i have decided i must be married to superman cause when hubby had it done 16 years ago he had no bruising no swelling and walked into town to buy me a present to cheer me up (i'd had bad news that morning)straight after op then rode home and went back to work the next day
balls of steel my man worship :worship: :worship:
lmao, u bunch of mard gits, i wentr with my 1st husband wen he had his done, and i watched, it was fab lol .... then i made him get the bus home, lol
Then i remember the day he was meant to go to have his stitches out. sadly it was the day of his brothers funeral, so i said come here i'l take yr stitches out ( im laffing my head off writing this)
i got some tiny nail scissors and went to snip the stitch, lol whooops i miss judged and cut his balls lol
he screamed in agony ( soft git) lol
and took the scissors off me....aswell as swearing at me lol
we went to the funeral and he went to the hospital a few days later to get his stitches took out lol
P.S he's my ex hubby now, but it was funny as fook lol
lol :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
Quote by Mmyumm
lmao, u bunch of mard gits, i wentr with my 1st husband wen he had his done, and i watched, it was fab lol .... then i made him get the bus home, lol
Then i remember the day he was meant to go to have his stitches out. sadly it was the day of his brothers funeral, so i said come here i'l take yr stitches out ( im laffing my head off writing this)
i got some tiny nail scissors and went to snip the stitch, lol whooops i miss judged and cut his balls lol
he screamed in agony ( soft git) lol
and took the scissors off me....aswell as swearing at me lol
we went to the funeral and he went to the hospital a few days later to get his stitches took out lol
P.S he's my ex hubby now, but it was funny as fook lol
lol :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

Suddenly my ailments at the time look a little trifling in comparison...
Quote by bouncy332
well after listenin to you lot of wimps i have decided i must be married to superman cause when hubby had it done 16 years ago he had no bruising no swelling and walked into town to buy me a present to cheer me up (i'd had bad news that morning)straight after op then rode home and went back to work the next day
balls of steel my man worship :worship: :worship:

You sure he went through with it? :twisted:
Quote by Mrsgoggins
well after listenin to you lot of wimps i have decided i must be married to superman cause when hubby had it done 16 years ago he had no bruising no swelling and walked into town to buy me a present to cheer me up (i'd had bad news that morning)straight after op then rode home and went back to work the next day
balls of steel my man worship :worship: :worship:

You sure he went through with it? :twisted:
well considering proir to it he only had to hang his coat next to mine to get me preggers and now we haven't had a kid foe almost 17 years i would say its a pretty safe bet he did lol
had mine done at 27 and had a unsuccessful reversal at 35,now that was a painful recovery lol
Quote by bouncy332
well after listenin to you lot of wimps i have decided i must be married to superman cause when hubby had it done 16 years ago he had no bruising no swelling and walked into town to buy me a present to cheer me up (i'd had bad news that morning)straight after op then rode home and went back to work the next day
balls of steel my man worship :worship: :worship:

You sure he went through with it? :twisted:
well considering proir to it he only had to hang his coat next to mine to get me preggers and now we haven't had a kid foe almost 17 years i would say its a pretty safe bet he did lol
Pmsl bouncy, MrG used to be like that :lol:
I guess your hubby was a woman in a previous life then. Probably can multitask too :lol:
Quote by Mrsgoggins
well after listenin to you lot of wimps i have decided i must be married to superman cause when hubby had it done 16 years ago he had no bruising no swelling and walked into town to buy me a present to cheer me up (i'd had bad news that morning)straight after op then rode home and went back to work the next day
balls of steel my man worship :worship: :worship:

You sure he went through with it? :twisted:
well considering proir to it he only had to hang his coat next to mine to get me preggers and now we haven't had a kid foe almost 17 years i would say its a pretty safe bet he did lol
Pmsl bouncy, MrG used to be like that :lol:
I guess your hubby was a woman in a previous life then. Probably can multitask too :lol:
oddly enough he can :shock: and he never suffers man flu he just keeps goin no matter how poorly, it is its only me that lays moaning lookin for sympathy ooeerrrrr we seem to of done a total role reversal :eeek:
Quote by bouncy332
well after listenin to you lot of wimps i have decided i must be married to superman cause when hubby had it done 16 years ago he had no bruising no swelling and walked into town to buy me a present to cheer me up (i'd had bad news that morning)straight after op then rode home and went back to work the next day
balls of steel my man worship :worship: :worship:

You sure he went through with it? :twisted:
well considering proir to it he only had to hang his coat next to mine to get me preggers and now we haven't had a kid foe almost 17 years i would say its a pretty safe bet he did lol
Pmsl bouncy, MrG used to be like that :lol:
I guess your hubby was a woman in a previous life then. Probably can multitask too :lol:
oddly enough he can :shock: and he never suffers man flu he just keeps goin no matter how poorly, it is its only me that lays moaning lookin for sympathy ooeerrrrr we seem to of done a total role reversal :eeek:
Have you ever seen the film 'Dead Again'?
Quote by hell1970
had mine done at 27 and had a unsuccessful reversal at 35,now that was a painful recovery lol

