Today I responded to a guy who was interested in meeting up with me. I asked him for a face pic and told him if I liked what I saw we could take it from there.
He very kindly and quickly sent me a face pic, but on this occassion I decided he was not for me and politely said thank you, but I won't be taking it any further.
I've been out, done a few chores and come back to a message with 3 more body pics and a message saying that I am a timewaster, I'm shallow and couldn't handle a real man.
Now... this did make me cross to begin with and then I thought on.
I wonder if other people considered timewasters have simply just said, sorry but not for me? Are there really less timewasters involved in swinging than we would be led to believe?
I have directed him to feedback on a different site so he can see that I am not a timewaster, I told him not to take it as personal rejection, as it had nothing to do with him but I need to feel attracted to someone if all i'm doing is having sex with them and as far as shallow is concerned... he wants sex with a women he has never seen the face of? But isn't prepared to get to know me as a person (or doesn't want to).
Surely swinging to a point is a shallow hedonistic occupation anyway? It's all about giving yourself what you want, not about what other people want. You keep searching until you find people that are looking for the same thing and then indulge in it.
What do you think, is rejecting someone because you don't find them sexually attractive Shallow? And is it reason enough to be called a timewaster?
What do you consider to be a timewaster?
Its just his ego talking as its taken a bashing because you turned him down...
Its sad I know but unfortunately it does happen...
And single guys have the cheek to start threads moaning they haven't had replies.....
I'm not saying all single guys do this BTW ;-)
Actually I'd consider him to be the real timewaster.
Someone on a swinging site who doesn't seem to understand the concept of "no means no" is wasting his and everybody else's time.
Just my 2c worth.
Maybe that was'nt such a good move Venus69 directing this chap towards the site where he can leave feedback about you!!!!!!
He might just join to be spitful & leave bad feedback for you..
I've put up ads, had replies and then a 'thanks but no thanks' after I've sent them more pics. I felt disapointed, yes. Rejected, yes. But I wouldn't have considered them timewasters. I've been called a timewaster several times because I didn't 'go' for someone. I think it's just a phrase that's banded about too much and has lost its meaning.
H.x
To be honest i'm just thankful I didn't give him my msn to reply to as he has sent 2 nasty replies since I started this thread. I'm really glad I said no now.
I hate to think what might have happened if we had met for a drink and I had said no at that point. I can't imagine it would have been pretty.
The guy sounds seriously insecure. Probably the worst condition to be for a swinger.
My ha'p'orth. I wouldn't consider someone a timewaster unless we had agreed to meet up, made definite arrangements and they then called it off with no intention to meet. But that is almost impossible to judge - things come up, relatives arrive. All sorts of reason to cancel at the last minute. Even getting cold feet is ok - we should always go with our gut feelings about a meet.
I suppose the only way you an really know the are timewasters is if they keep doing it - but even then circumstances could be against it.
As for are you shallow? Well, swinging is hardly a deep, spiritual experience. LOL. Yes, people make friends, develop relationships - but swinging in it's most naked, basic definition is basically shallow - two or more people meet up to enjoy mutual, sexual pleasure. How deep could that be?
venus, i'd ignore the loser......at least you were polite and sent him a nicely worded reply....you could have not bothered to reply, or even said "fuck off you pig ugly munter, I wouldnt touch you with a shitty stick!"
I think he was lucky that you were so nice.....and as for not being able to handle a real man....tell him when you come across one you will be sure to PM him and let him know you handled him just fine ....LOL
:giggle: :giggle: :giggle:
Any type of aggression or bad feeling is crap. We all have a right to say no thanks!
After a 2 hour msn conversation, I had a meet set up with a single man...all I was waiting for was a text/phonecall with a time to meet him. He never contacted me. I wasn't too bothered on a personal/confidence level, but was really annoyed that he didn't have the manners to at least text and say that he'd changed his mind. I would never start e-mailing him and being nasty!
Surely this site is about acceptance of anyones decision at any point of the process...not pressure?
I think 99% of people on this site need some kind of attraction b4 arranging meets. i consider that you have been fair and straight with this guy in that you have said thanks but no thanks and think this is obviously better than stringing him along when you know you are never going to meet him.
Sara
Its very rare but on occassion we have had crappy texts from males who we told we did not want to meet. If someone knows full well they dont fit the criteria of what you are looking for and tries to bluff it out,they have to face the fact that sooner or later their little bluff will be seen through. Why would you then want to meet someone who not only isnt what you are looking for but is a bullshitter also. Its usually these ones that send abusive texts, some of which have been really insulting. But I think its good to find this out before you make the mistake of actually meeting them.
Grape-wasting!
a terible thing in this day and age!
lp
I had a lunch meeting with a woman from a cheating/dating site. Now after a few phone calls, chats etc it was obvious that had very little upon which to form a decent realtionship. Practicalities were such that it was unlikely we could meet in a reliable or consistent way. Therefore I had a growing feeling that we were doomed not to consummate ourselves with the glory of a nice little bonk.
However we still met just to check each other out, practice our social and flirting/dating skills, have a friendly lunch and experience the human contact instead of through the media. We met in a bar she uses a lot, so she felt safe as she was known there.
Maybe its just our age being 50 plus that made something like this a do-able thing. But I appreciated the fact that the woman came to meet me and made the effort to be friendly. We split the bill and had an enjoyable interlude in our lives.
We were both fine about not proceeding, and it was satisfying to have done this and effectively draw a line under the events and knocked it on the head. Although I suspect we both felt that if we had found each other irrestistible we would have done the deed in a hotel on the day. But that wasn't the case.
So what made us bother? We had both worked on our phone calls, emails etc and things looked like they had some kind of prospect. We had got on well in those early stages, so it looked likley that we might find each other a potential partner.
So I think that is where one needs to be careful when opening a new relationship. Exercise some caution and look at the practicalities of what will or won't work, before taking the next step.
This is the main reason I don't reply to guys that am not attracted to or who's profile doesn't appeal...I either get the pleading messages or have upset them and then I feel awful.
I consider a timewaster someone who arranges to meet but doesnt show up or give a reasonable explanation.
Case in point as to why there should not be a feedback system introduced, a topic that seems to crop up as often as the single men debate. I agree with the masses though Venus, your not a time-waster, you just did not want meet up with him as he wasn't your type, the follow up mail was probably a dented ego thing, but if it was abusive report him and he will get a slap on the wrists!!
You must have been unlucky then Sparky as in the 3+ years i've been here i've had very little hassle off males, females or couples.
I get the feeling that half the problems that couse the shout of 'timewaster' are due to people not reading ads or profiles or thinking they can get a meet within 5 minutes of asking. A bit of thought, planning and manners go a long, long way on here
