One of the most common phrases I've seen on many profiles and adverts is to do with the notion that time is precious and people do not wish to 'waste' it by 'playing email tennis' or chatting.
Let me just say here I totally exempt any 'tossers' out there who do just waste time and string people along. Of course they are time wasters and frustrating but this is not what the post is about.
Am I in the minority here because emailing, chatting and discussion (at length if required) is precisely what we do want and actually feel we need, to get the most from the whole swinging experience for us (and hopefully the other people involved)?
To be honest, the thought of meeting someone by quickly getting on cam to show we are who we are, or even just agreeing to meet that day or a day later at a pub or hotel, then shagging there and then, just leaves us terrified! I am fully prepared to accept we are possibly, even probably, in the minority here! Actually meeting is still a HUGE deal for us and takes enormous trust on our part. (I'm not saying it doesn't for others, but just how do you manage to do it?! I'm kind of envious of those who can do this, I feel they must have some kind of fantastic ability that I do not possess!)
What other people see as time wasted, for me anyway, is time well spent. I love finding out about people, I love finding out what makes them tick, what turns them on and off, what they are looking for in a potential meet as well as all the other silly things that happpen in life. We find discussing these things a huge part of it for us. It it is part of our own 'verification system' (apologies for swearing). I don't need to know the deep personal ins and outs of your life and I am happy to learn only what you are willing to share, but for me this is a hugely valuable and often overlooked part of the swinging process. Learning about each other.
I cannot swing with someone there is no connection with. I cannot really do it "cold". I can find people attractive immediately via a picture or cam or in person, but there has to be that other connection with them, entirely mental and not purely physical. In a way I am envious of people who can do this, as perhaps what they do is the true essence of swinging as it is supposed to be? It's like I can see some pictures and think "lovely" but there is no immediate reaction "down below", and yet I can chat to someone, email them, or just see a picture through their eyes or from a new perspective and immediately it becomes far more erotic.
Is swinging truly a personal thing and down to whatever the individual(s) concerned feel is right for them? Or is it the traditional, meet up, shag with no strings, go home. Do it again next time?
I do know, I would rather have 1 meet a year with the right person, than 365 meets a year with 365 people who are just not quite right for us. Does that make us sound overly fussy? It isn't a looks issue at all, it isn't a compatability or personality issue, for us it is a case of understanding what each other wants to ensure when you do meet, the memory of it makes the hair on the back of your neck stand up. It's that kind of experience we want and for me investing time to ensure that happens is not wasted at all, but time very well spent.
Or... Am I just a wuss? Am I thinking about it too much? Is the true essence of swinging lots of sex, rather than quality sex? Or can it be both? Surely quality sex is not just lots of it, but one which provokes your mind and all your senses? Not just a collection of orgasmic experiences with different people?
Please understand... We are not seeking to form a loving 'relationship' with anyone else in the traditional sense, it would be a swinging arrangement entirely, but a mutually beneficial one. I would find that really difficult to be really intimate, trusting and overtly sexual with someone I really did not care about, know, trust fully myself and understand at least a little. (In Edit : This is possibly the worst constructed paragraph in the history of the English language. I should be roundly beaten and scorned by the populace for not reading through and editing it first.I could have done it now, but I can't be arsed. If you can make sense of it let me know)
I wonder if it is different for single people, as it is for couples? Whether age or sex plays a part? I have an inkling what turns people on WILL play a part (I know some people love the thrill of the new and love variety), but in a way the new is quite scary for us. Knowledge is power, but knowledge is also security, safety and sense to me.
Please also understand, we don't judge anybody by what turns them on or how they choose to swing. Everyone has their own tastes and each is right for them and in many ways I am envious of people who can swing in the supposedly traditional sense. I was just wondering if others shared any of these views, or if we are in the minority? It sometimes feels like we are, and yet when I speak to people in more detail, I am not so convinced.
Any thoughts?
Reacting on what Res said. Most of the time I'd/we'd concur (talking for J there but I'm sure im right in saying we'd) with what your saying but there are times when the spontaneity of doing something off the cuff and aside from the "courting" ritual is really fun.
Going to a club has a certain frisson about it too. The wondering whose going too be there if theres going to be some hood viewable sex going on. Maybe even the chance to chat socially without anything else. Hey sometimes a f*ck is all thats wanted and that could be catered for in that situation.