Friend of mine's just had a reversal courtesy of Doctor Payne. Apt name, apparently, so I really hope it's worth it for them.
Mrs B - you are mean and evil. Nobody wants to know what goes on behind the cool calm considerate front in hospitals - oh no we don't!!
Having your snip done is one of life’s moments you don’t forget. My doctor offered me 3 choices. Have it done privately by a urogenital consultant within a fortnight for £200 (This was in 1998). Pay £64 and have it done within a few months or wait for up to 2 years on the NHS. Settling for the £64 job seemed a good compromise.
The big day arrived and it was snowing a blizzard and I had to be at the hospital for 8 in the morning. I got a friend to come with me in case I couldn’t drive afterwards but they need not have bothered as driving back was fine. There were 7 of us to be done and we were ushered into this waiting area with a tele blasting away. The ward sister came in. She was a huge Hatty Jacques type with blonde hair and a beaming smiling face. She sat in the middle of us and looked around smiling then slapped her knees and said in a booming Valleys voice, “ Hello Boys!!”
She got a few timid murmurs by way of reply. Then a piece came on the tele about transvestites and the irony of the situation had a few of us laughing and wondering if this was actually a video they showed to blokes about to be “done”.
We had to change into these open backed gowns and put on white football socks.
Then wait by our beds for the sister to come around and make sure we’d all shaved our nuts. I felt like a flasher when she bent down in front of me and told me to pull the gown up. She said that it was a quick procedure and quite painless. Then added that in some men the tube was more taut than in others and that sometimes the surgeon had to tug on it. Such guys might feel “a little discomfort”.
The thing that I thought was going to hurt (needle in the balls) didn’t hurt at all. Didn’t feel a thing. They don’t plunge the needle through your nuts anyway. Where I was unlucky though was that I was one of those with the tight tubes.
There was a huge pot of tea and big plate of sandwiches waiting for us as we came back one at a time after being done. We had to lay on the bed for an hour and the sister checked the incisions every now and again. I was lucky. Didn’t have any swelling. They told us to lay in bed for a day or so with a small bag of frozen peas over each incision.
Had to take semen samples in at three months and five months with the result being given out a month later. The semen certainly changes texture.
I think more blokes should consider it. It’s done in 15 minutes is relatively painless. Sure some chaps are unlucky with infections etc. but the procedure for the lady is far more complicated.
when i had same op in early 70s it was reasonably newwalking around wiyh your nuts in a bag similar to satsumas in a super market{most painful}. they even brought out a neck tie like aclub or badge of honour.
mine was quite funny as i was 21 my DR said there was no chance id get it done on the nhs as i was so young but could get it done privately for 85 quid i told him id do it myself then go to A+E and they can tidy things up i got an apointment within 5 days and the op within a month i think my DR knowing me very well helped
Quote by travlinmanukok
childbirth .......easy peasy to the snip............just like going shopping
steve

Was just wondering how many times you have actually given birth travlinman?? How can any man compare the little prick he had between his legs to the excruciating pain of chilbirth?
Quote by Mrsgoggins
well after listenin to you lot of wimps i have decided i must be married to superman cause when hubby had it done 16 years ago he had no bruising no swelling and walked into town to buy me a present to cheer me up (i'd had bad news that morning)straight after op then rode home and went back to work the next day
balls of steel my man worship :worship: :worship:

You sure he went through with it? :twisted:
well considering proir to it he only had to hang his coat next to mine to get me preggers and now we haven't had a kid foe almost 17 years i would say its a pretty safe bet he did lol
Pmsl bouncy, MrG used to be like that :lol:
I guess your hubby was a woman in a previous life then. Probably can multitask too :lol:
oddly enough he can :shock: and he never suffers man flu he just keeps goin no matter how poorly, it is its only me that lays moaning lookin for sympathy ooeerrrrr we seem to of done a total role reversal :eeek:
Have you ever seen the film 'Dead Again'?
oooo no not seen it will have to look it out
Quote by Kez_n_ste

childbirth .......easy peasy to the snip............just like going shopping
steve

Was just wondering how many times you have actually given birth travlinman?? How can any man compare the little prick he had between his legs to the excruciating pain of chilbirth?
childbirth ???? a walk in the park :shock:
compared to the snip ask any man redface surprisedops:
steve x
Quote by bouncy332
mine was quite funny as i was 21 my DR said there was no chance id get it done on the nhs as i was so young but could get it done privately for 85 quid i told him id do it myself then go to A+E and they can tidy things up i got an apointment within 5 days and the op within a month i think my DR knowing me very well helped

oh i say hubby has discovered the forums lol
help!!!!!!!!! must tell him to say its him b4 i get into trouble with you lot :shock:
don't say you haven't been warned wink
Quote by travlinmanukok

childbirth .......easy peasy to the snip............just like going shopping
steve

Was just wondering how many times you have actually given birth travlinman?? How can any man compare the little prick he had between his legs to the excruciating pain of chilbirth?
childbirth ???? a walk in the park :shock:
compared to the snip ask any man redface surprisedops:
steve x
How would any man know - they'd have to have given birth?
Quote by travlinmanukok

childbirth .......easy peasy to the snip............just like going shopping
steve

Was just wondering how many times you have actually given birth travlinman?? How can any man compare the little prick he had between his legs to the excruciating pain of chilbirth?
childbirth ???? a walk in the park :shock:
compared to the snip ask any man redface surprisedops:
steve x
rolleyes :roll: :roll:
Thought you'd got past the goading other forum members!
Quote by Freckledbird

childbirth .......easy peasy to the snip............just like going shopping
steve

Was just wondering how many times you have actually given birth travlinman?? How can any man compare the little prick he had between his legs to the excruciating pain of chilbirth?
childbirth ???? a walk in the park :shock:
compared to the snip ask any man redface surprisedops:
steve x
How would any man know - they'd have to have given birth?
ffs ........?????????????????????
travelinman.... attempt to shove a pineapple up your ass without lube for 12 hours... then take a sharp knife and cut from your ass to your testes.
that should give you a little flavour of giving birth.