Sometimes its great to just get off on something because you can and usually you know you wouldn't/shouldn't
I understand what you are say res......
I am like you where I have to know with whom I a playing with, even in clubs where i chat and chat and chat before I play.... I always say I just happen to play with people I am friends with
I do understand though that some people get off on the idea of "stranger" sex, where they don't want to know about the people they play with, whether that is based on just purely physical attraction or not....... and clubs are good for that kind of thing
I wouldn't call it time wasted, or e-mail ping pong, I just call in different ways of getting something out of the way you happen to swing.....
Oh Good!
I am heartened to see we are not so alone with these ideas...
I totally get the "quick wild shag" excitement too. When we talk about fantasies Mrs Res loves that idea... I do too in fantasy... but in reality... the fear of the unknown and all the implications are such that we just know we couldn't go through with it... Certainly not at the moment but I will never rule anything out (blindly optimistic eejit that I am!). Opinions and tastes can change over time after all.
Thanks for the responses so far folks. Much appreciated.
You seem to have read our minds
Your thoughts on swinging and in particular choosing the right playmate(s) are so similar to ours.
This is for us the very essence of good swinging - a connection
- sometimes built up over a bit of time
- sometimes an almost instant chemical/lustful desire
But a connection nevertheless is absolutely the most important thing to make each and every swinging experience the very best it can be
Better to choose carefully than to regret totally
Ooooooo Lovely, you just gave me an idea - wonder if they'd consider me for painting at the local college - bit of extra cash and all that!
And all those aspiring fine artists who'd get crushes on you FB!
When we set out to meet a guy to invite to join us, we spoke about our idea’s what we would like to achieve what was the purpose and expectations. I (Mrs) always said to hubby for me to get the most out of meeting another guy I could not just find someone and meet quickly. There had to be for me within a meet sensuality closeness to the guy involved, I never wanted to have a shag, but to be given and to give pleasure in every way, so really had to think how this could be achieved. We wanted the guy to feel a part of us to always have his wishes and purpose taking into consideration, For this to happen it takes time, I had to connect mentally build up friendship, trust and respect with someone and for them to totally understand while they would have all of me in the sexual sense, my heart would always remain for one.
It worked out for us as after meeting a few guys there are a couple we have shared very special times with we have met on quiet a few occasions and always had such good fun, on all levels although we no longer meet we are all still friends and long may it continue. We feel you can not share sure intimate times together and not remain friends.
One guy we met summed it up for me when the next day after a meet sent me a message saying “thank you both for inviting me into your lives and sharing something so special” those few words to me had such meaning.
So I would say to totally get out of something what you want it is always worth the time and effort spend.
There were a lot of frustrating times but the good times well out weighed these.
For a long time I've had problems trusting people, men in particular, and so I've never been into the "stranger sex". I have to know that someone isn't going to overstep the mark and the only way I can know that is to make friends first.
It doesn't suit everyone to have the same preferences, and I'm glad of that, it means that we can experiment and have friends as well as bed mates.
We like to have friends that we can enjoy a sexual relationship with, whether it be purely flirting online or that we can go out for a meal and then back to bed afterwards and sometimes that means email tennis.
Actually, sometimes I like the email tennis ... it's like foreplay, a little bit building up some sexual tension before we meet ;)
we have always taken our time with our meets. We too like to chat for great length before agreeing to meet someone, and we also never play on our first meet. i know that isnt for everybody, but i would never want to meet someone after chatting for a great length of time and then feel like i had to play with them just because we have finally met. I'd rather not play at all then end up doing something id later regret. Saying this we have met some very understanding likewise people and have had some fantastic times!
I just feel "safer" chatting to people for a length of time before hand, meeting socailly, just to double check they are what we thought they were, and let the fun start there.
I do understand that this isnt for everybody, which is fine by we, it just means that they are not for us x
We have never done anything but go to clubs. For us the long drawn out process would definitely be a waste of time. We are in the swinging scene to play and some of the best sex we have had in the scene is with people that we probably wouldn't have been interested in if we had gone down the profile/contact/chat/meet route.
:wink: 
(he took pity on me!!!!!!! :lol: 
